by Claire Adams
“Fine, I’ll call,” she grumbled, as I handed her a mug of tea and went about making the first pot of coffee of the day.
“The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to do it,” I said with my back to her, as I watched the coffee drip into the pot and willed it to hurry up.
I heard Nina move into the other room, and I listened as she made the call. I could only hear her side of the conversation, but I could imagine Blake’s relief on the other end.
“No, I’m fine, Dad,” Nina said. “No, I’m at Emily’s. Last night. Yes, she told me I could!”
I could hear the emotion rising in Nina’s voice as she defended her actions. I knew she was heading in the wrong direction, but I also knew that her father would forgive her once the fear had subsided.
“No, Dad! I’m not going to!” Nina cried, as the conversation continued. “Call her yourself!”
There was silence in the other room. I waited for a minute and then walked in to find the room empty.
“Nina?” I called. “Where are you?”
She didn’t answer, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. Just then my phone began ringing. I knew who it was before I picked it up.
“Emily, why didn’t you call me last night?” Blake shouted before I even said hello. “Jesus H. Christ, you knew how goddamn worried I was and yet you didn’t call? What were you thinking?”
“I…I was just respecting Nina’s request,” I said haltingly, trying to cover my tracks. As soon as I’d said it, I knew it was a mistake. I knew I’d been wrong last night, but I let my hurt feelings and anger get the better of me.
“Goddamn it, Emily!” Blake exploded. “That’s so fucking irresponsible! I’ve been out of my mind worrying about her, and you knew she was safe but didn’t tell me?”
“Blake, listen,” I interjected.
“No, I’m not going to listen to a word you say,” he spat into the phone. “This is so far beyond fucked up! What is wrong with you?”
“Hey! I was just trying to make sure she didn’t run away again!” I yelled, feeling angry at Blake for not being able to see my side of the issue.
“Do you think you can keep her there until I get there to pick her up?” he asked, in a voice that dripped with disdain.
“I’ll do my best,” I replied tartly.
“Yeah, well, we’ve seen that in action, and it doesn’t give me a whole lot of confidence,” he said. “Just don’t fuck this up.”
The line went dead, and I stood there holding my phone as I trembled. I felt humiliated. I stood in the living room breathing deeply until the feeling passed and I could, again, speak in a normal voice. I walked to the bathroom where Nina was still showering.
“Nina, your dad’s on his way to pick you up,” I said, tapping on the bathroom door.
“What? NO!” she cried. The water stopped running and seconds later, Nina burst out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. “How could you let him come here, Emily?”
“He’s your father, Nina,” I said calmly. “He was very worried about you, and now you have to be accountable for your actions.”
“I cannot believe this!” she shouted, as she flung her dripping wet hair to one side. “You are just as bad as they are!”
Nina stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door so hard the vibration knocked two photos off the wall. I thought about it for a moment, and then decided to leave her alone until Blake arrived. If I stirred things up, it was highly likely that she’d take off again. I looked down the hallway and saw Howard crouched under my bed, anxiously observing the scene.
“Hey, big man,” I said walking toward him. “It’s okay; everything is just fine. Nina’s a little upset, but she’s not mad at you.”
I reached under the bed to pet him and was rewarded with a swift swipe of sharp claws. I gasped and pulled my hand back. Howard had drawn blood. I sighed, “I know, we’re all a little on edge, buddy.”
I was in the kitchen cleaning the blood off my hand when Blake pulled into the driveway. Moments later, he was pounding on the door, calling Nina’s name.
“Hey, knock it off,” I said, opening the door. “My neighbors are going to call the cops if you keep that up.”
“Where’s Nina?” he said, pushing past me to scan the living room.
“She’s in my bedroom,” I said, pointing down the hall. Blake marched over and flung open the door.
“Nina!” he cried, as he gathered her in his arms and hugged her tightly. Nina remained stiff and didn’t hug him back. He didn’t let go, but instead began peppering her with questions, “Where were you? Why didn’t you call? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Dad,” Nina said impatiently, as she pushed him away. “I was thinking about things. I should have called. I’m sorry.”
“Young lady, we have an entire police force out looking for you,” he said sternly. “Telling me you were ‘just thinking’ is nowhere near good enough.”
“Dad, let it go,” she said, gathering her towels and pulling the blankets up over the bed in an attempt to tidy the room rather than talk with her father.
“I’m sure as fuck not going to let it go!” Blake bellowed.
“Blake, please,” I said, stepping into the room. “She’s been through a lot.”
“You do not get to have a say in any of this!” he roared, as he turned toward me. “You have made this entire goddamn mess 10 times worse by hiding her all night!”
“Hey, I didn’t hide her,” I protested.
“Shut the hell up!” Blake boomed. “You are not her mother! Hell, you don’t even have any kids! How in the fuck would you know what it’s like to worry about them?”
I stood staring at him in shock as he emptied all the worry and fear he’d been holding in on me. I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t believe that less than 24 hours before I’d thought I was in love with this man who was now spewing rage at me. I looked up at him, and then silently turned and walked out of the room.
I waited in the living room until Nina got her things together. When she and Blake emerged, I ignored him and hugged her briefly as I handed her the coat she’d left near the back door the night before.
“I’ll see you in class later,” I said, as I kissed her head and opened the front door.
“Emily…” Blake began.
“Get out,” I said icily.
“Emily, please,” he pleaded.
“I’m not kidding, Blake,” I repeated, in a voice so calm it almost scared me. “Get out of my house.”
He raised his hands helplessly and walked out the door. I closed it quietly, and when I heard the click of the latch, I turned and pressed my back to the door, sliding down until I was sitting on the floor with my head in my hands.
Only then did I cry.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Blake
Nina refused to talk to me the whole drive home, and when I let her into the house, she ran to her room and slammed the door. I started to follow and then decided to let her cool down before I demanded that she explain where she’d been. I changed my clothes and went to the kitchen to make breakfast.
As I fried the bacon and scrambled the eggs, I thought about how pissed I was at Emily for not calling me. It was one thing to protect a confidence, but it was an entirely different matter when the Waltham PD was out looking for my daughter. Emily was irresponsible and I’d been right to tell her so.
“Goddamn it,” I muttered, as I cracked an egg and watched the shell split into tiny fragments in the bowl. I tried fishing them out with a spoon and then my finger, but they wouldn’t budge from the bottom of the bowl. I smashed the bowl in the sink as I yelled, “Son of a bitch!”
The bowl shattered, and the mixture of egg and pottery flew out of the sink, landing on the floor. I could feel the rage building, and I knew I was on the verge of losing control. I gripped the edge of the counter and breathed deeply as I began counting backward from 100. It was a technique my mother had
taught Brian and me when we were young, and it came in handy on those off moments when anger and frustration threatened to spill out in damaging ways.
It was the only way I’d survived the last year of my marriage to Remy.
I felt the torrent of emotions begin to subside as I drew deep breaths, and when I got to 50, I knew that the storm had passed — for now. I cleaned up the mess and pulled the carton of eggs out of the fridge and started over. I wasn’t sure if Nina would eat, but I made enough for her and put it on a covered plate in the oven in case she decided to come out of her room.
I’d just sat down to eat when the doorbell rang. For a moment I felt hopeful, thinking maybe it was Emily, but then I realized I’d burned that bridge to the ground. “Damn right,” I grumbled, as I got up and went to open the door. Moments later, I was sorry I had.
“You stupid son of a bitch!” Remy screamed, as she stormed into the house waving a fist full of papers at me. “You irresponsible bastard! You found her, and you didn’t call and let me know? How could you be such an asshole?”
“Remy, look, I did—” I began.
“The fuck you did!” she yelled, cutting me off. “There is not a single message on my phone. You most definitely did not call me to tell me you’d found her!”
“Remy, listen, it’s been crazy this morning,” I pleaded, trying to get her to calm down.
“Blake Gaston, you are the absolute worst father in the world,” she shouted. “You let our teenage daughter stay home by herself while you’re out indulging in your little hot-for-teacher fantasy, and then you go to work instead of looking for her!”
“That’s a little dramatic, even for you, Remy,” I replied dryly.
“Did you or did you not leave Nina home alone last night while you went out with your girlfriend?” she asked.
“I went to the Celtics game with Emily,” I said defensively. “I was home by midnight.”
“And you left our teenage daughter here alone while you went out?” she continued.
“She’s 16, and it was a school night, Remy!”
“And did you or did you not go to work overnight even though you knew Nina was missing?” she asked.
“I reported it to the police and let them do their job!” I shouted.
“I see,” Remy said, shifting into deadly calm mode. “And you didn’t feel that it was something important to share with her mother.”
“Remy, I didn’t want you to worry,” I sighed, feeling frustrated that I had to repeat myself. I knew why she was mad, but I was so pissed at her for always putting me down, I didn’t care. “I knew that there was nothing you could do from a distance and that by the time you got back, the chances were good that Nina would be home.”
“But you didn’t know that for sure, Blake,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “You seem to think that parenting is a one-person job, and that I don’t deserve to be included in the decisions you make regarding our daughter.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Remy?” I shouted. “I involve you in every single thing I do with Nina. Why are you making a federal case out of the one time I hold back information in order to keep you from worrying?”
“One time?” she said, raising an eyebrow as she thrust the papers in her hand at me. “When were you going to tell me about filing paperwork to change Nina’s permanent address?”
“Again, what the fuck are you talking about?” I said, as I took the stack of papers from her and began reading.
“You knew that Nina wanted to come live with you full-time, but you didn’t bother to ask me how I felt about the arrangement, or even inform me that she wanted to live here!” Remy shouted, as she paced the foyer her heels clicking on the wood floor. “I am her mother! I have rights, too!”
“You don’t have the right to tell me what I can and can’t do, lady!” I shouted, slamming my fist on the table holding mail and keys. The impact rattled everything on the table, sending the basket with car keys and change crashing to the floor. I roared, “Goddamn it, Remy!”
“STOP IT, YOU TWO!” Nina screamed, as she emerged from her bedroom. “Stop it! I’m sick and tired of you two fighting over me! I never get the chance to say what I want because you two are so busy fighting about what it is YOU want!”
“Nina, honey,” Remy said, reaching out to her daughter.
“NO! Do not ‘Nina, honey’ me!” Nina screamed, as she batted her mother’s hands away. “You are a pain in the ass, Mom! You hold on to me so tightly I can’t breathe! Is it any wonder I’d want to live at Dad’s? At least he gives me space!”
“Too much space, apparently,” Remy muttered, as she backed away from Nina and shot me a murderous look.
“Don’t blame everything on Dad like you always do,” Nina warned. I remained silent, knowing that anything I could say might tip the balance in either direction, and I didn’t want to alienate my daughter before I understood what was at stake. “You’re constantly on my case about everything, Mom. You nag me about my room, about my grades, about my weight, about every little thing! I’m sick and tired of it! I can’t breathe when I’m with you!”
“What on earth are you talking about?” Remy said. The look of shock on her face told me that she had no idea that Nina had been gathering evidence against her for so long. “I just want you to be the best person you can be. I want you to be a responsible adult. I want people to like you.”
“No, those are your hang-ups, Mom!” Nina cried. “You always push things on me when it’s you that’s worried about how everything looks! You’re such a bitch!”
“Nina!” Remy and I both said at the same time.
“Don’t talk to your mother that way, young lady,” I warned.
“Or what? You’ll cut me out of your life just like you did Emily?” Nina dared me. “You’re no better than she is, Dad. You just pretend like you’re the good guy, but you never stand up to her! You’re weak, and you know it!”
“NINA!” Remy yelled. “Knock it off, young lady! I’ve had about enough of your smart mouth and your disrespectful attitude.”
“Whatever,” Nina said, rolling her eyes as she slumped against the wall. I was still stinging from the accusation she’d leveled at me, and stayed silent as Remy moved toward Nina and began speaking.
“See?” Remy said, turning toward me. “This is what happens when you let a teenager run wild. I’ve had enough of this, Blake. She cannot behave like this and every time she comes back from spending time at your house her attitude is worse than the time before.”
“And you’re blaming all of this on me?” I said, looking at her in disbelief.
“I am,” she said coolly. “And this afternoon, I’m going to have my lawyer draw up the paperwork to file for sole custody.”
“MOM!” Nina shouted. “You can’t do that!”
“Nina, your father left you here alone while he went out on a date with your teacher,” Remy said. “He’s a bad role model and a worse parent, and I think any judge worth their degree will agree with me.”
“Remy, don’t do this,” I warned. “This is wrong, and you know it.”
“Do I, Blake?” she asked, cocking her head and giving me a hard stare. “Is it really wrong when our daughter’s safety is at stake?”
“Mom! Dad didn’t do anything wrong!” Nina protested. “I got mad because he didn’t let me have my way when I asked if I could come live with him!”
“And no one thought it might be a good idea to involve me in this conversation?” Remy asked, looking back and forth between Nina and I. “Nina, get your things. You’re coming home tonight, and we’ll see about what happens after the judge rules on my petition.”
“Remy, don’t do this,” I pleaded. “Please. Just don’t.”
“You should have thought of that before you chose your girlfriend over your daughter,” Remy said coldly. She turned and snapped her fingers at Nina and said, “C’mon, get your things! Let’s go!”
“Mom!” Nina protested.
“Do not argue with me, Nina Marie,” Remy warned. Nina’s shoulders dropped as she gave in and slunk off to get her things.
“Remy—” I began.
“Blake, I don’t want to hear another word from you,” she hissed. “You didn’t know where she was last night and we still have no idea where she went. And you work a job that keeps you away from home for 24 hours at a time. It is more than obvious that you do not take your responsibility as a parent seriously enough to warrant shared custody of our daughter.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I protested.
“And you have no idea what you’re doing to Nina,” she spat back.
“God, you really are a bitch,” I said, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.
“I’m sure the judge will be interested to hear how you really feel about the mother of your child,” she said, in a voice that was chillingly calm.
“Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better,” I said as my frustration rose. “But Nina is going to hate you more than she already does if you go through with this.”
“Yes, well, that might be true,” Remy said. “But at least if she’s living with me, I know she’ll be alive to do it.”
Having delivered the last blow, Remy grabbed her purse and walked to the front door. Over her shoulder, she said, “Tell Nina I’m waiting in the car.”
I watched as she walked down the driveway and slid into the driver’s seat of her expensive sedan. I knew she wasn’t making an idle threat, but I also knew that her anger at me was clouding her judgment of the situation. I’d fight for Nina, of that there was no doubt.
“Dad, I’m sorry,” Nina said, as she emerged from the bedroom carrying her bags. “I didn’t know that this would happen.”
“Oh, Punkin, I know you didn’t,” I said, as she dropped her bags and threw herself into my arms, weeping like she had when she was small. “Don’t worry, your mom is just upset and scared over what happened. I’ll find a way to calm her down.”
