by Chiah Wilder
Hawk paused before he spoke, choosing his words carefully. “Cara, I’m sorry about Eric. I’m sure this is hard for you, but don’t blame me and the club for the stuff he did.”
“I can’t do it anymore, that’s all,” she whispered.
“That isn’t all. Fuck, do you know what hell I’ve been through this last month? I didn’t know what the shit was going on. Did you even care or think about me?” Hawk paced around the room.
“I shouldn’t have done that to you. I am sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t quite cut it, Cara. You ran out on me when things got tough. I was there for you. I always had your back, but you couldn’t trust me enough. Fuck!”
“I needed time away from everything.”
“I get that. I gave you space and time with your parents, but what about me? Why did you push me out?”
“Your world is too violent for me. I have enough crap in my practice. I don’t want to have it during my time off.”
“What did the Insurgents do? We got the fuckin’ Nomads shut down, we got the women they smuggled to a safe environment, and we stopped that asshole, Viper.”
Cara shuddered when she heard Viper’s name. “I know. And I also know I was responsible for being there that night. You told me to stay at the clubhouse, and I didn’t. It’s just that everything is so muddled. I’m just so confused.”
Hawk rubbed his hands over his face. “Confused about what? Dammit, talk to me!”
“About everything! About Eric, you and me, my life, all of it.”
“Okay, I don’t know why Eric did what he did, but you and I are separate from all that.”
“I know you’re just having a good time with me, but I guess now I realize I don’t want that anymore.”
“Is that what you think? After all we’ve had, how can you say that? You’re the only woman I’ve let into my heart and my life. You don’t even fuckin’ know what you do to me. Babe, I think about you all the time. You’re in my soul. I’ve never felt this way about another woman. I love you, Cara. I want you to always be in my life. I can’t lose you.” Hawk reached out, drew her in his arms, and held her close. Stiff at first, she relaxed as he stroked her back.
“I’m so twisted inside. I know Eric did horrible things to those women. He destroyed their lives and the lives of the ones who loved them. For God’s sake, he threw the women out like pieces of garbage! I hate him for what he did, but I still love him. I don’t know how to reconcile this, I just don’t.” Cara’s voice cracked as a sob escaped from her.
Hawk held her trembling body closer to his and kissed the top of her forehead. “Babe, sometimes life fuckin’ sucks. You can’t figure out all the answers because sometimes there aren’t any.”
“I’m not strong enough for this.”
“I am. Lean on me. I’ll carry you through.”
Cara looked up at Hawk, and his determined eyes held hers as he bent down and covered her mouth with his. She parted her lips, and he kissed her deeply as he conveyed courage and conviction to her. “I know I’ve been a fool and blamed myself for Eric’s evilness and death. I punished myself by eliminating any happiness, and by denying you in my life.”
“Shh… it’s okay, babe. Everything is gonna be fine, and you’ve got me to help you through all this,” he whispered as he caressed her hair.
Cara circled Hawk’s neck and kissed him at the base of his throat. Burying his face in her hair, he breathed in her familiar vanilla scent. His cock ached to be back in her pussy, and he wanted to throw her down on the plush couch and fuck her until they were both covered in sweat, but it wasn’t the right time—he’d have to take it slow. He muttered in her ear, “I’ve missed holding you, babe. I love you.”
She met his mouth and murmured against his lips, “I love you, Hawk. I’ve loved you for a long time, but I was scared to let go. I’m not scared anymore.”
He kissed her and his tongue swirled around her mouth. “Go get your things. We’re going home,” he said against her lips.
Cara hugged his waist before breaking away to pack her suitcase.
She met her mom in the hallway as Cara descended the stairs, suitcase in hand.
“Honey, what are you doing?”
“I’m going home, Mom. It’s time.”
As Hawk stood by the front door, Cathy’s eyes narrowed and her lips turned downward. Hawk walked over to Cara, took her hand, and said, “Mrs. Minelli, I know you don’t approve of me, but I love your daughter. She’s going to be fine with me, I promise you that. I will take care of her.”
“Cara, you can’t be serious.”
“Please don’t make a scene, Mom. I know Hawk isn’t what you envisioned for me, but he’s perfect for me. It’s my choice.”
“What will people say? Cara, think of your family. We’ve just gone through one scandal and now this? I won’t allow it.”
Vincent, hearing the ruckus, came into the foyer. He glanced at the suitcase in Cara’s hand and Hawk’s arm around his daughter’s shoulder.
Cathy yelled, “Don’t just stand there, Vince, do something!”
Vincent extended his hand to Hawk, who shook it with a firm grip. “Be good to my daughter, or I’ll break your goddamned neck.”
Hawk smiled. He liked Cara’s dad.
“Have you lost your mind, Vince? You’ve always been too permissive with Cara. Now look what she’s doing. She’s running off with a hoodlum.”
Vincent hugged his daughter. Looking at Cathy, he said, “Yes, look at our daughter. She’s happy for the first time in weeks. Maybe you’re all right with your daughter being unhappy, but I’m not. Seeing her now so joyful is more than a father can ask for.”
Cara kissed her dad’s cheek while she hugged him close to her. “Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”
Vincent wiped the moisture off his daughter’s cheeks and cleared his voice. “You better get going; it’s starting to snow. Call us when you get home.”
Cara and Hawk stepped outside. Behind them, they heard her mother raising her voice to Cara’s dad.
“I knew my mom would be pissed. I wish she could be happy for me.”
“She’ll come around, babe. It’ll probably take a long time, but she’ll eventually accept me.”
Snowflakes danced around them as Hawk went to Cara’s car and loaded her suitcase in the trunk. “I’ll follow you.”
“You don’t have to. I’m fine.”
“I’ll follow you, woman.”
“I’m fine, I told you. By the way, stop calling me woman. You sound like you’re a caveman, or something. You know, things have definitely evolved since the caveman days, and women are equal to men. Did you—” Hawk’s lips on Cara’s interrupted her monologue.
Cupping her chin under his hand, he said, “It’s good to have you back, babe.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Opening her front door, Hawk said, “I’ll spend weeknights here with you, and you’ll spend weekends at my place.”
“Do I get a say in that?”
“No.”
Shaking her head, Cara kissed Hawk on the cheek. “Sounds good to me. I’ve missed you.”
He drew her into his arms, crushed his mouth on hers, and ran his hands over her curves. As he caressed her tits, she stiffened. “What’s the matter, baby?” he asked.
“I’m not ready for that. The whole thing with Viper, you know, I’m just not ready yet, Hawk. You’ll have to be patient with me.”
He hugged her. “Take your time, babe. I’ll always be here for you.” Even though my cock wants your pussy in the worst way. He wished he could have saved her the fear and humiliation that fucker put her through. I’m just glad I got there before he raped you. I can’t even think about that. If I do, I’ll break something.
Later that night, they settled on the couch, Cara hugging Hawk’s knees, her head on his lap. He stroked her hair as they watched reruns of The Twilight Zone. They had discovered that they were both huge Rod Sterling fans, so when Cara found out T
he Twilight Zone marathon was on T.V., she knew Hawk would want to see it with her. It was fun to watch the show with each other.
As they watched the episode “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet,” Cara laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“I remember watching this rerun when I was a kid. Eric, Sherrie, and I were avid Zone fans, and we’d go through bowls of popcorn during a marathon. We loved this episode, and we’d always laugh when we saw the gremlin. Eric used to say it looked like a guy wearing a shag carpet. It was so cheesy it was funny, you know?”
“Damn, it does look like the actor’s in a shag carpet.” Hawk chuckled as he looked at her shimmering eyes. Leaning into her, he played with her hair. “Babe, don’t let sadness creep in. You have a happy memory of your cousin, and that’s good.”
“Yeah, I know. I did have good times with him in the past. Tonight, you and I are making new memories. I love that.” Cara snuggled into the crook of his arm while she embraced him.
Stroking her cheek with his thumb, he said, “I love you, babe.”
“I love you, too.”
When they went to bed later that night, Hawk cradled Cara in his arms as she fell asleep. He stared at the curve of her breasts as his cock throbbed, but he knew she needed time to wipe out the bad memories so she could begin to trust a man’s touch again. Even though he was ready to explode, he’d wait for her to make the move. Fuck, I love this woman. I never saw this happening in my life. She pulled me in the first time I saw her. Never saw this comin’.
* * *
Cara and Hawk woke up to two feet of fallen snow that sparkled like small pieces of glass under the sun.
“Are you going to your shop today?” Cara inquired.
“Yeah, I got some bikes I’m customizing. I’m behind schedule.”
“I’d like to go. I want to see your bike shop. I want to see what you do.”
“I didn’t think that would interest a woman.”
“You’ve seen me at my office. I want to see you at yours.”
“We leave in twenty minutes.”
Hawk’s shop was full of motorcycle parts, accessories, and several Harley models, like the freewheeler, road glide, and ultra-low. He also carried a Harley-Davidson Dyna Low Rider Vintage Racer and a 1946 Knucklehead. Hawk had restored both of the vintage cycles. His biggest source of revenue in the shop came from customizing motorcycles.
Cara perused the shelves which contained chrome accessories, bars and grips, windshields, filters, and cam engines. There were shelves which held skeleton hand mirrors and chrome exhaust pipes, as well as various fender ornaments like skulls, zombies, eagles, American flags, and wild boars.
“Where did you learn to repair and customize bikes?” Cara asked.
“I’ve loved motorcycles ever since the next-door neighbor at the trailer park took me for my first ride. My dad was drunk, and my mom had already split. I was about ten years old when I took my first spin. The minute I felt the wind rushing all around me and the sense of freedom and openness, I was hooked. After that, I learned everything I could about bikes. The neighbor, I think his name was John, was a mechanic, and he customized the hell out of his Harley. He taught me how to work on them.”
“It’s good you had him around.”
“Working on bikes with him that summer and riding on his Harley made the shit with my old man tolerable.” Darkness crossed his brow as the cobwebs of the past cleared, making his childhood memories more vivid.
Hawk saw Cara start to move toward him then stop, like she was going to give him a pity hug but decided not to. He was glad she changed her mind because he couldn’t stand that pity shit from anyone, even his woman. He didn’t need any sympathy when he felt the pain of his past.
Cara stood to the side of him, her eyes downcast.
Hawk cleared his throat. “You like the shop?”
“I love it. I can see your mark everywhere.”
Hearing the phone ring in the back office, Hawk went to answer it. Looking through the office’s window, he saw one of his regular customers, Ross, come into the shop. He heard Ross whistle as he raked his eyes over Cara’s body, lingering on her big tits. A deep heat filled Hawk’s chest, his temples pounding as he saw Ross ogling his woman. Fuck that! Seeing that Cara tugged on her red sweater, trying to make it less form-fitting, Hawk felt her discomfort. Ross flashed her a big smile.
“It’s good to see a pretty woman in here for a change,” Hawk heard him say.
“I don’t work here,” Cara said.
“Just visiting?” Ross came over to her, his eyes still fixed on her chest.
Hawk saw Cara’s chest moving in and out as a light sheen coated her forehead and upper lip. She darted her eyes from side to side, shifting her weight from one foot to another. To Hawk, she looked like a caged animal trying to get free.
“I gotta call you back, I got an emergency here,” he said to the customer on the phone. Hanging up, he rushed out of the office, saying, “Ross, I’m not quite done with your bike.”
Upon hearing his voice, Hawk saw the panicked look in Cara’s eyes disappear. She took a deep breath and her shoulders slumped. She threw him a relieved and grateful look as she wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead.
Standing there, Hawk’s blood rose as he saw how Ross stared at his woman. His fists clenched—turning his knuckles white—as slivers of anger flashed in his eyes.
“You have a pretty visitor here,” Ross said, leaning toward Cara.
Putting his arm around Cara’s shoulders, Hawk stared daggers at Ross. He leaned in and kissed Cara gently on her lips.
Ross said, “I get it. I’m supposed to back off.”
“Fuck yeah, she’s my woman.”
“I don’t want any problems, man. You’re a lucky guy. Give me a call when you’ve finished with my motorcycle.”
After Ross left, Cara put her head on Hawk’s shoulder. “I freaked out when he checked me out. All I could see was Viper’s thin lips, greasy hair, and cruel smile flashing in front of me. I was petrified. I started having a panic attack, and I couldn’t breathe. Am I ever going to get over this and be whole again?” She sniffled against his chest.
Holding her, Hawk said, “I’m so sorry, babe. I wasn’t there to protect and keep you safe. You’ll be okay, I promise. It’s just gonna take time, babe.” I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Cara never grew tired of watching the deer drink from the creek which ran behind Hawk’s house. Snow frosted the evergreen and pine trees, which lined his property. It was frigid. Hawk called her from the shop and told her to get the grill fired because he bought two steaks for dinner. He was a grilling man no matter what; he’d stand outside in ten degrees below zero temperatures, grilling steaks, red peppers, and corn. Cara, amused, stayed curled up on his couch in front of a blazing fire and sipped a glass of red wine. It could be a blizzard and Hawk would be outside grilling up steaks. Cara loved him for that.
She leaned over the balcony to throw some carrots down for the rabbits. She didn’t hear Hawk come out onto the deck before feeling his arms as he hugged her waist. “You smell good.” He breathed in her powdery fresh scent. “Did you get the grill fired up?”
“Ready to go. I got us a horror movie to watch, and I’ll make popcorn later.”
He shook his head. “You’re obsessed with horror movies, but I don’t mind. I like the way you hang on to me during the movie. Babe, you do know you spend most of the movie with your face in my chest, right?”
Cara swatted his arm. “I do not.”
A big smile spread across his face. “Yeah, you do, but I’m not complaining. Fuck, that’s one of the things I love about you.”
Giving him a hug, she said, “Get grilling, I’m starving.”
After dinner and the movie, Cara poured herself another glass of wine and gave Hawk another beer. As she sat down beside him, her back into his chest, he twisted her hair around his fingers and sa
id, “I have something for you.”
“You got me a present?”
Reaching down, he pulled a box from underneath the couch and handed it to her. “Open it.”
Cara opened the box, and folded inside was a black leather vest. The leather was butter-soft and felt good against her fingers. She turned the vest around and on the back, it read, “Property of Hawk, Insurgents MC.” She stared at it.
“Cara, I love you. I want you to be my old lady.”
She paused. “I know this is a big deal in your world. Is this like being engaged?”
“Yeah, sorta. To me, it’s more. I’m asking you to share your life with me, and to become a full partner in my world.”
“The property thing is a bit unnerving,” she said.
“It means you belong to me and I belong to you. It tells everyone you’re my woman and to back the fuck off. It gives you respect, and it gives me pride.”
“I will be your old lady, but there are a few conditions.”
“Do you ever just agree with something? You love to negotiate.” Hawk rolled his eyes and smiled. “Okay, go on and tell me your conditions.”
“You know you’d be bored if I were always agreeable.” Cara stared at him. “I am proud to wear this vest and be your old lady. I am willing to be a part of your world, but you have to be a part of mine, too. I can’t abandon my world. I won’t give up being a lawyer—I’ve worked too hard for that. You want me to understand and be in your world, but you have to understand and be in mine, too.”
“Being my old lady doesn’t mean you can’t be a lawyer. You’ll have to do more club stuff, but I’m cool with doing non-club stuff with you. I refuse to do pansy-ass stuff, but a charity event or hanging at your folks once in a while is okay.”
Holding the vest close to her, she said, “I’m honored to be your old lady.”
Hawk yanked her into his arms, kissing her deep and sweet. “You’ll make a kick-ass old lady,” he breathed into her ear. “Let’s go into the bedroom. I want to see you wearing my property patch and nothing else.”
