by Beth Wiseman
She finally blew out a deep breath. “I don’t know how to explain him. I just know that he’s a gut person.”
“How? Have you even been alone with him? You never even talk to him.” Hannah’s attitude was getting on Miriam’s nerves.
“No. But I will.”
“When?”
Miriam pulled herself up off the ground, brushed the wrinkles from her dark-blue dress, then put her hands on her hips and stared down at her friend. “I—I don’t know for sure, but—but I will.” She glanced toward Saul and the other men just in time to see Saul waving bye and leaving. He was nearing his spring buggy, and Miriam knew she would have to act fast. “I’m going to go talk to him right now.”
Hannah stood up beside her. “Really?” She tipped her head to one side.
“Ya. I’m going to go talk to him right now.”
“Well.” Hannah folded her arms across her chest and grinned. “Go, then. You better hurry. He’s leaving.”
“I am.” Miriam took a step, hesitated, then spun around to face Hannah. “I’m going.”
Hannah smiled. “I see that.”
“Ach, okay.” She forced one foot in front of the other until she was close enough to call out his name, and she had no idea what she would say.
Saul recognized the voice and spun around a few feet from his buggy, wondering what Miriam could possibly want. They admired each other from afar. That’s the way it had always been. He glanced down at her bare feet, then smiled as he remembered telling her she had cute toes not too long ago. He’d been walking by her at the creek, and she was alone, smiling up at him from her perch on top of a rock near the water’s edge. He didn’t know why he’d said it, except for the fact that it was true.
“Hi.” She hesitated when she got closer, and Saul saw a tiny chain around her ankle.
“Nice ankle bracelet.” It was easiest to look at her feet. If he took in the rest of her, he was afraid his mouth would betray him and say something dumm.
She kicked her beautiful bare foot forward. “This? Danki.” She clutched the sides of her apron with both hands, then twisted the fabric. “Um, where are you going?”
Her face took on a rosy shade of pink, and Saul briefly wondered if his did too. “Home, I guess.” He waited, and when she didn’t say anything, he asked, “Why?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s a pretty day.”
“Then let’s go do something.” His mouth had betrayed him after all. No good could come out of getting to know Miriam better. He already liked what he saw and knew. Why build on that just to leave her in the end? But he had no regrets when her whole face spread into a smile.
“Okay.” She stepped closer, and Saul fought the urge to step back. Right now she was close enough to touch, and he wanted nothing more than to brush back a loose tendril of brown hair that had fallen from beneath her kapp. Then he locked eyes with her—those brilliant blue eyes.
“What do you wanna do?” He towered over her by at least a foot, and he rubbed his chin as he studied her. Her smooth skin glowed in the sunlight, the golden undertones evidence of the hard outdoor work everyone in their community did. Then, just like his mouth, his hand developed a mind of its own. Before his brain had time to realize what was happening, he reached up and pushed the wayward strand of hair off of her cheek. He didn’t think he’d ever touched her before, and now he would lose sleep, wondering when he could do it again.
“Danki.” She avoided his eyes and lowered her chin as she spoke. When she looked back up at him, her eyes lit with excitement. “Let’s go fishing at the old Zook farm. No one lives there, and the pond is full of fish.”
Saul folded his arms across his chest. “You fish?”
“Of course. Don’t you?”
He pulled his straw hat off and wiped sweat from his forehead. “Ya. I just didn’t take you for the fishing type.”
She giggled. “The fishing type? I can handle a fishing pole.” The sound of her laughter made him want to hear it for the rest of his life. Then she grabbed at her chest with both hands. “Oh no!”
“What?”
“I can’t go.” She gazed into his eyes. “I’m sorry.” And the way her face folded into a frown, she seemed to mean it. “I forgot that my cousin is coming this afternoon. She’s staying with us for the summer.”
Saul tried to hide his disappointment but knew it was for the best. “Do I know her?”
“No. She’s Englisch. A cousin on my father’s side.” Her eyes brightened as she smiled. “She’s coming all the way from Texas. She’s our age.” She paused. “I’m sure you’ll meet her.”
Saul nodded as he looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders, then glanced down to see his wet swim shorts had soaked through his black trousers. “I guess I’ll see you around, then.” He turned to leave, not sure what else to say to her. Spending time alone with her was a bad idea anyway.
“Saul?”
He unwrapped the reins from the tree where he had his horse tethered, not turning around. “Ya?” Then he felt a hand tap him on the back. Her simple touch rattled him so much that he dropped the reins. He quickly reached down and picked them up. “What is it?” As he stood, he couldn’t look her in the face, so he stared at her toes again.
He watched her wiggle them, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was for his benefit. She looked up, and Saul finally locked eyes with her. When she smiled, Saul knew things were about to get complicated.
“Maybe we could go fishing tomorrow after church?” Her long eyelashes swept down across high cheekbones before she looked back at him.
This was a bad idea. But there wasn’t one thing in the world that Saul could think of that he would rather do. So he nodded.
Tomorrow he would spend the afternoon with Miriam Raber. Alone. Something he had dreamed about for years but had put just as much energy into avoiding. His life, his plan, was set. And there was no place in any of it for Miriam.
But as she looked up at him with a smile that threatened to melt his resolve, he knew that he was going to do the unthinkable—date her for the summer. Then leave her in August. God, forgive me.
2
MIRIAM PUSHED HER HORSE HARD ON THE WAY HOME, grateful that the distance was short. She was late, and she feared Shelby would already be there. Mamm wouldn’t be happy with her for not being home in time to welcome her cousin.
As the buggy neared her house, she reached up and cupped her cheek with her palm, surprised by the boldness of Saul’s gentle touch, and decided being late was worth it. Tomorrow she would spend the afternoon alone with Saul, something she had wanted to do for as long as she could remember.
Mamm was sweeping the front porch when she parked the buggy, and she could see her three younger brothers out by the barn. Ben was carrying chicken feed inside, Elam had a shovel in his hand as he walked toward the barn, and little John was chasing an irritated rooster around the yard.
“You’re lucky your cousin’s flight was late, or she would have beaten you here.” Mamm kept sweeping as she spoke, but finally looked up and gave Miriam a forgiving smile.
“I’m sorry, Mamm. But I’m here now.” Miriam padded up the steps in her bare feet, feeling lighter than usual. “Can I help you with anything?”
Her mother pushed leaves from the porch with the broom, although most of them blew back in her direction. “No, I think everything is ready for your cousin’s arrival. Your daed called on the phone, and Ben happened to be in the barn and answered. Daed said that Shelby’s flight was late, but they were leaving the airport about an hour ago.” Mamm pushed a big leaf off the porch with her foot as she shook her head. “It wonders me where all this wind came from. It wasn’t windy until I started to clear the leaves from the porch.” She pushed back a strand of gray hair, then tucked it beneath her kapp.
Miriam thought of Saul.
“They should be here any minute.” Mamm leaned the broom up against the house, then put her hands on her hips and inspected the area before she
turned to Miriam. “I’m making cheddar meat loaf, a recipe your Aenti Lillian shared with me before they moved to Colorado.”
Miriam thought about Aunt Lillian, Uncle Samuel, her cousins, and Aunt Katie Ann. They’d moved to Colorado in November to farmland that Lillian’s Daadi Jonas had purchased before he died. “I miss them.”
“Ya. I do too.” Mamm sat down in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch, then crossed her legs. “But your Aenti Mary Ellen got a letter from Lillian just last week, and things are coming together for them there.” Mamm gasped a bit. “Did I tell you that David is getting married? To a girl he met there named Emily.”
David was a couple of years older than Miriam, and she missed him the most. “Will we travel to the wedding?” Miriam widened her eyes as she waited for her mother to answer. A trip to Colorado sounded exciting.
“We will see.” Her mother smiled briefly, then her expression dropped. “I’m so glad that things are working out for Samuel, Lillian, and the kinner, but your Aenti Katie Ann is still having trouble adjusting to her new life there.”
Miriam’s heart hurt for Katie Ann. Her Uncle Ivan had left his dear wife shortly after moving to Colorado with the other members of their family. None of the family understood it, and her parents didn’t talk about it much. And to make matters worse, Ivan had returned to Lancaster County and taken up with an Englisch woman they all knew. Her parents said they were not to speak to Ivan, and he was never invited to any family gatherings. That’s how it was when you’ve been shunned.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with that bruder of mine.” Mamm shook her head before she stood up and pointed to the end of the driveway. “There’s a van pulling in. That must be them.” She walked down the porch steps, raised a hand above her brow to block the sun, then called for Miriam’s brothers to come up to the house.
Miriam strained to see the white van pull into the drive, then park beside the spring buggy. Mamm gathered Miriam’s brothers around her in the yard, and they watched Daed slide a long door open and step out of the backseat. He turned and pulled out two large red suitcases and set them in the grass. As he slid his door closed, the passenger door popped open, and Miriam watched a brown boot land on the ground followed by a tall girl with flowing dark-brown hair.
Mamm leaned close to Miriam. “She’s so thin.”
Miriam studied the pretty girl who turned in their direction. She and Shelby probably weighed about the same, but her cousin stood at least five inches taller than Miriam’s five-foot-five height. She nodded at her mother’s comment, then smiled as Shelby walked toward them.
Her cousin was dressed in blue jeans, and her brown boots looked like something her brothers might wear to work in the fields, except hers were pointed at the toe. Cowgirl boots. Miriam wondered if Shelby could ride a horse. They had two suitable mares in the barn.
Shelby’s dark-blue shirt was buttoned almost to the neck. Miriam knew that Mamm would appreciate the conservative clothing. Many times they’d hosted Englisch guests for supper, and Mamm was appalled when the tourists showed up in short pants, or worse, backless tops or ones that showed their stomachs. But Mamm continued to host the suppers, in conjunction with bed-and-breakfasts in the area. It provided some extra income, but the truth was, Miriam knew her mother loved to cook for others. Visitors went on and on about how good her mother’s cooking was.
“Welcome, Shelby.” Mamm gave Shelby an awkward hug, then stepped back and pointed to Miriam. “This is our daughter, Miriam.”
“Hi.” Miriam didn’t move. She was trying to decide if Shelby was happy to be here.
Her cousin said hello, but she wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t frowning either. Dark sunglasses hid her eyes, and her expression was confusing, rather blank.
Mamm introduced Shelby to the boys, then instructed Ben and Elam to carry her bags to Miriam’s room as everyone else moved into the den.
“I will let you womenfolk talk. I think the cows are ready for milking.” Miriam’s father excused himself. Aaron Raber wasn’t one for small talk, and Miriam suspected that he’d probably sat quietly in the backseat while the driver and Shelby talked on the way home from the airport.
Miriam watched her cousin eyeing her new surroundings. Shelby edged toward the couch when Mamm motioned her in that direction and told her to sit and rest, adding that she must be weary from her travels. As Shelby sat down on the tan sofa, Miriam saw her eyes darting around the room—to the two high-back rockers on the other side of the den, then to the hutch near the entryway. Miriam wondered what Shelby thought about their plain surroundings.
“I bet this is much different than what you are used to.” Mamm sat down beside Shelby on the couch and twisted slightly to face her. Miriam sat down in one of the rockers, as did John.
“Not so much.” Shelby showed the first hint of a smile. “It’s nice.”
Miriam breathed a small sigh of relief. Shelby had a soft, quiet voice, and when her brown eyes met with Miriam’s, her smile broadened a bit.
John kicked his rocker into motion, his blond bob in need of a trim. “Do you have a cell phone?”
“Yes, I do.” Shelby turned to Mamm. “Is that okay?”
“Ya, I think so.” She paused. “If you wouldn’t mind, we’d prefer if you use it outside. We have a phone in the barn. You’re welcome to use that also.”
Shelby nodded, then fumbled with the straps of the brown purse in her lap and bit her lip. Miriam wanted her to feel comfortable in their home.
“Do you want to see your room?” Miriam stood up from the rocker and smiled.
“Sure.” Shelby rose, draped her purse over her shoulder, and waited for Miriam to motion toward the stairs.
“You girls get settled while I finish supper,” Mamm said as she rose to her feet, then walked across the den toward the kitchen.
“We’re the third door on the right at the end of the hallway.” Miriam let Shelby walk in front of her, and her cousin’s dark hair bounced against the middle of her back as she started up the stairs. Miriam’s hair was just as long, although bound beneath her prayer covering. She thought about Saul again. He’ll see the length of my hair on our wedding night.
Shelby stopped at the third door on the right. “This one?”
“Ya.” Miriam reached around her and pushed the door wide. “Your bed is that one.” She pointed to the bed on the right side of the nightstand. “I put fresh linens on it just this morning.”
Shelby sat down on the bed and ran her hand across the quilt. “Thank you.”
“I also cleared two drawers for you and made room for you to hang your clothes on those hooks over there.” Miriam pointed to a dozen hooks running along a two-by-four on the far wall.
Her cousin glanced in that direction, then hung her head before she looked back up at Miriam. “I’m sorry you have to share this small room with a stranger.”
Miriam sat down on her own bed and faced her cousin, unable to ignore the sadness in Shelby’s voice. “I don’t mind at all. I’ve been looking forward to your visit.” Miriam glanced around her room. She’d always thought it was a nice-sized room. “And you’re my cousin, so not really a stranger.” She smiled, and Shelby did so also, then quickly looked down.
When the silence grew uncomfortable, Miriam spoke again. “Tomorrow is church, but maybe Monday I can take you to town after we do chores.”
Shelby nodded, then stood up and walked toward the window. She leaned her nose close to the screen and peered outside for a moment, then spun around. “Would we go in a buggy? Do you drive one of those?” Her eyes lit up, and Miriam silently thanked God at the glimmer of happiness in her voice.
“Ya. I drive the buggy. I’ve been driving by myself since I was twelve, but mostly on the back roads. I was sixteen before I started taking my little brothers and going to town.” She paused as she walked to where Shelby was standing by the window. “Have you ever been in a buggy?”
Shelby turned to face her. “No. I’ve never even be
en in an Amish town or been around an—an Amish person.” She bit her lip again as her eyes grew round.
Miriam recalled her mother’s earlier comments but assumed Shelby must not remember her visit here as a young child. She leaned closer to Shelby and whispered, “I promise we don’t bite.”
Finally, a full smile. “Good to know.”
Shelby sat next to Miriam at the large wooden table in the kitchen. It felt like eating at a luxurious picnic table with a long backless bench on either side, and the breeze blowing through three different open windows in the kitchen only added to the picnic effect. At each end of the table was an armchair. Aaron was already seated in one, and Rebecca was standing at the counter pouring glasses of iced tea. The boys waited patiently on the bench across from Shelby and Miriam. Shelby surveyed the offerings already on the table as her stomach growled. Aside from the meat loaf and potatoes, the rest was unfamiliar.
Rebecca placed the last two glasses of tea in front of Ben and John, then took a seat at the opposite end of the table from her husband.
“Shelby, we pray silently before and after a meal.” Rebecca smiled before she bowed her head along with the rest of the family. Shelby followed suit, but she didn’t have anything to say to God. She lifted her head when she heard movement around her.
Miriam passed her a bowl first. “This is creamed celery.”
Shelby spooned a generous helping onto her plate, trying to remember the last time she’d sat down for a family meal like this. She tried to recall when the problems had started between her parents. When had the two most important people in her life stopped loving each other and started screaming at each other?
“Do you like to cook, Shelby?” Rebecca passed a tray with bread toward Shelby, and Shelby nodded. She could remember spending hours in the kitchen with her mother when she was young. Mom would set her up on the counter, and together they would bake a variety of cookies. Shelby’s job was to lick the beaters clean and be the tester for each warm batch that came from the oven.
