by Lynne, Donya
“Mark, you’re a good man.” She nodded tightly, remembering all the wonderful things she had learned about Mark last year, as well as the tragedy of his past. He had opened up to her, and she didn’t think he opened up to many. Their time together had been so very special, and it was obvious to her that it had been special for him, too. They had shared something. A common bond. An understanding. Somehow they just got one another, and even now, with her hand promised to another and her mind clouded by fever—or maybe because her mind was clouded by fever—their connection was almost palpable. “Right now, I think you’re the only man I can count on.” She quickly looked away as the truth of her own statement slammed into her.
Even though what they’d had last summer hadn’t been enough to make him want to stay with her, Mark seemed more committed to her than Brad was. Her fiancé seemed more willing to push her needs aside than acknowledge them, whereas Mark pushed his own needs aside to put hers first. Right now, with fever draining her strength, she didn’t want to think about what this revelation meant for her and Brad’s future, but it didn’t feel like a good thing.
Silence stretched between them, and then Mark knelt in front of her and put his hands on her knees. “I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.” He leaned forward and hugged her.
Damn, did that feel good. A full-on, unsolicited hug. She’d been starved for affection lately, and his solid warmth and tenderness hit the spot.
After holding her for several seconds, he pulled away, stood, and grabbed his bag. “Now, take two more Tylenol and rest. Don’t even think about coming into work this week.”
She crossed her finger over her heart. “I promise.”
He grinned and headed for the door. “I’ll check on you tomorrow.”
With that, he was gone, leaving in his wake more questions than answers.
Chapter 25
Karma’s Blog
Sunday, October 28
“Football Could End My Engagement”
B doesn’t like football. It’s just one of the many differences between B and me. I love football. I love everything about it. The rush of a successful Hail Mary. The frenzy of the fans after the running back busts through the defensive line into open field, gunning for the end zone. The hurried field goal in the final seconds of the game that changes who wins and who loses in the blink of an eye.
For me, football is a religion. It’s the seed of tradition and defines autumn. Without football, the departure of summer and changing of the leaves wouldn’t be so special. It would be just another reason to dread the coming winter instead of cause to bundle up and brave the outdoors.
I once went to a football game at Notre Dame. A mighty feat, I must say. Not many can get tickets to a Notre Dame football game. The day was cold and dappled with drenching rain showers. The stadium seats were warped, uncomfortable wooden benches. By the end of double overtime, my feet were blocks of ice. But that day was one of the best times of my life.
B would have hated it.
These are the things I’m sacrificing by marrying him.
Do I want to sacrifice something I enjoy so much?
But football isn’t the only way B and I are different. He’s thirty-nine years old. I’ll only be twenty-six in a couple of weeks. He likes classic rock. I prefer easy jazz. He’s a workaholic. I want to spend more time living and enjoying life. And let’s not forget his overly entitled, spoiled rotten daughter. B’s and my ideas about parenting obviously lie at opposite ends of the spectrum.
Will he and I really be able to have children together if our styles are so vastly different?
About the only area where B and I agree is in our love of running, but marathons do not a marriage make.
Then there’s M. Perfect, charming M.
He’s the whole package. Everything about him aligns with everything about me. There’s a give-and-take with him. He understands me without my even having to try, and he instinctively seems to know what I need before I do. It’s always been that way between M and me.
This week, I’ve been sick, and M has checked on me every day. He took me to the doctor, made me chicken soup, brought me more meds and Kleenex yesterday. He’s been terrific.
But I want to get married. I want to have a husband and a family. M isn’t capable of that. The time I spent with him last year proved as much.
So, where does that leave me, other than between a rock and hard place? On one hand is B, who is ready and eager to commit, but who, the longer I’m with him, feels further and further apart from me. On the other is M, who fits me like a tailored suit, but who wants nothing of commitment.
How did I find myself here?
Karma logged out and set her laptop on the coffee table then plunged her hand into the box of Chicken in a Biscuit crackers sitting beside her on the couch. Mark had brought her two more boxes yesterday, along with a half-dozen boxes of Kleenex, which should last her an entire year now that her flu was winding down. He’d also brought her cough drops, another container of orange juice, and more Popsicles. Oh, and then there was the giant Crock-Pot of chili. She couldn’t forget the chili he’d made, which was a nice accompaniment to a day of college football.
And it would make a fine lunch and dinner for a day of professional football tomorrow, too. She turned on the TV and snuggled under her throw blanket.
Around four o’clock, her phone rang. She turned the sound down on the TV and picked up.
“Hey, Lisa.” She still sounded awful, but at least she felt better.
“Hi, girl. How are you feeling?”
“Better.”
“Good.” Lisa’s voice sounded tight, like she’d called for a reason but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. “Glad to hear it.”
“Is that why you called? To check on me?” Prodding Lisa when she got like this was the best way to make her spill.
“Partly. But…um…”
“Out with it, Leese.”
“I just read your blog.”
Karma’s mind froze, and it took her a minute to process Lisa’s announcement. “Wait, how do you know about my…” Then she remembered when Lisa and Daniel had helped her clear out her spare room last spring. “Ooohh. That’s right. I told you about it when you and Daniel helped me move in my treadmill. Have you been reading it all this time?” She suddenly tried to remember all the posts she’d written and all the secrets she’d divulged.
“Off and on. I haven’t read it in a while, but I looked at it today while watching the game, and…”
Oh no. Lisa had read her Brad and Mark musings. She dropped her face into her free hand.
“Karma, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know.” She lowered her hand to her lap and glanced out the window. “I think I’m in trouble here, Lisa.”
“Are you falling back in love with Mark?”
How did you fall back in love with someone you had never stopped loving? “Lisa, I don’t think I’ve ever fallen out of love with him.”
“You can’t do that. You can’t be in love with him if you’re going to marry Brad.”
“Tell that to my heart.” She laid her head against the back of the couch.
“What about Brad?”
Just his name sent shudders down her back. “Brad and I just aren’t working, Lisa. If you read my blog post, you know that.”
“Yes, I got that impression. So, are you going to call off the engagement?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Brad wasn’t a bad guy. He was a decent man. They just didn’t see eye to eye about a lot of things, and there just wasn’t any passion there. She didn’t feel a connection to him like she did with Mark. “Do you think I’ll ever find a man that’s the best of both worlds?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, a man who makes me feel like Mark does but wants to get married like Brad?”
Lisa laughed. “Gee, Karma, you’re not asking for much, are you?”
She sighed. “I’m looking for t
he impossible, aren’t I?”
“Naw, you’re not.” Lisa paused. “Like I said before, you can have both. I believe it’s possible. And you know, you could do worse. A lot of married women would kill to have just a smidgeon of what you’ve got with Mark, and a lot of single women would give their left arm for what you have with Brad.”
“What are you saying?”
“Just that no one’s perfect, sweetie. But you have to decide who’s closer to your definition of perfection. You’re never going to get everything you want. That’s why you have to weigh the pros and cons and compromise. What can you live with, and what’s a deal breaker? If Mark wants to be with you—really wants to be with you—but just can’t call it a commitment, then is that really so bad? It’s just semantics, right?”
“True, but who says he wants to be with me?”
“Did you even read your own blog post? Of course he wants to be with you. Why would he be taking care of you like he is if he didn’t?”
As always, what Lisa said made sense. “You’ve got a good point.”
“Of course I make a good point. I’m awesome.”
Karma started to laugh but ended up coughing instead. After catching her breath, she said, “Don’t make me laugh or you’ll kill me.”
“I’m sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” Lisa snickered. “But hey, seriously, it doesn’t take a genius to see Mark is still into you. And I mean into you. I’m not saying Brad’s a bad guy or that you should ditch him, but, Karma, you deserve to be happy, and I just don’t see you being happy with Brad. Sure, having Mark back threw you off in the beginning, and of course you were angry, but now things are settling down, and in the last few weeks you’ve been the happiest I’ve seen you in a long time. That can’t just be coincidence.”
“Okay, so the next obvious question is, what about my job? Let’s say I decide to give Mark another chance. What then? I’m his assistant. You’re in human resources. If he and I get involved, I can’t be his assistant, anymore, can I?”
“We can figure it out. There’s always a solution. First, you just need to decide what you want.”
“Meaning Brad or Mark.”
“Yes. You have to choose. If you want Mark and he wants you, then we’ll deal with what to do about your job later.”
Karma frowned and nibbled on her bottom lip. “What if I told you I’m already dealing with it?” She squeezed her eyes closed, unable to believe she was actually going to tell Lisa that she’d sent out résumés.
“What do you mean?”
“Lisa, don’t kill me, but I started putting out feelers with other companies after Mark returned.”
“You what?” Lisa’s voice shrilled.
“I was upset.” Karma slapped her hand on the couch. “I didn’t think I’d be able to work with him, so I sent out a couple dozen résumés.” And she’d actually received an e-mail from one of her former professors at Purdue with word about a possible position opening soon. But she hadn’t heard back, yet.
“Have you been contacted by any of them?”
“No. Not yet.” No sense telling her about the e-mail from her professor until she had more definitive news.
Lisa blew out a relieved sigh. “Good. Don’t leave. You can’t leave.”
“But—”
“No. We’ll figure it out, okay? Just…don’t accept any offers if you get any.”
“What if I receive an offer I can’t refuse? You know, like more money and a chance to work in my preferred field?” She really wanted to use her writing degree someday sooner rather than later.
“You’d sell out like that?”
“I wouldn’t be selling out.”
“Oh, you know what I mean.”
“Whatever.” Karma glanced up at the score as it flashed on the screen before a commercial break.
“So, you’re going to think about what I said?”
Karma dug another cracker from the box. “Yes, Mother.”
Lisa laughed. “My vote is for Mark, but then I’ve never really warmed up to Brad. He’s just too…I don’t know…serious. Mark’s like yummy, melted marshmallows on a bed of warm chocolate. Brad’s cold graham crackers.”
“Ah, but marshmallows and melted chocolate are just a gooey mess without graham crackers to hold them together.”
“Oh, jeez. Listen to that philosophy.”
“Just keepin’ it real.” Karma bit into her cracker. Pieces fell onto the blanket and she brushed them off.
“Well, I’ll take the gooey mess and lick it off my plate. How’s that?”
“Hey, that’s my gooey mess you’re talking about. If anyone’s going to be doing any licking, it’s me.”
“You’ve got graham crackers, remember? You can’t have the sweet, gooey mess until you throw out the crackers.”
“Nice visual.” Karma tossed the half-eaten Chicken in a Biscuit cracker back in the box.
“I’m here all night for your entertainment.”
Karma forced herself not to laugh so she didn’t erupt into another coughing frenzy. “How do our conversations always revolve around food?”
“I don’t know, but now I’m hungry. I’m gonna go find some chocolate and marshmallows.”
“Hey!”
“Hey yourself. You stop eating the crackers and you can have the chocolate.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it.”
They said their good-byes and Karma glanced at the blue box with the chicken on the front sitting beside her. Then she smiled and shook her head. They weren’t grahams, but wasn’t it funny how she’d stopped eating those crackers just about the time Lisa told her to?
God, was she really considering doing this all over again?
And if she did, would Mark only break her heart?
Chapter 26
Friday, November 16
Mark smiled at the caller ID on his phone.
“Rob, hey.” He stood and glanced out his office window.
“What are you still doing in Indianapolis?” Rob sounded uptight. Then again, this was his last weekend as a bachelor. Come Monday, he would be a kept man.
“Relax. There was an emergency with one of our clients, and I needed to oversee things. But don’t worry. I’ll be there.”
“Just don’t miss your fitting in the morning or Holly will kill me.”
“Well, just make sure to keep the Valium coming and I won’t kill you first.” He’d promised Rob he’d be his best man, but just thinking about standing at the front of the church in his tuxedo gave him a queasy stomach.
“Yeah, yeah, you and your Valium. How’s things with your little lady?”
“She’s not my little lady,” he said quietly, glancing over his shoulder to his open office door.
Things had softened between him and Karma since the day he bumped into her at Greek Tony’s, and even more since the day he took her to the doctor. But she still wore that godforsaken diamond on her finger, and until she broke things off with Brad—if she ever did—he wouldn’t intrude. He refused to do to Brad what Antonio had done to him when he stole Carol out from under him seven years ago, going on eight. Becoming the very thing he loathed was not the solution and would just make things worse for all involved.
“Damn. I was hoping you’d show up with her and make it a double wedding.”
“Fuck you.” Mark tossed his gaze back out the window. “You’re full of shit, you know that?”
“Yeah, but at least I’m happily full of shit.”
Mark grinned. “I’m happy for you. And don’t worry, I’ll be there. I swear.”
“You’d better be. I’m counting on you.”
“Hey, you’re the one who scheduled the wedding on a Monday. If you’d scheduled it on a weekend like a normal person I’d have been there days ago and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Who the hell gets married on a Monday?”
Rob chuckled. “It was Holly’s idea. Relatives were flying in from out of town for Thanksgiving, and since everyone was taking the wee
k off, anyway, she thought we’d save some money taking a weekday instead of a prime-time weekend slot.”
“Smart woman you’re marrying there, Rob.”
“I know. But the weekend had been booked, anyway, so we didn’t really have much choice.”
“And now the truth comes out.”
“And don’t you breathe a word of it to anyone. Holly likes people thinking I’m marrying a sensible, frugal woman.”
“Aren’t you?”
“Yes, but I guess making everyone think she purposely chose Monday to save money ices it.”
Mark chuckled. “Okay, let me get off here. I just need to take care of a few more things and then I’m on the road. Car’s already packed.”
“Okay, see you later.”
He hung up and reached for his coffee cup. He had a long drive ahead of him in a couple of hours, so one more mug of coffee wouldn’t hurt, even though it was late in the afternoon.
As he approached his door, he heard Karma gasp from her desk.
“What? Oh no.” She sounded upset.
He stepped out to find her on her phone. When he saw the look of dread on her face, he knew whatever news she’d just received wasn’t good.
“Is she okay? What’s wrong?” Tears sprang into her eyes and she covered her mouth.
Mark hurried to her desk and mouthed, “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and began to cry. “I’ll be right there. Don’t do anything, yet. Just let me get there.” She hung up and immediately burst into tears.
“Karma? What’s wrong?”
“It’s my cat, Spookie,” she said, grabbing her purse. “She collapsed and is struggling to breathe.” She bolted out of her chair, dashing her fingers across her tear-streaked cheeks. “I have to go. I need to go.”
Mark stepped aside. He knew what it was like to lose a beloved pet. Growing up, they’d had dogs. He still remembered when they’d had to put down his favorite, a golden retriever named Rex. He’d cried for days.
