As I rinsed my plate, I felt compelled to say something. “I don’t understand why you’re upset…I mean mad. I understand about being upset about Dump, but you’re like pissed off.”
The seconds ticked by. Crickets. – My blood started to boil. Was he ignoring me? I turned to get a look at him and grabbed his half eaten plate off the counter. Now I was angry, because he was just staring at me, disregarding my comment, wearing a peeved expression. He gulped down another glass of wine, just like that. I don’t think he even took a breath.
“Can you grab me a beer?”
Really? I blinked. I didn’t think he needed anything else to drink.
“Are you sure?” I asked apprehensively.
His mouth pressed shut and his jaw clenched. He tilted his head back, covering his eyes with his hands. His arms moved swiftly from his face and thudded against the cushion, making me jump.
“I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t sure.” He practically spat his words at me.
A bit of fear filled me. I turned and did what I was asked, wondering why I felt afraid. I certainly didn’t think he’d hurt me. As I handed the bottle to him, he grabbed my wrist and stared at the ring on my finger. He removed the bottle from my hand and laid it down next to him. His demeanor relaxed. It seemed as if time had slowed to a near stand-still. Jake leaned forward, taking my hand in the both of his, and pressed his lips to the ring, resting his forehead against the back of my hand. Instantly, my insides went to mush. I cradled his head against my hip, and he ran hands up and down the back of my thighs.
“I’m sorry, Alycat.” His voice was a whisper. “I just don’t feel like dealing with any of this. It’s all a hassle. I don’t do well with hassles, you know that.”
“Mhmm,” I murmured, nodding to no one.
We sat on the sofa and shared the beer, passing it back and forth after each mouthful. Jake turned on the TV and searched for a movie. I watched with disinterest, only thinking about how I didn’t want to pack to leave the next day. My stomach tumbled around, thinking about what my life would be like the next four months. I thought of Nathan and seeing him at school. I thought of what Jake had to deal with when he got back to New York. He had to deal with Sophia, and I wondered how that would all unfold. I told myself not to worry about it, and tried to get excited about officially moving in with him. At that moment I wanted to go to NYU; the doubt I had earlier was gone. That’s where I needed to be, I told myself, going to school at NYU and living with Jake.
“Hey…” He interrupted me.
“I wish you could stay.” He leaned into my neck and his lips played with my earlobe, making me squirm.
“I’ll be in New York before you know it. I’ll leave that very day I graduate.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
17
Jake and I woke before dawn. He scooted over, spooning me, and held me lovingly. He kissed my shoulder and neck tenderly. An intense ache pulsed through me, a longing like I’d already departed, even though his warm body was pressed against mine. Desperation began to flame, knowing I’d be on a plane home sooner than I’d wanted. I held his arms tighter to me, like it would change something. His hand cupped my cheek, forcing my head back and my mouth to his. I felt him grow harder between my thighs. I rolled to face him and wrapped my leg around hip, pulling him on top of me.
Soft, wet kisses moved over my neck and down my side over my ribs. The warm magic of his mouth and his velvety tongue sucking at my nipples and every other inch of me sent me over the edge. His caring words filled my ears as we laid gratified, entwined for the last time for the foreseeable future. I ran my fingers over the perspiration on his forehead, taking in his features and kissed his cheek.
“Fuck, Aly.” He squeezed me. “This is killing me.”
“Me too,” I murmured, looking up to the ceiling. The soft light of dawn began to fill the room. “All I’m feeling right now is despair.” I chuckled sadly.
“That’s exactly how to describe it. It’s fucked.” He smiled down on me and kissed the tip of my nose. “Is what it is, just look forward to New York. It’s only a few short months away.” Jake pushed himself up and away from me, getting out of bed. I watched his perfect ass and legs as they carried him into the bathroom.
We plodded around slowly, getting ready for my inevitable departure. I packed my luggage and laid my travel attire out on the bed. We had coffee and biscuits as Jake read and answered business emails. He was making Dump’s situation known to the Powers that Be. His forehead crinkled, and loud sighs of irritation came out from time to time. His eyebrows knitted together in frustration when the chime of new IM’s came over. As I watched him, I thought about my plan of moving across the country. I’d really only need my clothes and maybe a few other things. I thought that maybe I could ship some things earlier, before my arrival. This plan made me feel better inside, kind of like an official commitment. If my stuff already sat in his apartment, it would seem more real for the both of us.
“Ummm,” I hummed, getting Jake’s attention. He stared at me, expressionless, still caught in his own train of thought. “I was thinking that maybe, you know to get ready for my move, that maybe I could ship some stuff to your apartment in New York, early.” I smiled happily because it was a perfect idea, but his expression slapped the smile from my face.
He slouched and rubbed the back of his neck. What the hell? My insides tumbled with unease. “Is that a problem?” It was obvious to me that it was.
“Uh, I was planning on moving.”
And? My eyes suspiciously narrowed in on him because of his reaction. “Really? Why?” My thoughts dashed around, thinking that maybe he was living with Sophia after all and wanted to save me from heartache.
He tilted his head. “Don’t look at me like that.”
I tried to pacify my irrational thoughts by staring at the ring. “Well what do you expect? You looked like you got caught red-handed when I suggested it.”
He sighed, dejected. “Look, I wanna start fresh when I get back.” He grabbed the pieces of paper that lay in front of him, straightening them out. He was thinking of what to say next and all I wanted to do was grab the papers and slap him with them. “I’ve been subleasing the place to some foreign guy, and who knows what it looks like now.”
I was guarded. My insides were telling me there was more to it, but I didn’t want to argue my last two hours with him. “I see.”
“Hey.” He reached over rubbing the top of my hand. “Let me get back there and get shit situated, find a new place, and I’ll send you the address as soon as I have it.” He waggled my pinkie finger. “I’ll even let you help me pick the place. I’ll send you pictures or video and we can choose together.”
Why did he always know what to say to redirect my emotions? What a fucker, I thought. I smiled at him, not wanting to. My insides still gnawed at me, but I nodded happily at him. I did get a little excited at the thought of picking out my first apartment – in New York City.
“You like that idea?”
“Sure.” I bobbed my head. “That’d be nice.” Even though my excitement jumped by the nano-second, I played it down.
“Good.” He immediately went back to face his computer screen and left me ruminating.
***
We walked toward the airport terminal somberly and I watched the white clouds of my breath rise into the air as our gloved hands clutched tightly together. My heart raced and my stomach plummeted with each step back to reality. Jake insisted on parking so he could walk me in. “I want every second I can get with you,” he’d said. I’d begged him to just drop me off. I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off—I wanted the pain of leaving him to come and go quickly. As the doors to the terminal slid open, the bustling sounds of the airport smacked us. I looked up at Jake, and even through his dark sunglasses and pulled-down beanie, I could see he was wearing a morose face. He stopped just inside and assessed the area, moving his head from side to side like he was some secret ag
ent or something. He certainly looked all Jason Bourne, wearing all black and looking badass. As we continued through the terminal, people stared at us. Jake didn’t remove his dark glasses or his hat, and to me it made him stand out more.
We stood staring at the long lines at the security check area. I was at my destination. Jake couldn’t go any farther with me. He pulled at my arm, drawing me toward the wall, away from as many people as possible. I wanted to cry, like big tears. I swallowed them back, not looking at Jake. I just stared at his soiled black leather boots. He let go of my hand, motivating me to look at him. He removed his glasses and his blue eyes took me in.
I reached up and removed his black beanie, exposing his rumpled blonde hair. “This totally sucks,” I grumbled and mussed his hair, giving him a pathetic smile. “And those girls over there keep staring at us.”
“Fuck them.” He didn’t turn to see my complaint. “I love you.” He pulled me to him, kissing my ear. “Call me as soon as you land, no text, call.”
“Ok.” I glanced around.
“Stop looking around. Ignore them.”
I sighed. “I didn’t think it would be such a big deal leaving. I feel like I’m suffocating,” I huffed, grabbing at my throat. I wasn’t being dramatic. I felt tunnel vision rearing its ugly head.
Jake took my cheeks in his cold hands and kissed me full on the lips, over and over again, lingering longer and longer until everyone in the vicinity disappeared. We stood kissing until someone’s giggles grabbled my attention, making me pull away. Jake held my head in place like I was wearing binders.
“Don’t look at anyone, okay? It’ll only invite them in,” he whispered. “You better get going.”
The Sophia chime rang out. What. The. Hell? What are the odds? Blood almost came out of my ears, I was so upset to hear it. Jake ignored it and I tried to ignore it too.
“So that’s it?” I said when it stopped. I don’t even know why I asked that, and wished I didn’t after his next words.
“We’ll see each other soon. I promise I’m going to take care of the Sophia thing, Aly. Just let me do it my way. I don’t want to feel bad about anything. I need this time and space to take care of her.”
What? “Space? What are you trying to say? I wasn’t implying anything about her. And you’re obviously going to have all the time and space you need, away from me, to take care of it,” I said resentfully. “I was thinking about how our time was up.”
His face fell. “I’m sorry, I just assumed…I’ve just been thinking about everything I need to take care of, and she’s top on my list.”
I had nothing else to say about it. I was bitter. I grabbed the handle to my luggage. He stepped over to me, kissing me one last time. “I love you. That all came out wrong, really, I’m sorry.”
“I get it. I know you have a lot on your mind.”
“Take care of yourself.” He gave me one last big hug. “This is all gonna come together. I love you.”
“I love you more.” I blew a kiss to him and turned, walking away.
As I rolled my luggage to stand in the security line, I glanced back at Jake, and sure enough he was surrounded by three girls, asking him who knows what. My boyfriend, the rock star, who still wasn’t a rock star to me. My thoughts went to Sophia and I wanted to strangle her for no good reason. It just peeved me that she was on his mind, even though it was to break up with her. I looked away from Jake, only to find people staring at me and I diverted my eyes to the TSA agent standing in front of me.
My phone pinged with several text messages, one right after the other. I’d told Nadine I’d be home, and she’d clearly thought it meant right then. She was coming out of her tree to talk to me, texting one question after the other. There were several from Jake, with sorry I’m such a putz and I love you and don’t forget to call. Then the other one was from Nathan, and to my surprise, I was happy to see his name. He’d ‘heard I was home’ (Nadine) and wanted to know if he could see me. My thoughts went to Jake and Sophia and how he wanted to see her face to face to break it off.
What if Jake changed his mind? I knew the thought was irrational, but the fear still loomed.
I thought about Nathan.
Broken Notes
Book 2
An Excerpt
COMING 2014
1
Jake
Arriving at JFK airport at the ungodly hour of five-thirty a.m. wasn’t something I dug. I was tired. My bedtime on any given day was about 3 am, so going to sleep wasn’t an option. Aly was finally graduating from high school, and I was going to surprise her. The only person who knew I was coming was her brother, Kyle. Four months had gone by since I’d last seen her, and I couldn’t wait to feel her again. Daydreaming of our time in London made my blood rush. I squirmed in my seat, tugging at my pants, adjusting myself. She’d come to London for her eighteenth birthday. I was what she wanted, and she’d gotten what she came for. Before that, I hadn’t seen her for nearly three years. What was the point? I’d been thrown in jail for not staying away from her, amongst other humiliating reasons.
The band and I moved to New York, and it was the best thing for us. Aly and I were both a mess. We were both so caught up--her grades and sport paid a high price, as did my band, and my relationship with my mother and surrogate father/manager, Notting. Our relationship had become volatile, with me slipping back into using drugs and booze to mask the pain of all the bullshit. The last straw was the melt down with Mike drugging Aly and the epic battle that followed, landing my ass in jail for the second time. It took her months to get over the fact that I chose to leave. She felt abandoned and lied to. Everything had gone up in smoke, and she hated me. I was heartbroken, but something had to change. Everything was slipping away from the both of us.
I’d kept tabs on Aly through her brother, Kyle, and found out it took months for her grades return to normal. I hadn’t realized the impact our breakup had on her. After six months of not talking, we began again and maintained a virtual love affair for three years, until London. She defied her parent’s wishes and came to me anyway.
I’d stayed in Europe touring for another two months after our rendezvous. With Dump being sick, finding a fill-in drummer was a challenge, and dealing with my mother and her over-extended visit to London was less than ideal. She’d smothered me with love and attention and I still didn’t get it. Thank God for Notting, my constant buffer. I seriously had no idea how he put up with her. Coming back to the states was filled with another round of touring and recording. Aly being three thousand miles away and with her volleyball schedule and school made it impossible for us to see each other. I wanted her more than ever, now that I knew I could have her.
Sitting in my first class seat, I took my sunglasses out of my jacket and put them on. I closed my eyes, recalling our last encounter that cold February day.
Seeing her standing curbside at Heathrow was hard for me to believe. She was bundled up in a snug fitting black wool coat. Her head was down, staring at her phone, and she didn’t notice me pulling up. She looked the same but different, taller and more beautiful than I’d imagined. She was not the tear-streaked girl I left standing in the driveway. Her face had thinned out a bit, and her hair was lighter and longer. She’d grown into herself, and the picture and video chatting images only told half the story. She was radiant. I sat there staring at her. I had to admit I was nervous. This was her idea, and I knew the inevitable was near. It had me locked in. Knowing nothing could keep us apart had my mind spinning out of control with the possibilities
“Hey, Alycat.” I got out of the car. She didn’t hear me at first. “Yo, Alycat!” I said louder.
“Oh my god, Jake,” she said, breathless. She beamed and my knees went weak. I was shaking from the excitement.
As if no time had passed, she threw herself onto me, hugging me tight. I took her face into my hands and her lips to mine. The sound of her sigh made me want to take her right then and there. We stood, making out, until the airport cop
pulled us from our love-drunk haze.
She’d never been to London. She was wide-eyed with excitement as we made our way through the tight cobble stoned streets of my temporary neighborhood. She marveled at how small the cars were, saying, “They look like oversized roller-skates.” She would be with me for only a week, and rambled on about how she wanted to squeeze in every possible thing before she left.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.
***
We stood waiting for the elevator to take us up to my pad. She’d moved behind me, sliding her cold, soft hands under my coat. She rubbed lightly against my skin, sending that intense, familiar current through me. She was the only one to ever have that effect on me.
“I’ve thought about you every day, a million times,” she said, resting her head on my shoulder blade. “I’ve missed the way you smell, your body.”
I’ll never forget the look on her face when we walked through the front door. Her eyes went as bright as the sun when she saw the pictures we’d taken of her all those years ago, installed on my wall. I loved seeing her happy; it fueled me. Thinking back to that moment I presented Aly with the ring I designed just for her made my palms sweat like it was yesterday. Damn, I really did ask her to marry me. She didn’t say no, but she didn’t say yes either--I had to ask her dad if I was serious. I didn’t realize girls still wanted it to go down that way. Maybe I wasn’t ready to marry her if I was too chicken to ask her dad for her hand. I still wanted to marry her. Maybe she’d say yes now, now that we’d be living together. I seriously contemplated having a talk with her dad when I got there. As the plane filled with people, my thoughts drifted to her black lace bra and panties, and her flawless, soft skin. A ripple of chills ran over me. I closed my eyes enjoying the sensation and continued my daydream.
Fever Pitch Page 10
