by Ford, Linda;
Then Freddy turned and fled outside.
Joanna faced Rudy. “I’m sorry.” He’d lost his mother recently, and now his brother. Plus he had a hurting ten-year-old to think about.
“What am I going to do? I can’t take care of him.”
Her sympathy fled like yesterday’s sun. “A man has to own up to his responsibilities.”
“He’s not my kid.”
“He is now. And you better do what’s right for him. I’ve had it with men who think they have no obligation to the children in their care.”
He studied her with narrowed eyes. “Are we talking about me here?
Or you and your pa?”
She ignored his gibe. “Freddy is a child who needs a home. He deserves someone to care enough for him to provide one.”
“Don’t we all?”
She had no idea what he meant, but it didn’t matter. “You’re all that boy has.”
“Lady, I’m a cowboy.”
“Footloose and fancy-free. I know. Freddy told me.”
He scrubbed at his chin. The rasping sound irritated her.
“I can’t take him with me while I chase after cows.”
“No? Then you better find something else to do, hadn’t you?” How many times had she heard excuses from her father, seen the pain in her sisters’ faces, and had to push away her own disappointment and resentment in order to comfort them?
He glowered at her. “Like what?” He waved his hand around. “Run this place?”
She snorted. “From what Freddy says of your cooking, you’d run it into the ground.” This was getting them nowhere. “You need to figure out something and real soon.”
“Yeah. Sure. I’ll get right to it.”
“First thing you need to do is find Freddy.”
“No doubt you got every step of your life figured out, but don’t think you can plan mine.” He stomped from the room.
No, she didn’t have life figured out for her or anyone else. But she intended to make the best of things as she always had. She turned from watching Rudy disappear into the night and hurried to the door. She must talk to Mr. Tisdale. But he wasn’t there. She checked the group of men circling the fire. He wasn’t among them either. Disappointed, she returned inside and helped Cora wash dishes.
“Where do you suppose Freddy went?” Cora asked, peering into the dusk beyond the window.
“He could disappear completely in the woods if he wanted to.”
Cora gasped. “That would be awful. It’s cold at nights. He’d be so scared.”
“Don’t fret. I’m sure his uncle will find him.”
“Someone ought to tell him the boy needs some affection.”
Joanna laughed, half regret, even less amusement. “They are at odds with each other.”
“That’s strange.”
“I expect there’s more going on than we know.”
“I don’t care. He’s only a boy. And now an orphan.” Her chin quivered. “If I didn’t have a brother to take care of me when my parents died, I don’t know what I would have done.” Cora touched her cheek unconsciously. The fire that killed her parents had been the cause of her burns. “And I was sixteen. Freddy is only ten.”
“I’m sure Mr. Canfield will find him.” Only it was already getting dark. “For all we know he has by now, and they’ve gone back to his camp.”
“Sounds cold to me.”
Joanna agreed. Plus there was something wrong between the two. They’d have to work it out, seeing as they were destined to be together now.
Unless the man rode away from his responsibilities.
As Pa had a habit of doing. Her insides twisted with the thought.
She must make certain Rudy didn’t think he could do the same.
“Rider coming,” Cora announced.
Joanna sprang to the window, hoping, praying it was Rudy with Freddy in tow. “It’s Glory. Come to see what happened with the sale.”
At that moment Mandy clattered in the door. “Well?”
“Wait for Glory and I’ll tell you, though there’s nothing to tell.” Glory burst in and joined her sisters. Joanna really had nothing to report. Mr. Tisdale had not said one way or the other what he thought. Nevertheless, her sisters wanted to hear every detail. She tried to focus on her report, but her mind followed a little boy and his uncle.
Glory eyed her closely. “Something’s bothering you. Are you having second thoughts about selling?”
Joanna didn’t miss the look Glory and Mandy shared. “Are you two anxious to get rid of me?”
Mandy looked stricken. “Of course not. We don’t want you to leave. But it’s time you did something for yourself for a change instead of taking care of us.”
“Or this stopping house,” Glory added.
“I haven’t changed my mind, but I don’t like hearing you two talk as if I was forced to take care of you. I didn’t mind.” It clawed at her throat to think they might believe otherwise.
“Of course you didn’t,” Glory said. “And we were so well behaved. Never once gave you a moment’s worry.”
Mandy hooted. “Guess we’re not counting all the reckless things you did like riding through town like a wild man. Or swinging from the rafters of Mr. McCurdy’s barn. Or—”
Glory placed a playful punch on Mandy’s shoulder. “What about you? Disappearing for hours and hours into the woods while Joanna fretted that you’d gotten lost or eaten by a wild animal.”
“Girls, you were only finding a way to deal with your hurt that Pa left us.” She knew that explained Freddy’s misbehavior. He felt unwanted.
But what about Rudy? Was it hurt or the search for adventure that drove him? Or both?
She couldn’t understand him any more than she’d ever been able to understand Pa. Yes, she comprehended wanting to do something new and different. Like visiting California. She sympathized with Pa, who never got over his sorrow of losing Ma. But shouldn’t an adult look past his own hurts and needs to what a child required?
Studying the faces of her sisters, knowing how they’d been hurt over and over by Pa’s defection, Joanna vowed she would speak to Rudy again about putting Freddy’s needs ahead of his own. He had to understand how it felt to be left behind. Left to cope with needs too bitter and overwhelming for a child. She breathed deeply to dispel the choking memories.
Glory leaned forward as if to share a secret. “Jo, don’t look, but I thought I saw a boy peeking in the kitchen window.” Glory grabbed her hand.
Joanna forced herself not to turn around. “It must be Freddy,” she murmured.
“Freddy who?” Mandy asked the question, but both sisters’ expressions demanded an explanation.
“A boy who stole a pie.” She told them the whole story in quick, precise statements. “His uncle wants to pursue his life without responsibilities. Poor Freddy has no one.”
“This uncle sounds like Pa,” Glory said. “Someone ought to straighten him out.”
“Exactly what I thought.” But first she had to make sure Freddy was safe. “I’ve got to get the boy.”
“We’ll prepare the place for the night.”
She’d forgotten about making room for men to spread their bedrolls. “Thanks.”
Glory stopped her before she made it to the door. “And don’t get soft with the man like you always do with Pa.”
“I never did.”
“She was only trying to be fair about Pa’s feelings.” Mandy, as always, sprang to her defense. Or was it Pa’s defense? She hesitated, wondering if she should explain that she only wanted to protect them from thinking their pa didn’t care. She’d learned to bury the thoughts and turn her attention to her sisters’ needs.
She didn’t have time to deal with it at the moment and slipped outside. “Freddy?” She waited. Nothing. Had she expected he would fling himself into her arms for comfort? This was Freddy, not one of her sisters. “Are you out there?”
To her left she thought she detected a rustle and moved that d
irection. There he was. Barely visible in the deepening dusk. Sitting on the ground pressed against the corner of the house. “You must be cold. Why don’t you come inside?”
Not a sound. Not a movement.
She sat on the edge of the veranda, close enough she could smell the dusty, little-boy scent of him. And feel his fear, laced liberally with anger. “Your uncle is out looking for you. He’s worried.”
“More’n likely he’s hightailing it out of here as fast as he can go.”
The possibility had entered her mind as well. And what would happen to Freddy if he did? He’d have to go to Glory and Levi’s mission. That’s one of the reasons Levi built the big house—to take in waifs, the destitute, and anyone who needed shelter and help. But somehow it didn’t seem right to send Freddy there when he had an uncle.
“I don’t think he’d ride off not knowing if you are safe or not.”
“Why would he care? He’s only stuck with me ’cause he’s my uncle.” Freddy kicked the edge of the house. “I know he doesn’t like me. I even know why.”
Joanna bit her tongue to keep from asking.
“You wanna know?”
“It’s none of my business.”
“Well, it sure as guns is mine. Even though I had nothing to do with it.” Each word rang with anger and pain. Joanna sensed it because she had gotten good at hearing it in her sisters’ angry outbursts.
“It’s because of my ma.” Freddy seemed determined to tell her. Maybe it would help him deal with the situation if he explained it to her, so she let him talk. Might even help her understand how to approach Rudy, because she fully intended to. She would not stand back and let him abandon this boy.
“Rudy loved my ma. They was supposed to get married. But my pa loved her, too. Guess he loved her most because they got married. Grandma said people get married for reasons apart from love, but I know they loved each other. Then Pa had to leave to go earn enough money for us. So me and Ma moved in with Grandma. Then Ma died. I was only six, so I don’t remember much. Then Grandma died, too.” He grew sad and thoughtful then seemed to remember he was explaining about Rudy. “So Rudy left ’cause he’s a sore loser. Grandma said he wanted nothing more to do with my pa. And that’s why he hates me.” He was so matter-of-fact he could have been commenting on the weather.
“Oh Freddy, I’ve seen him with you. He doesn’t hate you.”
“He’s just trying to fool you ’cause you’re pretty and you smiled nice at him.”
Joanna grinned in the darkness, glad Freddy couldn’t see. He might think she was amused at his words, which wasn’t the case at all. She found the observation sweet and warming. “I really don’t think it matters that much to him what I think.” It would probably matter even less when she got through with him. “My sisters are inside. I was just going to serve them tea and cookies. Maybe you’d like to join us.”
After a long pause, Freddy said, “Okay.”
She waited for him to get his feet under him; then they marched into the stopping house. Mandy and Glory had pushed aside the table in the big room. Already half a dozen men sat on their bedrolls. Others would join them until the space was full.
Freddy perked up. “Maybe I can sleep here.”
“It’s up to your uncle.”
His shoulders slumped.
Glory and Mandy watched from the kitchen doorway. They looked as sad as Freddy.
Time to lighten the atmosphere. “I’m going to make tea. Glory, why don’t you get the cookies? Where’s Cora?”
“I’m here.” She poked her head around the corner.
“Good. I’ll leave you all in charge of the place”—she tipped her head toward Freddy to indicate she meant more than the stopping house—“while I go find Freddy’s uncle.”
Freddy looked eager. “You gonna tell him off?”
“Of course she is,” Glory said.
“Of course I’m not,” Joanna said at the same time.
Glory rolled her eyes. “If you don’t, I will.”
Joanna glared at her sister then focused on the matter at hand. “Freddy, have you forgotten you ran away? Who do you think deserves a scolding?”
“Him. He said he didn’t want nothin’ to do with me.”
Near as she could recall those weren’t Rudy’s exact words, but close enough.
Glory laughed. “You let Joanna take care of him. Now come have cookies and tea.”
It was useless to argue with Glory, so Joanna settled for a deep sigh. She slipped on her coat, picked up a lantern, and headed out in search of one Rudy Canfield.
She climbed the hill to where she’d met him earlier—was it just this morning? Lifting the light, she saw his belongings on the ground, his horse and saddle missing. Relief sagged her legs. At least he hadn’t abandoned the boy. Yet.
Returning to town, she scurried through the streets, but there was no sign of Rudy. Urgency driving her onward, she took the trail that led toward the mission. She was deep into the woods before she realized how isolated she was. A woman alone, with a circle of lamplight telegraphing her position to any stray miners around. She swallowed and gripped the lantern handle tighter, pausing several times to listen.
Did she hear something off the trail to the right? She strained toward the noise. It didn’t sound like someone searching for a child. Indeed, she wondered if a wild animal was thrashing through the woods.
Heart hammering, she drew back and glanced around for something to protect herself with. A broken branch lay at her feet. She turned the lantern low and set it a foot away then bent to pry the length of wood free from the undergrowth. Armed with an inadequate weapon, she held herself as quiet as possible, though the way her heart thundered she wondered how long she could remain undiscovered.
The noise continued. Crash. Crackle. Arrrggh.
That sounded decidedly human. She turned her ear toward the sound.
“Why? Why?”
Her lungs released her breath with a whoosh. Not an animal. It was Rudy. She dropped her weapon. Holding the lantern before her, she followed a narrow path through the trees, reached a little clearing, and stopped.
Rudy faced her, startled, a branch hanging from his hand. One glance and she knew he’d been battering the nearby bushes. She stepped closer. Tried to read his expression. He schooled away any emotion, but not before she glimpsed his twisted features.
“What are you doing?” She kept her voice calm.
“Nothing.” He tossed the branch aside. “I’ve looked everywhere and can’t find Freddy.”
“He’s back at the stopping house.”
Rudy grabbed her shoulders. “He is? He’s okay?”
Her heart hurtled upward at his touch. Did he mean to harm her? She stepped back. “He’s fine.”
He dropped his hands to his side, the movement seeming to pull his shoulders down with them. “Why does the boy hate me?”
Joanna heard the pain in his voice. Guessed he’d tried to disguise it. All the words she’d rehearsed turned into butterflies and flitted away. “He doesn’t hate you. He’s hurting, and you say things that aren’t kind. He takes them the wrong way.”
“What things?” The voice was challenging.
He’d grown all defensive again, but that was to her advantage. Now she could think of the things she’d meant to say instead of feeling sorry for him. “Things like, you’re stuck with him. What are you going to do with a kid? What kind of message is that to give a ten-year-old boy with no family apart from you?” She huffed out an exasperated sigh. “Come on, Rudy. Think about it.” She meant to be calm and convincing, but her insides churned. “How’d you like for people to say they didn’t care to have you around?”
He grew so still and stiff she wondered if she’d gone too far.
“I don’t like it at all.” He reached for the reins of his horse. “Come on. I’ve got to see to the boy.”
He’d spoken as if he knew what she meant. Did this have anything to do with Freddy’s story? But she did
n’t get a chance to ask. Trying to keep up with Rudy’s hurried steps left her breathless. She had to concentrate on the dirt path as they rushed down the hill toward town. Bad enough she had to trot to keep up with him without staring at the back end of the horse the whole time.
But she would not allow him to get ahead of her, just in case he meant to abandon the boy.
Chapter 4
Rudy’s insides still ached. Flailing away at the trees hadn’t eased the tension at all. Only made him feel foolish and vulnerable when Joanna discovered him. But he was tired of fighting a ten-year-old. He wanted for them to be friends, but if that wasn’t possible, he wanted to return to his cowboy life.
Joanna made it clear what she thought of the idea. Easy for her to have the answers. But even if Freddy came around, what was he to do? He didn’t have a place for Freddy, and winter would soon be upon them.
As they approached the looming buildings of the main street, Joanna grabbed his elbow and forced him to slow down.
He should have guessed she wasn’t prepared to let him deal with this in his own way. No doubt she had the answers all figured out. Not only that, he figured she could freely share them.
“Rudy, maybe Freddy has been taught to hate you.”
That brought him to a halt fast enough. “What? Who would do that?”
“I’m not suggesting it was done intentionally.”
He turned to face her square on. The lantern she carried hung at her side, throwing sharp angles across her face. He guessed it did the same for him. Likely making him look more forbidding than he felt. “Why would anyone want him to hate me?”
“Freddy told me a story tonight when I found him. He sort of blurted it out. He thinks you hate him. Maybe with good reason seeing as he overheard you on more than one occasion say you didn’t know what to do with him, couldn’t take care of a boy, and goodness knows what else.”
“You’ve already told me my failings in this regard. I don’t see how it has anything to do with you saying he’s been taught to hate me.”
“I’m getting to it.”
“I hope it won’t take all night.”
“Why? You got an important engagement I’m keeping you from?”
