by Ford, Linda;
She stayed out of sight and knew he hadn’t spotted her.
Now to find Rudy. She moved with the stealth of years of playing this game with her sisters. Freddy’s passage wasn’t silent, so she tracked him with her ear. But she didn’t hear Rudy anywhere. She eased forward, searching the shadows. Where had he gone?
Creeping forward slowly, she crisscrossed the area, each time listening for a sound, seeking for a visual. But he’d disappeared. Seems he knew how to move in the trees as quietly as Mandy, who vowed she was so silent she could sneak up on a deer at a watering hole.
Something caught her arm. She stifled a scream and turned terror-filled eyes to—
“Rudy,” she whispered. She took a deep breath while her hammering heart slowed. “Are you trying to scare me to death?”
He pulled her into the hollow of some bushes. The space was too small for the two of them, and she was crushed to his chest. “Sure was fun watching you sneak around.” His mouth was at her ear, his breath warm on her cheek.
“How long have you been spying on me?”
“Not long enough.” He seemed breathless.
She wondered at his meaning. “What are we doing?”
“Waiting for Freddy to come by. Then we’ll scare him just like I did you.”
“Oh.” So they would stay like this until Freddy came looking for them? Kind of a backward way to play the game, but somehow she didn’t mind. She was comfortable enough cradled against his chest. In fact, it was downright pleasant. She could surely allow herself to enjoy this for a moment or two. Then they’d go back to their same old cautious, guarded way around each other.
“Shh. Here he comes.”
So soon? Why, she was just getting to like this.
“Get ready.” He pushed her forward, but his hands remained on her upper arms, steadying her.
A very comforting feeling, she decided.
“Now.” He leaped forward, taking her before him. They yelled loudly.
Freddy shrieked and tried to run away, but she grabbed his arm and prevented his escape.
“We got the bad guy.” Rudy swept the boy into the air and swung him around.
Freddy shouted with laughter. The sound triggered something in Joanna, and she began to giggle.
Rudy set Freddy on his feet, but he collapsed to the ground, shaking with laughter. Joanna tried to get serious, but one look at the confusion in Rudy’s face and she couldn’t stop laughing either.
Rudy planted his hands on his hips and stared from Joanna to Freddy. “Is this a new game we’re playing?”
But his expression was of enjoyment. Pure, simple, sweet enjoyment.
Joanna had never seen him look so happy. An answering joy and pleasure filled her heart.
Chapter 10
Rudy’s insides felt light and sweet. He’d made Freddy laugh. He’d enjoyed holding Joanna close and noted she hadn’t objected. Having her resting against his chest, feeling the silky strands of hair across his face, breathing in her scent—home cooking and sunshine—had filled him with a desire to keep her there… or at least be near her… for the rest of his life.
Was this love? He couldn’t think so, because he didn’t trust love. He didn’t even know what it was. He’d only known Joanna a few days. How could he even think his feelings were love?
Maybe it was gratitude for the things she said to him. Sometimes hard things, but spoken out of concern for him.
Or was it just the moment, the setting?
He simply didn’t know.
But a question battered the inside of his head. Was it possible for him to leave his past behind and look to the future? Or even enjoy the present without fear and restrictions?
He wanted to know.
And if he discovered it was indeed possible, did he have the boldness to believe and accept the change?
Joanna finally stopped laughing and sighed deeply. “It’s time to eat.”
They trooped back to the clearing where they’d left the picnic basket. They sat on the blanket and shared thick sandwiches with generous slabs of meat, followed by delicious oatmeal cookies with a hint of cinnamon. It had recently become his favorite fragrance, making him think of Joanna.
Rudy lounged on one elbow, his feet aiming for the trees, and enjoyed himself. The smell of fine food, the gentle breeze laden with hints of pine and poplar trees, the warm woolen blanket scratching at his skin, and his two most favorite people in the world. What could be better?
When had he enjoyed anything but work? Not in a long time. Maybe never. Part of his brain—a distant part—suggested he should be careful. A larger, friendlier part said to enjoy the moment.
Freddy finished and moved away to find something to dig at with his knife.
Neither Joanna nor Rudy left the comfort of their picnic area. Finally Joanna yawned and stretched. “I suppose we better head back before dark.”
He’d been watching the shadows grow long and gray and wondered how late they could stay before darkness hid the trail down. “It’s time.” He slowly got to his feet, reluctant to end the day. Something had happened here, and he wasn’t sure what it was or where it led.
Or if he even wanted to find out.
The next few days passed swiftly. He’d ordered the Bible. It took only three days to arrive from Sand Point. He started to read it, searching for something, even though he wasn’t sure what it was until he found Jeremiah 31:3. “I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” The words grabbed his heart and would not let go. He read them over and over. Loved. Loved by God. Everlasting love.
Was it possible?
Throughout the following days he helped around the stopping house thus earning meals for himself and Freddy. When his chores were done, he continued to work on the cart for Joanna. But always the words of scripture followed him, with Joanna’s on their heels. She cared about him.
They attended church again, and Levi’s gentle conviction reinforced the truth that beckoned.
Rudy felt as if he hovered on the brink of something new that was as frightening as it was tantalizing.
Freddy and Rudy often accompanied Joanna to the store or to run errands. She enjoyed their company more than made sense. Today they had gone to the mercantile to check for mail. Joanna looked at the long-awaited letter in her hand.
“Aren’t you gonna open it?” Freddy asked.
I need to keep things in perspective. She said the words on a daily basis but couldn’t decide what perspective she should choose. Should she guard her heart against caring, knowing that Rudy, by his own confession, was not the staying kind? Or should she listen to her heart’s reminder of the times they sat and talked after the others in the house had settled down? The questions he asked about his Bible reading. The way his gaze searched hers, probing deep, past her caution to an emptiness that welcomed him.
This letter might make it all clear.
And she couldn’t bring herself to open it. “I’ll wait until I get home.” She tucked it into her pocket.
“Why?” Freddy demanded.
She wasn’t about to admit her heart thundered against her ribs with an emotion she couldn’t identify, but it felt a lot like fear. Which didn’t make sense. Shouldn’t it be excitement? Freddy watched her curiously. She smiled at him and started walking back home.
Rudy fell in at her side. Although he was far too polite to pry, she felt his curiosity.
They drew abreast of Glory’s old shop.
Rudy slowed his steps and looked at the FOR SALE OR RENT sign.
“That’s Glory’s building. She used to run a farrier business here. For a little while Levi lived in the back room with some children he’d rescued.”
Freddy heard her and asked, “What happened to the children?”
“Their parents were both dead, but they had grandparents who came and got them.”
“Oh.” It plainly wasn’t good news in his opinion.
“They were very nice peo
ple. The children are most happy with them.”
“Yeah?” Not convinced.
Rudy peered through a window. “Does she still do the farriering business?”
“She works up at the mission now.”
Rudy tried the door. “Maybe I’ll ask her to have a look.”
Joanna swallowed so hard she figured both Rudy and Freddy heard.
Rudy continued to look in the windows. Freddy opened the gate at the side of the building and peered into the small pen where Glory had kept her horses.
“You want to see inside? I know where she hides the key.” Her lungs felt impossibly tight.
At Rudy’s eager look she walked to the corner of the building, felt for the key behind a loose board in the clapboard siding, and opened the creaky front door.
Rudy stepped inside, seemingly unmindful of the dust motes disturbed by their entrance, and just stood there, a considering look on his face.
Freddy examined every corner, touched the horseshoes Glory had nailed to the wall, picked up a handful of nails from a can and dropped them back. The clatter echoed in the empty room.
Rudy strode across the room and opened the door to the small living quarters. “Freddy, what do you think? Could the two of us manage in here?”
“Seen better. Seen worse.”
Joanna choked back a laugh and saw from the gleam in Rudy’s eyes that he, too, was amused. Dare she hope…? She tried to swallow again, but her mouth was dry. “Are you thinking of staying?” Her thoughts went to the letter in her pocket. Did she want to leave if Rudy stayed?
He shrugged. “Just a thought.” He stepped back into the sunshine.
As she locked up, she tried to assess what he meant. Was this only a passing idea? What would it take for him to settle down? She wished she could be the reason. But she couldn’t say so. Nor could she let herself think any further on the topic. Asking a man to stay when his feet told him to leave simply did not work.
They made their way back to the stopping house. Cora and Mandy had supper prepared.
“Care for coffee?” she asked Rudy. He accepted and sat across from her at the kitchen table.
She took out the letter and opened it. Perhaps if the man was no longer interested, Rudy might consider it enough reason to stay.
Aware of his attention, she silently read the letter.
“Bad news?” he asked. “He’s changed his mind?”
“No.” She folded the page and returned it to the envelope. “He’s still keenly interested and will be here the day after tomorrow.”
“This is what you want. Right?”
She nodded. It’s what she wanted, so why was she disappointed? “I suppose I’m afraid to get too excited in case it falls through again.” She looked around. “If I want to make a good impression, I’ll have to give the place a good cleaning before he gets here.”
Rudy had forgotten she planned to leave. Let himself begin to plan a future here that included seeing her daily, spending evenings talking with her. And in some quiet, hidden place, he’d hoped she might share the same idea.
Instead, she was still planning to sell the place and head to California with a friend.
He hurried from the kitchen, his mind twisting with disappointment.
Where did that leave him? And Freddy?
On their own. The open road to follow. Nothing had changed. Why had he thought different?
His feet dragged across the yard. He and Freddy would finish the cart before the man came. They’d give it to Joanna, knowing she would leave it when she headed west.
“Freddy?” No sign of the boy.
He looked around. Freddy sat on the edge of the veranda, holding the black-and-white, ever-patient cat to his chest so hard he wondered the cat didn’t squirm away. Freddy looked at Rudy with dark, angry eyes.
Rudy sighed. He had hoped they were done with the scowls and all that accompanied them. Knowing he couldn’t walk away from the boy’s anger, he crossed the yard and sat beside Freddy. “Thought we should finish the cart for Joanna.”
“Why? She’s leaving.”
He’d overheard the conversation. Rudy understood the anger. Felt a twist of it himself. Along with a long emptiness he should have grown comfortable with by now. But he wasn’t. “We’ve known from the start she planned to leave.”
Freddy pushed the cat from his lap. “It don’t matter to me.” He stomped toward the trail, and when he thought he was out of sight, he broke into a run.
Rudy reached for the cat and pulled it to his lap. “Nothing is ever what we want it to be,” he murmured. The ball of fur rewarded him with a sympathetic purr. Then a fluttering leaf caught its attention, and it leaped from his lap. “Can’t even count on cats.”
He headed for the shed, but his heart wasn’t in building a cart. He veered in the direction of the woodpile. Driving the ax over and over through a log was the only way he could think of dealing with the way his insides raged.
The next two days were busy. Cora and Joanna scrubbed every surface in the house. Rudy and Freddy—when he could find the boy—hauled in wood and water and carried out ashes and the used water.
But the activity did nothing to ease the tension building inside Rudy. He felt awkward and unable to say anything to Joanna beyond, “Here’s the water. Do you need anything more?”
The expected visitor arrived midafternoon of the second day. Rudy leaned against the corner of the woodshed and took a good look. Mr. Avery and his wife were younger than he’d expected. Probably close to his age. They looked around with interest before Joanna opened the door and invited them inside.
Her gaze found Rudy, and he straightened. But he could not pull away. Why did he feel as if she accused him? He could think of nothing he’d done or left undone that would make her look at him so. Then she turned to the Averys and closed the door behind them.
Rudy pushed away from the woodshed and headed up the trail, feeling a little like Freddy. He wanted to break into a run as soon as he was out of sight.
The Averys were present for supper, and their eager expressions said it all. They liked this place.
Rudy kept part of his attention on his food and the rest on Freddy, who muttered under his breath at everything the Averys said. Thankfully, they didn’t seem to notice. But Rudy wondered if he would have to drag the boy from the table.
He avoided looking at Joanna, not knowing if he could bear to see excitement and joy in her face. But he must know for sure. He stole a glance her way.
His gaze collided with hers. And his mouthful of food stalled halfway down his throat. Her brown eyes were steady and full of determination. As if she had decided so she would follow through.
Is this what she really wanted?
He forced his attention back to his plate and worked at getting his food down.
Obviously she wanted to sell, or she wouldn’t do it. Joanna knew what she wanted and how to get it. Look at how she’d taken care of her sisters.
What was there about looking after her sisters that scratched at the back of his mind? He failed to find it.
Later that night, the Averys took the small bedroom off the dining room. The other guests bedded down in the dining room, some staying up to read by lantern light.
Freddy brought in the last of the firewood to fill the box for morning, and Rudy emptied out the last of the wash water.
“Cora and I were about to have tea. Will you join us?” Joanna said.
It was their customary bedtime routine. Often the two of them would sit and visit long after Cora and Freddy had gone to bed.
He clenched his jaw muscles tight. He should have never accepted the first invitation. Nor allowed himself to anticipate those evening hours. If he’d never enjoyed them, he wouldn’t know how much it would hurt to lose them.
“I’m going to bed.” Freddy hurried from the room without a backward look.
Rudy watched him leave. He should follow. But he couldn’t deny himself this pleasure any sooner than he had to
. He sat while Cora poured tea.
Joanna waited for her to sit. “The Averys are very interested in taking over the stopping house. They want to do so immediately, and of course, the sooner Sarah and I leave for California, the better.”
Rudy nodded as misery touched every corner of his heart. “You’ll be able to follow your dream.” Though for the life of him he couldn’t remember her ever mentioning California as a place she longed to visit. Of course, he didn’t pretend to know everything about her.
“Cora,” she continued. “They would like you to stay on and help them learn how things are done.” Her smile touched her eyes as she studied Cora. “Though I don’t expect you’ll be wanting to stay too long.”
Cora blushed prettily.
Joanna chuckled. “I think when Austin comes back you will be making other plans.”
“Maybe.” Cora’s smile lit her face. “I hope so.”
Rudy managed to say something he hoped sounded happy for them both.
A few minutes later, Cora excused herself. Rudy stared at his empty cup. He should go, too, but somehow couldn’t make either his feet or his mouth work.
“I’m going to miss our evening visits,” Joanna said.
Then don’t go. But the words would not leave his mouth. How could he ask her to give up her dreams? How could he expect her to have any lasting feelings toward him? “You’ll be enjoying your time with your friend.” It was Rudy who would have a huge hole in his heart that Joanna had filled. Freddy, too, would feel the loss.
He couldn’t remain any longer, silently bemoaning the fact she was about to do exactly what she’d planned from the beginning. He stumbled to his feet. “Good night.”
He fled to the other room and arranged himself on his bedroll. He knew Freddy was still awake from the way he stiffened.
There’d likely be little sleep for either of them tonight.
