I’m not counting at it. At least not at first. Brace yourself, man.
“I have to tell you something, babe,” he said calmly. “You’re going to be as pissed off as hell about it and I get that, OK? But I want you to please promise me something.”
“What?”
“Promise me that you’ll let me talk. Let me explain everything and then when I’m done, you can shout at me for as long as you want. Just let me get everything out before the shouting starts. Alright?”
She was very pale. “I hate the sound of this already.”
“I know, babe. I’m sorry.”
“So, talk, Shane.” She moved away from him a bit and his heart hurt to see her already withdrawing. “I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut until you’re done. Beyond that, I’m not promising you anything.”
“I know.” He swallowed hard, prepared himself for her rage and hurt. “I don’t expect you to.”
“What do you expect?”
Mac paused again. “I expect the worst.”
**
Forty minutes later, Mac finally stopped talking and looked across the room at Mirrie. Thirty minutes before, she’d stood up and moved away from him without a word. He’d watched her go, already afraid that she was lost to him.
He’d carried on, though, told her everything. When he’d reached in to his duffel bag and pulled out her cell phone and explained that they hadn’t wanted her brother to have any way to contact and torment her, her eyes had filled up with tears for the first time. He’d stood up then, made a move to hold her, but she’d pushed him off and turned her back on him. Still without a word.
“Mirrie?” His voice caught as he spoke now. “You OK?”
She gave a shaky laugh. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
“I’m sorry.” He said it for about the fiftieth time. “I’m so sorry.”
Mirrie faced him now. “So everyone knew about this, huh? King and his team and you and Spider. What about Jax and Aidan? Naomi?”
“No,” Mac said. “No, we didn’t tell them anything.”
“Why not?” Her lip curled up. “You don’t trust them either?”
“Babe, this isn’t about trust…”
“Of course it is!” Her voice rose now. “You didn’t trust me to play the part. Didn’t trust me to stay calm and cool when it all went down!”
“No.” He spoke forcefully. “No. We wanted to spare you from being afraid or worried.”
“That’s my right, Shane. It’s my right to be afraid or worried when the man that I love is voluntarily placing himself in harm’s way. It’s my right to sit up all night and pace and fret and bawl. You had no right – none – to take it away from me.”
“Babe –”
“No.” She pressed her lips together, crossed her arms. “I’m not a goddamn child who needs to be placated and given pats on the head. You don’t get to decide what I can and can’t know about, especially when it directly affects me. Affects us.”
Mac was silent. She was right and he knew it; he’d known it from the beginning. And he’d done it anyway.
"I just can't believe you'd take such a fucking stupid risk!" she burst out. "I walked away from you to keep you alive, Shane... I gave up being with you to keep you safe. And then you just turn around and walk smack in to danger? Just hand yourself over to the very same people I fought to keep from killing you? How could you treat my sacrifice so cheap?"
"No. Mirrie, no. I don't treat it cheap, not at all. I –"
“This is hands-down the most appallingly sexist thing I’ve ever seen,” Mirrie interrupted him, catching him by surprise yet again at the abrupt change in topic. “The weak, stupid woman who can’t be told the cold, hard truth? The big, strong men out there dealing with all the ‘men’s business’ while the clueless little woman sleeps through the whole thing? And now – what? I’m supposed to be grateful that you tough men just took care of everything for me? You show up here all proud of yourself for sorting out my problems and what – you want me to open my legs as a thank you, Shane?”
“Hey.” Mac was astonished at just how badly this was going. It was far, far worse than he’d imagined it. “That’s not –”
“It is. It sure as hell is.” She glared at him. “You treated me like an idiot, Shane. You lied to me and you hid things from me. And all this, after we promised to be honest with each other!”
“It’s the last time.” He was pleading now. “I promise that I’ll never again keep anything from you.”
“Yeah, like I’m supposed to believe that?” She shook her head and went to the front door.
Alarmed, Mac moved closer. “You’re not leaving?”
“Of course I am.” Mirrie put on her sandals and grabbed her purse. “I’m not staying here with you.”
“Can I call you later?”
“Fuck you.”
“Mirrie, please…”
“No.” She wrenched the door open. “Stay the hell away from me, Shane.”
“I did it for us,” he said softly. “So we could be together and we could be safe. Why did I go through all of that if only to lose you in the end?”
She shot him a look so full of anger, he took a step back.
“That was your choice, Shane, your choice to do things this way. But, hey. At least you got one. Me? I had no choices whatsoever in this whole fucking thing. Not until now, anyway.”
The door slammed behind her and Mac sank down on to the sofa, sucking in deep breaths.
She’s safe, at least and at last. So it wasn’t all for nothing, man. It just feels that way right now.
Chapter Sixteen
Two weeks later
Tessa glanced around Jax and Sarah’s engagement party in a futile attempt to distract herself from her aching, gnawing hunger. She clutched her glass of sparkling water with lemon like a talisman, tried to ignore the delicious-looking and -smelling buffet set up in the kitchen. She hadn’t eaten that day and had only had a salad the day before and if she stayed strong, she might hit one-hundred-and-twenty pounds by the next week.
But not if you keep fucking pigging out, you cow.
She’d had a serious setback the week before when Kevin had dumped her. He’d walked out, telling her that he was done waiting for her to take care of herself properly, done being patient and understanding. He said that he’d tried everything he could think of to make her treat herself with respect, but if she insisted on being unhealthy and fat, then he was moving on. In fact, he already had. Her name was Heather, apparently.
She’d watched him go, horrified that she’d failed so badly, then she’d sat on the sofa thinking. So much of what he’d said struck her as wrong: she was trying to lose weight, she was working hard to get back the body that she’d had when she was a professional dancer. She was eating healthy things and she was exercising.
If Kevin couldn’t see any of that, then maybe she was better off doing it on her own. Maybe without him breathing down her neck and monitoring every single thing that went in to her mouth, she’d succeed. Maybe she’d even hit her goals faster?
An hour later, though, the depression had crashed in on her and she’d made the fatal mistake of ordering a pizza. She’d inhaled it, then walked out to the corner store and bought bags of chips and chocolate bars and cans of pop. She’d then steadily, almost mindlessly, eaten them while watching chick movies on TV, crying the whole time.
That little binge had gained her a whopping seven pounds and as she’d stood there on the scale the next morning, staring down at the numbers in disgust, she’d sworn there and then to take control of this fucking mess that was her life. Starting with the easiest thing in the world for her to control: what she ate.
“Tessa? You OK?”
Startled out of her thoughts, she turned to look at Sarah. The other woman was alight with happiness and no wonder. She
was marrying an amazing man, a man who adored her just as she was. Tessa eyed Sarah’s lush, ripe curves and saw that she had a plate piled high with pasta and sauce and bread. Right away, she felt a wave of pure jealousy crash over her that Sarah could eat what she wanted when she wanted, and just not care.
“Yeah,” Tessa said. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“I don’t know. You just looked a million miles away.”
Tessa forced a smile on her face. “Just enjoying the view. It must be so great to live up here in the Rockies.”
“Oh, it is.” Sarah smiled back, more relaxed. “It’s so quiet.”
“Nice.”
“Sarah?”
The two women turned to see Sarah’s twin brother Noah approaching with his girlfriend Callie.
“Hey, guys,” Sarah said. “What’s up?”
“Where’s Brother Jax?” Noah asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot slowly. “I want to talk to Brother Jax.”
Sarah hid her grin. Ever since she and Jax had told her Mom and Noah and Megan about their engagement, Noah had called Jax ‘Brother’. It made Sarah think about Jax in a long monk’s robe with a hood – a mental image that tickled her every single time.
“Uh, I think he’s downstairs with King and Aidan,” Sarah said. “You want me to go get him?”
“No,” Noah said in his usual abrupt way. “You stay here with Callie.”
“OK.” Sarah was well used to her brother’s awkward social skills and she just rolled with it. “No problem.”
Noah went down the stairs and the women looked at each other.
“You doing OK, Callie?” Sarah asked the younger woman gently. “You want anything to eat?”
“No.” Callie shook her head. “Can I see your expensive diamond ring again?”
Sarah extended her hand, not the slightest bit offended. Like Noah, Callie was autistic and she sometimes said and did things that might not be considered strictly ‘polite’. The two had met at Naomi’s art program for autistic adults and both were amazingly-talented artists. Noah was, in fact, making a damn good living from his paintings.
“It’s so big,” Callie said now. “So shiny.”
“Thank you,” Sarah said.
“I wonder if Noah will ever buy me an engagement ring.”
Sarah blinked. “Uh, do you want him to?”
Callie shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Sarah studied the other woman’s face, wondered if she should dive in to this chat here and now. She and her Mom had had worries about Noah entering his first romantic relationship, of course, but he’d surprised them again and again with his maturity and sensitivity. He’d listened intently to them when they’d talked about respecting Callie’s boundaries, and Jax had been amazing about giving Noah the male perspective on women. Sarah still giggled when she recalled Jax giving her brother a lesson on how to kiss a woman. Jax had never gone in to details, but Sarah liked to imagine how that all must have gone.
She decided to not broach the topic right away. Better to talk to Noah a bit, see where his head was at. Then, if it looked like he and Callie were getting really serious, she’d talk to her Mom and Callie’s Mom and King. He was Callie’s uncle and he adored Noah; he’d definitely be available to help out if need be.
Sarah smiled. “Well, if you ever want to talk, Callie, you know where I am.”
Callie looked bewildered. “You’re right here.”
“I am.” Sarah grinned a bit. “So, are you hungry?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s grab you some food, yeah? Tessa, you want to come with us?”
“Oh, no thanks,” Tessa said. “I’m stuffed.”
Sarah nodded and led Callie over to the food. Tessa watched them go, trying not to notice the massive platter of shrimp.
Argh. Get out of here… away from temptation.
Tessa wandered down the hallway now, in to an empty room at the far end of Jax’s massive house. She drank her water, took a few deep breaths and glanced at her watch. Another fifteen minutes and she’d get out of here. She wanted to get back on the Stairmaster before bed. She’d only done four hours that day, and she was determined to get in another two hours at least.
“Hey, Tessa.”
She whirled around, spilling water on her baggy gray dress. “Christ!”
“Sorry.” Curtis stepped in to the room, his shoulders blocking the doorway. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Because we haven’t talked in a while and I wanted to hear how you are.”
“Fine.” She backed up a bit. “I’m fine.”
“Yeah?” His eyes scanned her body under the ugly loose dress, took in her empty water glass, saw the circles under her eyes. “And how’s Kevin?”
She paused. “Fine.”
Curtis watched her closely. Fuck, she looked bad. Tired and pale and totally wiped out. She was also lying through her teeth.
“So why isn’t Kevin here today?” he asked casually. “I know he was invited.”
Tessa fell silent. She didn’t really want to tell Curtis anything personal, but on the other hand, Gabi and Kenleigh knew that she was single again. She wondered if maybe they’d told Curtis. He and Gabi especially were close and seemed to talk a lot.
“Well, we broke up,” she said stiffly.
Curtis knew that, of course, and he was quiet for a few seconds. Then he said, “Good.”
“What?” She stared at him, stunned and taken aback. “Good?”
“Yeah. Good.” His blue eyes were impossibly hard and he walked closer. “That dickhead didn’t deserve you.”
“He – what?”
“He didn’t love you, Tessa, not for you. Not as you were and not for who you really are. All he wanted to do was change you, mold you in to something he wanted and needed you to be. He just wanted a fucking sex kitten to bring to his bullshit parties that he could show off to all the other boys.” His eyes flashed. “That ain’t you, sweetheart. You’re so, so much more than some asshole’s arm candy.”
She literally didn’t have one clue what to say to any of this, so she said nothing. Curtis studied her beautiful face and fought down the urge to take her in his arms. He was close enough to her now to see the flecks of gold in her emerald eyes, to see the sun dancing in her blonde curls.
“God, Tessa.” He spoke gently now. “I wish you could see yourself as the rest of us do.” He hesitated. “As I do.”
At the tender, soft look on that handsome face, fear smashed through her. No way she was letting Curtis Manning anywhere close to her; no way she was going there. The man was pure temptation, drop-dead gorgeous, sexy and hot. One taste of him and she’d be lost and out of control. And if Tessa had learned one thing from this whole Kevin mess and from losing her dream of dancing and from gaining seventy-five fucking pounds, it was that she needed to be the one in control. Of everything. No more handing herself over to anything or anyone – especially not a man.
“I don’t care how you see me, Curtis.” She spoke as coldly as she knew how. “You’re nobody to me. You’re just a guy who bounces at the bar where I work. Let’s leave it there, yeah?”
Hurt, he flinched. “Tessa…”
She pushed past him now, left him standing there. Her heart was pounding and her head was spinning, but as she walked out of the party, she felt oddly victorious. She felt strong and focused and her hunger pangs had completely disappeared.
For the first time in a long, long time, she felt back in control.
Chapter Seventeen
Noah went downstairs and looked around.
“Brother Jax!” he said, and right away a door opened.
Jax poked his dark head out. “Hey, man. You OK?”
“Yes. I want to talk to you.”
“Sure thing,” Jax said easily. “Alone or with the guys?”
“Alone.”
“OK.” Jax stepped in to the hallway and shut the door. “What’s shaking, man?”
Noah stared at him. “Nothing. There’s no earthquake.”
Jax grinned. He’d gotten better about remembering Noah’s tendency to take things literally, but he did still forget sometimes.
“Yeah, sorry. You’re right. I meant to say, what’s going on?”
“I want to ask Callie to marry me.”
Jax damn near reeled backwards in shock. “Holy shit. Really?”
“Don’t swear,” Noah chided him. “And yes, really.”
“Oh. Oh, God.” Jax was in way over his damn head on this one, and he knew it. “Have you told Sarah yet?”
“No. This is man’s business.”
“Have you told King?” Jax asked, ignoring the sexism for the moment and already knowing the answer.
“No. This is family business. And since you’re a man and my brother, I’m telling you first.”
“Ah. Right.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“So… how do I ask Callie to marry me?”
“Well, Noah.” Jax sent up a quick prayer that he said the right thing. “I think that we need to talk to a few other people about this first.”
“Who?”
“Sarah and your Mom and King and Callie’s Mom and Callie.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s a lot more to getting engaged than just asking a woman to marry you.”
“Yes. I know.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I have to also give her a diamond ring.”
“OK, yeah, but… there’s even more things than that.”
“How many more things?”
Jax blinked. “You want a number?”
“Yes. How many?”
“Noah.” Jax tried to focus. “Remember when we talked about feelings?”
“Yes.”
“And remember how I told you that feelings aren’t easy to quantify?”
Gentle Curves (Dangerous Curves Book 4) Page 16
