by Chiah Wilder
For the next hour, the two friends chatted about their lives, their sorrows, and their joys. Belle didn’t dare tell Holly that one of the biggest joys of her life since Harold died was meeting Banger. A rawness chafed her, and the pain was acute. She couldn’t imagine not hearing Banger’s voice anymore or seeing his twinkling eyes. He had invaded her life, and she couldn’t let him go with the bitterness he had against her burning inside him. She had to make him understand. She missed him, and it hadn’t even been two hours.
When Belle arrived home, sadness and emptiness shrouded her. She texted Emily, as she did every night.
Belle: Nite, honey. I love u.♥
As always, there was no answer.
She drew in a sharp breath and texted Banger.
Belle: I’m thinking of u. Wish u were here. Text me.
She stared at the phone for a long time, her insides tense in anticipation of the familiar ping, but its silence taunted her. She glided under the sheets, hugging the pillow next to her—it still smelled of Banger’s aftershave. Pulling the comforter over her head, she buried her face in the pillow while her sobs consumed her.
Chapter Twenty-One
One month later
On her break, Belle sat on the low concrete wall, welcoming the warm spring breeze as it caressed her. She tilted her head toward the sky, feeling the heat of the sunlight. The scent of evergreens and spruces was in the air with their new growth, and the air vibrated with birdsong, bees, and the beginning of life. As she knew too well, the budding life around her could be short-lived with a blanket of snow. For that reason, she basked in the moments of early spring.
Her phone pinged and she looked down, a smile spreading over her face. It was from Emily, telling her that she had a great day at school. She had slowly begun communicating with her mother, and Belle said silent prayers every day in thanks. She would see her daughter on Saturday at the chili cook-off in Clermont Park. Every March, Pinewood Springs High School put on the fundraising event. If the weather was bad, it was held in the school’s gym. In good weather, it was held at Clermont Park, and Belle had her fingers crossed that the lovely days they had been experiencing would continue until Saturday.
She was excited about the cook-off because the first prize was one thousand dollars, and the second and third cash prizes were still pretty decent. She could really use the money. For the past few weeks, she’d been cooking and tasting, using Ethan as her chili-tasting guinea pig. She laughed, recalling how, for the past several days, he would run to his room whenever he’d hear her start pulling the chili pot from underneath the stove.
The last time she’d heard from Banger was that horrible day when he’d beaten the shit out of Scorpion. He still came to the diner, but instead of calling Ruthie to find out when her shift was like he used to, he’d call to find out when she wouldn’t be at work. The ache in her heart was not as strong as it was at first, but the lump in her throat still flared up whenever the diner’s front door opened and she peered through the service window, hoping to see his twinkling blue eyes.
Each time she heard a motorcycle, her heart leapt, wondering if she’d see him with his blond hair blowing in the wind, his strong legs hugging the bike. But she never did. He’d done a good job of extracting himself from her life.
Belle had stopped calling and texting him a few weeks back. She still couldn’t believe that what they may have had was short-circuited by an association she’d had with a rival club. The one she really felt sorry for was Ethan. In the beginning, he’d kept asking about Banger, but now he barely asked at all. Children could be very resilient at times.
She hadn’t seen nor heard from Scorpion since that terrible day, and she wasn’t complaining about that. All in all, her life had been moving forward, but she still missed Banger like crazy, even though she didn’t admit it to anyone but herself.
She glanced at the time on her phone, then pushed up and walked into the kitchen to begin cooking the evening special—chili.
* * *
On Saturday, the weather was perfect, and all the vendors set up their booths early in the morning. The contestants for the cook-off also had their own chili booths, and Belle recruited Holly and Ruthie to help her dish out chili to the hungry festival-goers.
A few hours into the fundraiser, Belle spotted several men in leather jackets with the Insurgents’ name and logo. Her heart skipped a few beats as she scanned the crowd, looking for a tall man with ocean-blue eyes and long, blond hair. She wondered if he were going to be there, or boycott it because he’d figured she would be.
Cara walked up to the booth with a woman who had flaming red hair and the cutest baby in tow. “Hey, Belle. Smells good,” Cara said, pointing to the chili simmering in a pot. “I saw Emily with a couple of her friends. How are you two doing?”
“Better. At least we’re talking now. That’s a start.”
Cara moved to the side, allowing the redheaded woman to come into full view. “Belle, this is Addie.”
Addie smiled and held out her hand. “It’s nice meeting you. I gotta try your chili—it smells awesome.”
“Coming right up. Your daughter’s beautiful. How old is she?”
“Thank you. Hope will be nine months in two weeks. I can’t believe how fast she’s growing.” She bent over the stroller and ran her fingers through her daughter’s bright red hair. “I better get two more cups for my husband and son.”
Belle filled up three large cups, securing lids on them before she handed them to Addie. “Let me help you with those,” Cara said as she took the containers.
“Hawk with you?” Belle asked as Cara turned to leave.
“Yeah.” She leaned in close. “Banger’s here too.”
A surge of adrenaline shot through her, as her mouth went dry and her pulse sped up. “Oh.” From Cara’s devilish grin, Belle knew she wasn’t fooling her with her feigned cool demeanor. “Did you want to take some chili to Hawk?”
“I’ll be back in a bit. I’m going to help Addie get situated. See you.”
Belle stirred the chili absentmindedly as she watched Cara and Addie disappear into the crowd. Banger’s here! I hope he comes over to see me.
All morning, she served chili while scanning the crowd for the handsome biker. He was nowhere to be seen. She resigned herself to the fact that he was dissing her, and she’d be damned if she was going to spend all day moping about it. She had a cook-off to win, and she spotted the five judges heading to her booth.
Belle watched the judges’ faces as they sampled her chili, and swore she’d seen sheer delight gleaming in three pairs of eyes. They thanked her, made notes on their sheet of paper secured on a clipboard, and moved away. When they parted, she spotted Banger talking with some men about ten feet from her booth. She bent over and put on her sunglasses so she could spy on him without fear of being caught.
He pretended to be engrossed in the conversation with his other club members, but she saw him peeking at her from the corner of his eye. Loving it, she decided to ignore him, which was easy to do since her booth was so damn busy. Several men she knew from the diner came over and chatted and flirted with her, and she noticed Banger shooting daggers at them. How he thought he had a right to be mad about men flirting with her when they weren’t together was beyond her. She wondered if all bikers were as difficult as Banger.
After half an hour of playing “pretend I’m not looking at you,” Banger strolled over to the booth, greeting Ruthie with a big smile and acting as though Belle didn’t exist. “Hi, Ruthie. How you holding up?”
He chitchatted with her boss, and Belle, hopping mad, pretended to be engrossed in a conversation with one of the truckers who always came to the diner. He was sweet on her and asked her out at least four times a week, even though she’d always decline. He loved to talk, and normally she’d find an excuse to dodge a lengthy conversation with him, but at the moment, he was a godsend. When the guy placed his hand on hers, Belle thought she heard a growl. She ignored it. Final
ly running out of breath, the trucker said his good-byes and sauntered away.
Belle overheard Ruthie say to Banger, “You gotta try some of the chili. Here.” She handed him a cup and a plastic spoon.
Out of the corner of her eye, Belle saw him take a big spoonful of the mixture. His eyes lit up. “Fuck, this is good.” He glanced at Belle, and she turned to him and smiled. He ran his eyes over her, then smiled back. The thrill of his gaze tingled over her skin. He tipped his head to her and moved away, planting himself against a tree directly across from her booth, watching her every move.
An hour later, Ethan came up with a couple of his friends. “I saw Emily, Mom. She said to say hi to you, and she was gonna come by soon.”
Warmth spread through Belle when she heard the words. She couldn’t wait to see her daughter, having missed her so much the past few months. A loud voice came over a crackling speaker. The votes had been tallied, and the judges had made their decision. “The third runner-up of the Pinewood Springs fundraising chili cook-off is Pearl Gunthe.” Cheers and claps echoed among the festival patrons. “The second runner-up is Susie Evans. And the winner of the chili cook-off is Belle Dermot. Let’s give these ladies a loud round of applause. And for all of you who didn’t win this year, keep cooking and we’ll see you next year. Could the winners please come to the judges’ tent to collect their prize money? Thank you.”
When she heard her name, Belle squealed and jumped up and down, and Ethan ran over screaming and hugging his mom before he and his friends ran around in circles, laughing and shoving each other. Ruthie and Holly made all kinds of noise as they congratulated their friend on her win. From the sidelines, Banger came up to her and also congratulated her. She was so happy to have won that she grabbed Banger and hugged him. When she realized what she’d done, she broke away, muttering, “Sorry.”
Banger pulled her back into him and hugged her, whispering in her ear, “I’ve missed you, woman.”
She pushed away. “I’ve missed you too.”
“What are we going to do about it?”
She shrugged.
Banger took her hands in his. “Let’s go to your house and talk.”
“I’m not up for it tonight. You can’t just decide you want to hang out with me tonight and then I don’t hear from you. I won’t let you do that to me, and I most definitely won’t let you do that to Ethan. When you left me, I was sad, I was hurt, but I got over it. Ethan was the one you hurt the most. He couldn’t understand why you left him. You didn’t even fucking call him to say good-bye. That was a crock of shit.” He circled his arms around her and pulled her close, but she twisted away from him. “I have to collect my prize money. I do want to see you again, but not tonight. Call me sometime.”
Leaving Holly and Ruthie in charge of the booth, she went to the judges’ tent to pick up the check. It took all of her strength not to agree to have him come over to her house after the festival, but she wanted him to know that it wasn’t that easy to get her back. In her opinion, he’d acted like an asshole, and she wasn’t going to let him jump back into her life whenever he decided he wanted to.
On the way back to her booth, Emily crossed her path. “Congratulations, Mom. That’s so cool that you won first place. I always told you that you made the best chili.” Emily played with her hair, braiding and un-braiding a small strand. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been okay. I’ve missed you. I can’t wait for the school semester to end so you can come back home. How are you doing?”
Emily raised her shoulders up and down. “Okay, I guess. I gotta whole new set of friends. I think you’ll like them.” She twisted her hair around her finger. “I guess things are okay. I gotta go now. See you.”
“I’ll call you soon. Take care of yourself.” Belle wanted to grab her daughter and hug her tightly, tell her how much she loved her, but she knew it would be too much too soon. She had to go back to the way it had been when Emily was a small child, with baby steps. That’s how they would build a relationship again—one step at a time.
* * *
The following morning, Belle was awakened from a deep sleep. Knock. Knock. Knock.
She glanced at her phone which read four thirty in the morning. Her bleary eyes stared at the large numbers as another knock echoed through the quiet house. She grabbed her robe and leapt out of bed, running down the stairs, her heartbeats pounding against her chest. Please, please, don’t let this be about Emily. She swung the door open and her eyes landed on Banger, but her brain couldn’t grasp that he was the one making all the ruckus.
“What in the hell are you doing here at four thirty in the morning? Are you drunk?” She pulled her robe tighter around her as the early morning chill seeped in through the open door.
“Nope. Open up.”
She unlatched the screen door and let him in, closing the door behind him. “Explain yourself, and it better be damned good.”
“Get dressed, then get Ethan up and dressed ‘cause I’m taking you both trout fishing.”
Belle heard his words, but in her sleep-fogged mind she didn’t understand. “We’re doing what?”
Banger laughed. “Trout fishing. You’re not too swift in the morning, are you?”
“I’d say the crack of dawn is usually not the best time for me. There’s no way you’re dragging Ethan and me to freeze our asses in a boat on a lake. No way.”
Banger’s smile disappeared.
“Mom, I wanna go. Please?” Ethan said from the top of the stairs.
Belle groaned, and Banger’s smile reappeared. “I guess we’re going fishing, woman.” She looked from Ethan’s hopeful eyes to Banger’s sparkling ones, and she sighed. “Yeah, I guess I’m going to freeze my ass on the lake.”
* * *
Teeth chattering for a good three hours wasn’t exactly Belle’s idea of a good time, but she’d endure the cold, the icy wind, and her gnawing stomach again just to see the way Ethan’s face lit up every time he reeled in a trout. He was having the time of his life, and it was all due to Banger. Fishing, baseball cards, and playing video games were things Ethan liked to do, but she didn’t have the time to do any of it with him. She didn’t know a thing about fishing, and all she knew about baseball was that a player hit the ball with the bat. Ethan needed someone like Banger in his life. The two of them got along so well together, and it warmed her all over.
The morning had heated up, and the sun shined over them as Banger loaded the ice chest full of fish in the back of his SUV. “Are we going to eat them?” Ethan asked as he slipped in the backseat, slamming the door behind him.
“Yep, but we gotta clean ‘em first, and I’m gonna show you how to do that. I’m taking us to one of my favorite spots in the area. I want to share it with two of my favorite people.”
“Wow. Are we really your favorite people?” Ethan asked.
“You and my daughter, Kylie.” He looked in the rearview mirror and winked.
“If we’re your favorite people, why did you stop coming around?”
Belle felt Banger stiffen beside her, and she took a perverse pleasure in it. Now he could figure out how to explain his absence from Ethan. Banger cleared his throat. “Sometimes, things happen. It had nothing to do with you, but I guess you kinda got lost in the shuffle. Didn’t mean anything by it, I want you to know that. I’m not bullshitting you, kid.”
Ethan seemed satisfied with Banger’s answer, and he busied himself by playing a game on his phone, Belle listening to the intermittent bells and pings. As they drove over the rocky terrain, Banger slipped his hand inside hers and held it tightly. Calmness washed over her as they drove in silence, each happy to be in the other’s presence.
They pulled into a clearing among the evergreen and aspen trees, and as soon as the car stopped, Ethan jumped out, running toward a gurgling creek. “Be careful,” Belle called out after him. She bent down to gather her tote and jacket, and when she rose, Banger planted a kiss on her cheek. She turned her head and smiled at hi
s lopsided grin, the one she was sure landed him in a lot of women’s beds. He cupped her chin, tilted her head back, and kissed her softly on the lips.
“The water’s cold,” Ethan said as he crouched down by the creek.
Breaking away from Banger, Belle pushed out of the car and sprinted to her son. “You’re too close. The water is really flowing. I don’t want you to fall in.”
“Hey, come over here. I need some help cleaning the fish,” Banger said.
Ethan and Belle walked over to where Banger had set up a few chairs, a table, and piles of wood. After starting the fire, Banger brought the ice chest with the newly caught fish over to the table and told Ethan to start setting the trout on the table so they could clean them. Belle watched in amusement as her son’s face wrinkled in concentration, Banger’s fingers flying as he scaled, cleaned, deboned, and rinsed the fish as fast as Ethan placed them on the table. Neither of them spoke, as all their energy was given to the task at hand. From the way her son’s eyes danced when he glanced at Banger, Belle knew he was having the time of his life.
Banger moved his head up and jerked it at a chest near the campfire. “Take out the frying pan, put a little oil in it, and place it on the cooking grate over the fire. We’re almost ready to fry these fillets.”
When she opened the chest, she smiled as it revealed not only the frying pan and oil, but rolls, oranges, potato chips, chocolate sandwich cookies, a spatula, utensils, and napkins. She pulled out the frying pan and oil, placing the greased pan on the cooking grate. Banger brought the aluminum platter piled with fish over to the fire. “Be right back. I’m gonna wash my hands.” She watched him go over to the creek, crouch down, and wash up, Ethan standing beside him.
There was nothing like eating freshly caught fish grilled over a fire; it was delicious. And when Banger brought out a bottle of chardonnay, the icy reserve around her heart began to melt, but she reminded herself of the solitary confinement he’d put her in for a month just because she knew a man from a rival club. As the day passed, she realized he’d gone out of his way to give her and Ethan a special day in different ways, and she was finding it more difficult to stay mad at him.
