by Nikki Chase
She’s hiding. I don’t like the fact that she feels the need to do that.
But I should take this slow. I need to be careful.
She acts like nothing can break her, but she probably cries when nobody’s looking. She doesn’t like anyone knowing she’s just as fragile as everybody else.
I’ll get the truth out of her. But, it doesn’t have to be today.
“How’s your hangover?” I stroke Sophia’s long, fiery-red hair.
She turns to look at me, the blue glow cast by the TV screen making her appear as pale as a ghost. A pretty ghost I wouldn’t mind haunting me.
It’s getting dark and cold outside, but it’s nice and warm in here.
We’ve been sitting on the couch, watching some stupid rom-com. Sophia had seemed so sick when I got here; I thought it would be a good idea to take it easy.
But she looks as if she has just remembered about the hangover. She says, “It’s . . . gone.”
“I told you I had a great hangover cure.”
“That disgusting drink?” Sophia makes a face, scrunching up her nose in an unbelievably adorable way.
I laugh as I sling my arm around her shoulders and squeeze her close. “It was either that drink or the sex.”
“So when you said that you’d given your hangover cure to hundreds of people . . .” Sophia raises an eyebrow and gives me a look.
“I meant the drink,” I say. “Although, if you hate the drink that much, we could conduct experiments on how effective my cum is at curing your next hangover.”
Sophia giggles. “But, if it turns out that your cum is a better hangover cure, I’d feel pretty selfish about keeping it to myself. We’d have to bottle it up and sell it.”
“I’m cool with that, as long as you’re the one who . . . harvests it.”
Again, Sophia wrinkles her nose in disgust.
“Hey, you’re the one who came up with the idea,” I say, laughing.
We both turn to look at the door as it creaks open. Sophia’s parents enter and turn on the lights.
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. York,” I greet them.
It takes them a few moments of awkward blinking and staring to recognize me.
“Oh, hi, Elijah. How are you doing?” Mrs. York asks.
“Never been better,” I answer honestly. “How’s business? The weather’s horrible, so hot coffee should be selling better than hot cakes.”
Sophia’s parents laugh as they take off their coats and place their stuff on the long entry table by the door. Ah, corny jokes. Older people love them.
“I’ll have to write that one down,” Mr. York says. “But to answer your question, yes, business is really good.”
Mrs. York stops behind the couch we’re sitting on and presses her palm against Sophia’s forehead. “You look like you’re feeling better, honey.”
“Yeah,” Sophia answers.
“That’s great. I was worried you were going to catch a cold or something,” Mrs. York says. “Alright, we’re going upstairs to change. We have a dinner thing with the Smiths.”
“Do you want us to turn the lights back off?” Mr. York asks.
“Yeah. Thanks, Dad,” Sophia says.
As I watch Sophia’s parents walk up the stairs, I imagine us as a family. We’d spend birthdays and holidays together. They’d laugh as they play with our kids.
“What?” Sophia asks when she notices the dumb smile on my face.
“Nothing.”
She obviously doesn’t buy it but turns her attention back to the TV anyway while my mind conjures up images of our future together.
It’s strangely easy to come up with fantasies of a family life with Sophia, with the pitter-patter of little feet running all over the place.
Nicole would be the big sister, bossing the other kids around. Technically, she’d be their cousin, but they’d probably feel more like siblings.
When Sophia’s parents leave us alone in the house again, I lean closer toward her and stare at her, probably with another dumb smile on my face.
“What?” she asks, looking self-conscious.
“I want you to meet Nicole, my niece.”
Sophia falls silent. She studies my facial expression, doubt and anxiety written all over her beautiful features. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I answer quickly.
“It isn’t too soon?”
“Why would it be too soon?” I ask. “Sophia, I’ve been in love with you for seven years. Seven. Damn. Years. ”
She bites her bottom lip. “I . . . I don’t know. I’ve never . . . I’ve never dated anyone with a kid before. I don’t . . . I’m nervous about getting her involved.”
“It doesn’t have to be a big deal,” I gaze into her eyes.
I’m lying, of course.
It is a big deal. How can it not be?
Nicole’s a huge part of my life, and Sophia is, too. I don’t want to have to keep them separate.
Sophia’s gaze flickers. “What if . . . I don’t know. What if this doesn’t work out?” she asks softly.
“What doesn’t work out?” I ask, exasperated.
“This. Us.”
“Sophia, this will work out. I promise you. I told you, I’m not going to lose you for a second time.”
“I know that,” she says. “But what if there’s something . . . something unexpected? What if something were to happen to make everything fall apart?”
“I’m not going to let anything like that happen,” I say with finality.
“But—”
“Tell me what it is that’s worrying you. What’s so important that it could tear us apart?” I ask.
Sophia clams up.
“I know something’s bothering you. Please tell me what it is,” I plead.
“Nothing,” she insists. “I’m just . . . I don’t know. It’s been . . . Everything’s happening so quickly. What if it’s just the drama? What if it’s just the sex?”
I pull her into my arms. “Princess, please don’t be scared. I know it’s . . .
“I know how you feel, okay? I’m scared, too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. Hell, for the past seven years, I’ve never felt anything about anybody at all. It has just been you this whole time.
“And now that this is happening for real, I’m terrified that something will go wrong, too. But that’s only because I want it to go right so badly. It’s fucking scary, I know.
“But we’ll get through this together, okay? I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Sophia tilts her head up to look at me, her eyes glassy with tears, reflecting the colors from the TV screen.
“I want to grow old with you, princess. I’ll do everything in my power to make that happen.”
Tears roll down her cheeks. She seems to cry a lot lately. I have no idea if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“You trust me, don’t you?” I ask as I wipe away her tears.
Sophia nods.
“Good. Let’s meet Nicole later this week, okay? We can do something totally low-key.” Looking around the room, I add, “We can watch a movie. That’s easy, right? Casual. We can make popcorn together beforehand. Does that sound like fun?”
“Yeah,” Sophia says, her lips curling up into a small smile.
“Great. It’s a date.”
Sophia
“What do you think about the movie Sophia picked?” Eli asks Nicole.
Somehow, despite my reluctance, he managed to talk me into meeting his niece. I don’t know how he did it. I’m almost convinced he’s a wizard.
I give Nicole a smile, which I hope doesn’t give away my nervousness too much.
“I like it,” Nicole says, adjusting her glasses.
“You do?” I ask.
“I want to watch the Frozen short,” she says. “My classmates say it’s good.”
“Oh, right. I almost forgot,” Eli explains. “There’s this short, twenty-minute thing that plays before the movie. She’s been talking about
it for days.”
“Huh. I really picked a good one after all.” I smile as I check the writing on the popcorn packaging and make sure it’s not upside down as I place it inside the microwave.
“Yeah,” Nicole says. “Anything would be better than that troll movie they made us watch.”
“When she was stuck in school during the snow storm, they made her watch a movie,” Eli explains again.
I nod, glancing at the microwave and listening to the popping sound.
“It was so stupid,” Nicole says. She looks older than seven, the way pretty little girls appear more mature than their actual age.
“What was so stupid about it?” I ask.
“Oh, no. Not this again,” Eli complains playfully.
“Okay, so, they make the bad guys seem really bad, even though they just like to eat trolls,” Nicole says. “They don’t even eat that many trolls, even though they’re the apex predators, and eating trolls makes them super happy.”
I raise an eyebrow and give Eli a look. I mouth, “Apex predators?”
He grins. “She’s really into biology.”
I nod.
“If anything, the beginning of the movie shows the predators being responsible by not eating as many trolls as they can,” Nicole goes on.
“Sustainable farming,” I comment.
Nicole gives me a questioning look.
“Sustainable farming. That means eating only as much as you need so nature can replenish itself, so species’ don’t become extinct,” I say, not sure I’m explaining it in simple enough terms.
“Sustainable farming,” Nicole repeats, committing the term to memory.
“That’s right.” I smile.
There’s something about teaching something new and watching a kid absorb that knowledge that feels so satisfying.
“I also hate the princess,” Nicole adds.
“Oh?” I ask, glancing at the microwave to check on the popcorn.
“Yeah. Her friend spent a ton of time building a bunker and getting prepared for an attack. When it happens, she invites everyone into his bunker and takes all his stuff.” Nicole groans in frustration.
“That sounds annoying,” I comment. The popping in the microwave is slowing and the air already smells like butter.
“I know!” Nicole exclaims. “What kind of a message does that send to kids?”
Eli gives me a look. “Sometimes, she doesn’t realize she’s a kid herself.”
I grin as I stop the microwave and take out the fat bag of hot popcorn.
As we move to the couch, I’m glad Eli chose to watch a movie tonight. It’s the perfect, low-stress way for Nicole and me to get to know each other.
She seems like quite the movie critic who’ll probably enjoy the activity.
And this way, if I have to disappear, hopefully she won’t notice me missing too much. We probably won’t be doing much talking tonight.
As the movie plays, Nicole sits herself between the two of us, a giant bowl of popcorn on her lap. The bright colors from the screen reflects on her glasses as she watches the screen, transfixed.
I turn to look at Eli and find him already gazing at me.
Damn it. Those eyes . . . They’ll be so difficult to forget, once I’m gone.
As the short starts to play, I glance outside. It’s snowing again, just like that day Eli and I met again in the cabin.
I don’t know how I feel about that meeting now.
Obviously, I’ve enjoyed my time with Eli. At the same time, a part of me wishes it has never happened because I can already feel my heart breaking.
But then again, the memories we have made . . . They’re priceless.
So yeah, I have plenty of conflicting emotions warring in my chest tonight.
I’ve already decided to tell Eli it’s over tonight.
I know, I know. It’s probably not a good idea to have that conversation with a child present.
But then again, that means I can walk away without Eli trying to chase after me and stop me. He has already told me his mom is staying over at her boyfriend’s tonight, so he’s the only one watching Nicole.
I thought about doing it over the phone, but that didn’t feel right. I wanted to say goodbye like an adult, to see Eli in person one last time.
Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to meet Nicole, knowing our short relationship is about to end. But without her as a distraction, I wouldn’t know how to face Eli in the first place.
Perhaps it’s selfish of me.
But . . . Oh well, at least after tonight, my selfishness won’t affect Eli or Nicole ever again.
If anything, seeing the two of them together has only made my resolve stronger. As lovable as I find both of them, I know for sure now that I can’t give Eli the life that he wants.
Eli
As usual, Nicole starts to doze off about halfway through the movie, her little head sliding down until it rests against my arm. Typical.
Now that I think about it, when she talks about that troll movie, she only mentions the beginning.
I wonder if she also fell asleep before completing the movie. Maybe it has some redeeming bits toward the end, but she just wasn’t awake to see them.
I grab the knit throw my mom has draped over the arm of the couch and put it on Nicole. When the movie’s over, I’ll wake her up and carry her upstairs into her room to continue sleeping.
After that, Sophia and I can have some uninterrupted adult time. We can talk about how well this first meeting has gone and imagine our future together in the dark.
Of course, I also look forward to peeling off those layers of clothes hiding her beautiful figure.
It’s great that winter has brought us together, but I can’t wait until spring when Sophia will show more skin in short sundresses and low-cut blouses.
Maybe I can order her to go commando one sunny day and take her to the quiet side of the woods. Push her against a tree when she’s got her guard down. Flip her skirt up and just fuck her right there like we’re animals.
Vibrant colors fill the TV screen, but I haven’t been paying attention to the plot for a while now. I’ve been too busy with my own thoughts.
Maybe I can tuck Nicole in sooner than I planned if Sophia isn’t watching the movie either.
I turn to look at her.
To my surprise, she has tears in her eyes, and she’s stealthily wiping them away with the back of her hand.
That’s adorable. Maybe it’s a good, touching movie after all.
I drag in a deep, satisfied breath.
This is exactly what I want every night to look like. Just Sophia, me, Nicole . . . and a few more little ones of our own.
So far, I haven’t considered moving out of my family home because it’s more convenient this way for my mom and me to take turns looking after Nicole.
But now that Nicole’s older, maybe she’ll be fine living with just my mom.
When Sophia and I get our own place, would Nicole want to come live with us? I think I’d prefer it if she stayed here with my mom so she won’t be lonely, all on her own.
Sophia grabs some Kleenex from the small table next to her and glances at me.
I give her a smile and whisper, “Is the movie sad?”
Sophia says nothing. She just stares at me, tears rolling down her cheeks, unstoppable.
“It’s just a movie,” I whisper again. “Don’t cry.”
Sophia lifts the Kleenex up to her eyes and puts it up against her nose without taking her gaze off me.
I frown.
She’s no longer even looking in the direction of the TV, but she’s still crying. Harder, if anything.
I grab the remote and press the mute button. “Is anything wrong?”
“I’m sorry, Eli,” she whispers, her voice punctuated by sniffles.
“For what?” I ask. “I’m not angry at you about anything.”
“Not now. But you probably will be,” she says softly.
“What are you talking
about?”
“I’m not the right girl for you, Eli,” she says, her shoulders shaking as she starts to sob.
“Of course, you are.” Fear creeps into my heart, filling it with the familiar darkness that has been my friend for the past seven years. “Sophia, can you please tell me what’s going on? What makes you say that?”
Sophia doesn’t say a word, even as the heart-breaking sounds of her crying interrupt the silence every now and again.
“Sophia, please. I’m going crazy over here.”
“I’m broken, Eli,” she says, her voice shaking. “I’m not right for you. You should find some other girl. Someone who can make you happy.”
Before I can tell her I can’t be happy with anyone else, Sophia stands up quickly and dashes toward the door.
“Sophia!” I whisper-shout.
She doesn’t even slow her pace down.
I get up from my seat, propping Nicole up and laying her down on the couch, trying not to wake her up even as I hear the door closing behind Sophia.
Fuck.
I can fix this.
I don’t know what I did wrong, but I can fix this.
If I can just get to her, if I can just get close enough to take her hand, I can pull her into my arms. I can kiss her and show her how wrong she is.
She’s the only one I want. The only one I’ve ever wanted. God knows I’ve tried forgetting her. It simply didn’t work.
But, by the time I pull the door open, Sophia is already turning on the ignition in her car. The car that I fucking fixed.
Damn it, I should’ve left that fucking car alone to rust.
“Sophia!” I yell.
I don’t care if it wakes Nicole up or any of my neighbors. It’s not that late yet.
Nothing.
The engine turns on, and I watch helplessly as Sophia’s silhouette puts the engine into gear.
“Sophia! Can we talk about this?” I run up to the car and bang on the metal.
I can see her, so close yet so far away. Under the yellow streetlights, tears flow down her beautiful face without pause.
This is tearing her apart. So why the fuck is she doing this?
“Sophia!”
Her car groans away, the tires sending some dust flying into my jeans and the exhaust puffing some noxious gases onto my face.
