by Paris Rose
“I had a meeting with Anya today. She’s moving on to a new position at a bigger agency, so she’ll no longer be representing me. We had a talk, and she told me she didn’t think I was marketable and that I should stick to a career in print journalism and give up being on television. I know better than to let other people’s opinions discourage me, but I am so hurt and so frustrated right now. I feel like I have been trying to land my own show for forever, but every time I take one step forward, I take two steps back. I’ve been working harder than ever lately to make myself more marketable, but it seems like all my gigs have dried up. Now I don’t have an agent. I feel like I’m back at square one. Who knows, maybe Anya is right and TV is just not meant to be for me, and I should stick to writing.” I swallowed hard as I felt myself start to get choked up. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of Christoff. I already felt bad for dumping everything on him while he was going through so much stress. I bit my lip as I tried to stay strong. I took a deep breath before speaking again. “All my life, I’ve been an overachiever, but right now I feel like the biggest failure. I’m so upset that I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Christoff grabbed my hand and gently tugged me forward. I crawled into his lap with little resistance. I rested my head on his shoulder as he stroked my hair.
“You’re not a failure Gia. You’re one of the most charismatic, hardworking, and dynamic women I’ve ever met before. And you’re definitely the most persistent. It doesn’t matter how big the challenge, you never give up. You’ve overcome so much that would have totally destroyed most people. If anyone has what it takes to make it in this business, it’s you. I feel like being on TV is in your destiny. You’re so passionate, both when you’re on camera and when you’re just talking about being on camera. This is just a little bump in the road. There will always be ups and downs, but, with your talent and your tenacity, there is no way your dream won’t become a reality.”
“Thanks so much for believing in me, babe. It means so much.” I nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He was so warm and comfortable. “I used to be so confident that I had everything it takes to bring my vision to fruition, but now I’m not so sure. It’s been taking so long. I’ve been at it since I graduated college. It’s been years. I feel like if it was meant to be, it would have happened already.”
“Gia, nobody said it’d be easy. Just because something you want is being delayed doesn’t mean it’s being denied.”
I sat quietly as I pondered Christoff’s words. What he said made a lot of sense, and his wisdom brought me more peace than I had felt all day. Yet I was still feeling frustrated and discouraged. I was so tired of feeling like I was on a treadmill going nowhere. I would love to be even close to Christoff’s level of success in my own field.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re at the top. It’s easy to be patient when you’ve already made it,” I mumbled softly.
“Gia, do you think I just woke up one morning and magically became an award-winning, platinum-selling artist? It took time, effort, and lots of sacrifices. Everything you’re going through now, I’ve been there. And there is no such thing as ‘making it’…” Christoff put air quotes around the phrase. “I’m always striving to be better than I was yesterday. And despite how hard I’ve been working, as you can see, in this business, it can be taken away in an instant. I’ve gone through so much to get to where I am, and now everything that I worked for is being jeopardized by the allegations.”
I felt all of the muscles in Christoff’s body tense. I felt bad that he was starting to get upset. I rubbed his back with my hand. “It’ll be okay, baby, I promise. You’re like me. You’re a fighter. We’ll get through this. I guarantee it.” I felt him start to relax into my touch.
“Thank you. Your faith in me means so much. Where have you been all my life? I really wish I had known you when I was first starting out. My journey would have been so much more enjoyable. I struggled with the band for years before we got a record deal. The girl I was with at the time just didn’t understand why I was working so hard for something she said would probably never happen. She threatened to leave me if I didn’t give up the band so that I could get more hours at the factory I was working at and provide a better life for us. I was very invested in the relationship at the time, so her threat really rattled me, but I stayed true to myself and kept doing rehearsals and shows with the band. It was hard to stay focused because she and I were fighting so much, but there was something inside that kept driving me.
Ever since I was separated from my family when I was seventeen, my music was the only thing I had that kept me going. It wasn’t always easy, though. I was exhausted from working around the clock just to make ends meet, juggling my volatile relationship, and dealing with what seemed like an endless string of rejections while trying to get the band a record deal. Oh my god, the period right before we got offered our first contract was one of the most stressful times of my life. I was so sleep deprived that I started making mistakes at work and got written up. My girl walked out on me. I was devastated. And to make matters worse, I had a horrible case of the flu, and we had shows scheduled the whole week I was sick. I desperately wanted to give up, but something told me to keep going. I dragged myself to each show and gave it my all, even though I was at my weakest, both physically and spiritually.”
I listened attentively as I caressed Christoff’s back. He had never told me this story before. I hung on his every word.
“The night of our last show, a guy from the A&R department of a small German record label approached us and said he wanted to meet with us and discuss working together. A few weeks later, he ended up signing us. Sales for our first album were just okay, but, while we were on tour promoting it, we got invited to open for some big-name artists in the US. Once we became international, doors began to open up and we got signed to a bigger label, and life has never been the same since. I feel so blessed to have all that I have now: my career, you, this beautiful home, all of my loyal fans, and the list goes on. But none of it was just handed to me. I had to earn it, and I had to wait for it. It didn’t come all at once. Hang in there, Gia, I’m telling you it will be worth it,” Christoff said firmly. I felt the tension leave his body. Sharing his story seemed to energize him.
“Wow, your story is really inspiring. Sometimes, when I see people who have what I want, I forget that there was a whole lot that no one else saw. There’s always so much that went on in the background to get them to where they are today. Thank you for reminding me. And thank you for helping me to see that today was just a bump in the road. Just like you, I’m destined for big things, and I won’t let anything get in my way.” I looked into Christoff’s eyes as I spoke. My heart felt lighter and my mood lifted.
“That’s what I like to hear, baby. I know you’re going to make me proud. Actually, you already have.” Christoff brought his lips to mine. His kiss set me on fire. I felt like there was nothing I couldn’t accomplish. “Why don’t you lie down. You’ve been through a lot today. Let me help you relax. Lie on your stomach,” Christoff instructed.
I slid off of his lap and obediently did as I was told. He slid his hand under my shirt and slowly caressed my back. His hands were so warm. I exhaled as he unclasped my bra, and both of his hands glided down the length of my back. His touch felt like magic.
Christoff leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I’ll be right back. I want you to have your shirt off when I return.”
My heart fluttered as I wondered what Christoff was up to. I slid out of my top and let my bra fall to the floor. I stretched out on the couch and let myself drift into a dream-like state. I was already so relaxed from the way Christoff had gently caressed my back and whispered in my ear. I became more alert as I felt his weight return to the couch. My nipples hardened as I felt a warm, silky liquid drizzle across my back. Whatever it was smelled delightful. I let out a ragged breath as Christoff’s strong masculine hands massaged my shoulders with firm, deep strokes. The oil al
lowed his hands to slide across my skin with no friction. His touch felt amazing. I moaned as he squeezed the back of my neck and slid his hands to my scalp. He grabbed a handful of my hair and gently tugged. A wave of pleasure pulsed through me. He pressed into my scalp and made small circular motions with his fingertips. It felt so relaxing. I exhaled as I let go of all of the stress from the day and allowed myself to get carried away by the waves of pleasure that washed over me. I felt myself start to fade into sleep as Christoff continued to caress me.
***
When I opened my eyes, it was dark. I felt the heat of Christoff’s body pressed against me from behind. His arms were resting around my waist. We must have fallen asleep on the couch. I felt so relaxed and well rested. Christoff’s massage made me feel like a new woman. I felt so lucky to have him. I quietly crawled off the couch and went to the kitchen for some water. I felt so rejuvenated that I was tempted to go to my desk and start searching for a new agent immediately. But after thinking it through, I figured it would be better to spend the rest of the night cozied up with Christoff. So I decided to wait and get a fresh start in the morning. Christoff was just sitting up when I returned to the living room. I extended my glass to him.
“Water?”
“Yes, thanks, babe.” He took a few sips before handing it back to me. “I can’t believe we fell asleep on the couch,” Christoff said with a warm smile.
“Yeah, me neither, but I feel great now. Thank you for the amazing massage. You always take such good care of me.” I embraced Christoff and kissed him on the cheek.
“Of course, gorgeous. You deserve it.”
As I sat down next to Christoff, Axel’s unanswered text flashed into my mind and ruined the warm and fuzzy feeling I was riding so high on. I debated about whether I should just ignore it or if I should tell Christoff. I didn’t want to ruin the good mood he was in, but I also didn’t want to keep secrets from him.
“Are you okay, Gia? You look tense all of a sudden.” Christoff put his arm around me.
“Yeah, I’m fine, but I need to talk to you about something.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t get upset, okay? I know you already have a lot going on. I don’t want to stress you out even more.”
“Gia, you are beating around the bush, and that’ll make me upset more than anything. Go ahead, tell me. What’s going on?”
“Axel texted me,” I said in a rush to get it out. My stomach tightened as I watched Christoff’s jaw clench.
“And? What did he say?”
“Here I’ll show you.” I grabbed my phone off the table, pulled up Axel’s text and gave it to Christoff. He sat staring at my phone for several beats in silence.
“That son of a bitch! He doesn’t know when to stop.” Christoff spoke quietly through gritted teeth. He stared down at the screen for several moments before looking up at me. “You know what? I want you to text him back. Agree to meet up with him tomorrow. Just make sure it’s in a public place and during the day. I trust you, but I want to see what this jackass has up his sleeve. We’re never at the studio at the same time, so I haven’t seen him since I confronted him at his house weeks ago. He’s been texting me, but I’m too pissed to even deal with him. Go ahead and meet with him. I want to know what’s so important that he has to say. Here, text him back.” Christoff handed my phone to me.
“Christoff, are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m certain,” he replied firmly. I did as I was told. Axel texted back immediately, and we agreed to meet at an upscale restaurant near the beach during the lunch hour tomorrow. I showed Christoff our exchange.
“I’ll let you know everything that happens.”
“I know you will. I trust you, Gia.”
“Thank you, Christoff. That means a lot.”
“Well, you earned it. I have never had someone stick by me the way you have.”
“Well, you earned that. I have never had someone look after me and put my needs first the way you do.”
“I love you so much, Gia.”
“I love you, too, Christoff.” He pulled me into a passionate kiss that took my breath away. I moaned as he pulled away.
“Get upstairs. I need to have my way with you now.” Christoff gave me a firm swat on the bottom. It turned me on. He grabbed my hand, and I allowed him to lead me toward the stairs. My body tingled in anticipation of what was to come.
Chapter 10
I had a pit in my stomach as I walked in the door to the bistro where I was meeting Axel. I hadn’t seen him since I’d kicked him out after we had our indiscretion in my living room. I had no idea what was going to happen and what had motivated him to call the meeting between us. Axel said he had made reservations, so I went to the hostess and let her know I was looking for him. She informed me that he was already seated, and she gestured for me to follow her. She led me to the back of the restaurant and around the corner to a secluded table that had a view of the beach.
Axel was sitting there, facing away from me. He didn’t even know I was there, and I already felt awkward. I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders back as I approached the table. He looked up at me. He had a troubled expression on his face. It made me nervous. I was no longer starstruck by him, but something about him intimidated me. Part of me was still angry at him for coming on to me. He held eye contact with me as I slid into the chair across from him. The hostess informed us that our server would be with us shortly. Axel nodded. I thanked her, and she left us alone.
We sat there awkwardly for a while and sipped our waters. I didn’t know if I should say something first or wait for him. Luckily, my internal dilemma was interrupted by the sound of our waitress’s voice.
“Hi, I hope you two are having a fabulous afternoon. I was wondering if I could start you guys off with any drinks?” Axel gestured for me to order first.
I thought about getting a mimosa, but even though I was no longer attracted to Axel, I didn’t think it was a good idea to be drinking with him.
“I’ll have a grapefruit soda.”
“All right. Excellent. And for you, sir?”
“I’ll have a Manhattan up.”
“All right, that will be coming right up.” The waitress started to walk away. Axel abruptly craned his neck and called after her.
“Wait, come back.”
“Yes?”
“I’d like to put in our food orders now. We’re going to need some privacy, and I don’t want to be interrupted more than necessary, so I’d rather have everything come out at once.”
“Okay, we can do that.”
“Ma’am, what would you like to eat?” The waitress looked at me. I wasn’t particularly hungry. My anxiety about being back in touch with Axel was ruining my appetite, but I knew that I should eat. Besides, it would be nice to have something in front of me to distract me from the uncomfortable tension between us.
“I’ll just have a bowl of seafood gumbo.”
“Excellent. And for you, sir?”
“I’ll have a bison burger rare, sub the fries for whatever vegetable you have today.”
“The vegetable of today is steamed kale. Is that okay?”
“Perfect.”
“All right. Is there anything else I can get you?”
“I think that will be all. Gia, are you good?” Axel looked over at me
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Okay. That will be up soon.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at the waitress. I was pleading with my eyes for her not to go, but I knew she couldn’t just stand there. She smiled back at me and scooted off.
“Gia, thanks so much for agreeing to meet with me. I’ve been so isolated since Christoff found out what happened. He won’t speak to me, and most of the band doesn’t want anything to do with me outside of when they’re forced to interact with me while we’re recording. Fleisch has cut me a little bit of slack, but it’s still been lonely. I just really need to talk in general, and there are some important things I want to say
to you specifically. It’s been torture not being able to get this off my chest. I’ve lost so much sleep, and I’ve been so stressed out lately.”
“Does it always have to be about you, Axel? Do you realize how lonely and stressful things are for me and Christoff?” I spoke sharply, but I kept my voice low. I didn’t want anyone to overhear me. “Ever since Bianca made her allegations, we can’t even leave the house without being bombarded and attacked by the media. A lot of Christoff’s friends in the industry have been excluding him, and he lost all of his endorsements. I hate to leave him alone with all he’s going through, so I don’t really have a social life. And after what happened between us, I’m too ashamed to face the band. I know they probably think Christoff is stupid for taking me back. I’m so embarrassed, I can’t even talk to my best friend Amber about everything that happened, so I have been avoiding her. You have no idea all the shit I’m going through right now, so I don’t really have any sympathy for you.”
I nervously bit my bottom lip. I was surprised that all of that came out of me. I really didn’t mean to explode at Axel, but I had been holding in so much for so long. I guess I needed to talk as much as he did.
“Look, Gia, I get it.” He reached across the table and grabbed my hand. I immediately pulled away. Axel flushed red. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to touch you like that. I just wanted to be supportive. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Okay, Axel. I’ll let it go this time, but please be careful. You need to think before you act and speak. You’re always so absorbed with yourself that you fail to see how you affect others,” I said.
Axel looked as if I had punched him in the stomach. He gripped his water glass so tightly I thought it would shatter in his hand. I immediately felt bad for being so harsh.
“I’m sorry, but you needed to hear it,” I said gently. I will be honest with you, though. The only reason I even recognize those qualities in you is because I used to be the same. I love those close to me deeply, but I sometimes—okay I’ll be honest here—I often have a selfish streak. Clearly. It’s what got me into this mess between you and I, and indirectly caused the domino effect of the Bianca scandal.” I looked down.
