Clearly the beneficiary of some art training, Irene did not trouble herself with polishing her sketches. They seemed to be her visual shorthand, another way to capture everything in the world around her that she found interesting. It was the breadth of that engagement that at first surprised her daughters and then hungrily moved them through the books as they devoured the pages, laughing, talking, and sometimes crying over the spontaneous record of their mother's life.
In the early volumes, the first ones filled when Irene was new to Texas and to the ranch, she fell into the habit of quickly drawing a foreign plant or an insect, only to come back later and neatly fill in the correct names, both scientific and common.
There were no romantic musings about either George or Langston, and only the barest hints regarding the rapid disintegration of her marriage. The day after she ran away to Mexico with Langston, Irene penned only five words. "I have made a mistake." She made no notations for the next week, and then jotted down a shopping list and the titles of three books she wanted the library to order for her, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all.
In time, Clara Wyler's name appeared on the page, and then there were agendas for Study Club meetings and notes about things the women discussed. Far from the common perception of the Club as nothing but an excuse for the ladies to dress up once a month, Kate and Jenny discovered the women, as a group, donated thousands of dollars over the years to literacy programs in developing nations, as well as impressive contributions to fight world hunger.
Locally, the civic-minded social mavens helped build the town's first library, and very quietly, so that no embarrassment was attached to the act, bought clothes and school supplies for poor children each fall.
The notes Irene made later on regarding her cancer were purely practical. She listened to her doctors, but researched alternative treatments, making observations on diet and visualization techniques. It was not until the last volume that the pages portrayed the understanding of a woman who saw that her life was coming to an end.
It was Kate who first noticed the unshakable confidence the notebooks conveyed. There were no scratched through lines or added words. In places Irene would return to a previous page and add new information, always careful to date what she wrote, but there was no second-guessing and not a hint of a weak or unfocused mind.
Jenny saw it, too, and as the rays of the setting sun began to slant through the living room, a sense of real peace came over her perhaps for the first time in her life. It was then that Kate read aloud the words on the final page of the last notebook, which was dated the day their mother died.
"I hope none of my girls are ever afraid either to be alone or to give their hearts in love. God is a divine clockmaker. He sets our lives in motion and challenges us to make something of it all. I have had a good life. That is what I want for my daughters."
The words floated suspended in the air of the room, disturbed by no sound other than the gentle crackle of the fire. Finally Jenny said, in a tone of wonder, "She had a good life."
Kate sat on the floor leaning back against the sofa, her long legs stretched out in front of her. "Everything we really know about our parents comes from words they put on a page," she said quietly, staring into the fire. "Daddy sat up there in that cave and bemoaned his fate for 50 years, created his fantasies, engaged in his tortured conspiracy theories. He left us the journals of a madman. But Mama . . .," she shook her head. "I had no idea."
"Neither did I," Jenny said. "The sound of Daddy's voice drowned out everything, but it couldn't silence her mind. She wasn't crazy, Katie, she was brilliant."
"And fearless," Kate added. "She told Clara, 'A time will come when the girls will need to know who I really was.' She trusted Clara to know when to give us these books."
"Mama's gift to us," Jenny said, smiling through her tears. "I wish Mandy was here with us."
"I do, too," Kate said, "but there's so much to absorb in all this, we'll be looking at these books years from now and still not have taken it all in. Having these notebooks is like Mama coming back to us."
"Katie," Jenny said softly, "I'm sorry you and I quarreled over her all those years ago. I'm sorry we ever quarreled about anything. You're not just my sister, you're my best friend."
"And you're mine," Kate said, "just like Mama said you would be. She told me that night when we were standing by your crib that her sister Amanda was her best friend."
Jenny wiped her eyes. "Thank God she had Clara after Aunt Amanda died."
"Yes," Kate said, "but now that I've seen these notebooks, I realize that Mama would have been alright even if she had been forced to endure Daddy alone. He was a bully and coward. We didn't get one bit of our backbone from him, we got it all from her. Does any of this change how you feel about your situation with Josh?"
Shaking her head, Jenny said, "No, the decision is the same. I'm not ready to be with him, and I see now that I've been trying to force myself to be what he wants me to be instead of who I really am. If we're ever going to be together, I have to be able to be myself. I need to spend some time figuring out what that means."
"But no more of this talk about being crazy?" Kate asked.
Jenny grinned. "At least not from Mama's side of the family," she laughed. "Langston, on the other hand, was certifiable."
Kate laughed. "I hope like hell he can't hear you say that," she said. "You know I think he's haunting the ranch house."
"Daddy was never satisfied with the life he had," Jenny said. "Why would he be satisfied with death? If he's a restless spirit, he has no one but himself to blame."
"True," Kate agreed, "and when I hear his boots walking out there in the hall, it's a lonesome sound."
"Have you told Jake about what you hear?" Jenny asked.
"I have."
"How did he react?"
"He said as long as Daddy stays out of our bedroom, he can wander around the house all he likes."
No sooner had the words left her mouth than they both burst out laughing. "Come on," Jenny said, pushing herself to her feet. "There's a little market about five miles down the road. Let's go get some steaks and a bottle of wine."
"Now you're talking," Kate said, standing as well, "but after we eat, we have to call Mandy, okay?"
"Yes," Jenny said. "I know she's worried. We'll both talk to her."
When Mandy put down her cell phone, Joe looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Well?" he asked.
"They're in a cabin outside Denver," Mandy said. "Katie says they're going to stay up there a few days and just relax. Jenny's okay, but I think they just need the time to be with each other and talk."
Joe nodded. "That will be good for both of them." He hesitated, and then asked, "What has she decided about Josh?"
Mandy sighed. "Just what we were afraid of, that they can't be together."
"Come here," he said, patting the cushion of the window seat.
When she moved to join him, Joe wrapped his arms around her and leaned back against the wall so they could both watch Sissy and Missy playing on the swings. "That playground is amazing," Mandy said. "You guys did a great job."
"You did a great job picking it out," Joe said. "I'm sorry about how things have worked out about Josh. I like him."
"I like him, too," she said sadly. "Katie wants to talk to him and explain it's not like he's banned from the Rocking L. Jenny doesn't want that either. She's hoping he'll keep working with Jake and maybe we can all just be friends for awhile."
"Do you think there's any chance they'll get back together?"
"I don't know," Mandy said. "I hope so, but I don't think Jenny will let that happen until she's sure she's really ready to be with someone."
"That's actually pretty responsible of her," Joe said. "It's just a damned shame she didn't think about that before she got involved with Josh."
Mandy laughed. "He kind of swept her off her feet," she said.
"Don't you mean knocked her on her ass?" Joe asked, chuckling.
"That, too."
They sat silently for a few minutes, watching the twins play until Joe said simply, "You're better, aren't you?"
"I am," Mandy said. "Are you?"
"Yes," he said. "I think I'm falling in love with those little girls out there," he added.
"They'll do that to you," Mandy agreed.
"Maybe we ought to give them a sister or brother," Joe said. "I mean, when you're ready, of course."
Mandy interlaced her fingers with his. "I'm sorry I've been so distant since I lost the baby," she said. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too," he said, kissing her hair. "Think we can get reacquainted later?"
"I suspect we can arrange that, Mr. Mayor," she answered, twisting around to look at him. "But don't you have to go to a city council meeting tonight?"
“Oh,” he said grinning, “I have a feeling we’ll move through tonight’s agenda very expeditiously.”
When Phil Baxter came into sight, walking up the road that led down to the river, Sissy and Missy ran to meet him.
After they filled him in on their day at school, and he explained to them how he spent his day taking sun readings and staking out the site for his cabin, Sissy looked at Missy and said, "You do it."
Missy scrunched up her face. "I thought you said you'd do it."
Phil looked from one sister to the other, grinning. "One of you just do it," he said, "whatever it is."
"We want to know if Uncle Josh is gone for good," Missy said.
"Ah," Phil said, scratching his head, "that's a good question. Did you ask Mandy?"
Sissy shook her head. "She seems real unhappy and worried because Aunt Jenny isn't here and we didn't want to make it worse."
"That was very nice of you," Phil said. "I think you should talk to her about it, though."
Missy frowned. "Does that mean you're not going to answer my question?"
Phil laughed. "I don't really know how to answer your question, Missy," he said. "I can tell you that Uncle Josh has moved back to his house on the Baxter ranch for now."
"Don't he and Aunt Jenny love each other any more?" Sissy asked. "Are they getting a divorce?"
"Silly," Missy said. "They can't get divorced because they're not married yet. They broke up, didn't they, Uncle Phil?"
Since it was clear the twins had no intention of letting the subject drop, Phil answered her. "Yes," he said, "they did." And then waited for the inevitable follow-up question, which came right on cue.
"Why?"
"Honey," he said seriously, "that really isn't any of our business. We just have to love both of them and hope that they're going to be okay whether they're with each other or not. They're both good people and it's our job to wish the best for them and to help them any way we can. Okay?"
Both girls nodded. "Mama said the same thing when our friend Emma Beth's parents divorced. Mama said just because two people can't live in the same house with each other doesn't make either one of them bad."
"Your mama was right about that," Phil said.
"I hope Uncle Josh comes back," Sissy chimed in. "I like him."
"We all do," Phil said, "and so does Jenny, but it may be like your Mama said. Josh and Jenny may not be able to live together and be happy."
"Our Mama and Daddy were always happy," Missy said, "even when Mama got so sick with the cancer."
"Then that's how you should always remember your folks," Phil said. "People who find that kind of happiness are very, very lucky."
"Did you ever have a wife, Uncle Phil?" Missy asked.
Before he could answer, Mandy's voice carried down to them. "You all hurry up! Joe's just about got hamburgers ready."
"Come on," Phil said. "I'll race you." He let the girls get a head start before he broke into a half-hearted trot, moving just fast enough to fall in behind the twins without passing them.
He was barely out of breath when the three of them arrived at the pool. Mandy ordered the girls inside to wash up and handed her father a glass of lemonade. "Thank you," he said, "for this and for saving my hide."
"How did I do that?" Mandy asked.
"Sissy and Missy wanted to know if I'd ever been married."
"Oh Lord," Mandy said, rolling her eyes. "I'll talk to them about not asking personal questions."
"No," Phil said. "I don't mind answering the question, but this was fresh on the heels of them asking about Jenny and Josh and they caught me off guard. Have you heard anything from Kate?"
Mandy filled him in on the latest. When she was done, he said sadly, "That's exactly what I expected. Should I go talk to Josh?"
She shook her head. "No, Jake is planning to go over there tonight. Let's wait and hear what he has to say after he gets back."
"Hopefully Josh has calmed down," Phil said, taking off his hat and sitting down at the table under the cabana. "If he makes any more cracks about Kate like he did in your kitchen the other night, Jake is liable to hand him his head."
"Surely he won't do that," Mandy said. "He just said that stuff because he was so upset and frustrated."
Phil sighed. "I hope that's all it was, but I have to tell you, for just a few minutes there, Josh reminded me of my brother Eddie, and trust me, honey, that is no recommendation."
108
Kate called Jake after she spoke with Mandy. Their conversation was brief, but he told her about his plan to drive over to the Baxter place.
“From what you’re telling me,” Jake said, “it’s not going to make much difference about how this all works out, but I still want to try to talk to Josh. Do you want to know how I make out?”
“Not really,” Kate admitted. “We’re going to have to deal with the next part of this mess soon enough. Jenny just wants to check out of everything for a few more days. Truthfully, honey, I kind of want to do the same thing. I’m not planning to call again until we get ready to come back. Okay?”
“Sure,” Jake said. “I completely get it. You’re there and the place sounds great, so you might as well try to enjoy it as much as possible. Are you going to drive back with Jenny or fly?”
“I’m coming back with her.”
“What about your truck?” he asked. “Do Phil and I need to go to San Antonio and get it?”
“You and Phil?” Kate asked. “That’s new.”
On the other end of the line Jake chuckled. “I like him,” he said. “He came up to the Institute the other day and asked me to show him what we do. Smart guy. Well read. Anyway, he has a list of supplies he needs to get started on his house and we’ve already talked about going to San Antonio together anyway.”
“Is he still determined to build his place himself?” Kate asked.
“Yes,” Jake said. “He already has the spot staked out.”
“Okay, then it’s a plan. I’ll call the parking lot and arrange it. My spare keys are hanging . . . ”
“. . . on the hook by the back door,” he finished, sounding pleased with himself.
“You are far too observant, Professor,” Kate said drily.
“Not when I have something beautiful to observe,” he countered.
“My extra truck keys are beautiful?” she deadpanned.
“You are impossible,” he sighed.
“Yeah,” she teased, “but you like me anyway.”
“I love you anyway,” Jake said. “Really, you and Jenny enjoy this time together. I’m sorry about what caused it, but I think it will be good for you both.” He paused and then said, cautiously, “Dare I ask about your shoulder?”
Kate laughed. “You dare,” she said. “It’s okay. The pain was bad when I got here, but I’m with the biggest mother hen on the planet. Every time I sit down she puts a blanket over it.”
“Good,” he said. “The two of you should just mother hen each other for a few days.”
As Jake replayed the conversation in his mind on the short drive to the Baxter ranch, he was glad Kate was getting away for a few days regardless of the circumstances.
The events of the past weeks had been far harder on her than anyone realized. Even though she’d do it again, killing Robert Marino weighed on her. Kate wasn’t a religious woman by nature, but she had a deep reverence for life. It was part of what bound her so solidly to the land.
Several days after the cave-in, Jake found Kate alone in her study, staring out the open window and up toward Baxter’s Draw. He knew she heard him come up beside her, but she didn’t turn or take her eyes away from the far ridge thrown into relief by the rising sun.
He quietly put his arm around her waist and was surprised when she leaned into him willingly. “You okay?” he asked.
“I killed a man up there,” she answered. “And now that will always be a part of who I am.”
Kate needed this time away from the ranch as much as Jenny did. Jake wasn’t surprised by Jenny’s reaction to what she saw in the barn the night she’d left the Rocking L. Both of the sisters had been edgy in the weeks after the cave collapse. One afternoon, Jenny came to Jake’s office at the Institute and asked, flatly, “Are you sleeping with my sister?”
The question had surprised and flustered him. Jenny had always supported his efforts to get close to Kate. “I . . . well. . . yes,” Jake finally managed. “I am.”
Jenny came around behind his desk and said, “Stand up.”
Not sure what to expect, Jake got to his feet.
“I like you Jake,” Jenny said levelly. “You’re a good friend and I think you’ll be good for Kate, but I’m only going to say this to you once. You hurt her, and I will end you. Do you understand me?”
Jake had the good sense to say, “Yes, ma’am,” and keep his mouth shut otherwise.
Jenny pivoted on her heel and moved to leave the office. At the door she turned to look back at him. “Oh for God’s sake, Jake,” she said in an annoyed tone. “Shut your mouth, sit down, and get back to work.”
Later that night, when he related the conversation to Kate, she laughed and gave him a hug. “I’m sorry, honey,” she said. “Jenny thought I was dead. She’s going to be a little more overprotective than usual for awhile.”
The Lockwood Legacy - Books 1-6: Plus Bonus Short Stories Page 71
