Onyx: Heart

by J. S. Lee

  “You’re not going anywhere!” CX exclaimed. “That’s crazy.”

  “Tell her, hyungnim!” JongB instructed Sungmin, imploringly.

  Sungmin rubbed at his temples as the room broke out into a chorus of objections. “Enough!” he snapped. “MinMin has a head injury and I have a headache. Just be quiet and sit down.”

  Nobody sat down, but everyone did shut up. “It’s OK,” I told Sungmin. “I knew it was coming.”

  “Kate,” Sungmin blurted my name in exasperation. “Just be quiet.” He rubbed at his temples again, and a wave of sympathy washed over me for both him and Holly. Managing a group was not easy. Given all the shit H3RO had been put through in the papers, I knew Holly would have had just a hard time as Sungmin.

  He blew out a long breath. “Kate, you don’t need to go anywhere. You are part of the team. This is no different from any of the guys having a sasaeng.”

  “A what now?”

  “Obsessed fan who likes to stalk,” JongB piped up, giving me an English translation. I had been doing so well…

  “We will protect you, just like we would one of Onyx. I’d already spoken to the legal team back when we were in L.A. and they had issued Damien with a restraining order.”

  That must have been the lawsuit Damien had spoken about? “Oh,” I muttered, surprised. “Holly didn’t mention that.”

  “We didn’t think he would follow you to another country, otherwise we would have done something about our hotels and increased the security at venues,” Sungmin added, actually sounding apologetic. “I’m sorry we let you down.”

  My mouth fell open.

  “See, you’re not going anywhere,” CX declared.

  The tears I thought I was done with, threatened to appear again. “But what about New York?” I asked. “We don’t know where Damien is and at this point, I wouldn’t put it past him to turn up there.”

  “I’ve already spoken to Atlantis and we’ve changed the hotel.”

  “We’re still going to New York?” JongB asked.

  Sungmin moved over to the chair beside MinMin’s bed and sank into it, wearily. He looked like he had aged ten years since this tour had started. “We are,” he said, simply.

  “I’m not,” MinMin added.

  “We can’t leave you, MinMin!” JongB exclaimed.

  “JongB,” Youngbin muttered in a warning tone.

  “MinMin cannot fly. The doctor wants to keep him at the hospital under observation until this evening. At which point, you will all be on a stage at a fan meet.” He rubbed his hand over his face before looking at his watch. “We have to leave to get our flight, soon.”

  “We can’t leave MinMin behind!” JongB exclaimed, again.

  “You should,” MinMin spoke up. “We still have a show. It would be better to have one without me than not have one at all. We did it in Shanghai and Hong Kong for Xiao.”

  “The announcement will be going out any time now,” Sungmin confirmed.

  “What reason are you giving?” I asked, mortified at the idea the world was going to know MinMin got attacked because of me.

  “The truth,” MinMin said, after looking at Sungmin.

  “You already knew you weren’t coming to New York?” CX asked, surprised.

  “We spoke to the doctor last night and he confirmed I shouldn’t fly. He will let me join you in London at the weekend, provided my scans come back clean.”

  “What do you mean, the truth?” I spoke up, angrily.

  “When this goes to court, MinMin is going to have to make a statement. There’s no sense in hiding it.”

  I felt lightheaded. “But aren’t the fans going to be upset you were in my room?”

  “Why?” Sungmin asked. “It’s not like there’s anything going on between you. We may have elaborated slightly and said he was helping you carry a bag into your room,” he added, misreading my expression.

  “And then Xiao came in and saved the day?” JongB asked, arching an eyebrow.

  Xiao grinned. “I like that.”

  “Of course you do,” Jiwon sighed, but there was a smile in his eyes.

  “Regardless of whether or not you’re going to press charges, we will,” Youngbin said.

  I rounded on him. “Excuse me?” Youngbin had been a part of this conversation too? “I have every intention of pressing charges, and I’d come here to ask for MinMin’s help, but I wanted to make sure it was OK with him before dragging his name through the papers. I didn’t want you guys to suffer-”

  “You did?” MinMin asked.

  “Have I, at any point, given the impression that what Damien the Dick did was OK?” I demanded. “I might not have seen this coming, because regardless of whether or not you believe it, Damien wasn’t like this when we were dating. He never once laid a finger on me, and as for this stalker behavior – it was the opposite. Towards the end, we barely saw each other.”

  “Then how did this behavior start?” Youngbin demanded.

  “I don’t know!” I yelled at him. “I keep trying to work that out! He was cheating on me for at least a year before he ended things. He refused to take me out to nice places. Hell, he stopped taking me out at all because I was a fucking embarrassment! You tell me why the hell someone who was repulsed by me is so keen to follow me.”

  I jumped when arms wrapped around me. JongB’s head appeared on my shoulder as he held me tightly.

  “That’s not what I meant,” Youngbin said, horrified at the thought. “That’s not what I meant at all.”

  “Then what did you mean?” I asked, miserably.

  “You’re a good person, Kate. You see good in people,” he explained. “You didn’t go to the police in Las Vegas, and when you spoke to them in Los Angeles, it sounded like you weren’t bothered that they weren’t pursuing this. We just wanted to make sure you were safe from Damien, even if it meant him being arrested for assaulting MinMin and Xiao.”

  It was a good thing JongB was still holding me tightly. The lightheadedness was back. “I didn’t think I would see him again after Las Vegas,” I said. “I was going to finish off the tour and I was planning on moving to Seoul. And if that didn’t happen, I was going to Japan. Either way, I wasn’t going back home, so I didn’t think I would see him again.”

  “I think the guy – your ex – I think he’s a narcissist,” CX spoke up.

  I glanced at him with a frown. “Well, yes,” I agreed. “But I’m not sure how that explains anything.”

  “I think it explains a lot,” he shrugged. “You said he wouldn’t take you out while you were dating?”

  I nodded. “When I came back from Japan, things were different. He was busy.”

  “You’re making excuses,” Youngbin pointed out.

  “Maybe it’s a little easier than the truth,” I returned.

  “And what would that be?”

  That I’m too repulsive to be seen with? I didn’t say that aloud.

  “He thought he was too good for you,” CX said, taking the words out of my mouth. “But when he saw you with me, he realized he was wrong. I think he realized what he was missing.”

  “Now who’s the narcissist?” Xiao muttered. I looked at him, but he winked at me.

  “And L.A.?”

  “Well, by then, you’d rejected him and damaged his reputation. I would say, at that point, he was out for revenge. That’s pretty much what he said at the time,” CX shrugged.

  JongB stepped back so he could look at CX. “That actually makes sense,” he said, confused. “When did you get so smart?”

  “I have an IQ of 143,” CX told him. “I’ve always been smart.”

  Sungmin cleared his throat. “Kate, are you feeling OK?” I whirled around, having forgotten he was there.

  “Yes,” I replied. I think.

  “Then is there any reason why you’re draped all over her, JongB?” Sungmin gave him a pointed look. That level of touching… I leaped away from JongB, not wanting to get him in trouble. Judging from the way Sungmin was ru
bbing at his temples, it was possibly too late for that.

  “How did he find you?” Jiwon asked, changing the topic. “Damien. How did he find you?”

  “I don’t think it would have been difficult. He found me at your Vegas show. A quick Google search would have found the tour dates and locations,” I shrugged. It was an obvious question, but somehow it seemed to have worked as Sungmin cocked his head.

  MinMin’s brow furrowed. “What about the hotel? He was there before we were.”

  I shifted uncomfortably. “I thought I had seen him at the mall when we went shopping. I’d given my spare keycard to Xiao, who put it in his jacket pocket. Xiao gave me the jacket and I left it at the table when we had the poutine. I went back in to get it, and one of the janitorial staff said someone had handed it in. I thought I saw Damien, but when I went chasing after him, I found someone, but it wasn’t him.” I shrugged. “I guess I’d stopped at the wrong person. I would have said something, but I thought I was being paranoid. L.A. is a five-hour drive. Toronto is a flight to another country. It made no sense.”

  “But how did he know what hotel you were in?” MinMin pressed. “We don’t share that information. We went straight from the mall to the venue, and he was waiting for you when we got back.”

  “Why did you give Xiao your keycard?” Sungmin asked, slowly.

  “I…” I had no idea how to answer that. Not without letting the cat out of the bag.

  “Don’t we need to head back to the hotel to collect our things and the rest of the team, hyungnim?” CX asked, somehow managing to do so with the most innocent of expressions.

  I could have kissed him. You know – if it wouldn’t have dropped me in it again.

  Sungmin closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. I could almost hear him counting to ten. “There are not enough painkillers in this hospital,” he muttered to himself. He stood, turning to MinMin. “I’m sorry, MinMin, but we’re going to have to go to New York now. One of the team will stay with you, so rest up. We’ll see you in London soon.”

  MinMin smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Apologize to our Gems for me.”

  “We will call you, like we did Xiao,” Youngbin promised, walking over and clamping a hand on his shoulder. “You can tell them yourself.”

  We said our goodbyes. I didn’t miss the smile MinMin had when JongB gave him a hug, but I pretended not to notice it. Then, we left his room. Like with Xiao and I, someone had also brought the others to the hotel, only it had been in a hotel minibus and it was still waiting outside.

  When we got back to the hotel, entering through the staff entrance to avoid the press which were still there, Sungmin stopped in front of us. “Youngbin, Xiao, Kate, just wait a moment, please.”

  Jiwon, JongB and CX shared confused looks with us, but carried on up to their rooms. Youngbin, Xiao, and I followed Sungmin into an empty conference room where he pulled the door closed behind us. Standing in front of it, rubbing at his temples once more, he looked at the three of us. “I am sure I am going to regret asking this, but why did Xiao have Kate’s room key?”

  I hung my head. Silence was my friend.

  “Honestly, hyungnim?” Xiao asked, causing me to look at him with wide eyes.

  “No,” Sungmin said, dryly. “Lie to me, Xiao.”

  “I’m seeing Kate,” he stated, so calmly and matter-of-factly, that he might as well have been declaring water was wet.

  I almost choked on the oxygen I was breathing.

  In front of me, Sungmin’s jaw tensed. “Was that a lie or the truth?”

  “Which would you like it to be?”

  Sungmin’s hands went to his hips as his mouth settled into a thin line. “The truth, Xiao. What is the truth?”

  “The truth is we’re seeing Kate,” Youngbin said.

  I froze. Idols dating was bad. This was bad. We were creeping around for a reason. Not just the fans, but Sungmin. We were hiding it from everyone. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears.

  “What?” Sungmin tilted his head, like there was water in it and he was trying to clear it so that he could hear properly.

  “The truth,” Youngbin repeated, “is that Xiao, Jiwon, JongB, CX, and I are seeing Kate. You always said that you disagreed with the dating restrictions and that if we were honest, you would help us.” I stared up at him in disbelief. He was far calmer than I expected him to be.

  Sungmin looked between the three of us, then, slowly, he shook his head. “I need something stronger than ibuprofen,” he grumbled, more to himself than to us. “I don’t have time for this. Get your cases and meet in the lobby in fifteen minutes.” His hands, once more, rubbing at his temples, he left the three of us in the room.

  I waited for the door to close before turning, punching Youngbin, and then Xiao, in the kidney. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Are you trying to get me killed?” I demanded. “Sungmin doesn’t need any more ammunition to dislike me.”

  “You’re cute when you’re angry,” Xiao grinned.

  I didn’t smile back. “No, you don’t get to dismiss my anger, Xiao,” I told him, firmly. “That was not fair. I was not expecting it.”

  “I’ve been considering telling Sungmin,” Youngbin admitted, reaching for my hand and linking his fingers through mine. “I wanted to discuss it with everyone first.”

  “Why?” I cried.

  “I told you about his fiancée, Ko Moonhee?” I nodded. “She was an active member of Kittenz when they started dating. If anyone is going to understand, it’s Sungmin. He has always promised me that if I did have a girlfriend, he would do his best to help. He knew about Gayoung, my previous girlfriend, and he helped a little with that.”

  I could feel my eyes bulging out of my head. “What?”

  “Sungmin is one of the good ones,” Youngbin insisted.

  “Yes, but you didn’t tell him you were dating me.” I had the urge to rub at my temples too. “You told him you were all dating me. How good is he?”

  “I don’t think he believed Youngbin,” Xiao interjected.

  “That’s not the point.”

  “I know,” Youngbin agreed. “And I’m sorry. We’ll have a talk in New York.”

  제 21 장

  I Won’t Let You Go

  While we were in the air, Atlantis released a statement about MinMin. Although Sungmin had mentioned it was going to happen, I think all of us were lost in our own thoughts and had forgotten until we passed through baggage claim and found a crowd of fans waiting. Considering they wouldn’t have had much notice during our short flight to La Guardia, there were plenty of signs wishing MinMin well, or saying how he and Xiao were brave.

  The fact there were a whole bunch of people pointing at me gave me the clue my name had been mentioned. Kate West wasn’t exactly close to being an Asian name and I was the only non-Asian in the group. I held my head high. I still had that lingering voice in the back of my head telling me the only reason he had hurt MinMin was because he had come for me, but I was doing my best to quell it. I hadn’t made him attack MinMin; that was on him.

  It was another instance of us going straight to the venue. Thankfully, we were staying in New York for two nights, which meant all interviews had been scheduled for tomorrow. Now Onyx were down a rapper and JongB had only a few hours to learn MinMin’s lines.

  He was a lot more chilled than I expected him to be. “Why stress?” he asked me. “Everyone’s going to know I don’t know his lyrics.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “They also would expect the same when Xiao wasn’t there, but you all spent every waking hour rehearsing.”

  “I don’t have every waking hour. I have a couple of them. I’m a rapper,” he added confidently. “I’ll ad-lib it if I need to.”

  “For the love of…” Sungmin growled walking up behind us in the corridor. “At least make an effort to learn MinMin’s lines!” Sungmin looked at me, then, rubbing at his temples again, turned and walked away.

  “I think I broke him,
” I muttered.

  “Broke him?” JongB watched Sungmin’s retreating back with interest.

  I decided not to elaborate. Youngbin, Xiao, and I had agreed we would discuss it later. JongB was calm and focused (somewhat) now, and I didn’t want to put him in a position where he wouldn’t be.

  I left JongB there and made my way to the main hall for my pre-show checks and discussions with the lighting guys. The venue was well lit and because they had hosted several K-Pop groups in the past, they had a good idea of what was needed of them.

  Seeing as Onyx needed to practice, I took a seat in front of the stage and leaned back, closing my eyes. I was exhausted but even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to nap.

  My thoughts drifted to MinMin. Even though one of Sungmin’s assistants had stayed with him, I still felt like he had been left alone. I still felt I had played a part in him being there. He’d only come into my room to tell me something.

  I sat upright with a frown. We’d never had that conversation. I still didn’t know what he had wanted to tell me. I pulled out my phone, quickly typing out a message. Then I deleted it, remembering his English was lacking. My Korean was a lot better than his English, but only when I spoke it. His Japanese wasn’t much better.

  Instead, I hit call. He answered almost instantly. “Kate?”

  “Hi MinMin. How are you?”

  “Bored. I want to be in New York. How are things there?”

  “JongB is trying to learn your lines, but I’m out front, waiting for the fans to come in.” I chewed at my lip, then decided to ask him with my usual level of tact. “The other night, you came to my room because you wanted to tell me something. What was it?”

  “Oh… that.”

  There was a long pause and I regretted calling him. “I’m sorry, I just thought it might have been important.”

  “It is,” MinMin said, slowly. “I just… I would rather tell you in person. Can I do that in London when I join you?”

  “Of course,” I promised him.

  “I should go. I need to charge my phone before the guys call me later.”

  Before I could say goodbye, I was listening to beeps of MinMin rejecting the call on me. My paranoid brain quickly replayed the conversation: had I possibly mispronounced something to cause offence? Had I misunderstood him? My Korean wasn’t perfect, but I was confident enough to know neither of those scenarios had happened. He was in the hospital still – maybe he wasn’t feeling great.