There is no greater team than #TeamMacmillan, and every day the folks who work there prove it. Brittany Pearlman keeps me organized (and entertained!), and no one can talk me down from the ledge like Molly Ellis; Ashley Woodfolk is as brilliant at marketing as she is at writing; and Kim Waymer, Mandy Veloso, Allison Verost, and Jon Yaged make the winds blow that fill these sails. I’m lip-syncing a heartfelt ballad of gratitude to you all!
I gathered inspiration from a lot of places for this novel: heist comedies like The Pink Panther (1963) and How to Steal a Million (1966); cheeky, candy-colored action flicks like Modesty Blaise (1966) and Charlie’s Angels (2000); and Alfred Hitchcock’s final film, Family Plot (1976), in which Karen Black robs a jewelry store in high drag. I revealed none of this when I turned in my pages, and yet Rich Deas—senior creative director for Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group—reached right into my very soul and pulled out the vibrant, mod/pop influences that made this story, and put them on its cover. No one can convince me that he is not a wizard. Rich, thank you times infinity for your breathtaking work.
2017 and 2018 were, and I cannot put too fine a point on this, extremely difficult years in which to write, and I want to thank everyone who helped me get through them. Celeste Pewter: I can hardly begin to express the appreciation you deserve for the incredible and important work you do. You’ve helped me stay focused and balanced, and reminded me I can still make a difference, even when things are ugly. My profound thanks to you and the entire Road to 2018 crew.
To the Real Housewives of YA—Adam Sass, Kevin Savoie, and Phil Stamper: Where would I be without you bitches? I’m glad I’ll never know. Thank you for listening, for advice and comfort, for laughing every time I use that react of the old lady at the computer, and for being my friends. It’s energizing to be part of a foursome so boring I become the Samantha by default!!
In the past two years, I’ve given a lot of digital real estate over to talking up civic engagement to my followers. Your elected officials draw a salary to serve your interests, so call yr reps and tell them what your interests are! Do it every day! And here, dear reader, is where I thank everyone who has done exactly that these past two years—but especially: Jennzah Cresswell, Jonathan Goldhirsch, Emily Howald, Emery Lord, Maureen Meadows, Alex Rich, Anna Wetherholt, and Carmen from YA Wednesdays. Keep fighting the good fight!
To Tapani Salminen and Erkki Mäkelä: You two are our family in Finland, and I need to thank you once again for your boundless generosity and unqualified friendship. I wrote the first half of this book in the apartment on Hämeentie, an aerie that gave me respite from a pretty remarkable amount of stress. Suurkiitokset!
Endless thanks to Kristin Cast, Cale Dietrich, Karen M. McManus, and Kara Thomas for their support and friendship; thanks to Mitali Perkins, Jennifer Mathieu, and Anna-Marie McLemore for an idyllic Fierce Reads tour; and my everlasting gratitude to book-world superheroes Dahlia Adler, Jennifer Gaska, Eric Smith, Nena Boling-Smith (and Langston and Agent Auggie!), Erin Stein, Rachel Strolle, Katie Stutz, Danielle Stull-Meisner, Shelly Zevlever, and Kelly and Christy from BookCrushin. You guys have all helped make this past year a little bit better. (And Rachel—you helped me figure out an aspect of Margo’s identity that had been eluding me, and I am super grateful!! )
A shout-out is called for to Ian Carlos Crawford, who is a good friend, who cohosts an amazing podcast (check out Slayerfest98!) and who has offered to do a Thing for me. Even if it doesn’t pan out, you have still earned a lifetime supply of band candy!
My friends have been my safety net this year. Grant and Kasey Myers: We had so much fun with you guys in the Valley in 2017, and we miss you; Gwen Mesco and Afsheen Family: No thanks in the world can encompass our gratitude for helping us escape to Northridge from our own private hell for a while; Natalie Furlett: You opened your home on a moment’s notice so I could fly across the country and search for apartments—and look where we are now! Angela Parrish: I MISS YOUR SILLY FACE. Angela Hopwood Manning Ferrara didn’t turn out to be quite the Janice Dickinson I envisioned when I set out to write this book, but I hope you’re not disappointed!
To my family, from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea—and then across those seas and clear on till Europe: I love you guys!!
In the summer of 2017, a fire broke out at Grenfell Tower in North Kensington, West London. In the tragic aftermath, agent Molly Ker Hawn and author Harriet Reuter Hapgood arranged a charitable auction—Authors for Grenfell—that raised over £180,000 for the survivors. (Thanks to them for this incredible initiative!) The item I submitted was “have a character named after you in Caleb Roehrig’s third novel!” and the winner of that bid was Ryan Labay! Ryan, that contribution helped make a difference in someone’s life, and I’m grateful that both of us played a part in it. I’m sorry your namesake turned out to be kind of a jerk, though!
Uldis: I’m writing this seven years to the day after we stood in an apple orchard on an island in Lake Champlain and took a great big step together. It amazes me when I think of how many adventures we’ve had since then, and how many more await us in the future. Condragulations, you are the winner of this book’s challenge! Es tevi mīlu, Ulditi.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Caleb Roehrig is the author of White Rabbit and Last Seen Leaving, which was called one of the Best YA Novels of 2016 by Buzzfeed.com. Caleb lives with his husband in Chicago. Follow him on Twitter: @MikalebRoehrig. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue
Act One: Outrageous Fortune
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Act Two: Slings and Arrows
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Act Three: Sea of Troubles
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Act Four: Bitter Business
Chapter 33
&nb
sp; Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Curtain Call
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
Copyright © 2019 by Caleb Roehrig
A Feiwel and Friends Book
An imprint of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010
fiercereads.com
All rights reserved.
Feiwel and Friends logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
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First hardcover edition, 2019
eBook edition, 2019
eISBN 9781250155818
Death Prefers Blondes Page 40
