“Si, we do. I’m not sure why.”
Juanita continued with her story and she was choking on the words towards the end. I kept staring at her bones, bleached white from the sun. I was unable to fully reconcile that they once belonged to the woman standing before me. It was difficult to comprehend how long Lawrence and Juanita had been stuck here. If they hadn’t figured out how to move on, I didn’t think I would either.
“So what’s next?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I guess we wait.” Juanita turned towards the sunset. Her glow faded to where she was barely visible; just an imprint on the dusk.
And so I waited. I didn’t get hungry, hot or cold. I didn’t crave a cigarette although I had a ghost pack permanently stored in my shirt pocket. I thought about Faye and the baby. I wondered if she had a boy or girl and what our child looked like. If we had a daughter did she resemble Faye? Thinking like that wasn’t healthy, but we all did it anyway. At least Lawrence and Juanita knew their children, had held them, played with them. All I had was my imagination.
I didn’t realize how quickly time passed until Georgia joined us. When she told us what year it was all I could do was blink in amazement. I knew time had marched on, but it was a shock to know how many years had come and gone while I was basically standing still.
Chapter Sixteen
Georgia Anne Jessup
b.1949 – d.1968
Johnny draped his arm across my shoulders and I leaned into him. Cigarette smoke swirled over our heads and disappeared into the cloudless sky. Brett Higgins rested back against the brick building, facing us.
“So what do you think?”
“I’m in,” Johnny said. “What about you Georgia, dare to sneak out?”
I peered into Johnny’s blue eyes which were barely visible under his brown, shaggy hair. My stomach flipped and a fluttery sensation returned further below. The three of us were smoking in the alley between Woolworth’s and Smith’s Barber Shop, our favorite hangout after school. Brett and Johnny were planning on going to an abandoned farmhouse on the outskirts of town. The secluded location provided a great place to drink, smoke and fool around. I wanted to say yes and spend the night with Johnny, but I’d have to sneak out and risk the consequences if I got caught. This move would get any girl my age in trouble, but my parents were devout Mormons and my punishment would definitely be severe.
“I don’t know,” I said and took another pull off my cigarette.
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Johnny moved in closer to me and his lips brushed my neck, sending a warm flush over my body. The fluttering in my stomach increased.
“Okay,” I breathed. “I’ll sneak out, but I can’t until my parents are asleep.”
“That’s real ace!” He kissed me; a wet, smoky kiss. He stepped away and touched a forefinger to my chin. “Later.” His lips curled up on one side in a crooked grin, revealing the slightest impression of a dimple.
Johnny and Brett picked their school books up off of the concrete and walked out of the alley. I stayed rooted in place and watched Johnny walk away, admiring how his Levi’s fit just right.
I shook off the lingering sensation of Johnny’s lips on mine and popped a piece of gum in my mouth, hoping it would be enough to cover up the smell of cigarettes. My mom was home when I got there like she was every day. She was serenely folding laundry with the same fake smile glued to her face. I didn’t understand how she could be happy being a housewife. She married my father right out of high school and seemed content washing his dirty underwear and cooking him meals.
“Hi Georgia, how was your day?” She set a towel on top of a stack and glanced up at me.
“Okay.”
“That’s nice dear. Are you hungry? I can make you a snack.”
“Nope, I’ve got a ton of homework to do.” I held up my armful of books as evidence and beat feet down the hall to my room. It wasn’t only my room, I had to share with my younger sister, Emily, which was a drag, but at least she wasn’t home yet. I tossed my stuff onto the floor and flopped onto my bed. My thoughts weren’t on school, but on how to escape later without Emily finding out and snitching.
We had one window in our room and a desk was placed directly underneath. I stood up and walked over to check the sturdiness. Not even a creak could be heard when I kneeled on it. Next, I tested the window. It got stuck about halfway up and I had to use my full body weight to shove it the rest of the way. The air conditioning wasn’t running and it was a warm spring day, I could get away with keeping it open. I loosened the screen so it would just pop out with a light touch.
So far so good, I thought and stepped back to observe my work. Nothing seemed unusual. All I had to do was act normal.
Chapter Seventeen
Rage and frustration coiled up in my stomach and I unleashed my emotions with a loud, “Fuck you!” My mother blinked her eyes and took a step back, stunned by the force of my words. My father didn’t, instead he grabbed my upper arm and squeezed.
“I will not have you running around town making a spectacle of yourself! Smoking? Kissing delinquents? Do you want to bring shame onto your family?” He squeezed one more time, hard enough to cause pain. There was a burning sensation under my skin as blood vessels burst, caving underneath the pressure of his grip. Finally he let go and turned around. He started pacing the room and I knew from the seventeen years of living under his roof that he was working up a lecture. One of the elders had seen me in the alley with Johnny and promptly reported my scandalous behavior to my father. He promptly came home from work and let me have it. My mother stood by his side, nodding in mindless agreement. Her lack of backbone disgusted me.
“Fuck your rules and fuck your religion! I hate you and everything about this stupid town!” If he was working up some fire and brimstone, well then, so was I. “All you do is oppress. I want to live, be free.”
He turned back around and the fury in his eyes surprised me. If storm clouds could have formed above his head, he had enough atmospheric charge to make it happen.
“That’s enough out of you. You will respect my rules and my house. You will especially respect God!” My mother bobbed her head while my siblings remained seated at the dining room table. All of them had their mouths hanging open while meatloaf and mashed potatoes congealed on their plates. An argument at dinner wasn’t unusual, but this was the first time I had cursed in front of my parents.
“You don’t respect me,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even.
“Ha! You’re just a child, you don’t know anything.” His words stung. I would always be a child, an irrational female in his eyes.
“I’m not a child, I’m a woman. In every sense of the word,” I said to my mother and raised my eyebrow at her.
She gasped and one of her hands flew up to cover her open mouth. “Georgia, you didn’t!”
“Yes I did it and it was great.” The lie came so easily and the satisfaction of seeing the hurt on my mom’s face, plus the disgust on my father’s made the lie acceptable. Their expectation for both of their daughters to remain virgins until we were married was archaic and unrealistic. Free love was happening everywhere well, everywhere except Taylorsville, Utah, and I wanted some.
“You’re a disgrace to this family,” my father said before walking out of the room, leaving silence in his wake.
My mother stood there, sobbing and wringing her hands together before sitting down in her chair at the table. My brothers, Jacob and Michael, were too young to really understand what I meant, but they understood my father’s words and refused to look at me. Emily had started to cry, her usual reaction when things got turbulent.
“Great parenting, Dad!” I yelled and stormed off to my room. I couldn’t stand living here and refused to accept the same fate as my mother. I pulled a duffle bag off of the top shelf in the closet and set it on my bed. Emily shuffled in and sat down cautiously like she didn’t want to wrinkle her bedspread.
“What are you doing?”
&n
bsp; “I’m leaving.”
“But it’s Family Home Evening tonight.” I rolled my eyes at her. I tolerated the forced family night where we participated in what the current church’s president called “wholesome activities”. “Georgia, don’t be so dramatic. Dad’s just being Dad. He’ll get over it.”
“It’s not just Dad, Em. Do you see how women are treated by the church? We are expected to adhere to these ridiculous rules. It’s bullshit. I’m my own person and don’t agree with how we’ve been raised.”
“Why are you so angry all the time?”
“Never mind, you’re too brainwashed to understand. There’s a whole world out there waiting. Taylorsville is a dead end.”
“I’m not brainwashed.”
I was being mean. Emily was only fourteen and too naïve to see the big picture. None of this was her fault.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” I said in a softer voice.
She seemed mollified by this and watched as I threw jeans and other necessary items into the bag. Emily stood and walked over to the dresser we shared. She had the left side of the top and the first three drawers. I had the right side of the top and the bottom three drawers. She opened up her piggy bank and handed me some loose bills.
“What’s this for?”
“Take it, I know how stubborn you are about asking for help and I know you’re set on leaving. I want to make sure you’ll be okay.”
Twenty-two dollars wasn’t going to go a long way, but my sister never failed in her generosity. I took the money and hugged her tight.
“I’m going to miss you, Em.”
“You don’t have to leave.”
“Yeah…yeah, I do.” I sighed and let Emily go. I looked out the window and saw it was almost dark. A little patch of orange tried to hang on under the overpowering night sky. I could relate. “Give Mike and Jake a hug for me okay?” Emily nodded and watched me climb up onto the desk. Just as planned the screen popped out. “Oh and remember you are in charge of your own destiny. Don’t let people tell you how to live your life. Find what makes you happy.”
I rolled over onto my stomach and slid out the window. The moment my feet touched the ground, I stood up and flipped my long hair back over my shoulders. “One more thing,” I said and unzipped the side pocket on my bag. I pulled out a book and set it on the desk. “Read this. You’ll understand me more after you do. Or at least I hope you understand me more.” Emily picked up the book and turned it over in her hand to read the cover.
“The Feminine Mystique?”
“Yes. It’s a good read. Okay, well, I guess I’ll be seeing ya!” With a final wave I jogged away from the house and away from oppression.
I had a date with Johnny and my future.
Chapter Eighteen
I met Johnny, Brett and his date for the evening, Ruth Callahan, at the end of a long dirt driveway. We were on the outskirts of town and it was so dark I could only make out shapes of things. Walking the last half mile had been treacherous.
“What’s with the bag?” Johnny asked when I showed up.
“I left home.”
“For good?”
“Yep.”
He grunted out a “huh”, but didn’t say anything else. He slung an arm around my shoulders as we walked toward an abandoned one story farmhouse. The ground crunched under our feet and the red cherries of our cigarettes moved through the night like the red eyes of some wild creature.
Brett swept broken glass off one of the windowsills and then helped Ruth through. He climbed in after her then Johnny helped me. He handed over my bag before making his way into the deserted house.
Mustiness permeated the building and dried leaves rustled as we moved through the front room, which must have been the living room at one point. Brett led us down a narrow hallway to the kitchen. A beat up table with mismatched chairs had been assembled in a corner. He lit a match and I saw a melted candle in the middle of the table. Wax had oozed outwards and hardened like lava from a volcano. He ignited the wick and faint light flickered around us. I could make out the kitchen cabinets. Most of the doors had fallen off while those that remained hung open at awkward angles. Old beer bottles, cans and liquor bottles littered the counter. Cigarette butts carpeted the floor.
The walls around the table had been marked over the past ten years or so by teens passing through Taylorsville. I fished a pen out of my bag and etched my name into the plaster. Brett pulled a bottle of RonRico rum out of the inside pocket of his denim jacket. He unscrewed the cap, took a swig and passed it to Ruth. She took a sip and grimaced. I laughed, lit up another smoke and handed it to her.
“This will help take the edge off.”
She said thanks and took the cigarette. The bottle made its way around the table a few more times and with each passing, my face grew numb. Brett lit up joint and that joined the rotation. The argument with my parents was far in the past and I was living in the now, sitting on Johnny’s lap.
Johnny grew increasingly restless until he stood up and took me into one of the bedrooms where he shut the door behind us. Kneeling down on an old, stained mattress, he pulled me towards him and started placing soft kisses on my stomach before starting to unbutton my jeans.
“What are you doing?” I giggled.
“You know,” he answered, tugging my jeans down to my ankles. I stepped out and kicked them to the side. My white cotton underwear almost glowed in the dark room. He tugged those off too and they quickly joined my crumpled up jeans. He pulled me down so I straddled him. Rough denim against bare skin startled me a bit, but also added to the tingling sensation I was experiencing. Next, he removed my shirt and he paused when he realized I didn’t have a bra on. The pause was temporary for he quickly began exploring my breasts and my nipples grew hard in response to his touch.
My fingertips went numb with cold, not from the temperature, but from nerves. I was about to lose my virginity and was terrified. Even with our heavy petting I remained distracted by what came next.
Johnny flipped me over onto my back. Dust puffed up around me from the mattress, which smelled like mildew and stale cigarette smoke. He stood up in front of me and took off his clothes He tossed them over in the corner by mine. He had a lean, yet muscular build not yet marked by any tattoos or scars. I admired the view. The closest we had come to going all the way was in his bedroom after school a few weeks ago. His little brother came home and broke up the party. Here we didn’t have any interruptions. My eyes lowered to his erection and my pulse fluttered in my neck. Slowly Johnny lowered himself down so he hovered over me, his arms on either side of my head. I shifted under his weight and realized my hair was caught underneath his hands.
“Ouch!”
“Oh, sorry!” he said and moved from side to side, sweeping my hair free. “Better?”
I nodded and Johnny closed the small gap between us. His lips were soft as they sought out mine and he slowly increased the pressure until I was almost breathless. As our bodies pressed together, indescribable warmth and a million other delicious sensations replaced any fear or hesitation. I became aware of a muffled moaning coming from the bedroom across the hall and giggled. Johnny silenced me with a deep kiss.
“Are you ready?” he asked when our lips separated.
“Yes,” I answered in a whisper; my throat had suddenly become dry and my pulse sounded like a stampede of horses running through my veins.
He moved his hand down between my legs and I opened up for him. He tentatively stroked, his fingers brushing against the sensitive bud, causing my hips to buck. Hovering above, Johnny smiled down at me before he slowly guided himself in. I gasped at the pinch and the tightness that followed was uncomfortable.
“Breathe,” he reminded me and stopped from penetrating any further. He started kissing my neck and I became lost in the experience of being completely surrounded by him. I knew Johnny would never hurt me. I moaned when his teeth grazed my earlobe and sensing the moment I began to relax, he pushed all the way in. My
eyes opened wide at the fullness, but any pain had faded. I was just starting to enjoy things when Johnny’s grunting increased and his body started to convulse. He pulled out just in time to ejaculate all over my stomach before flopping over onto his back. That’s it? I thought to myself. Girls whispered in the bathroom and hallways at school about doing it and how amazing it felt. I was a little sore, sticky and needed a shower. That didn’t fit my definition of amazing.
We lay there next to each other in the dark. Johnny reached over and took my hand in his, establishing a small bridge between us. Our breathing returned to normal, my pulse slowed and I eventually dozed off.
A rustling sound woke me up. I was on my side, Johnny had curled up behind me and I stared at a pile of dried leaves which had collected along the wall. A mouse waded through the leaves. I was naked on a dirty mattress, in an abandoned farmhouse infested with rodents. As the reality of my situation sunk in, I sat up. In the dim early morning light I found my clothes and put them on, my movements waking Johnny.
“What’s happening?” He rubbed his eyes and yawned.
“I need to hit the road. Care to walk me to the bus station?”
Johnny sat up and watched as I ran my fingers through my hair. “You’re serious aren’t you? You left home.”
“Yep. Want to come with me?” I half joked.
“I could you know,” he said and lit a smoke.
“No, Johnny. I won’t be responsible for screwing up your life too. I have no idea what I’m doing.” I sat down on the mattress and reached for his cigarette, which he handed to me.
“Seriously, hear me out. I turn eighteen next month, graduate a month after that and I’m not going to college. I’ll be drafted the second they hand me my diploma.” He took a drag and exhaled before handing it back to me, “If I go over there, I’m dead.”
I pictured his casket being lowered into the ground, his parents leaning on each other for support. This scene had already played out in our town’s cemetery one too many times. I placed my hand on his knee and rested my head on his shoulder.
End of the Road (Ghost Stories Trilogy #1) Page 7
