by Billy London
“I was a little chunky monkey at school,” he started slowly.
“So you grew into your looks. I think you’re okay with that now.” Her sarcasm made him grin.
“Not for years. Maybe I can show you.” He took her hand. “Close your eyes. Breathe with me.”
Her lashes fluttered closed and suddenly every single sound came into focus. “Is there a dog nearby?” she asked.
“Not for a few miles.”
She would be hearing everything in a ten mile radius as her senses sharpened, he knew from his own experiences. Behind her lids, colours would be flashing green. With Helena following his memory path, he directed her into the mind of himself at ten. Barely ten by a single day. When Helena opened her eyes, he could see she was standing in front of a mirror. Her face was a pallid white. Round eyes, startling violet, silvery blonde hair falling into her eyes. Oh my Lord, I’m you!
It’s just an echo of a memory, Auden told her gently. Follow along.
Young Auden tucked his bag onto his shoulder before he called goodbye to his mother. A paper airplane that looked like a Boeing Jet landed in his palm. Have a magical day, love. Mum.
Smiling, he carried the airplane into the car that dropped him at school. As he passed through the gates, Helena shared his tension, and the fear that shook his rounded little belly when three taller boys passed. Living through the memory of another was intense, almost like being that person at the time, sharing their exact emotion as it happened.
“All right, Michelin Man. Got some tyres for us?”
Young Auden battled whether to call out to them or not. And he did. “Get stuffed!”
The three boys all looked at each other and then at Auden before falling into gales of laughter. “Pathetic,” the boy in the middle sneered. “Wait ‘til after school. You’ll see.”
He knew Helena felt the weight of his youthful terror of what that promise would hold. I had to walk home after school, Auden told her, his tone empty of emotion. He knew from past experience that it was easier to talk about it that way, without feeling it again. It was my mum’s effort to make me exercise more.
He felt her heart sink in pity. Didn’t you call anyone?
Wouldn’t have made a difference. Watch.
He sensed her reluctance to see more, but she soon would understand why Romely had been so obsessed. I feel sick, Auden.
Just watch, Hells, it’ll be over soon.
When the school bell rang for the end of the day, little Auden disappeared into the throng of parents collecting their children, and took a route through the forest instead. He didn’t run for very far, his lungs fit to bursting with the strain. There was a small, pretty bridge over a trickling stream. Feeling relieved and a little smug that he had avoided the confrontation, he started to cross. He glanced up and his heart froze in fear. The same three boys were standing on the other side.
“You’re fat, you little prick, not fast.”
Auden started to take steps backward, his mouth open with silent words of pleading.
“Not so brave now, are you?”
“Leave me alone!” he cried at them, before bursting into tears. The boys laughed.
“Look at him!”
“Is it worth it?” one of the boys asked the leader.
One on the right is Tommy Jones. The one on the left is Andrew Jeffries. The one in the middle, top dog, is Philip Lancaster. Funny, he’s an estate agent now. Has two kids. Tries to add me on all sorts of social networking sites. Even now.
“Yeah, why not?” Phillip shrugged, before they grabbed him. Tommy and Andrew held him still while Phillip rammed his foot into Auden’s soft stomach over and over again. “Why are you so fat, you little shit? Can you even feel this?”
Auden couldn’t scream, his solar plexus burning with pain. Helena started to cry. I don’t want to see any more.
You need to understand, love, I’m sorry.
Phillip removed his school tie and ordered the others to remove theirs. “Let’s make him a dunking biscuit.”
Helena gave the scream that little Auden couldn’t as Phillip tied the material together then looped it around Auden’s throat.
“Pick him up and get him over the side.”
“No!” Helena yelled. Her command was futile.
This has already happened. He reminded her. It’s my past.
No it’s not just your past. It’s everything else that happens from now on, isn’t it?
You’ll understand in a minute.
The three boys pitched Auden over the side of the bridge, holding onto the looped ties, laughing as Auden’s legs thrashed. Her vision clouded over just as his throat clamoured for a gasp of air.
“Still feeling brave?” Phillip yelled over the edge.
“He’s so heavy.” Tommy let go of the ties.
Young Auden dropped closer to the water but he was nowhere near the stream to allow him a foothold. He was going to die.
“You’re killing him!” Helena screamed.
He wrapped his arm more tightly around her waist, his mouth pressed to the pulse in her neck. I’m okay. I’m here.
A light passed over Young Auden’s eyes, the same light that caused Helena to blink rapidly. His palms warmed and a calm overcame him. It was not from an acceptance of death. It was a harbinger of doom for the three boys on the bridge. The world turned upside down—the three boys floating in mid-air, as if they were submerged in water. Auden took the tie from around his neck and climbed onto the bridge, walking an invisible staircase to solid ground. He stood, looking up at them, struggling to escape the feeling of drowning, burial beneath water until they started to lose their battle with death. Young Auden allowed them to drop to the bridge.
Helena gasped. You did what I did.
Pretty much. The reluctant admission pasted over years of guilt.
Phillip looked up at Young Auden, his throat raw from silent screaming. “What are you?”
“Will you leave me alone now?”
Before they could speak, a little dark haired girl with huge blue eyes ran toward them. “Don’t!”
Heaving, she looked at Young Auden. “I can help.”
“I should have let them die,” Auden replied, his voice dark and empty.
“No, let me help. I can make them forget.”
He frowned at her. “How?”
“I’m like you. Special. Just keep an eye out,” she insisted, then hovered her hands over the boys. A minute later, the three sat up.
“What happened?” Tommy asked, rubbing his eyes.
“You fell over,” the girl said simply. “You should hurry up, your mum’s probably waiting for you.”
Phillip got to his feet and helped Andrew and Tommy as well. He glanced at Young Auden and gave him a smile. “See you tomorrow, mate.”
“Bye, Auden.” They all smiled and waved at him.
As if they hadn’t spent the last three months trying to crucify me, Auden added for Helena’s benefit. When they disappeared, Young Auden started to cry. The girl put her arms around him.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
“You watched them!” he yelled suddenly, pushing her away. “You let them do that to me.”
She blinked at him with innocence. “I just wanted to see—”
“If I’d die?” he snapped.
“If you’d use your gifts,” she whispered. “You are special like me.”
“I’m not special, I’m a freak. Just leave me alone.” He picked up his bag. The girl followed him.
“No, that’s not true at all,” she insisted, running to catch up. “You’ve got magic in you. You can’t hide it, and you are amazing. You were dying and you still—oh my gosh, it was brilliant. I’m Romely.”
“I don’t care. I don’t want to know. I just want to be left on my own.” He touched a trembling hand to his neck. “I don’t want anyone to know.”
Romely’s blue eyes widened with honesty. “I won’t tell anyone. You can trust me, Auden, I won�
�t let anyone else touch you. You’re special. Really, very, very special.”
Young Auden’s frown deepened before he turned and carried on toward his home.
Helena gave a gasp as they were released from the memory, Auden’s arm still very tight around her waist, his hold on his present, his future. Her eyes went instantly to his neck, the burn from the ties a blurred red scar. She wrapped her arms around him and gave into her tears.
“I can’t bear it,” she sobbed.
“I didn’t kill them, at least,” he sighed, rubbing Helena’s towel-clad back. He leaned away from her and dabbed her eyes with a corner of the towel. “Don’t cry any more, Hells. I’m all right.”
“No, you’re not. How could you be? Did you tell your mum?”
“She knew the minute I came home, but she also knew that the boys’ parents had no idea. She went back and forth for ages and decided against pulling me out of the school. Once I started secondary school, I got taller and understandably angrier. Other kids tended to keep out of my way. The ones who didn’t were riding on my parents’ coat tails, more so when I won the Ivor Novello award.”
“And that little girl grew up to be Dr. Romely Deans?”
“The very same little girl who took their memories of my almost killing them? Yes. When she said she wouldn’t let anyone else touch me, she wasn’t joking. First, she started by sending flowers to my mum’s house, then managed to hound Terry, my manager, into getting a contact detail for me and from there. She refused to take no for an answer.”
“Knowing exactly what happened to you, why cast that curse?”
“No one knows you like I do,” he intoned. “We’re the same. We belong together.”
Helena paused, her frown reappearing. “Auden, how long have you been like this?”
“Seven years.”
Helena’s jaw dropped. “What?”
He touched a finger to her chin, closing her mouth. “Yeah, I was about twenty-seven when I went on that post Brit Awards bender with Duran Duran. Don’t ask why, there were a lot of drugs involved. So Romely helpfully had me diagnosed with a condition she could monitor for life.”
“But it’s not true!”
“I have mental health issues, according to my friendly neighbourhood doctor. She can keep me on a leash forever. The whole ‘you’re under a spell, therefore you can’t talk about it’ business put a dampener on anyone helping me earlier.”
“But you’re talking to me.”
He looked at her. “You know why I can. Because of you.”
“Me,” she repeated blankly.
“Hells, come on, it’s been a debilitating day as it is. And it’s barely ten in the morning.”
“I know. But…”
But she needed reassurance. He unpeeled the towel from her body, but looked her in the eyes, feeling lighter than he ever had in his life. “I am in love with you. Which is why I can tell you all my deepest darkest secrets and Romely can’t do a thing about it.” He touched his mouth to her collarbone and felt her shiver beneath his touch. She tasted like home. “Now can we go? I’ve had enough of Kent.”
Her lips parted in expectation. “What are we going to do?”
He lifted her into his arms and made his way up the stairs. “Everything.”
Chapter Fourteen
Helena flew through patients at the Thursday morning walk-in clinic. She’d never felt as confident in her abilities as she did now, all of it to do with Auden. He refused to allow her to buy her own ring. Because marrying him was simple fact. It was happening. They just knew.
“Just be patient, Hells. I’ll get myself sorted and be able to support myself and you like an adult.”
“Why don’t you just pay me back?”
He sent her a look of masculine disgust that made her grin. “No.”
She had the strangest sensation when she wanted to know how Auden was. No mobile phone for her. All she had to do was look down at her left palm and the letter A glowed red and happy.
“Well, okay.” She grinned.
“Okay that I’ve got pus leaking from my armpit?” a patient asked incredulously.
“No, no. Never mind.”
In a break, she called Ophelia.
“What have you done now?” Ophelia growled.
“I’m sleeping again.”
She heard the frown in her sister’s voice. “What are you taking?”
“Sex.”
Ophelia laughed. “Good choice. Natural. The guitar banding scruff from Kent?”
“He’s going to be your brother-in-law, so please stop calling him that.”
Helena held the phone away from her ear at Ophelia’s piercing scream. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Not even a bit.”
Helena held the phone away from her ear as Ophelia screamed again. Then her sister yelled. “My sister just got engaged! I will scream if I fucking well want to!” Ophelia returned to Helena to sigh, “Dad is going to go spare. Mum will be happy, though.”
“Why will Dad be mad?”
“You’re his baby.”
“Des is the baby.”
“Des is mentally incompetent, you’re the baby.”
“He’s going to be fine,” Helena assured her. “He wants me to be happy.”
“Mum will be okay because of the prospect of babies. Dad will be fuming that you’re marrying someone you’ve known for a hundred meter dash.”
“Feels longer than that.”
“We went to the retreat less than a week ago.”
Oh. Right. Really? “Definitely feels longer than that.”
“I’ll get someone to draft up a pre-nup for you. Actually, that dude is rich.”
“Draw up a pre-nup if it makes you feel better. I don’t need his money.”
“I need his house. I could have country parties.”
“I thought you hated Kent.”
“It’s improving by the minute. Now, let me know when you want to go dress shopping.”
“Picked it already. Temperley.”
“Show me,” Ophelia demanded. Helena sent her the link and Ophelia gave another ear piercing scream. “You are amazing. Thank you so much for finding me something. But what are you going to wear?”
Helena rolled her eyes at such cheek. “Shut up, Fee. Can you come for dinner? Meet him properly?”
“I’m obliged to hate him, you know. For corrupting you.”
Helena gave a mild shrug, “You can give it a go, but the hate won’t last long though. He’s incredible.”
“At least have a long engagement.”
Helena paused for a half second. “No. Listen I’ve got to get back to work. Thank you for taking me with you. It’s the best thing I could have done.”
“Hmm. Wish I could agree with you. Let me distract myself with the pre-nup.”
They disconnected and Helena felt instantly uneasy about her father and his reaction. Finishing the clinic, she took a lunch break and zoomed to the rooms her father hired for mid-week sessions with clients. He was sitting in a neutral coloured room with a huge palm plant in the corner and classical music playing in the background.
“Hi, Dad.”
He got to his feet in surprise. “Helena! What’s all this about?”
“Just…er…I wanted to say hello.”
“I was supposed to have a client right now, but they’re obviously taking their time. Sit down please. Do you want a cup of tea?”
“No, I’m fine. I actually just wanted to speak to you about something.”
“All right. Is anything wrong?”
“No, not at all. Um…I met someone.”
Her father’s dark eyes narrowed. “Who?”
“You know him, Dad.” Okay now she felt like a guilty five year old. “His name’s Auden Garceau.”
Her father’s jaw tweaked. “How did that happen? He’s got a curfew.”
“Um, the retreat Ophelia and I went to. He was performing there. Turns out he and I have history together. And er�
�well…we’re sort of getting married.” Her father’s face turned thunderous. “But only a little bit married.”
“Helena,” he said with a sigh. “I know you want to help everyone, but that young man is very troubled.”
“I know, but it’s solvable and not at all chronic. Are you free this evening? To come for dinner and have a chat with him? He’s been let down so badly by things and he needs reassurance that he isn’t the big bad drunken druggie manic depressive he’s been painted to be.”
“I saw the notes, Helena. He needs a lot of help and I don’t know how you can give that to him.”
“Done already.” She gave a guilty grin. “He’s better because I love him. And I’m better because he loves me. Does that make sense?”
He lowered his head with a sad breath out. “You have always been so fragile. I’ve always been afraid that the smallest thing would whisk you into a shell and you’d never come out again. This guilt about your aunt abandoning you and this desperate need to save everyone around you, it can’t continue. There has to be a point where you stop.”
“It’s not about that, Dad. I promise. If anything, Auden understands that better than anyone else. That’s why he’s moved in with me.”
There was a knock at the door and a neat looking man stepped in. “Oh I’m sorry. I thought I was late.”
“No, come in, I’m on my way out.” Helena jumped to her feet. “Come over tonight, with mum, please?”
“We’ll see.” His eyes softened and he caught her hand so he could kiss her cheek.
“Bye, Dad.” With a bright smile, she closed the door and made her way back to the surgery. Well, that had gone down okay. Leave it to Auden to charm her parents over a well-cooked meal and they’d be home free.
***
Charlie patiently sat through the session and gave insightful comments leading his client to his own conclusions. The session finished and his client handed over his usual cheque for the next three sessions. Calmly, Charlie got into his car and drove to his daughter’s home in Angel. His mind was quite clear as he locked the car and rang the doorbell. Hair tied at the nape of his neck, Auden answered the door.
“Hey Char—”
Before he finished the sentence, Charlie’s fist connected squarely with Auden’s right eye, sending the younger man sprawling.
