by Claire Adams
He took a few solid steps over toward Perri. She looked up at him, a quizzical expression on her face.
“Carl? What’s going on?”
He dropped to one knee, and everyone in the bar fell silent. Someone even turned the radio off.
Chapter 24
Alex
I couldn’t help my shit-eating grin as Carl dropped to one knee, and Perri gasped. Maybe that made me a hypocrite. After all, I’d tried to stop this moment.
Even with the beers in me, our conversation on Thursday was crystal clear in my mind.
* * *
“Okay, okay,” Carl said, lifting his head and finally locking gazes with me. “I gotta talk to you about something, bro. Something important.”
“What?” I said, not bothering to hide my annoyance. I still needed time to chew through everything that had just happened with Aspyn, and I didn’t have time for some bro heart-to-heart, and if this were about some bank or money shit, I was going to lose it.
The only reason I didn’t buy the land outright myself was I wanted a partnership with Carl as a way of paying him back for being there for me when I really needed it. If some bankers were screwing with him now, I was going to make sure they were sorry.
Carl took a deep breath. “I’m gonna ask Perri to marry me. Like, next time I see her.”
I stared at Carl, waiting for him to crack a grin and start laughing. To explain how it was all a big joke.
Part of me wondered if I’d misheard. I’d been expecting all sorts of things but not something about him marrying Perri.
“What?” I said. “Did you just say you were gonna ask Perri to marry you?”
He nodded forcefully. “Yeah. I talked about this with you before. You said I was being chickenshit or something.”
“I thought that was more of in the future thing.” I motioned with my hand. “Not a soon thing.”
“Well, time’s come, and I’m ready.”
“Uh, why? I mean, I get that you’re into her, but you’ve been into her for a long time.” I shrugged.
“I love her, bro. I really do.”
Again, no silly smile. Complete sincerity. “Sure, you mentioned that before, but why now? Why marriage? You guys are barely together again from your last breakup. You’re the one who talked about how stubborn she is.”
“So what? We go through that all the time. It’s no big deal. She needs some time alone, and sometimes I do. That doesn’t have anything to do with love.”
I stared at him. “So you want to get married? I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Not that I was an expert on love or relationships. Hell, I was probably the last person who should be giving advice on that sort of thing.
Carl threw up his hands. “Bro, why the hell not? It isn’t high school anymore. We’re not little kids. Why should we wait?”
“I don’t know. Because you can’t keep a relationship going? You’re always hot and cold?”
“All that means is we still have a lot of feelings for each other. We’re not bored. That’s a good thing for a relationship.”
“But you still break up. That’s not a good thing.”
“We don’t really see anyone else when we’re not together, either. We did a little back in the day, but it’s been years since either of us have seriously looked for anyone else.”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “I don’t get this. You’re constantly hot and cold with Perri, so you think you should get married? That seems ass-backward to me.”
“Bro, I already told you, I love her.”
I wanted to shake him. Didn’t he get this shit wasn’t that simple? Why was he acting like all you needed was love? Life wasn’t a song. I knew that all too well.
“Okay, okay, Carl. You love her, but does she love you?”
“Damn right, she does. I know she does.”
“If that’s true, then why can’t you keep it lasting with her?”
“Because she’s afraid.” He shrugged. “You know how chicks are. They think about shit too much.” He stared at me. “Kind of like you.”
“You saying I’m a chick?”
“Saying you think like one at times.”
For the first time since the conversation started, Carl cracked a smile.
I let out a chuckle. “Okay, so what about Perri?”
“She’s probably read something on some dumbass website about how this is supposed to work. I’m just gonna trust my gut, and my gut says this is a good idea.”
“I don’t know, Carl. It’s a big step. The biggest step, really. The only thing you can do more than that is have kids.”
“Yeah.”
“You talked about kids?”
“She mentioned she’d like kids someday. I’m in no hurry, but if she wants them sooner, I won’t care either. Besides …”
“Besides what?”
Carl snorted. “I’m tired of a being a pussy.”
“You’re not a pussy.”
“Sure, I am. I want the woman, love the woman, but I’m not gonna ask her to marry me? What am I waiting for, a better option? Perri’s been talking about us all getting together on Saturday anyway. I’m gonna do it then.”
“What, at the Wild Mustang? Not exactly romantic.”
“This isn’t about romance. This is about love, and yeah, why the hell not? She’s not fancy.” Carl locked eyes with me. “I need your support, bro. I don’t know if I would have been able to do this if it wasn’t for you coming back and helping me expand the ranch. I know I can offer Perri a future now. That was the only thing holding me back before.”
I stared back at him. Most of my brain wanted to shake him and tell him he was being a dumbass, that he didn’t have true love with Perri. They were just two friends with a lot of benefits.
But what the hell did I know? Carl hadn’t spent years running away from everyone who cared for him, and I hadn’t been in town to watch them date. It had to mean something that they always came back together in the end. All I wanted was for my friend to be happy.
I clapped him on the shoulder. “Promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“You won’t start crying. If you do, then you are a pussy.”
Carl burst out laughing. “Sure thing, bro.”
* * *
Now, I watched him as he was ready to do what I was never able to manage: just follow his damn feelings.
“Perri, you’re the best woman I know,” Carl said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a ring box. A chorus of oohs and ahs filled the room.
“Carl,” Perri squeaked out, shaking her head.
“You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. So I want you to be my wife.”
“I can’t, Carl,” Perri said, tearing up.
Every man in that bar winced together. Several women gasped.
I closed my eyes and let out a quiet sigh. I saw a lot of beers on Carl’s porch in the future. He promised he wouldn’t cry, but I wasn’t sure he could keep that promise.
Joe watched impassively.
Aspyn reached over and squeezed my hand, her eyes wide. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze back. There was nothing we could do. This was something between Carl and Perri.
“Why?” Carl said, still calm, standing. He reached over to grab his beer glass and down the rest of the contents. Yeah, he definitely could use a little more liquid courage.
I was surprised. I’d expected him to yell, cry, or something, but he was taking a woman turning his marriage proposal down in public like a damn champion. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to be so calm in the same situation.
“What do you mean, why?” Perri said.
“Why won’t you marry me?” Carl said. He shrugged. “I think I deserve to know.”
Perri’s cheeks grew bright red. “Do you really want to talk about this here?”
Carl shrugged. “Why the hell not? I asked you here. So let’s talk here.”
I wanted to say something, cheer him on, but I didn’
t think it’d help, but damned if I didn’t admire the man in that moment. He knew exactly what he wanted and was going after it. He wouldn’t even take no for an answer.
A choked laughed escaped Perri. “We can’t go a month without breaking up.”
“It’s not like we’re really seeing other people, though.”
“I’m just saying, a marriage is forever, you know. We can’t get divorced and remarried once we have a little fight.”
Carl scoffed. “Then I sleep on the couch on those days. Big damn deal. All I know is I think you’re a beautiful and special woman, and I love you. I don’t think I’m ever gonna find a better woman than you. So I’m having to ask myself why we should wait? What are we waiting for? What are you waiting for?”
“I’m not waiting for anything.”
“I have one simple question for you.”
Perri groaned. “Other than the one you asked?”
“Yeah.”
“What is it?”
I shook my head, stunned at the exchange going on in front of me. If Aspyn and I had been half as honest as Carl was being, a lot of our problems wouldn’t be so bad.
“Do you love me, Perri?” Carl said, dropping again to one knee and holding up the open ring box. “If you can tell me right now, looking me in the eye, that you don’t love me, then I get up, walk out, and try to figure out if I can sell this ring back.” Several people in the bar laughed. “But if you can’t tell me you don’t love me, then you need to think about what it is you think should happen before we get married. We’re not kids. We both have jobs. We both know what our future plans are, and we both know what we want out of life.” A grin appeared on his face. “So, again, simple question, Perri. Do you love me?”
“I do love you,” Perri said quietly. “But it’s not simple.”
“Simple enough, I think. We both love each other. So one more simple question. Will you marry me?”
Again, silence choked the bar. We all watched, waiting with our breaths held. Carl had given it his all, but maybe Perri wasn’t interested.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
The entire bar erupted into cheers.
“Hot damn!” I shouted, leaning over to hug Aspyn.
Perri took the ring from the box and slipped in on her finger, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Carl was a true man. He saw what he wanted, and he went for it. I could learn a lot from him.
I let go of Aspyn to hurry over and shake Carl’s hand. Joe beat me to it, but then we both gave him a bear hug together, lifting him up and making him grunt.
Everyone in the bar let out another cheer.
I glanced over at Aspyn, who was watching Perri with a smile on her face. Carl was right. I could taste the future with Aspyn, but I wanted to keep half-assing things, waiting for the right time. It’d been 10 years and then three years after that. There was no right time.
No wonder Aspyn had freaked out on me. Until I could show the kind of boldness Carl did, I didn’t deserve a woman like her.
Chapter 25
Aspyn
Sunday was pretty sleepy compared to the wild ride on Saturday. By the time we had gotten done celebrating, we’d all had more than a little alcohol in us to sleep off. Fortunately, I didn’t have a hangover when I went to church, but I could have gone for a few more hours of sleep as well.
Not that I was complaining, mind you. The Lord only asked a few hours one day of the week, not too much to ask, and it was bad planning that had led me to stay up so late.
After I got home from church, I spent most of the day playing with Kadie and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my best friend was now engaged.
It was still hard for me to believe Perri was engaged. On one hand, it made perfect sense, as she and Carl had been a thing for half our lives, but they fought so much.
But what was love, really? It wasn’t all snuggling and happiness all the time. Real relationships took work and had dark patches even among the brightest of times.
We’d chatted a little on and off Monday about it, but Perri was still taking all of it in herself. From what I could tell, even though she was deliriously happy about the whole thing, she’d been taken completely off-guard. So, unlike a lot of women who got engaged, she’d not made up any plans, and somehow, despite dating Carl on and off for over a decade, she’d not even managed to think anything about what she wanted out of a future wedding.
Not that I was any better. I’d spent 10 years basically pining for Alex Kline, finally hooking up with him, and then not hearing from him for three years. Now, even though he was back, I was too afraid to open up to him.
I didn’t know what we had together or even what we could have together if I could stop being afraid.
Those kinds of thoughts clouded my head all through Monday night, all the way until Kadie’s bedtime.
I was sitting in my living room, thinking about relationships, love, and Perri, when a light knock came from my door.
I frowned, wondering who it could be. My heart didn’t race or anything. Home invasions and that sort of thing just didn’t happen in a town like Livingston.
Opening the door revealed the person I both wanted to see and didn’t expect to see: Alex. He held a glass bottle in his hand.
“Hey,” he said with a smile.
I glanced at the bottle. Boone’s Farm.
“Seriously?” I said. “That is what you show up with? What? Did you find some quarters in your couch and decide to pick something up along the way?”
He held up the bottle with a grin. “Just like when we were in high school.”
I laughed quietly. He was right. I remembered sneaking more than a few bottles of Boone’s Farm back in the day. We had a friend at the store who’d sell it to us, even though he damn well knew we weren’t old enough.
“We have better taste now, and better jobs,” I said. “You could do a lot better.”
“Booze is booze. We all drink it for the same reason in the end.” He winked. “I’ve seen some of the crap you drink at the Mustang. It’s not all exactly fancy wine. So it costs three dollars a bottle instead of two.”
We locked eyes, an expectant look crossing his face. I knew I should send him away, that him being there would bring nothing but trouble, especially since I couldn’t get my head on straight.
We weren’t like Perri and Carl. We hadn’t been dating on and off for our entire adult lives. We really only shared a few nights of passion. I tried to keep that in mind. Tried to use that to stay strong and protect my heart.
“Why are you even here?” I said softly, averting my gaze.
“That’s no mystery.”
“Oh?”
“To drink some Boone’s Farm.” He chuckled. “Relive some old times, maybe.”
“I’m serious,” I snapped. “I don’t have times for games. Not anymore. The past is the past, and I have to worry about the future, especially now that I have a daughter.” I closed my eyes and sucked in the chilly night air. “I get that you want to be part of Kadie’s life, but …”
“But what?” Alex said, his tone suddenly serious.
“Just tell me why you’re here,” I all but cried. “Please.”
“I’m tired of fighting it,” he said. “Tired of pretending that I don’t want you. Tired of pretending I didn’t want you all those years I was gone, even before the reunion. Tired of telling myself that if I wait long enough, it’ll be the right time.”
I shook my head. “Why are you saying all this now?”
“Because Carl taught me the other day that he’s more of a man than I’ll ever be.” Alex let out a rueful chuckle. “He manned up and did what he needed to do. If Perri and Carl can make it work, then why can’t we?” He shrugged. “I get it. We both made some mistakes, but I want to try.”
I opened the door, my heart pounding. I didn’t know why for sure. I was still as conflicted over the whole thing as ever, but there was something about the way he looke
d at me, his eyes so full of hunger and desire like I was a delicious dessert he wanted to gobble up.
I’d missed feeling like a woman instead of just a mom. Missed being wanted like that. Was it selfish? Was it so wrong?
“We can go talk in the back,” I said. “Have to leave the door open, though, so I can hear Kadie in case she wakes up.”
Alex nodded slowly and stepped inside with his cheap wine. I grabbed a blanket folded up on the couch and waved for him to follow. It was too chilly to sit outside directly on the cold surface of my back porch.
What the hell I was thinking? Inviting Alex in was dangerous. Way too dangerous. I was letting him into my home without even my daughter or my mama as a wall to hide behind.
I led Alex out back, and I set up the blanket on the porch. It was a clear night with no real moon. The stars hung in the sky, painting the night in their ancient patterns.
It’d been a long time since I just looked up at the stars, one of those beautiful, awe-inspiring things that everyone takes for granted.
Alex unscrewed his fine bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill. I didn’t have any glasses with us, but he probably figured we’d do what we used to do: take turns sipping off the bottle.
He gulped down some wine, and then he handed me the bottle. I sipped some of the overly sweet alcohol and laughed. I couldn’t say I loved the taste, but damn if it wasn’t like nostalgia pouring down my throat.
“I haven’t had Boone’s in years,” I said. “I can’t even remember the last time.”
“Me neither.”
“Do you think it’ll work?”
Alex looked over at me. “What? Boone’s Farm can still get us plenty drunk. Trust me.”
I laughed. “No, not the Boone’s Farm. I meant Perri and Carl.”
“Why wouldn’t it? They both love each other. Isn’t that what you need in the end for a marriage to work? That and knowing each other, and those two know each other.”
