by Emma Lea
“I know, but no one else wanted to do it. They’re all too mad at you.”
“Don’t remind me.”
I knew Meredith was livid. Jamie was harder to read. Clarissa wasn’t talking to me, not that I was worried too much about her, although I would need to deal with her…I just didn’t know how.
“So what are you going to do?” Dorian asked.
“I’m going to finish this bottle of gin,” I replied, pouring another shot into my glass, “and then I’m hopefully going to pass out.”
“Solid plan,” Dorian drawled, “but I actually meant, what are you going to do about getting Francesca back?”
“There’s nothing I can do,” I replied, staring morosely at my glass. “If she wanted me, she wouldn’t have left. If she loved me as anything more than just a friend, she would have said yes when I asked her for more.”
Dorian snorted. “You are an intelligent guy, Lucas, but you are also an idiot. Why do you think Francesca left the way she did?”
“Because she hates Clarissa,” I replied. “And she probably thought that now Clarissa was here, I didn’t need her anymore.”
Dorian shook his head slowly. “No, that’s not why she left, although I believe the whole ‘she hates Clarissa’ bit.”
“Then why did she leave, oh great guru of love and relationships?”
“Hmm, why would a woman leave a lush palace in the beautiful Mediterranean where she has made friends and is currently doing research? Why would she leave before completing her research?”
“You don’t know Frankie like I do,” I said. “She does stuff like this all the time. She gets a bee in her bonnet about something and she goes off on a tear. She was probably mad about Clarissa just turning up and then she was mad at me because we had an agreement and it looked like I was breaking it.”
“Seriously?” Dorian said, turning to look at me. “You think Francesca left because she had a ‘bee in her bonnet?’ If you really believe that, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.”
Dorian pushed up from the bar and sauntered out, leaving me to stare after him and wonder what the heck he was trying to tell me.
Maybe gin hadn’t been the best choice…or more likely, drinking gin while talking to Dorian wasn’t the best idea. He made no sense.
I swallowed another mouthful of gin and rested my head on the bar. It didn’t matter, anyway. I’d lost Frankie and there was no way to get her back.
Chapter 23
Francesca
I leaned on the bar and surveyed the customers. They all had their drinks, and they all seemed happy for now. I sighed and pushed off the bar, turning to grab some glasses from the glass washer. I’d gotten my job back at Drinks, but it wasn’t the same. Oh, I could still mix drinks without even really thinking about it, but it no longer held the same fascination for me it once did.
“So what do you think of that couple over there?” Sherry asked, coming up to the bar with her empty tray and nodding her head toward a young couple sitting at a nearby table.
I shrugged at Sherry’s question. “They look okay,” I said.
“Come on, Frankie. Do that woo-woo thing. Tell me their story.”
I looked at the couple again and tried to come up with their backstory, but I had nothing. People watching didn’t hold the same excitement it once did. And it had nothing to do with the fact that every time I saw a couple I thought of Lucas and Clarissa and their happily ever after.
“Sorry,” I sighed. “I got nothing.”
Sherry’s face took on a look of pity I really hated. Mom and Dad had been looking at me the same way and it made me uncomfortable.
“Don’t,” I said as she opened her mouth.
I knew what she was going to say. She was going to ask me if I was okay and she would try to get me to talk about what happened in Kalopsia and I just didn’t want to talk about it. It was too painful.
Sherry closed her mouth, but she didn’t stop looking at me like I was two seconds away from breaking down in a puddle of tears.
I spun away from her and reached for a glass, miscalculating and knocking it to the floor, breaking it in the process. There was a beat of silence in the bar as everyone turned to look at me and then they went back to their conversations.
“Damn,” I muttered as I crouched down and started picking up the pieces.
If I was a more evolved person, I would probably see this as a metaphor, but I steadfastly refused to acknowledge it was time to start picking up the pieces of my life. I wrapped the glass in newspaper and dumped it in the garbage before washing my hands.
“I can close up if you want to get out of here,” Sherry said, coming around to my side of the bar.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s not busy and if I need help, I can always drag Chris out of his office.”
I untied my apron and tossed it in with the other dirty items for the laundry and grinned at Sherry. “Thanks,” I said. “I really need to work on my dissertation and get it finished. My advisor is breathing down my neck.”
“No problem,” Sherry said with a smile.
I left quickly. I didn’t want to run into Chris on the way out and have him make me work back. I got an Uber home and was prepared to head straight up to my room and work on my research. I’d been avoiding it—too many memories—but I wasn’t lying when I said my advisor was breathing down my neck. He really was, and I needed to finalize it and get him a rough draft soon or my whole Ph.D. could be in jeopardy.
My mother thwarted my plans. She pounced on me the moment I walked in the door. And she had pie. Cherry, my favorite. She knew I couldn’t pass up a piece of pie and I also knew the pie would come with a side of Mom’s wisdom.
“Hey Mom,” I said with a sigh.
“Sit,” she said.
I collapsed into the chair and she pushed a plate in front of me. I picked up the spoon and carved out a large spoonful, shoving it in my mouth before Mom could ask me a question.
She sighed and sat back in her chair, watching me.
“You will have to talk to me eventually,” Mom said.
I shoveled another mouthful of pie in my mouth and just looked at her. Mom rolled her eyes.
“Okay, so if you’re not going to talk, you can listen to what I have to say.”
I groaned, but my mouth was full and there was still more pie. I could listen while I ate. Mom wasn’t going to say anything I hadn’t already berated myself with.
“I don’t know all the details of what happened in Kalopsia, but this is what I’ve gathered with my superior mom-detective sleuthing skills.”
I smiled and kept eating.
“You had a crush on Lucas for a long time, even if you denied it.” She didn’t wait for me to deny or confirm, she just kept going. “The two of you came up with this harebrained scheme to ‘pretend’ to be in love and engaged so Lucas could fulfill his duty to the king. You had your reasons; your dissertation and the chance to see a new place. In your mind it all sounded very logical, and apart form the whole ‘lying to the king’ thing, it seemed a workable plan. You got to do the research you needed for your Ph.D. and Lucas got to get out from under the thumb of his parents. But somewhere along the way, things changed…or rather, you both realized that what was between you was more than friendship.”
I swallowed. “Nope. That’s where you’re wrong. I fell for him, he didn’t fall for me.”
“Maybe that’s because he was already in love with you, Frankie,” she said kindly.
“I know Lucas loves me,” I replied. “Or rather, loved me. But he was never in love with me, no matter what he said.”
“What?”
I cringed. Damn. I hadn’t meant to say that.
“Lucas told you he’d fallen in love with you?”
“Yeah, but—”
“But what? How is there a but?”
“He didn’t mean it, not really.”
“How can you be sure? If he said it to you, why
didn’t you believe him?”
“Ugh. It’s hard to explain.”
“Well, try,” Mom said, using the voice she used when directing her surgical staff.
“Fine. Okay, it’s like this. We were wrapped up in the whole atmosphere of the place. Kalopsia is beautiful and being part of the palace and the court and all of that was just…amazing. It began to feel real to me and I think it began to feel real to Lucas too. He was so different, more himself. There was none of the anxiousness that usually surrounds him when he’s with his parents. Lucas fit there, he found his place in the world and I think he just thought it was because of me. I think he believed it would all go away if I did. He’d finally found his happy, but it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with that place and those people and if I’d accepted his proposal for real, then he’d eventually realize he wasn’t in love with me, he was just in love with the idea of me.”
“That’s a complete load of crap and you know it,” Mom said, not pulling any punches. “You want to know what I think?”
“Not really, but you’re going to tell me anyway,” I muttered, pushing the rest of my uneaten pie away.
“Here’s what I think. Lucas has always been different around you. He lets down his walls, and he gets a chance to be himself. That was the special bond the two of you had, and it was yours. That Lucas was your Lucas, and yours alone. No one else got to share him. But going to Kalopsia and seeing Lucas become that man around others scared you.”
I snorted. “I wasn’t scared.”
“Yeah, you were,” Mom insisted. “You were scared Lucas would realize he didn’t need you. And you were scared of sharing your Lucas with others. While he could only be himself around you, you felt safe and secure in your relationship with him. He had a reason to like you because he knew you wouldn’t expect things from him he couldn’t give.
“Now that he has discovered a whole other part of himself that he can be in the world without feeling the anxiety and nervousness, you felt like you’d lost him. In your mind, he no longer had a reason to be your friend, not if he could be that same person around other people. It wasn’t Clarissa that chased you away. You ran away because he was no longer just yours and you have never known how to share.”
“I know how to share,” I replied, indignantly.
“No, you don’t and I don’t mean that in a selfish way. You don’t know how to share, but it’s not because you want to keep everything to yourself. No, you were always giving away your stuff. If one of your friends admired something of yours, rather than sharing it with them, you would just give it to them. Because you wanted them to be your friend and you thought the only way to do that was to give them whatever it was they wanted. And now you did the same thing with Lucas. You didn’t think he’d want you anymore because you could no longer give him that safe place…he doesn’t need it anymore and so, therefore, you felt like he wouldn’t need you. You didn’t know how to share him, so you gave him away.”
“That makes me sound like a monster,” I whispered.
“No, it doesn’t,” Mom said, reaching over to lay her hand on mine. “It just means you need to find a way to have Lucas and share him with the world too.”
“I don’t think I can,” I said, looking up at Mom, tears sliding down my face. “I think I lost him forever.”
Lucas
“You should show Clarissa around the village.”
I looked up and turned to Meredith. They were the first words she’d spoken to me since that day in the throne room.
“Oh yes, I would love that,” Clarissa said.
I watched Meredith’s face, but she was giving nothing away. It had been nearly a week since Frankie left and I’d tried to contact her but had given up when she continued to ignore me. I’d tried to get back to normal…or my new normal in Kalopsia, but it had begun to feel like drudgery…or maybe that was just because my entire life felt like drudgery now that Frankie was gone.
And Clarissa was still here. Frankie was gone, but I couldn’t seem to get rid of my ex-girlfriend no matter how much I avoided her. I’d hoped she would get the hint and just leave, but no such luck.
“I actually don’t think you would love it,” I said to Clarissa, looking away from Meredith and down at the plate in front of me. If not for the breakfast foods laid out on the buffet, I would have probably forgotten what time of day it was. The hours had all begun to blend into one another.
“Why not?” Clarissa asked.
I sighed and turned to look at her. I didn’t know what she did when I spent the day in my office. I only really saw her at mealtimes where she clung to me like a leech. It was odd and not a little disconcerting to have her act so…adoring. Clarissa had always treated me with an aloof kind of tolerance, and I’d preferred it that way. That’s why I thought we’d be good together because there weren’t too many finicky emotions to impede our relationship. We liked the same things and there was never any tension. I wouldn’t say it was easy, but it fit into the narrow idea I had of what a marriage should look like. The last thing I’d wanted was a volatile marriage like my parents’. I wanted stable and calm and…boring. I’d purposely sought a relationship that was cool rather than burning hot.
After the experience with Frankie, I was beginning to think I’d been right all along. If my love life wasn’t burning hot, then there was no chance of me getting burned. If the woman I was with was already disappointed in me, then there was no chance of further disappointing her.
“Lucas?” Clarissa asked, nudging my elbow when I didn’t immediately answer her question. “Why wouldn’t I like the village? It looks lovely.”
“Because there are no fancy shoe shops or boutiques or beauty parlors.”
“That’s a bit harsh,” Sophia said. “I’m sure Clarissa would love to get to know the people, especially if she intends to live here.”
I caught the grimace on Clarissa’s face. No, she didn’t have any intention of getting to know the people. Oh, she wanted them to get to know her and she would love it if they fawned all over her like some celebrity. But actually getting to know them? Learning their stories and being interested in the way they lived and loved? No, Clarissa had no desire to know any of that. Not like Frankie.
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll take you into the village this afternoon.”
Clarissa laid her hand over mine. “Thank you,” she replied breathily.
I moved my hand away from hers and resumed eating. I didn’t taste any of the food I put in my mouth, but I knew I had to eat.
“Is it always so hot here?” Clarissa asked, fanning herself with her napkin.
“It gets hotter,” Meredith replied. “This is only spring.”
“And you always eat outside?”
“When the weather suits. There is no better view than this one,” Meredith said with a tight, and entirely fake, smile.
“But the palace is air-conditioned, right? I mean you couldn’t make it through those hotter months without it, right?”
“No air conditioning,” Sophia answered gleefully, or what sounded gleeful to me. As if she relished disappointing Clarissa.
“They built the palace to take every advantage of the cool sea breeze,” Elena said. “There’s no need for air conditioning.”
“Plus, it’s made of stone,” Dorian said, sipping his coffee. “The walls are thick and good at insulating against the heat.”
“So does that mean it gets cold in winter?” Clarissa asked.
Dorian shrugged. “It doesn’t get all that cold here.”
“But that’s not to say it doesn’t get cold,” Meredith said with a suspicious sparkle in her eye.
If I didn’t know better, I would think these people were deliberately trying to make Clarissa uncomfortable. They weren’t doing that, were they? I looked at each person seated around the breakfast table and they returned my look blandly and yet…something felt off. Didn’t they like Clarissa? I knew Frankie didn’t like her, but then Clarissa had never be
en friendly toward Frankie because she’d been jealous of my best friend. I almost snorted out loud. Like there had been anything to be jealous of. But this was different. Clarissa was trying to make these people like her. She wanted them to like her and they were…snubbing her. Maybe not outrightly snubbing her, but they were definitely circling the wagons. They were loyal to Frankie, which gave me a soft gooey feeling in my chest. It shouldn’t, but it did.
“I have an appointment with Callie this morning,” Meredith said to Sophia and Elena. “To go over some details for the state visit.”
“State visit?” Clarissa asked. “The president is coming here?”
Meredith looked at Clarissa for a beat and I could almost see the words she wanted to say, but dismissed, cross her features before she finally spoke. “Not your president, no. The queen.”
“The queen of England?” The hopeful note in Clarissa’s voice was awkward to hear.
Meredith slowly shook her head. “No, the queen of Merveille.”
“Mermaid?”
Sophia bit her lip to stop herself from laughing and Elena hid her smile behind her coffee. Dorian choked on a laugh beside me and disguised it as a cough.
Meredith slowly shook her head again, her eyes wide as she looked at Clarissa. “Merveille,” she repeated. “A small European country. The same country where I’m from.”
“Oh, right, of course,” Clarissa said, her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.
I felt bad for her and I was a little ashamed of the way these people were treating her.
“How would you like to go into the village this morning?” I said to her, and she smiled at me gratefully.
“That would be lovely.”
This was the worst idea in the world.
I’d brought Clarissa to the tiny village where Frankie and I used to always come. I needed to speak to George, and I didn’t know if the others knew Frankie had left. I thought I was doing the right thing, but they took one look at Clarissa and turned their backs. It might have been the way Clarissa screwed up her nose at the state of the bar, it wasn’t exactly the kind of place she was used to, but I thought she would have been a little more accepting…and I thought the villagers would have been a little more welcoming.
