Immediately after the Duke finished speaking the parade began: all the youths I had to frig were either fourteen or fifteen years old, and every one of the thirty I handled was as pretty as a star. They all discharged, some for the first time in their life; the two friends, frigging themselves throughout, swallowed the fuck loosed by each and bum-stuffed them all from the first to the last: one friend would hold the patient, the other would joust five or six minutes in his bowels; neither ejaculated. When the tournament was over both were in such a fever and rage that sweat lay on their brows and foam upon their lips.
“Your turn now,” shouted the Duke, “’tis you, beauteous goddess come to us from France, who are about to receive the incense warmed within this crowd of charming little boys; it would be idle to expect your anus to be as narrow as theirs, but that may perhaps be mended.”
And they moistened my asshole with an alcohol essence whereof the effect was such that when they fell to sodomizing me they had literally to blast and batter their way in; one after the other they stormed the fort, one after another they discharged inside it, exhibiting incredible marks of satisfaction; six small boys surrounded them while they toiled: two gave their asses to be colled, they frigged two more, one with either hand, and the other two ass-sucked and ball-tickled them from below and behind. The Duke and his satellites left; I remained in the room, recovering my breath and stanching my wounds. A woman came to fetch me, helped me dress, and took me back to my lodgings after having counted me out a round thousand sequins.
Be of good cheer, said I to myself, my promenades in Italy shan’t cost me much, I have but to find a similar windfall in each city I visit and not only will I defray my expenses, I will keep Mademoiselle de Lorsange’s dowry intact.
Ah, but the life of a public whore is not all a bed of roses; however, having of my own free will resumed the profession, it was only just that together with its profits I also accept its liabilities. But we are yet a long way from coming to its perils.
A God-fearing man though he is, the King of Sardinia loves libertinage. Chablais had reported to him upon our interview, His Highness was eager to see me. Diana reassured me; it amounted to no more than receiving several clysters administered by the royal hand, and ejecting them for His Majesty’s amusement while frigging Sardinia’s noblest prick; for this two thousand sequins would be mine. Curious to see whether sovereigns discharged like other men, I accepted the King’s invitation. And he accepted the humble role of being my apothecary; I flushed six injections into his mouth; and as I frigged him hard and fast, he discharged hot and happy. He then offered me half his cup of breakfast chocolate, I thanked him graciously. We chatted of politics. The privileges conferred upon me by my nationality and sex, those I had just now acquired through my performance, my native frankness, everything conspired to put me at my ease, and according to my best recollection here as follows is the speech I made that morning to the little despot:
“Estimable gate-keeper of Italy, you who descend from a house whose rise constitutes a true miracle of policy, you whose ancestors, mere commoners and goatherds in olden times, became puissant lords simply by according right of passage through your States to princes from the north bent on conquest in Italy, a permission your forefathers only granted in exchange for a share in their booty; you, first of Europe’s kinglets, deign to lend me your ear a moment.
“Perched high in your mountains like the crag-haunting eagle awaiting a dove to devour, you are coming to realize that in such a position as you keep, you depend utterly not only for your advancement but for your mere subsistence upon the folly of courts or the mistaken maneuvers of crowned dizzards; this, I am well aware, is what they were telling you thirty years ago; but there have been vast changes wrought in the system since then: the folly of courts now risks to be as much to your disadvantage as to their own, and those mistaken maneuvers can no longer bring you any profit; so give up your scepter, my friend, give Savoy up to France, and retire within the narrower boundaries Nature prescribed to you originally: see those superb peaks towering over in the west, the hand that created them, does it not prove to you, in piling them up so high, that your sway is not to extend beyond them? what need have you to reign over soil that is French, you who are unable even to reign in Italy? Have a care there, my friend! perpetuate not the race of kings; we already have overmany of those useless individuals in the world, who, fattening on the substance of the people, vex and bully them under the pretext of governing them. In our day there is nothing more superfluous than a king; renounce that empty title before it is gone too far out of fashion, step down from your throne now, voluntarily, before, as may well happen, you are dragged forcibly off it by the people whose eyes are beginning to tire of its height. Philosophical and free men are ill-disposed to see above them a man who, carefully considered, and impartially, has no more than ordinary needs, strength, and merit; for us, the anointed of the Lord is not a sacrosanct personage anymore, and today wisdom laughs at a little fellow like you who, because he has some of his forebears’ parchments stored away in some box, fancies himself empowered to rule over men; your authority, my friend, no longer reinforced by periodical lootings, presently rests upon nothing solider than opinion: let opinion change—it is very near to doing so—and we shall go looking for you amidst the hod carriers in your empire.
“And think not that much is lacking before the change comes about; as men grow steadily more enlightened they begin to appraise critically what formerly dazzled them: well, the likes of you do not benefit from scrutiny. The rumor begins to go about that a king is nothing but an ordinary human being; and that, softened by luxury, warped by despotism, there is not a single monarch on earth with the qualities requisite for his post. The first virtue demanded of anyone who wishes to be a ruler of men is knowledge of them; and what a distorted picture of them must he not have who, perpetually stunned and fuddled by their flatteries and living all his life at the greatest remove from them, has never been able to sift nor scan them? It is not tucked away in a bower of bliss that you learn how to lead your fellows. He who has never been anything but fortunate, understanding nothing of the needs of the fortuneless, he is not the man to guide the destinies of a nation made up of woe-ridden individuals; Sire, heed my advice: throw away your royal baubles, go back to your plow, there’s nothing else left for you to do.”
Taken somewhat aback by my outspokenness, His Majesty’s only reply was some cajolery of that very false stamp which is the hallmark of everything that comes out of a true-born Italian’s mouth; and we bade each other adieu.
That same evening I was introduced into a rather brilliant circle where, around a gaming table, I saw society grouped in two distinct classes: there were the rogues on the one side and the dupes on the other: I was informed that the practice in Turin was to steal at play, and that a man could not pay addresses to a woman until he had let himself be robbed by her.
“Why, that’s an amusing custom,” I said to the gambler who was acquainting me with the situation.
“The explanation is perfectly simple,” she continued; “gambling is a form of commerce, hence all ruses are lawful in it. Do you hail a shopkeeper before the magistrates because the curtains in his window filtered the light and led you to mistake shoddy wares for good? It has only to succeed and any means for acquiring wealth is proven sound, Madame; this one is no worse than another.”
I remembered Dorval’s maxims on theft, and decided they were altogether applicable to this variety of it. Of my informant I asked how one might go about perfecting oneself in this manner of plundering the property of others, assuring her that I had a thorough understanding of most of the rest.
“There are masters,” she replied, “I shall send you one tomorrow if you like.”
I begged her to do so; the teacher appeared, and in the space of a week he had given me enough instruction in the management of cards to enable me to collect two thousand louis during the three months I stayed at Turin. When the time came t
o pay for his lessons, he requested nothing but my favors; and as it was à l’italienne he must have them, and as that style suited me infinitely, after a close examination of his state of health, a precautionary measure which cannot be foregone in that country, I let him take his pleasure in the fashion appropriate to a man whose trade is in treachery.
Sbrigani, that was my mentor’s name, had in addition to an engaging appearance a very creditable prick; no more than thirty years of age, sound in wind and limb, of polished gesture and pretty speech, a libertine mind, a philosophical temper, and an astounding gift for appropriating anything belonging to others in every conceivable way. It at once occurred to me that such a man could be useful to me in the course of my travels; I proposed that we join forces; he accepted.
In Italy, regardless of the capacity in which a man accompanies an actress, singer, or other strumpet, there is never anything repulsive in the fact for those who pay her suit: the brother, the husband, or the father usually withdraws when the customer appears on the threshold; does the latter’s ardor seem to flag, the kinsman shows himself again, enters into conference with you both, and if, after this, Signor’s spirits look to be rising a little, retires into the clothes closet; it is understood that Signor supports the household, he therefore has its support; and the Italian, accommodating by nature, falls in wonderfully with this arrangement. As by now I knew enough of the tongue spoken in this splendid country to pass for a native, I straightway assigned Sbrigani the role of my husband, and we started forth on the road to Florence.
We proceeded at a leisurely pace; we had no cause to hurry, and I was well pleased to contemplate a land which, if one could but traverse it without seeing human beings, would answer one’s idea of heaven. We lay the first night at Asti. This city, prodigiously fallen from its ancient grandeur, is hardly anything at all today. On the morrow we resumed our way and went no farther than Alessandria; Sbrigani having assured me that this town was reputed for the large number of nobility among its population, we decided to spend several days there and see what dupes might be found.
As soon as we would arrive somewhere, my husband issued a kind of clandestine but nonetheless very effective proclamation by which those who had the wherewithal to purchase my charms were provided a general description of them and some indication of their price.
The first to present himself was an old Piedmontese duke, ten years retired from the court; he wanted no more, said he, than to view my ass. For this pleasure Sbrigani charged him fifty sequins; but, heated by the prospect, the duke shortly demanded more. Ever the submissive wife, I announce that I can consent to nothing without my husband’s approval; no longer in any state to undertake a serious attack, the duke manifests a desire to whip. This fad is one of the chief consolations of one-time buggers; it is agreeable to outrage the god into whose temple one can no longer push one’s way; Sbrigani sets the figure at a sequin a blow and fifteen minutes later I have three hundred coins in my purse. From his Lordship’s spendthrift manner my husband deduces that here is a man to be dunned, inquires into all his concerns, and beseeches him to accord his wife the honor of supping with her. Greatly puffed up by this request, the old courtier feigns indecision for a moment, then allows himself to be prevailed upon.
“Magnanimous and revered favorite of Italy’s greatest prince,” says Sbrigani, introducing him to Augustine, whom we have told what is afoot, “the time has come for blood to speak, now must Nature stir in your soul; recollect the affair you once had, in Venice, with the lovely Signora Delfina, married to an aristocrat of second rank. Behold it, Excellency, you see standing before you the fruit of that liaison. Agostina is your daughter; embrace her, my Lord, she is worthy of you. ’Tis I who formed her from childhood and tell me now, have not my efforts been successful? I feel that I may rightfully boast of having turned her into one of the prettiest and cleverest creatures in Europe. Excellency! Great has been my desire to meet you, far and wide have I sought you out: overhearing that you dwelt at Alessandria, I hied myself hither, for I wanted to see it with my own eyes. Aye, ’tis so, the resemblance cannot be doubted; so here you are, good my Lord, and I trust you will reward me for my pains and have some kindness to show a humble Italian who for all his wealth has nought else but the beauty of his wife.”
Augustine’s slender waist and willowy figure, her big brown eyes and the exceeding fairness of her skin made a powerful impression upon the duke; and the allurements of incest contributing their heavy share to his joyous anticipations, after a few explanations, a few answers perfectly provided by Sbrigani, the poor duke assured us of his emotion, declared he recognized Augustine, and meant to take her home that very instant and assign her the rank she deserved to have in his family.
“Softly, softly,” said my illustrious spouse, “your Excellency has his dinner to digest. And I would remind him that the girl is mine until I have been reimbursed for the immense costs I have incurred on her account, ten thousand sequins would hardly cover them. Nevertheless, in view of the honor you have so graciously done my wife, I cannot higgle with your Lordship and will be content with that paltry sum; Sire, pray tell it out forthwith, else I’ll not be able to let Agostina leave my house.”
The bawdy duke was also rich and to his dazed consideration for so pretty a piece of merchandise as this no price could be too high; the transaction was concluded between cheese and dessert and after coffee my chambermaid went off with her alleged father. Thoroughly instructed in what she was to do, the dear girl, speaking Italian as fluently as I and equally unbackward where it was a question of raiding other people’s property, was not long showing her mettle. We had gone to wait for her at Parma; a fortnight later she joined us there and recounted how the duke, head over heels in love with her, had begun his wooing of her the very first night. The more she harped on the relationship which forbade such an intrigue, the hotter the old rake had waxed, pointing out to her that such fussiness and splitting of hairs simply wasn’t the practice in Italy. More at ease in his own house, better able to employ the assistance of third persons or the restoratives he apparently had not dared resort to when visiting me, the libertine acquitted himself more honorably; and Augustine’s charming ass, after having been stoutly lashed, had ended up being fucked. The sweet child’s extreme docility had so inflamed the poor duke that he had overwhelmed her with presents and given her his entire confidence. Entrusted also with all the keys to all the locks, she had rifled the treasury and decamped; and she closed her narration by producing something over five hundred thousand francs. As you may readily imagine, after such a capture we did not tarry overlong in the neighborhood, although it ought to be said that we were hardly in any great danger. For in Italy one has but to cross into the nearest province when one runs afoul of the law: the authorities of one state cannot prosecute you in another; and better yet, as administrations change every day, often twice a day, the crime you commit before dinner is too old to punish by nightfall—all this is of clear convenience to travelers who, as was the case with us, are eager to wreak havoc along the way.
However, discretion being the better part of valor, we made a judicious departure from the states of Parma and did not stop till we were come to Bologna. The beauty of the women in that city forbade me from proceeding farther before having my fill of them; Sbrigani, who catered to me marvelously and whom I fairly covered with gold, presented me to a widow of his close acquaintance. This charming creature, thirty-six years old and as lovely as Venus in her prime, knew every sapphic personality in Emilia: in the space of a week I frigged myself with better than seven-score women, each more attractive than the other; we spent a second week in a celebrated abbey not far outside the town, whither my guide was in the habit of making periodic pilgrimages. Oh, my friends! the power even of an Aretino’s pen would be insufficient to describe the inconceivably lewd revels we organized in that holy retreat; all the novices, a goodly number of nuns, fifty pensionnaires, one hundred and twenty women all told, passed through our ha
nds; and I may affirm that never in my life had I been frigged as I was there. The Bolognese nun possesses the art of cunt-sucking in a higher degree than any other female on the European continent: she flits her tongue with such enchanting celerity from clitoris to vagina, and from vagina to asshole, that though she must momentarily quit the one in order to reach the other, it seems as if she were everywhere at once; her fingers are of an amazing flexibility and deftness, and she does not leave them idle with her sisters…. Delicious creatures! I shall ever sing your memory, and never forget your charms nor your matchless skill in awakening and maintaining voluptuous titillations; nor shall I forget your cunning refinements; and my most lubricious moments shall be those during which I recall to mind the pleasures we tasted together. They were all so pretty, so fresh and gay, that choosing among them was impossible; if at any point I endeavored to concentrate upon one, that multitude of beauties would distract my attention and the ensemble would reassert its claim to my homage. It was there, my friends, that I executed what Italian women call the rosary: all fitted out with dildoes and gathered in a great hall, we would thread ourselves one to the next, there would be a hundred on the chain; through those who were tall it ran by the cunt, by the ass through those who were short; an elder was placed at each novena, they were the paternoster beads and had the right to speak: they gave the signal for discharges, directed the movements and evolutions, and presided in general over the order of those unusual orgies.
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