by Maeve Binchy
‘Oh I talk, it seems a bit empty though, he’s thinking of Shay and the lads and the laughs. There’s no centre to his days now.’
‘With the help of the Lord when you have children that will all change. If you knew what it does to a man – your father, now, when Sean was born, I remember it well back in 1923 – he was like an eejit running round with him in his arms and playing games. He’d got a bit used to it when you came along and the others but he was thrilled with the lot of you. Tony will be just the same.’
‘Mam, I’ve tried to talk to you about this, but you always change the subject. There won’t be any children.’
‘Now, you are not to say that, Mrs Moriarty was ten years married before she. …’
‘I could be married a hundred and ten years. Mam. …’
‘I tell you , . . you don’t know … now you’ll say I’m just being a Holy Mary about all this, but the Lord does take an interest in every single one of us … and He knows when the time is right. Look now at the way Tony doesn’t drink any more, it could be that the Lord was waiting until all that had been sorted out. …’
‘Mam, I beg of you, don’t talk to me about what the Lord is waiting for or not waiting for, what I am waiting for is to have a normal sexual life with Tony. We don’t have one.’
‘Dear, dear, dear, now what is a normal sexual life, as you call it? There’s far too much written in books and magazines nowadays, it’s only making people uneasy … is mine normal, is hers normal? What’s normal in the name of the Lord?’
‘I suppose having sexual intercourse is normal, Mam?’
‘Yes, well, that’s what we’re talking about.’
‘Not in my case we’re not.’
‘Well, maybe all this drink and giving it up took a greater toll.’
‘Not ever, Mam, not once, not once since we got married.’
‘Ah no, no Aisling, you’re not telling me that?’
‘Yes, very simply that’s it.’
‘But why ever not … what…?’
Aisling said nothing.
‘I don’t know what to say.’ Mam stopped.
‘Nobody does.’
‘You haven’t been discussing it with people, surely?’
‘No, I mean Tony won’t talk about it, I don’t know what to do. I did write once, oh ages ago, and told Elizabeth about it, but she didn’t refer to it again, except to say it would probably work out all right.’
‘And it will.’ Eileen grabbed at this slender thread. ‘She’s quite right, it will. You’re a sensible girl, and you won’t be the type to take this … well, take it wrong, you know.’
‘Were you going to say I’m not the type to take this lying down?’ Aisling laughed mischievously.
‘I was, as a matter of fact,’ Eileen said and they both laughed for a moment.
It was the moment that Dad came into the kitchen. ‘Well, that’s cheerful. Will you share it with me? I need a laugh after dealing with that thick brother of yours.’
‘Dad if I told you what we were laughing about you’d drop down dead on the floor, so I won’t,’ said Aisling. ‘Listen, I’m off home, Mam can I take that cake of soda bread for our tea?’
‘You cannot. Make your own.’
‘Oh Mam.’
‘Take a quarter of it. Easy now, that’s a big quarter.’
‘Oh, there’s nothing as hungry as a man that’s given up the drink.’
‘Go home, Aisling.’
‘All right, Mam. I’m going.’
Aisling sat between them on the plane. Every pocket of air, every little lurch seemed to go through her like an electric wire. She had Donal trembling on one side and Tony shaking on the other.
‘Nothing to worry about,’ said the air hostess. ‘Just a little turbulence. Captain says it will only last for a few minutes.’
‘Yes,’ said Tony, ‘but will we last for the few minutes?’
The air hostess smiled. ‘Of course we will. Can I get you anything, a drink?’
‘No thank you,’ said Aisling.
‘Yes, can you get me a large Power’s?’ said Tony.
‘Tony, no please …’ she began, but the air hostess had gone.
‘Just for the journey, God Almighty what kind of gaoler are you? Just to steady my nerves until we’re on the ground.’
‘Please, Tony, anything, an aspirin, I’ve got a sleeping pill, you have that, and a cup of tea, please. …’
‘Oh shut up, Ash, shut up for God’s sake. …’
The hostess had brought a little tray with the miniature bottle on it and a glass of water; she smiled at the three of them.
‘Only one of you having a drink? Nothing for the rest of you?’
‘Please take it away, please,’ Aisling said to her. ‘My husband isn’t well, he’s not supposed to drink.’
The girl looked bewildered, she looked from the man to his wife and back again, not knowing what to do. She looked at Donal for some kind of middle road. Donal was embarrassed. He knew that Tony didn’t drink these days and he had heard tales of his drinking in the past. But really, Aisling was behaving disgracefully in public, Imagine saying that Tony couldn’t have a drink.
‘Aisling,’ he hissed, ‘stop making a scene, for heaven’s sake – let Tony have a drink, one isn’t going to kill him.’
Tony had his hand out; he took the drink and paid for it. Aisling said nothing. She didn’t speak at all to either of them for the rest of the journey, not even when Tony pressed his little bell and asked for the same again.
As they came through the customs at Heathrow, Donal said sadly, ‘Are you going to keep this up the whole time, Aisling? It’s going to spoil the visit for all of us.’
‘Too right,’ said Tony.
‘It’s my first time abroad, please Aisling, get back into a good humour otherwise it’ll all be desperate.’
Aisling’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I am a selfish cow. You’re quite right. Tony I’m sorry I made a scene on the plane. I really am.’
Tony was surprised.
‘No, you’re both right. I behaved badly. You said you only wanted a drink because of flying and I had to be so rigid I said no. I’m very sorry. It’s over now, is it?’
‘Yes, well of course,’ Tony said.
Donal relaxed. ‘I’ll say one thing about the pair of you, when you have a row you make it up handsomely.’
Aisling gave Tony a peck on the cheek. ‘Now that’s to prove it’s over.’ She picked up a case purposefully. ‘Now, which way to the bus? We’ve got to show Donal O’Connor London.’
Tony and Donal followed after her as she walked with her little case in one hand and over the other arm, wrapped in cellophane paper, her wedding outfit, the wild silk dress and coat in the striking lilac colour that everyone in the shop in Grafton Street said was sensational. Please God may he not have another. Lord if you are looking after us, as Mam seems to think, will you look after us very carefully just at the moment? I have the feeling that we need a lot of attention.
The papers were full of Suez, much more so than at home. Donal said they seemed to be taking it very seriously. ‘Do you think they will send a force out there?’ he asked Tony.
‘Who?’ said Tony.
‘The English, the British?’
‘Out where?’ said Tony.
Oh God, thought Aisling, oh God. I know this, I know this path, I’ve been down it before.
People stared as they ran across the room to embrace each other. The girl with the glorious red hair and the green dress had leapt up from the table where she was sitting; she and the pale, blonde girl in a kilt and a black polo neck jumper, who had left the man she was with, held each other away for a moment and looked with delight, then hugged again.
Only then did they remember the introductions. ‘Aisling this is the man, this is the lucky fellow, Henry Mason.’ He was tall and fair; he wore a very formal, dark grey suit, a nice sober tie, a nervous look in his eyes and a big smile waiting to break out.
/> ‘Henry!’ Aisling said. ‘You’re beautiful. You’re quite perfect, I’m delighted with you.’
Henry’s smile did come out and it was a happy one. He seemed quite oblivious of all the people watching them and laughing at Aisling’s over-effusive Irish greeting.
‘And Tony. …?’ he said courteously, looking at the man standing behind Aisling.
‘Oh Tony had to go off somewhere, this is my brother Donal. Donal, salute Henry like a Christian now, before you wrap yourself around your beloved Elizabeth.’
‘How do you do, and may I offer you my warmest congratulations,’ Donal said shaking Henry’s hand, then, as Aisling had encouraged him, he did throw his arms around Elizabeth.
‘I’m so glad to see you, I’m so glad to see you. And if you wouldn’t wait to marry me, well I’m glad you’re marrying Henry.’ It was very touching and bound them all together for an instant.
Then Henry asked, ‘Will Tony be back or shall we go ahead and order a drink?’
‘Oh let’s go ahead,’ Aisling said lightly. Tony Murray’s movements are very difficult to plot.’
Henry busied himself with a waiter and when he had ordered the drinks Donal asked him what he thought was going to happen in the Near East. ‘Well, I think we should stay a million miles away from it all myself,’ he began.
Elizabeth and Aisling sighed with happiness. They were free to talk, for hours if they needed.
‘You must tell me what’s expected of me at this pagan ceremony tomorrow. Do I have to deny God or anything?’
‘Aisling, where’s Tony?’
‘On the piss, I don’t know where. Forget it, forget him. Tell me what I have to do, do I have to answer responses? Imagine me as a witness at an atheist wedding!’
‘Aisling, do stop calling it pagan and atheist, everyone there thinks they’re Christians of a sort … but look, about Tony, do you think we should. …?’
‘I’ll tell you this about Tony, if we can drop the subject afterwards. When we checked in here around five o’clock he said he had to go out and do a bit of business. There is no business – we both know that. So I said, can you just take ten pounds with you, so if you decide to spend everything then only ten pounds goes. …’
‘And what did he say?’ Elizabeth was horrified.
‘He said I was mean-minded, low and suspicious and that I never gave anyone a chance, I always believed the worst of him and never the best. He deliberately took all his money and gave it to me except what he said was a tenner, but I could see was two tenners. Then he bowed and said, “Permission to leave, Major?” to me, and went out. That was just after five and it’s eight now. No word, no message. There won’t be. At best he’ll come home after closing time, maggoty drunk; at worst tomorrow morning maggoty drunk. But I’ll have him in shape for your nuptials. Now, please can we leave him and talk about tomorrow? Who’s going to be there?’
Elizabeth looked at Henry who was eagerly explaining why he was a Labour voter, and why Gaitskell was right and Eden was wrong. ‘But you’re a professional man, I thought you’d be a Conservative?’ Donal was saying. Elizabeth smiled affectionately at them. ‘Right, I’ll make a list. …’
There wasn’t nearly enough time, not nearly, but it did seem sensible that Elizabeth should go home and get some sleep.
‘Tell Tony I’m sorry we missed him, but we look forward to seeing him tomorrow,’ said Henry courteously.
‘Yes indeed.’ They waved goodbye from the foyer.
‘Let’s go to Soho, and I’ll point out dens of iniquity to you,’ Aisling suggested.
‘But aren’t you tired?’
‘I wouldn’t sleep anyway.’
‘Suppose Tony comes back.’
‘Let him come back.’
They wandered around in the bright lights and the cosmopolitan crowds and the young men standing at the top of stairways that led down to strip shows. There were book-shops open late and at the back they had sections which had filthy books.
‘How do you know all this?’ Donal’s eyes were out on sticks.
‘Years ago, years and years – I was much younger than you – I came down here with Elizabeth and her boyfriend that time, Johnny. Johnny told us all these things, we couldn’t believe him. But it’s all true.’
‘What happened to Johnny?’
‘He’s still a friend, you’ll meet him tomorrow.’
Tony came in at one a.m. and the porter helped him to his room.
‘I’m afraid there’s a pound owing on the taxi,’ he said apologetically.
‘Thank you so much.’ Aisling was icy calm. ‘Can you give him twenty-five shillings, and can I ask you to have ten shillings please for a couple of drinks yourself tomorrow? Thank you very much for helping my husband home.’
‘Thank you, lady.’ The porter was pleased there had been no embarrassing scene. ‘I’ll give you a hand getting him on the bed if you like.’
Aisling accepted this willingly, and she took off one of Tony’s shoes while the porter removed the other.
‘Should we try to get him undressed?’ he asked doubtfully.
‘No, I have his good suit hanging up. You are kind.’
‘You’re a great little trooper lady,’ said the porter.
Aisling got up early on the morning of Elizabeth’s wedding. She went to the chemist and bought mouthwash, a bottle of eye lotion, some witch hazel and cotton wool. She ordered a pot of black coffee to be sent up to their room and then from the foyer she rang Elizabeth to wish her luck. She went up to the room and arrived at the same time as the coffee. She took it from the waiter before he could see the spectacle of a man in bed with a suit jacket, shirt and tie still on him. She ran the bath with lukewarm water and wearily pulled back the clothes on the bed.
‘Up,’ she said crisply.
‘What? What?’
‘Up. You can get as pissed as you like after the wedding, I don’t give a damn, but for the wedding you will look right. Up.’
Tony tried to move. His head hurt him and he swallowed hard. ‘How did … what happened?’
‘You went out at five o’clock to do some business, the business took somewhat longer than you thought. It also seemed to cost you twenty pounds plus a pound for a taxi from Kilburn, which is where the business seemed to end up.’ She was moving his feet, still in their socks, towards the floor.
‘Ash, will you stop, let me rest.’
‘No, I will not. Get up now and walk towards the bathroom, then start peeling off your clothes one by one and throwing them to me.’
He did it, like a slowly moving clockwork toy. When he was naked she handed him the first cup of coffee and kept them coming even though he gagged and said he could drink no more. She sat on the bathroom chair while he made feeble attempts to wash himself then she put a towel behind his head and told him to lean back.
‘What’re you going to do?’ he asked fearfully.
‘I’m going to mend your eyes,’ she said. As he lay almost drifting off to sleep, she dabbed and soothed and patted his eyes, she soaked the cotton wool in cold water and, after half an hour, the swelling and blotchiness had improved greatly.
‘Ash, I feel dreadful,’ he said pathetically. ‘It’s just going to be this weekend, when we get back home again I swear I. … Just let me have a couple to get me on target again?’
‘As many as you like. After the wedding. …’ She handed him his clothes, garment by garment, and with a hotel clothes brush she dusted his shoulders.
‘You’re a fine-looking man, that’s the pity of it.’
‘Ash, stop horsing about, get dressed yourself. …’
‘I’m not horsing about, I’m saying the truth, you are handsome and now that you’ve lost all that weight you look very well. Very well indeed. Can’t you take a compliment?’
‘I feel dreadful, I’m not in the mood for play-acting.’
‘Isn’t that funny, neither am I? Now you still stink of drink – I don’t know why, God knows you should have
washed it out of you. Drink this.’
‘For God’s sake.
‘Now.’ She went into the bathroom to wash and she heard him frantically trying to open the bedroom door.
‘Shit, the door’s stuck,’ she heard him say.
‘No, Tony dearest, it’s not stuck, I locked it,’ she said from the bathroom as she shook on some expensive talcum powder. She had bought it at the chemist at the same time as all the medicaments; it had made the trip less depressing.
In the taxi on the way to the wedding Donal found them curiously relaxed. If he had been Aisling he would have been very cross indeed that Tony had disappeared last night. Aisling was very peculiar in some ways, here she was laughing in a very friendly way.
‘So that’s the bargain. Three drinks of your choice at the reception, and when we’ve waved them goodbye then you’re on your own … you get miles away from the wedding party and do as you like, for as long as you like.’
‘Why am I being sent away from the wedding party? That’s a bit high-handed.’
‘No, it’s the bargain, you can drink yourself into a pig’s mess like you did last night, you can slobber and pee in your trousers, as you also did last night, I noticed, but not with Elizabeth’s friends, you don’t.’
‘Jesus Christ, what a boss.’
‘Good, now that’s settled. Donal, we’re nearly there, that’s Westminster … we’ll come back here and see it when we’ve time tomorrow maybe, or Monday. Do you see Big Ben, now we know we must get the right time. It’s a quarter to eleven, perfect timing.’
They got out at Caxton Hall, where the sightseers who came to look at weddings brightened up when they saw Aisling’s fiery hair, her lilac outfit and her lilac and white hat. It looked like something glamorous.
‘Is it a film star’s wedding?’ a woman said, pulling at Aisling’s sleeve.
‘No, I’m afraid not, it’s a solicitor and an art teacher.’ The woman was disappointed. ‘But it will be full of glamour, stay around,’ she said.
‘I will,’ said the woman, pleased.
Father looked very smart, he was wearing the buttonhole that Henry had brought the night before.
‘Are you sure there won’t be any call for me to make a speech?’ he asked.
