Maybe it would have gotten everyone’s hopes up. But maybe they could have all hoped together, and yes, just as Rachel had said, maybe they could have figured out different solutions as a team.
Ultimately, as much as he had accused Rachel of not trusting them, his words were merely a reflection of the problem in his heart.
He just prayed he wasn’t too late in making the realization—and in getting a new kidney for her.
Chapter Twelve
When Rachel woke, she was in a hospital bed surrounded by beeping machines, and as soon as she moved, Wanda’s face was immediately in front of hers.
“Good. You’re awake. Take it easy, but there are some people who’d like to say hi.”
Katie immediately grabbed at her. “Mom. You’re okay.”
Tears filled Rachel’s eyes. She’d always hoped that her daughter would never see her like this. And now, with as much equipment as she was hooked up to, it probably meant she was so sick that she’d stay this way until she got her new kidney. If she got a new kidney.
Where was Ty? She shifted in her bed to look around the room.
She’d said some awful things to him before collapsing, and even though she was still hurt over his actions, she couldn’t die with so much anger between them. She briefly remembered hearing him praying as she faded in and out of consciousness. She didn’t remember his words, but she did remember feeling deeply loved and wishing, even then, that she could take back what she’d said.
She couldn’t see him from her vantage point, so she twisted in another direction and immediately felt a searing pain in her side. But she could see, in the corner, his laptop bag. Surely he was nearby.
“Now, don’t do that,” Ricky said. “You’re supposed to take it easy, and you could hurt yourself.”
If Wanda, Ricky and Katie were here, it had to be really bad. Rachel turned to look at her grandfather. “Where’s Ty? I need to talk to him.”
Wanda and Ricky looked at each other, then back at Rachel.
“He’s not here,” Ricky said. “He had some other things to take care of.”
Other things? Had she just imagined him praying over her? What if she had driven him away for good when she told him she never wanted to see him again?
“Can you get me my phone?” she asked. “It’s important that I talk to him right away.”
Once again Wanda and Ricky exchanged a look, then Ricky said, “He’s not at a place where he can be reached right now.”
That didn’t make any sense, unless he’d gone back to the ranch. But why would he stay at the ranch while everyone else was here? Before she could ask any more questions, Janie came into the room.
“I just wanted to let you all know that—” Janie stopped and looked at Rachel. “Rachel! You’re awake. That’s such great news.”
Even Janie was here. Now she knew it was serious.
“Do you know where Ty is? Ricky and Wanda are acting funny about it, and I need to talk to him. I said some terrible things to him before I collapsed, and I need to make things right with him. I know I’m probably going to die soon, and I’ve made peace with that. But I need to make peace with Ty. I need to know he forgives me.”
Janie looked confused. “Why do you think you’re going to die?”
Rachel raised her arms as best as she could. “Look at me. I collapsed. I haven’t seen the doctor yet, at least as far as I remember, but I already know what he’s going to say. They still don’t have a donor.”
Janie came and sat on the side of Rachel’s bed. “You don’t know?”
Taking Rachel’s hand, Janie continued. “Your new kidney is inside you. They found a donor. They were in the final stages of approval when you collapsed. It couldn’t have happened at a better time.”
She had a kidney?
“Who was my donor?”
Janie looked around the room. Then she shook her head slowly. “We’re not supposed to say. The person wished to remain anonymous, but it’s going to be obvious to you pretty soon. The donor was working on a letter to you to explain. But if you could just trust for now, it will all make sense in the end.”
It already did.
“Ty was my donor, wasn’t he? That was one of the last things he said to me when we were fighting. That I needed to trust him for now, and he would explain it all later.”
Janie nodded as Wanda and Ricky came around her, Katie clinging to Wanda’s side.
“He didn’t want you to not be mad at him anymore just because he gave you a kidney,” Ricky said. “Ty needed you to know that this kidney was no strings attached, so he asked us all to keep it from you until he could explain himself.”
Wanda nodded. “He told us that if you figured it out, to apologize on his behalf and that in the meantime, you can have access to all his files so you can find out anything you want to know for yourself. I have a sealed envelope in my purse with a paper inside it that has his passwords. He said you can use the information however you wish, and that he meant what he said when he wanted no secrets between the two of you.”
Tears filled Rachel’s eyes. She’d completely underestimated him. Yes, she was frustrated at how he’d kept so much from her. But he’d actually listened when she called him out on it. And here he was, giving her a demonstration of how willing he was to work to make things right between them.
And for him to give her a kidney...
Yes, she could understand his not wanting her to feel beholden to him. He’d done his homework. You couldn’t just make it happen overnight, which meant that he had been willing to make this sacrifice through the good times and the bad times that they’d shared.
Even when she’d thought he was angry with her.
He could have made the decision to back out at any time.
But he’d chosen to stay.
Just as important, though insurance would cover most of the expense of the surgeries, Ty would have to take time off work, probably having to dip into his savings to do so. A huge ask for anyone. And he’d willingly done it.
Even with his explanation, he was putting the ball in her court and giving her control over where she wanted the relationship to go.
Which meant, even after all the things she regretted saying to him, he’d still been willing to go through with the surgery.
Ricky cleared his throat. “He also wanted me to tell you that I know about the Bennett twins. We talked about his investigation, and what information was best for me to know or not know.”
The old man’s eyes filled with tears, and Rachel knew that Ty had told Ricky the truth.
“I’m not angry with him for keeping it from me. Deep down, I knew all along. It was one of the things Cinco and I used to fight about. Not just whether or not bull riding was safe, but the fact that I didn’t like the way he was carrying on, with all the partying and women. I clung to the good memories of Cinco, because facing the kind of man he’d been made me question what kind of man I was, raising a son who did so much wrong.”
Wanda put her arm around Ricky and gave him a squeeze. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You forget that I was on the ranch when Cinco was in his late teens. You tried your best. I used to sit on the porch with Rosie, telling her my fears if I ever became a mother. That if the two of you could raise someone who turned out like Cinco, what chance did Steve and I have? She told me that we do the best we can with our children, but it’s up to them to make decisions for themselves. And when we finally did have our Grace, I learned she was right.”
A tear streaked down Ricky’s face as he hugged Wanda back. “I didn’t know that about you and Rosie. She and I fought a lot about Cinco in those days, and I guess I always thought she blamed me for how he turned out.”
Watching the healing happening between Ricky and Wanda over the past, and hearing how Ricky’s own involvement with Cinco, his beloved son, wasn’t so cut and
dried, it made her again realize just how little credit she’d given Ty. More important, it made her realize how complicated relationships were. She’d always assumed complications meant they were wrong. But maybe it was working through the complications that made a relationship right.
As Ricky and Wanda continued their conversation about the past, they moved over to the small sofa on the other side of the room, and Janie took their spot, lifting Katie on the edge of the bed so she could be closer to her mom.
“I’ll bet this is all confusing for you, isn’t it, Katie?” Rachel asked. Her stomach twisted at the thought of how close she’d been to dying and how she hadn’t done a good job of preparing Katie for it. Thankfully, it hadn’t come to that, but her poor daughter must have been worried sick.
She was grateful that despite her own mistakes, Katie seemed to be doing just fine emotionally.
Katie shook her head. “Not really. You were sick, so Ty made sure there was a way for you to get better. That’s what I love about Ty. He always finds a way to make things better.”
Funny how the thing that often annoyed her about him was one of Ty’s best qualities. And how Katie, lacking the baggage Rachel had, so readily trusted him. Looking back, though, Rachel had to admit that what she viewed as being controlling was just Ty’s way of making things better.
In some ways, Rachel had been just as controlling. In her desire to not be hurt again, she’d kept too much to herself, rather than letting others share her pain.
As she looked around the room at the people who’d shown love to both her and Katie, she wished Ty could be here so she could tell him how much she appreciated all that he’d given them.
She’d been wrong to compare Ty to Chris. Yes, they both could be domineering, but Chris had done it to make himself feel better, more powerful. Ty’s motivation was always about helping the people around him. Chris had never intentionally helped anyone besides himself.
“If you see Ty, would you please tell him that I look forward to reading his letter?” Rachel asked Janie. “He doesn’t owe me anything, but I would like to hear him out. And I would like to make amends for the harsh things I said to him.”
Janie nodded slowly. “I will. I was just with him. That’s why I came in here, to tell them he’s awake and doing well. Just focus on getting better, okay? I know it feels like you have to take care of everything now, but you have time to work things out.”
Maybe, but having been so close to death, Rachel didn’t want to waste any more of the time she’d been given. This transplant was her new chance at life, when everything had seemed hopeless.
Now she just had to make things right with Ty so they could give their relationship a chance.
* * *
Maybe it was selfish of Ty to wait to see Rachel, but he’d been home from the hospital contemplating his next move for almost a week now. He’d given Rachel the letter, and he knew she’d read it, but they hadn’t spoken.
He hadn’t wanted to see her in the hospital, even though it nearly killed him not to. He didn’t want either of them to see one another in a weakened state and have it affect the discussion they needed to have.
Which was why, as he relaxed in his dad’s recliner, sipping a glass of iced tea, he was surprised when Rachel showed up in his parents’ living room.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be resting?” Ty asked. Rachel smiled, and even though he had no business admiring her, he couldn’t help noticing how the color had returned to her cheeks. She seemed so much more peaceful and at ease than he’d ever seen her.
It was all he needed to see to know that giving her a kidney had been the right decision.
Not that he’d ever questioned it for a minute.
“That’s what Wanda said when I made her drive me out here,” Rachel said. “But I told her that if she didn’t drive me, I’d do it myself.”
Ty stared at her. “If I can’t drive yet, then you can’t drive yet. What were you thinking?”
He shouldn’t have been surprised, since Rachel was as tough-minded as a person could be. But his recovery was easy compared to hers, and her need to rest was even greater than his.
Rachel gestured at the couch. “Mind if I sit?”
He wasn’t sure he had a choice, but either way, he didn’t want her tiring herself out. He’d had the easy part of the surgery, and he wouldn’t be running any marathons anytime soon.
“Sure. You probably already saw my mom on the way in, but if you want something, she’ll get it for you. I’d do it, but every time I get out of this chair, she yells at me.”
“And don’t you forget it,” his mom said, entering the room with a glass of iced tea for Rachel. “No matter how old they are, they’re still your baby. Mine just had major surgery, so I am taking full advantage of the opportunity to coddle him as much as I want.”
It was something that would have annoyed him in the past, but now he was starting to realize that everyone had their own way of showing love and needing to be shown love in return. If this was what his mom needed, then he’d give it to her. Now, if he could only find a way to give Rachel the love she needed.
His mom handed the tea to Rachel. “You just sit back and relax, and if you need anything, I’ll be right in the other room. And if either of you overextend yourselves while you’re supposed to be resting, don’t think that I’m above giving either of you a good thump.”
Ty grinned. “Thanks. I think we’ll both behave.”
He’d talked at length to his mom about how he’d messed everything up, and though she’d agreed with him that he’d been wrong, she’d also told him that it wasn’t too late to fix things. He just didn’t know how.
“You’d better,” she said as she left the room.
When Ty looked over at Rachel, she looked a little scared.
“Your mom might be a small woman, but I’d be afraid of meeting up with her in a dark alley,” she said.
Ty chuckled. “She taught preteens for a long time. My mom is tough as nails. But you’re not here to talk about her. So tell me what’s on your mind.”
Rachel smiled at him, a warm, comforting look, one he would take with him for the rest of his life.
“I read your letter, and I decided that a response needed to come in person. I know you said that donating a kidney was something you thought was the right thing to do, and that you didn’t want me influenced by that decision, but surely you can understand how it would influence me anyway. You don’t just give your kidney to someone you hate, which means there has to be something there.”
“I never hated you,” he said. “Where would you get that idea?”
“I never thought that. I’m just saying things haven’t always been clear between us,” she said, looking nervous.
“It was all there, black-and-white.”
Maybe it was dumb of him to say, but he also didn’t want to put his heart on the line when he’d already done so and wasn’t sure where Rachel was going with all this. Was she nervous because he hadn’t made his feelings clear? Or had the space he’d given her made her realize that what she felt for him wasn’t love after all?
“I know,” she said. “And that’s why I’m here. I have feelings for you, too. I just fought them for a long time because I didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. I’d like to give it another try.”
He thought about her words, and while they were what he’d been hoping to hear, he noticed how she’d opened with it all being about the kidney.
“I can’t,” he said. “Like I said, the kidney was no strings attached.”
That was what he had to focus on. The discussion had to be about her heart, not her kidney.
“What if this isn’t about strings?” Rachel asked. “When we left for Denver that morning, I had the intention of talking to you about making a relationship work. Only we fought before we could h
ave that conversation, and I said some horrible things to you. I wish more than anything I could take them back.”
The pain in her voice was worse than how he’d felt after his operation. Still, he had to understand the motivation behind her feelings.
“Why? Because I gave you a kidney?”
Rachel shook her head. “No. It was the first thought I had upon waking up, before I knew I had gotten the kidney, before I knew you made it possible. I didn’t want to die with anger between us. The love I feel for you is stronger than any anger I had over you keeping things from me.”
Ty took a deep breath. He’d had a lot of the same thoughts when Rachel collapsed. But mostly, he’d thought of all the mistakes he’d made, and how he’d do just about anything to make it right.
“I had some of those same heart-to-heart discussions with God,” he said. “Yes, you were wrong for how you treated me, but I also didn’t do right by you in a lot of ways. I almost lost you. You were so close to dying, and I blame myself. It took me a long time to get on board with the kidney donation. Had I not been so selfish and afraid, you would’ve had a kidney weeks ago. But I’m just as stubborn and bullheaded as you are.”
He’d said the words to God about a hundred times, and in his head a thousand more. But he’d never said them out loud. Saying them now, to Rachel, it felt like he’d lost a whole other part of him he’d been carrying around for a long time and didn’t need.
Rachel leaned forward and took his hand. “Yes, but you always come around. You’re willing to see other perspectives, and you’re willing to learn from them. You’re willing to meet me halfway, and you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong. But you also stand up for what’s right, and I really love that about you.”
She loved him. For reasons that had nothing to do with getting a new kidney, or a sense of gratitude. Still, she had to know his part in all this.
The Cowboy’s Sacrifice Page 17
