by Anne Mather
It was a natural consideration for her daughter-in-law’s condition that made Lady Fielding defer to her son, and left alone with Sir Giles, Cassandra told herself she was glad of the breathing space. But she couldn’t help wondering what Jay was saying to his mother, and wondering, too, why he had made that bewildering statement.
It was five o’clock when the skies opened and the storm that had been threatening all day released its fury. Within minutes, the paths around the cottage were running with water, and a spectacular streak of lightning accompanied by a resounding crack of thunder sent Lady Fielding hurrying to her husband’s side.
‘We can’t possibly drive back to town in this, Giles,’ she protested, gazing anxiously out the window. ‘We’ll have to find a hotel and book in for the night. We can ring Mrs Stewart and explain what’s happened.’
Cassandra exchanged a look with Jay, and then took an unprecedented decision. ‘You can stay here, if you like,’ she declared, ignoring her husband’s stunned reaction. ‘We—er—we have a spare bedroom, don’t we, Jay? There’s no earthly reason why your parents should go to a hotel.’
‘I say, that’s awfully good of you—–’ began Sir Giles, only to be overridden by his wife: ‘We couldn’t possibly impose,’ she averred, after a thoughtful appraisal of her son’s expression. ‘It’s very sweet of you, Cassandra, honestly, but we couldn’t—–’
‘Stay!’ Jay’s harsh interjection halted her refusal. ‘I—Cass is right. We do have three bedrooms, after all.’ His dark eyes raked his wife’s taut features. ‘We wouldn’t dream of turning you out, when we can share the same bed.’
Dinner was not an easy meal, although Cassandra did her best to avoid thinking of the pitfalls of what she had done. Nevertheless, with the storm showing little sign of abating outside, and the electricity showing every sign of failing inside, they were all a little tense.
Mrs Temple had done well to provide such a delicious meal at such short notice. And although it was just a simple collation of cold meats and salad with a homemade apple pie to follow, Lady Fielding and Sir Giles evidently found the food a welcome distraction.
Afterwards, Sir Giles proposed a game of bridge, but as Cassandra didn’t play, Lady Fielding suggested whist instead. Although Cassandra wasn’t keen, the cards at least gave her something to think about and she partnered Jay’s stepfather with assumed enthusiasm, apologising ruefully when they lost.
The lights finally gave out about ten-thirty, and Cassandra was relieved when Jay went out to the kitchen and came back with two lighted oil-lamps. ‘They smoke a bit if you turn them up too high,’ he said, explaining the principle to Sir Giles, and his mother declared with some asperity that he had become quite domesticated.
‘Didn’t you believe I could?’ he countered, raising the lamp high so that he could see her face, and Lady Fielding shrugged.
‘If what you tell me is true, I suppose I must accept it,’ she responded, with a thoughtful look at her daughter-in-law. ‘Well, I assume it’s time for goodnights, Cassandra. Sleep well, darling. We’ll see you both in the morning.’
After his parents had gone upstairs, Cassandra busied herself putting the cards away and clearing up the coffee cups and glasses they had used earlier. ‘Leave them,’ Jay exclaimed, apparently irritated by her industry, but she went on about her business, putting off the inevitable confrontation.
She and Jay were to sleep in the back bedroom, instead of the front. Mrs Temple had been up earlier and changed the sheets, and when Cassandra was sure their guests had settled down, she looked at last at her husband.
‘Shall we go?’ she suggested, knowing what she was inviting, but to her surprise Jay shook his head.
‘You go,’ he said. ‘Take the lamp with you. You know how to turn it out, don’t you? I can manage with a candle. I saw some in the cupboard in the kitchen.’
Cassandra stood her ground. ‘You mean you’re not coming to bed?’
‘I mean I’m going to sleep on the couch,’ explained Jay flatly. ‘It was kind of you to offer my parents a bed, but I wouldn’t dream of taking advantage of the situation. I told you before, it wouldn’t happen again, and I meant it.’
Cassandra felt an awful fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she had to go on: ‘You don’t want to share my bed?’
Jay sighed. ‘That question isn’t worthy of an answer,’ he declared. ‘Go to bed, Cass. It’s a warm night. It won’t be the first time I’ve slept without a mattress.’
Still she lingered. ‘I—I—and if I said I wanted you to come to bed?’
‘Cass!’
‘No, I mean it.’ She licked her lips. ‘I never intended for you to sleep down here, Jay. I—I’m willing to have you share my bed.’
‘Cass!’ He raked back his hair with fingers that she noticed were not quite steady. ‘Cass, sharing your bed wouldn’t be enough!’
‘I know that.’
Jay half turned away from her so she was no longer in his line of vision. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying. This afternoon—–’
‘This afternoon I was—hurt. I thought you were afraid of what your mother might have said about Liz—–’
‘Liz!’ Jay almost spat the word. ‘For God’s sake, Cass, what could she have told you about Liz Lester? Unless you mean that her father and mine were one and the same!’
Cassandra moved round so that she could look into his face. ‘Liz—Liz’s father was—was the man—–’
‘—my mother had an affair with? Yes. Liz’s mother married again after he died—an Englishman, Harold Lester. Liz was little more than a baby when her mother brought her to England.’
Cassandra shook her head. ‘But does she know?’
‘She does. My mother told her—Alexa’s like that. I expect she saw it as a way of getting back at Liz’s father through her.’
Cassandra tried to understand this. ‘Then—you and Liz were—were what?’
‘Didn’t you know? That Liz used to work for the Post?’ Jay sighed. ‘Well, she did. I guess we both started there around the same time.’
Cassandra hesitated. ‘But—did you—–’
‘Did I know who she was?’ Jay grimaced. ‘Of course. I made my mother tell me about my father at a very early age. I’m sure she told you that.’
‘Well—perhaps.’ Cassandra was beginning to see the pattern. She bit her lip before adding tentatively: ‘I suppose Liz was attracted to you.’
Jay shrugged. ‘Very briefly.’
Remembering Liz’s bitterness, Cassandra thought it had been more than that, but she had to ask: ‘And you?’
‘Me!’ Jay raised his eyes heavenward. ‘Cass, she’s my sister! My half-sister, anyway. I never thought of her like that.’ He grimaced. ‘Hell, she knows that!’
Cassandra lifted her shoulders. ‘But why does she dislike you so?’
‘Liz is not a very forgiving person. I guess she was badly hurt. Discovering her father had feet of clay meant a lot to her.’ He paused. ‘My mother can be pretty brutal, you know. I guess it’s her Russian blood.’
Cassandra expelled her breath. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘For what?’
‘Oh—for everything.’ Cassandra ran embarrassed hands over her stomach. ‘Mostly for believing Liz, I think.’
Jay picked up the oil lamp. ‘I’m no saint,’ he said flatly. ‘I guess she had every justification for warning you about me. Look at you now!’
Cassandra looked down at her stomach and then up at him. ‘I’m not sorry,’ she said huskily, and she suddenly knew it was true. Even if this time with Jay was only a passing interlude, she knew now she would not have changed anything.
‘Cass!’ Jay stared at her unbelievingly for a moment and then with a groan of anguish he slipped his arm around her neck. ‘Oh, Cass,’ he breathed, pulling her close against him. ‘If you only knew how I’ve wanted you to say that! Don’t you know the only reason I married you was because I’m crazy about you? All that rubbish about
my father and illegitimacy! Do you really think I’d have married a woman I didn’t love? I wanted you. I still do. But how could I tell you I loved you, when all you wanted from me was a chance to show your independence?’
Cassandra turned her face against his neck. ‘But—but you were so adamant—–’
‘Yes, well—–’ Jay’s lips were against her hair. ‘I do have some pride, you know, and it’s taken quite a beating over this affair. Let’s face it, you refused to see me again after that night in Cambridge, and I was feeling pretty sore by the time you showed up at my apartment.’
Cassandra quivered. ‘You frightened me.’
‘I frightened you?’
‘Yes.’ She paused. ‘You made me lose my own identity. With—with Mike, it never happened. He—oh, our relationship was so different. I’d really begun to believe I couldn’t feel love—–’
‘I know that.’ Jay’s fingers stroked her neck. ‘But why did you fight me?’ He frowned. ‘Was it only because of Liz?’
Cassandra shook her head. ‘I didn’t want to get that involved with anyone ever again.’ She sighed ruefully. ‘I thought—oh, it sounds foolish now—I thought I’d be very sophisticated and have an affair. Then you were there, and it didn’t seem like such a good idea after all.’
‘Why not?’
He was insistent and she gave him a tremulous smile. ‘I suppose because I knew I was falling in love with you, and I was afraid to give you that power over me. I wanted to be cool—detached; but with you it was impossible.’
‘Lord, Cass—–’ He nuzzled her neck. ‘And I thought you hated me for—well, for making you pregnant. You seemed to resent it so much. I began to despise myself.’
Cassandra sighed. ‘I suppose, at first, I did resent it.’ she admitted honestly. ‘I was sure you’d only married me to ensure the baby had a father. Anything else—our—our attraction to one another—was purely physical. Something any other woman—–’
Jay’s unsteady breath fanned her forehead. ‘Oh, Cass, if you only knew!’ he muttered with feeling. ‘Since we met there’ve been no other women. I can’t summon any interest in anyone else. And I admit, I did try, at least before we were married.’
Cassandra’s lips parted. ‘I thought—those nights earlier in the year when you were going out—–’
‘Drinking,’ he averred heavily. ‘Dulling my senses so I didn’t disgrace myself entirely by flinging myself on your mercy!’
‘Oh, Jay!’ She slid her arms around him, pressing herself closer. ‘Let’s go to bed.’
Cassandra awakened in the early hours of the following morning with the distinct awareness that all was not as it should be. At first she thought it was the unaccustomed warmth of Jay’s body, curved close to her back beneath the thin sheet which covered them. But it was not. There was a discomforting constriction in the lower part of her abdomen, and as she lay there wondering if that was what had woken her, a distinctly unpleasant spasm of indigestion gripped her.
She blinked, wondering if the cream Mrs Temple had served with the apple pie at dinner had been entirely fresh, and then caught her breath as the indigestion swelled into something stronger.
The baby!
With a feeling of incredulity, she levered herself up on to her elbow, and the sudden movement caused Jay to stir and mumble in protest.
‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he groaned, opening his eyes long enough to register that it was not yet light. ‘Hmm, Cass, come back here. It’s too early yet to get up.’
‘You go back to sleep,’ said Cassandra, levering herself to the edge of the bed. She wasn’t totally cognisant of what happened in these matters, but she was sure that nothing was likely to happen for several hours yet. If indeed it was what she thought it was. The baby was not due for another three weeks, and the doctor had told her that first babies were often late. Nevertheless, she knew she would feel better if she was up and doing something, than lying here wondering what it could be.
‘Cass!’ Jay was fully awake now, and with a muffled oath he leaned over and tried the bedside lamp. It came on at once, and Cassandra breathed a sigh of relief. At least she would not have to start fiddling about with oil-lamps.
‘I’m just going to get a drink,’ she assured him, tying the cord of her silk dressing gown about her. ‘You don’t need to get up. I’ll be perfectly all right.’
Jay sat up, cross-legged, the thin sheet outlining the muscled strength of his thighs. ‘Cass,’ he said, regarding her half impatiently, ‘if you want a drink, let me get it. Come on, come back to bed.’
‘No, I—I’m not tired,’ she said, moving towards the door. ‘Jay, please, don’t worry about me. You’re sleepy. Get some rest.’
His dark eyes moved possessively over her. Then, with unexpected perception, he said: ‘It’s the baby, isn’t it? Something’s wrong. For God’s sake, Cass, don’t keep it from me!’
‘Nothing’s wrong.’ Her lips parted in faint amusement. ‘Jay, it might be that the baby’s coming—sooner than we expected.’
‘God!’ With a lithe movement Jay sprang out of bed, dragging on his own navy dressing gown to cover his nakedness. ‘I’ll call the doctor,’ he said, regarding her with unfeigned concern. ‘I’d better take you to the hospital myself. Heaven knows how long an ambulance might take to get here after all the rain.’
‘Jay!’ Cassandra put a reassuring hand on his sleeve. ‘Darling, it may have slipped your notice, but the storm’s over. It’s not raining any more.’ She grimaced. ‘And stop panicking. Nothing’s going to happen for hours!’
‘So you say.’ He raked back his hair with unsteady fingers. ‘God, I feel so helpless! I knew I should have slept downstairs.’
Cassandra gurgled with laughter. ‘Oh, Jay, don’t be so silly. Besides,’ she cast him an artful look, ‘I don’t remember you offered much protest last night.’
Jay’s eyes darkened. ‘Don’t tease me. Tell me how you really feel. Oh, Cass,’ he took her into his arms, ‘I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you now.’
‘Nothing’s going to happen to me,’ she assured him, feeling amazingly confident all of a sudden. ‘Come on, I’ll make you some tea.’
‘I’ll make you some tea,’ asserted Jay flatly. ‘I need something stronger.’
Cassandra’s baby was born at lunchtime. After a remarkably brief labour, an eight-pound baby boy made his entry into the world just after twelve o’clock, and Jay was there to see his son delivered. Cassandra was exhausted but exhilarated by the experience, and when Jay squatted down beside her to tell her the good news, she summoned up a special smile just for him.
‘You wait until you see him,’ he said, glancing back to where a nurse was wrapping the tiny body in a warm wrapper. ‘He’s beautiful. Just like his mother. Although I have to admit,’ he grimaced, ‘he doesn’t have your complexion.’
Cassandra let him carry her hand to his lips. ‘Our son,’ she breathed, meeting his dark eyes. ‘What are we going to call him?’
David Alexei Ravek was christened a month later, at the little church in Combe Bassett. Jay’s parents were there, and Thea, and Mike’s mother made a special effort to speak to her daughter-in-law alone.
‘Are you happy?’ she asked, gazing anxiously into Cassandra’s green eyes. ‘I must know. You don’t regret—well, my part in this affair? I know that if I hadn’t been so adamant, you would never have gone to see Jay.’
‘Thank God you were,’ exclaimed Cassandra fervently, giving her a hug. ‘Oh, darling, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ve never been so happy!’ She paused. ‘I didn’t know it could be like this, you see.’ She shook her head. ‘You were very perceptive. You realised how I felt long before I did.’
‘I’m so glad.’ Thea smiled at her. ‘And it doesn’t hurt me, darling. She shrugged. ‘Mike is dead. It’s your happiness that’s important to me now.’
‘Thank you, Thea.’
‘Don’t thank me, Cass. Thank Jay. He’s respon
sible for this wonderful change in your life.’ She chuckled. ‘Perhaps I can take one small piece of credit, though. I knew how he felt about you right from the beginning.’
‘You did?’ Cassandra arched her brows. ‘Go on.’
‘Well—–’ Thea was reluctant now, ‘you remember that weekend you went up to Cambridge?’
‘Will I ever forget?’
‘And how Jay came after you?’ Thea hesitated. ‘I had plenty of time afterwards to regret what I’d done by giving him the name of your hotel, but I have to tell you, I didn’t do it without cause.’
‘No?’
‘No.’ Thea was firm. ‘Jay came to my apartment, as you know. I don’t think he’d slept all night.’ She frowned. ‘At first, I said I didn’t know where you were. It was what I thought you would have wanted me to say. But then—well, he told me how he felt about you, that he cared about you and that he believed you cared about him, too, only you were too scared to admit it.’
‘Jay said that?’ Cassandra caught her breath. ‘But you never said!’
‘How could I? You came back swearing it had all been a mistake, that you didn’t intend seeing him again. How could I tell you when he so obviously hadn’t?’
Cassandra shook her head. ‘I thought—oh, you know what I thought. Liz said there had been so many other girls . . .
‘Well, we know now that Liz had her own reasons for being bitchy, don’t we?’ remarked Thea drily. ‘Cass, Liz was jealous of you, can’t you see? She resented Jay just as much for the fact that he was her half-brother as for his being her father’s son. Does that make sense to you? I think once she fancied herself in love with him. When it didn’t work out, she blamed him.’
Cassandra nodded. ‘Poor Liz!’
‘Poor Liz nothing. She did her best to ruin your life,’ declared Thea flatly. ‘Thank goodness you came to your senses. I knew Jay was the man to make you happy.’
