by Dell, T. J.
You have to take a class to be a candy striper. That’s what the hospital volunteers are called. The woman who answered when Alyssa called the hospital about volunteering explained that to her. Taking the class wouldn’t be such a big deal since it was on Saturdays and Alyssa’s weekends tended to be wide open lately, but the next class wasn’t until May. So Alyssa signed up, but she was still facing eight weeks of boring until then. Beth thought it was great though. Cheerleading would be over by then, so Beth was free to sign up too.
The next day Alyssa decided to try the library. Volunteering at the library wouldn’t be as interesting, but it would be volunteering and so it would fit her agenda just as well.
The library had a waiting list of people wanting to do volunteer work. A waiting list! That many people wanted to spend their weekends alphabetizing books—or dewey decimalizing books? Whatever. She was worthless. No one needed her help. Alyssa briefly considered crawling back into her bed for another three days. That would probably be back sliding, so instead she went to the park. She would go for a run—she needed to try and stay in shape somehow now that she was a couch potato.
Next to the parking lot at the local park was a paved quarter mile track that circled a big playground—no one was interested in monkey bars today. It wasn’t that warm. A little further from the parked cars were a couple of sports fields. As a kid she’d come here to play soccer, softball, and any other sport her parents would sign her up for. Brent was terrible at soccer but he’d made his mom bring him to all the games anyway.
Running was boring. Alyssa loved pretty much every sport—except the ones you did alone. This sucks, she thought as she took her third lap around the track. Not even a whole mile, and she was bored. Probably she’d only made it this far because the park was very pretty and she’d been admiring the view. Spring wasn’t here yet, but it was a warm march and the grass was looking green again.
Alyssa strained her eyes to see a couple of people on the baseball diamond. As the straightaway of the track brought her closer she made out a small figure wildly swinging a bat in front of the backstop. It couldn’t be entirely his fault that he hadn’t hit a single ball because the pitcher looked even more awkward than the kid. When the track curved Alyssa veered off into the grass and headed towards the ball field.
Closer up, she could tell that the child was actually a she. A little girl of about nine years with a blond ponytail pulled messily through the back of red Phillies cap was staring determinedly at the pitcher. Alyssa assumed the older woman was the girl’s mother. The mother was only standing about 20 feet from home plate—nowhere near the pitcher’s mound. She still couldn’t seem to get the ball into the strike zone. Alyssa watched for a little while longer. The backstop behind, and in front of, the girl became littered with softballs. She hadn’t hit even one.
“Hi there.” Alyssa smiled brightly and waved to the pitcher as she approached the girl. “I’m Alyssa.” Now she was speaking to the mom.
The older woman jogged over. “Nice to meet you, I’m Patty, and this is my daughter Lynn.” The little girl looked up at her shyly from beneath her cap.
“Hey there, Lynn.” Alyssa crouched down to look her in the eye. “Do you like softball? I do.”
“I don’t know. We haven’t started yet.”
“She’s signed up for the rec league, they start next week. We were just practicing a bit.” Patty put in.
“I played for the rec league when I was your size. It’s fun.”
“Is it?” The girl’s eyes went as wide as saucers. “It isn’t hard?”
“Well it wouldn’t be very fun if it was too easy. If your mommy doesn’t mind. Maybe I could show you a couple of tricks.”
Patty’s face colored with relief and appreciation.
“Alright. Well I’ll let you in on a secret. The most important thing to remember when you’re hitting? Your elbow.” Alyssa adjusted the girls batting stance and helped her choke up on the bat.
After a few swings Alyssa tactfully gave Patty a break from pitching. Lynn was doing much better now that she knew where to hold the bat and of course now that she had something worth hitting. She still had trouble, but each time her bat made that thud of contact with the ball her smile more than made up for any strikes. It wasn’t just her smiling either. Alyssa was as happy for her as Patty. Before she knew it dusk was chasing them back to their cars.
“Can you come next week too? That’s the real practice.” Lynn wanted to know.
“Umm. I’m not sure your coach would appreciate that. But good luck, I know you are going to love playing softball.”
“Actually.” Patty cleared her throat. “We completely appreciated your help today and you probably are very busy, but the assistant coach just backed out. I was going to volunteer but I realize now that I’m in over my head. If you’re interested…”
“Yes!” Alyssa was embarrassed at how loud she’d been. “I mean, yes I am interested. I’ve been… umm…looking for a volunteer opportunity so, yes. I am interested.”
Patty beamed at her. “You must be looking to pad those college applications huh? Well we would love to have you.” She fished a business card out of her purse. “Here’s my contact information. Give me a call and I will put you in contact with Sherry Palm—our coach.”
Alyssa could have danced home. As a matter of fact she did do quite a bit of bopping around to the radio in the car. When she pulled into her driveway she was in such a good mood she almost didn’t bother to check Brent’s driveway for his car or Jenn’s car. Almost.
Chapter Seventeen
Normally she wasn’t a big fan of bright red. But Alyssa was very pleased with her new Ladybugs team shirt. She would be leaving for the park in just a minute. The Ladybugs had their first game this morning. Coaching was more fun than Alyssa had anticipated. Hanging out with those girls was becoming something she very much looked forward to all week. Alyssa tried not to think of herself as pathetic for enjoying the company of a bunch of fourth graders. They were all just so ready to have a good time. No one was worried about gossip, or boyfriends, or breaks, or time-outs. Alyssa decided she hadn’t appreciated the fourth grade nearly enough while she was there.
They didn’t just goof off either. Every one of those girls showed up to their twice a week practices ready to work. Lynn was still having a little trouble at bat, but she was by far the team’s best catcher. Another little girl named Sammie was quickly developing a promising pitch and Alyssa had high hopes for today’s game. Of course at nine years old she was sure the girls would bounce back quickly from a loss, but they totally deserved a win.
Adjusting her hat on her head, Alyssa headed out to her car. She was going to be so early, but she was too excited to wait around anymore. Her spirits came crashing down around her when she saw Brent leaving his front door at the same time she left hers. Taking a step backwards Alyssa intended to escape back inside her front door until he’d gone, but it was too late. Brent’s eyes found her and he altered his path to intercept hers.
What did he want? What could she say to him? It had been over two months since they’d… well what was there to say? He looked good. His hair was too long—he tended to forget when it was time for a trip to the barber. At this length his hair was starting to curl. Alyssa loved those curls.
“How are you, Alyssa?”
“Oh. Umm. I’m good. You?” Weird. Weird. Weird!
“I’ve been better.” Brent sighed. He was so not allowed to sigh at her anymore. She was experiencing major personal growth here!
“I quit cheering.”
“Yeah. I heard about that.” Probably from Jenn.
“I’m coaching a softball team now.” Well assistant coaching, but whatever.
“I heard that too.” Where did Jenn get her information from? Oh, well. At least he was smiling now. “Lyssa, can we—”
Alyssa cut him off. “I’m sorry, Brent. I’ve got to run or I’ll be late for the game. I’ll see you okay?”
&
nbsp; Like the coward that she was, Alyssa hightailed it to her car leaving Brent staring after her on the sidewalk. Maybe she should have let him finish his sentence. Maybe he’d been about to say let’s just go back to being best friends. As much as Alyssa missed her friendship with Brent she knew there were some things they couldn’t come back from and drunken sex was at the top of that list. Maybe he’s been about to profess his undying love to her. But she wasn’t sure she wanted that either. Well okay she was pretty sure she did, but what if it was still weird? Then where would they be?
He’d smiled though. Perhaps he was a little impressed? That idea pleased her and while her excitement from earlier that morning wasn’t entirely restored, she did perk up a little. The Ladybugs won. And Alyssa’s inner cheerleader burst out when Lynn hit a homerun in the first inning. It probably should have been a double—but nine year olds suck at fielding. Over all it was a banner day in spite of her Brent moment. That moment had clung to her all day. She couldn’t help thinking that he would have enjoyed the game.
Brent hit like a girl, but he threw a wicked curveball. Of course this was slow pitch softball for fourth graders and no one threw curveballs, but still. Alyssa spared a few minutes to regret rushing off on him. She was very aware that the last six months had been all her fault. And a painful game of what if kept playing mercilessly in her head. What if she’d kissed him in the car that night, if she’d called him when Pop died, if she’d just been straight with people about their relationship in the first place. Then Brent would have been with her today. Cheering for Lynn, and offering to buy her celebratory pizza after the win.
Not that she needed Brent to indulge in celebratory pizza. But even after all this personal growth, she still wasn’t planning to be seen at a pizza place stuffing her face—alone. Weren’t there some frozen pizza pockets at home? Yes. That’s what she would do. Pizza pockets and a good book. Alyssa hadn’t made time for much reading since the eighth grade. Now she was on the third twilight book—boy had she been missing out. A Saturday night playing Jacob or Edward over her microwaved dinner? Not lame. Personally she favored Jacob. He was more fun. Alyssa missed fun.
On Sunday Alyssa woke up with a stomach ache. Stupid pizza pockets. Sundays used to be her favorite part of the week. She knew it was unusual that her best friend next to Brent had always been her grandfather, but that never used to bother her. Now she didn’t have either of them. Or Mr. Petry, or Mrs. Sloan, Alyssa even missed Charles. Even though at thirty she thought he was too old to flirt with her the way he did, and way too young to be dismissed into the same category of Mr. Petry. The old Alyssa would have brooded at the unfairness in life. New Alyssa decided to swing by Stoneybrook and have a visit.
Walking into the building was more difficult than she’d expected. After the receptionist’s initial surprise at seeing her after all this time things got better. She signed Mrs. Sloan’s visitor book and went upstairs to find out how her grandson was liking married life.
“Didn’t you know dear? They are expecting! Imagine, me a greatgrandmother.” Mrs. Sloan continued on about the baby blanket she was already at work on, and green was a neutral color so it wouldn’t matter boy or girl. “It ain’t natural this finding out. No, I told them I don’t want to know. I can be surprised when the time comes just like god intended. There is a reason you know that he didn’t put a window in women’s stomachs.”
Alyssa pretty sure there were other logistical issues with the whole window thing. But it was a sweet sentiment, and she wondered if, one day when she was expecting, she would be able to wait for the surprise. Probably not—patience was not among her virtues.
“Where is that young man friend of yours these days?”
“hmm? Oh. Brent and I— well it’s just me today.” Alyssa finished lamely.
“So it’s like that is it? I thought something was funny when he started showing up in the week and you were still coming on Sundays.”
“Brent? My friend came to visit you? Tall, blond, green eyes?”
“No need to describe him to me! These are new glasses and my mind’s as sharp as a tack.”
“I’m sorry ma’am I didn’t mean to offend. I just wasn’t aware Brent had been to visit you that’s all.”
“Not me, deary—although bless his soul he always stopped to say hello, and I never turn down a visitor. But no it was Al he was visiting. Started coming on Tuesdays I could hear that TV game all the way down this end of the hall…”
She kept talking, but Alyssa lost her ability to listen. Brent had been to visit Pop. Often—by the sound of it. She remembered when Pop started confusing him with her father, but she hadn’t put it together at Christmas when Pop claimed her dad came on Tuesdays. She should have, since no way would her dad spend an evening playing Wii Bowling. Was it really possible that she’d missed his exact level of wonderfulness all these years? Now that she was aware of it there wasn’t a whole lot she could do about it.
Alyssa visited with Mrs. Sloan a little longer and then she walked around and popped in on the few other people she knew. When Mrs. Sloan said what she did about not turning away visitors, it occurred to her that maybe she wasn’t the only one in the world to feel lonely. All the residents were very happy to see her, and no one said anything dumb about being sorry for her loss. In a way that was sad, because it just meant that these people had grown used to losing loved ones. But mostly it was a relief to be able to talk about Pop without having to talk about his death. Mr. Petry offered to play her in game of chess, but that was something about Sundays she hadn’t missed. New Alyssa didn’t like losing anymore than old Alyssa had.
Alyssa turned 18 on the warmest sunniest April day she could ever remember. Usually her birthday called for boots and an umbrella. This year she pulled out open toed sandals and a sundress. Now— warm sunny days in April are still days in April, so she pulled a light sweater over the spaghettis straps of her dress. Sweater and all she felt very springish and was determined to enjoy the day. After all you only turn 18 once.
Last year on her birthday Alyssa found her car filled to the brim with balloons when she left for school in the morning. This year it was much easier climbing into her car. At sixteen she almost missed homeroom after spending the morning over a tall stack of homemade, strawberry, birthday pancakes. Who needed all those calories?
At school Beth and Tommy were waiting by her locker with chocolate chip muffins.
“Oh wow, thanks guys!” Alyssa took a huge bite. “So much better than pancakes.” She grinned at them.
“Happy birthday, you’re welcome, and what about pancakes?” Beth smiled widely from where she was leaning against Tommy leaning against the row of lockers.
“Never mind.” Alyssa smiled to herself around a second bite.
“So what’s on the agenda for the evening?” Tommy wanted to know.
“Well it’s a Friday night, and my mom has a late shift at the hospital so that means I’ll be fixing my own dinner, doing homework and going to bed early.” Alyssa groused. The Ladybugs did have a game the next day, so it wasn’t as if her entire weekend was a bust. But it was still a pretty depressing plan for her 18th birthday. Last September she and Brent had driven all over town buying lottery tickets… just because he could.
“Or, you could come out with us.” Beth linked her arm through Alyssa’s and started off down the hallway. “And that is more of a demand than a request. I have been planning a surprise for you.”
“I’d listen to her, Alyssa. She’s getting bossy in her old age.” Tommy teased. Beth had celebrated her 18th birthday at the end of January. Tommy, like Brent, was born in September. Alyssa suspected he missed lording his legal status over them.
Beth continued on as if he hadn’t spoken. “We were going to leave right after school, but you can’t wear that.”
Alyssa was insulted. “I like this dress!”
“It’s a nice dress, but you are going to want pants, and a jacket.” They were passing Beth and Tommy’s homero
om, so Alyssa didn’t get a chance to question the cryptic comment.
A surprise sounded nice. Most of the rest of the day Alyssa enjoyed herself. In other years she had gone out of her way to flaunt her birthday with beauty queen style birthday girl sashes, and carrying around flowers or gifts that she’d hinted shamelessly to various boys about. It was a surprise when she realized she didn’t miss the constant comments and good wishes those tactics had brought her. Her closer friends remembered, and it turned out that those were the only happy birthdays she needed. She left her phone on all day. The school had very strict rules against this, but Brent might remember it was her birthday, and text her or something. So she left it on. He didn’t.
After school Beth and Tommy followed her home, and Beth insisted she change into jeans and sneakers. And a jacket.
“Gee mom, should I wear a hat?” Alyssa teased as they climbed into Tommy’s car.
“Nah, helmets are provided.” Beth tossed a cryptic look back to where she sitting.
“Helmet?” So much for surprises being fun. “Where are we going?” No answer. “Tommy?” Alyssa tried to change tactics.
“Not a chance.” He laughed over his shoulder from the driver’s seat. “She’d kill me.”
“He’s right.” Beth sang happily. Alyssa slouched in the back seat and pouted lightheartedly. How bad could it be?
It was bad!
Chapter Eighteen
“Not happening guys!” Alyssa was being lightly restrained by her friends. The three of them were standing on the middle of a railroad bridge over the Moshannon River. A tall man with a salt and pepper hippie beard was explaining bungee jumping safety rules to them and the ten other crazy people standing up there with them. Several members of the Adventure Happens staff were checking (for what Alyssa prayed was at least the tenth time) the bungee jumping equipment. It did not look safe.
