by Beth Wiseman
“Daed.” Saul slowly stood up as he bit his lip and walked toward his father. “Maybe tonight isn’t really a gut night for a walk.”
Daed lowered his head, a sad smile on his face when he looked up. “It’s as good as any other night, Saul.” And he left.
Tuesday morning Miriam gathered with the entire family at Mary Ellen’s home for the funeral. Her Uncle Samuel, Aunt Lillian, and cousin David had flown in with Aunt Katie Ann, whose pregnant belly was easy to see. They’d arrived just last night from Colorado. Miriam had never flown in a plane, and she hoped she didn’t ever have to. It was a last resort for travel and only in the case of emergencies.
She glanced around and her heart ached even more at seeing her Uncle Noah, Aunt Carley, and their daughter, Jenna; Aunt Mary Ellen and Uncle Abe and their children; Lillian’s mother, Sarah Jane; close family friends Lizzie, Sadie, and Kade; their Englisch friend Barbie Beiler; and so many more. She figured there were close to two hundred people inside Mary Ellen’s den, which was set up just like church service, backless benches for the men facing one way and more benches for the women facing toward the men.
Miriam was just taking her seat in between her mother and Shelby when she saw Saul walk in with his two brothers but without Zeb Fisher. Miriam wondered why Zeb wasn’t there and hoped he wasn’t ill. As she scanned the room, she saw Lucy Turner standing in the back, dressed in a knee-length black dress. When she located Aunt Katie Ann sitting three seats in front of Miriam, she wondered how it must feel for Katie Ann to know that Lucy was in the back of the room. She looked at Saul again and thought about what she would say to him later, when the time was appropriate.
Following the two-hour service, Miriam’s heart was still heavy with sadness but soothed by prayer. Amish folks went by buggy to the cemetery, followed by a few cars. Bishop Ebersol spoke briefly at the burial site about admonition for the living, then closed in prayer. As Miriam followed her family to their buggy, Saul walked up beside her.
“I’m sorry, Miriam.”
“Danki.” Miriam glanced around to see where her parents were. They were quite a ways in front of her with Shelby. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. There was so much going on.”
Saul brushed his hand against hers. “It’s all right. I heard what happened, so I knew that’s why you weren’t able to call.”
He started moving toward the buggies again, so Miriam did too, the two of them walking in silence for a few moments. They almost walked right into Miriam’s mother and Shelby, who had turned around and seemed to be waiting on them.
Mamm raised her chin a bit as she sniffled. “Hello, Saul.”
Saul removed his hat. “I’m sorry for your loss, Rebecca.”
Miriam’s mother nodded but quickly grabbed Miriam’s hand. “Your Aenti Lillian is looking for you.”
Saul nodded and didn’t move as Mamm dragged her forward. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Saul’s brothers walk up beside him, then they turned and walked the other way. She wondered if they would go to the meal at Mary Ellen’s.
As soon as she arrived at her aunt and uncle’s house, Miriam looked everywhere for Saul.
“I don’t think he’s here,” Shelby said, standing in the yard and holding a glass of meadow tea. She took a sip of the drink. “I’m assuming you’re looking for Saul?”
Miriam nodded, then Jesse walked up. “Miriam, I’m real sorry,” he said as he removed his hat. “If there’s anything me or my family can do, please let us know.”
“Danki, Jesse.”
Jesse turned to Shelby and gave a quick nod, then looked back at Miriam. “When you’re feeling better, we should all go fishing at the Zook place again.”
“Okay.” Miriam wasn’t much interested in going back to the Zook place unless Saul was going too.
“How about next Saturday? Do you think you’d be up to it then?” Jesse put his hat back on.
“I don’t know if it will be too soon, or if I should—”
“I could stop by Saul’s and see if he wants to go again too.” Jesse smiled, and Miriam saw him glance at Shelby. Shelby said both Jesse and Saul liked her, but he seemed equally as focused on Shelby right now. Didn’t Jesse realize that neither one of them was good for him? Miriam was in love with someone else, and Shelby wasn’t Amish. But whatever his motives, his offer was too tempting.
“I guess by then we’d be able to go. We could meet you out there. Maybe lunchtime? Me and Shelby could bring a picnic lunch.”
Jesse smiled. “Sounds gut. I’ll let Saul know.”
After he walked away, Miriam looked at Shelby and watched her cousin’s left brow rise a fraction. “Wonder what he’s up to,” Shelby said, smirking.
Miriam was glad for a distraction from the sadness that surrounded them. “I’m not sure he’s up to anything. He just wants to go fishing.” She was mildly concerned that Jesse might be interested in Shelby, and she had to question exactly why that would bother her so much. Has Jesse always been my backup plan in case things didn’t work with Saul? She quickly tossed the selfish thought aside. Then she thought for a moment about Saul leaving and what that might mean for her life.
“Look.” Shelby nodded her head to their left. “Isn’t that your Aunt Katie Ann talking to Lucy?”
Miriam tried to be discreet as she glanced toward the two women. “Ya,” she whispered. She saw her aunt swipe at her eyes, then touch her expanded stomach. Lucy hung her head as she spoke.
Miriam watched Katie Ann press her lips together, but her aunt eventually nodded. A few moments later the women parted ways.
“Katie Ann always wanted a baby. More than anyone I’ve ever known.” Miriam sighed.
“I guess this is bittersweet, then.”
“Ya, it is.” She took a final look around for Saul, convinced that he and his brothers had gone home straight from the cemetery. At least she would see him next Saturday.
Miriam went to bed early Friday night, glad not to have any Englisch guests for supper for the second week in a row. Mamm had said earlier that even if she were not still mourning the death of her brother, she wouldn’t have opted to host a supper tonight. Her mother couldn’t seem to shake the fact that someone stole from her under her own roof. But Miriam knew her mamm had cried on and off most of the week following the funeral, saying that she would always regret that she didn’t talk to Ivan before he died and, instead, had practiced the shunning to the fullest. Miriam recalled with regret how quickly she’d gotten away from her uncle while she and Shelby were in Bird-In-Hand. If she’d only known that it would be the last time she would see her uncle. . .
Surprisingly, Shelby was asleep before Miriam. She listened to her cousin snoring lightly, then reached for the lantern and darkened the room. Sleep wasn’t going to come easy as her mind whirled with thoughts about Uncle Ivan. Then there was the fishing trip in the morning when she’d finally see Saul again.
Could Saul really the leave the community—and her? She kept asking herself what it was about Saul that made her so sure he was the one for her, even though they’d spent very little time together over the years. She was wise enough to know that mutual attraction was not enough. But something about Saul’s personality had drawn her to him at an early age. He was edgy, adventuresome, but yet gentle and kind. He often bucked the traditional Amish ways, but always with the best of intentions. She thought again about how he defended her that day on the playground.
She rolled onto her side and stared out the window into a starlit night. She thought about everything outside of her small district, the only world she’d ever known. Is it peaceful like it is here? Are folks good to each other? Shelby had said it’s a dangerous place.
She let her mind drift far away. She pictured her and Saul out in the Englisch world together. She thought about being able to listen to music all the time, something she really enjoyed and something forbidden in her community. She thought about wearing Englisch clothes and traveling to other parts of the world. Would they do those th
ings? Mostly she thought about just being with Saul, loving him. No matter their location, she knew that the basis of marriage was unconditional love and a union blessed by God. Her thoughts were unresolved when she finally drifted off to sleep.
When she opened her eyes Saturday morning, Shelby was buried beneath the covers as usual, so she quietly climbed out of bed, got dressed, and headed downstairs. In the kitchen, her mother was scurrying around the kitchen. Mamm’s eyes were swollen, so she knew her mother’s heart was going to hurt for a long time about Uncle Ivan. As soon as breakfast was over, she went outside and found her father alone in the barn, carrying a stack of old newspapers. He smiled at her when she walked into the barn.
“I don’t know why your mamm insists on keeping these old copies of The Budget.” He grinned as he shook his head. “She said it’s like a scrapbook of everyone’s birth announcements, obituaries, and news.” He dropped the newspapers into a box in the corner. “I told her she didn’t even know most of these folks from all over the United States, but you know how your mamm is. She doesn’t really meet a stranger.”
Miriam smiled as she moved closer to her father, and she pondered his statement. Then why can’t she accept Saul?
Daed tipped back the rim of his hat. “What’s on your mind, dochder?” He leaned against his workbench and looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders.
“Me and Shelby have a few chores to do this morning, then we were going to go fishing with Jesse and Saul. . . if that’s okay.” Miriam took a deep breath and waited.
Daed grinned. “So you came out here to ask me instead of asking your mamm, who’s in the haus?”
Miriam hung her head as she kicked at the sandy floor of the barn with one foot.
“I guess it’s all right, Miriam.” Daed patted her on the shoulder as he moved past her toward the barn exit. “You kinner have fun.”
Miriam lifted up on her toes. “Danki, Daed!” Then she ran to go find Shelby.
Rebecca marched to the barn to find Aaron.
“Hello, mei lieb,” her husband said casually as he carried a pile of hay to the horse’s stall. “What brings you out to the barn this fine morning?”
Her husband’s smile quickly faded when Rebecca drew closer. Aaron dropped the hay.
“What’s wrong?”
Rebecca thrust her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong?” she huffed. “Do you really have to ask me that? Our dochder just told me that you gave permission for her and Shelby to go fishing with Saul and Jesse. Why did you do that?”
Aaron took off his hat, dabbed at his forehead with a handkerchief, then put his hat back on. “We already talked to Miriam about sneaking out of the house, and both girls have worked extra hard.” He put his own hands on his hips and faced off with her. “It’s just fishing, Rebecca, and if Miriam wants to see that boy, she’s going to. Wouldn’t you rather it be during the daylight hours, instead of sneaking around? She’s in her rumschpringe, and it’s her time to figure out—”
“Oh shush, Aaron!” Rebecca waved her hand in the air, despite the scowl stretching across her husband’s face. “That boy is not gut for Miriam. You should have just said no.” She stomped her foot.
“Rebecca.” Aaron sighed. “You barely know him. And I thought you’d be glad that Shelby and Jesse are going too.”
“We saw how that worked out last time. Shelby and Jesse went home early and left Miriam and Saul alone.”
Aaron grinned. “I seem to recall a certain girl in her rumschpringe who snuck out on more than one occasion to see the boy she liked.” He paused, lifting one brow playfully. “And look how that turned out.”
“It’s not the same, Aaron.” She walked closer to him. “Do you really want our dochder involved with a boy who’s been in trouble? And it’s not just that. There is much talk about him wanting to leave the community. Doesn’t that scare you?”
Aaron gently put his hands on Rebecca’s shoulders. “I hope that all our kinner make the choice to stay here, Rebecca, but this is what their running-around time is for. And Miriam is a smart girl, dedicated to her faith and her life here. She isn’t going to leave here.”
Rebecca let him pull her into his arms, then she gently eased away. “Aaron, when we were courting. . . if you’d asked me to leave the community and go with you out into the Englisch world, I would have. I would have followed you anywhere. Young love is a dangerous thing.”
Aaron smiled. “I didn’t know that.” He tipped the rim of his hat up a bit. “Not that I had any thoughts about leaving.”
“I want you to talk to Saul. Find out what his intentions are.” “Rebecca, it’s too soon for that. We don’t even know if they are officially dating.”
She blew out a breath of exasperation. “It’s not too soon. It might already be too late!”
Shelby placed napkins in the picnic basket as she waited for Miriam to fill a thermos with tea. She had mixed emotions about the fishing trip. Even though there were four of them going, and she loved to fish, she still felt like the outsider—and not just because she wasn’t Amish. Both men were vying for her cousin’s attention, which did little for Shelby’s fragile emotions. She was going to try to make the best of it anyway and enjoy the day outside fishing.
“Chicken salad sandwiches, potato chips, pickles, tea...” Miriam looked up at Shelby. “What am I forgetting?”
“Pie?”
Miriam snapped her fingers. “Ya!” She cut four slices of apple pie, wrapped them individually in plastic wrap, and placed them on top of the other items.
Shelby closed the lid and picked up the basket. They were almost to the door when they bumped into Rebecca coming in.
“We won’t be late, Mamm,” Miriam said meekly, avoiding her mother’s eyes. Rebecca nodded, then scooted past them and into the den.
“Your mother is so unhappy,” Shelby said as she placed the basket in the back of the spring buggy.
“I know. She’s still real upset about Onkel Ivan.” Miriam hung her head for a moment. “And she’s still mad at me about sneaking out to see Saul, but I know it’s more than that. She’s afraid Saul will leave and that I’ll go with him.”
Shelby thought for a moment. “But you know Saul is leaving. I told you that.”
Miriam grabbed the reins and backed up the horse. “Ya. I know.”
“Are you going to say anything to him about it?”
“I don’t know yet.”
Shelby reached up and pulled her hair tighter within her ponytail holder, then adjusted her black sunglasses. “Well, I’d sure say something if I were you.”
Miriam chewed her bottom lip for a moment. “Maybe he’ll change his mind.”
“And maybe he won’t. Then what?”
Her cousin was quiet as she maneuvered the topless buggy onto the road. “I don’t know.”
Shelby couldn’t imagine Miriam leaving this place. It’s all she knows. Which is why this situation had nothing but heartbreak written all over it.
Saul pulled up to the Zook farm at the same time as Jesse. He didn’t really like Jesse being here, but Jesse was the one who’d come to his house and invited him. Maybe he was truly interested in Shelby. Saul selfishly hoped so.
His stomach churned thinking about how long it would take for Miriam to say that she heard he was leaving the community. Things at home had gotten even more complicated over the past week anyway, and Saul wasn’t sure how he could leave in good conscience.
“Are you and Miriam officially dating?” Jesse glanced at Saul as both men tethered the horses to the fence.
Saul shrugged. “We’ve only been out once, plus these fishing trips.”
Jesse stood taller and faced Saul. “Miriam is a gut girl. I hope you won’t hurt her. Rumor has it you’re leaving here.”
Saul tensed as he took a deep breath, but he knew Jesse really did care for Miriam, and Jesse was right to be concerned. “I’m not going to hurt her.”
“If you leave here, you will hurt her.” Jesse eyed Saul
with curiosity, but Saul had no intention of confiding in him. If one word of his father’s drinking got out, it would be all over the community. He prayed every day that his father would stop so that Saul could pursue his plans to go work at the bistro, but his daed’s drinking was getting more frequent—and worse.
They both turned at the sound of Miriam’s buggy on the gravel driveway. After she pulled up, Jesse quickly offered her a hand down. Saul walked to the other side to help Shelby, but she’d already jumped down by the time he got there and was reaching for a picnic basket in the back.
“We brought lunch,” she said, holding the basket and grinning. “Although. . . I can’t take credit.”
Saul took the basket and waited while Jesse pulled Miriam’s fishing pole from the back. They slowly made their way to the water’s edge, and Miriam unfolded a red-and-white quilt to use as a big tablecloth. Once the food was spread out, everyone bowed their heads in prayer.
“Mmm. There’s something different in this chicken salad.” Saul wrapped his mouth around his sandwich and tried to figure out what Miriam’s secret ingredient was. He swallowed, then smiled at her. “You gonna tell me?”
“Nope.” She giggled. “But if you have a recipe you’d like to trade. . .”
Saul felt his face turning four shades of red.
“You cook, Saul?” Jesse grinned as he glanced at Shelby.
“He has to cook for his family, Jesse,” Miriam said defensively, which warmed Saul’s heart but also made him feel like a bit of a wimp.
“Sometimes,” he added.
“Are we on for another competition?” Shelby asked as she helped Miriam gather up used paper plates and napkins.
“Ya. I’m in.” Jesse stood up, then added, “But why don’t we pair up differently? Probably ain’t fair to have the girls against us, Saul.” Shelby laughed. “Why? Are you afraid we’ll win again?”
“You didn’t win.” Jesse looped his thumbs underneath his suspenders. “Me and Saul caught more fish.”
“But. . . we caught the biggest one!” Shelby stood with her shoulders back, grinning.
