by Jillian Hart
“Enter Richard.” He didn’t hide the bitterness.
“Richard came by the day the bank auctioned off the place. He was wearing his Sunday best. He asked me to marry him. He said he’d send Dee to school. He was kind and loving. And I had no other family to take us in. So I said yes.”
Keith’s gut was in a knot. Hearing Colleen talk about those hard times tore at him. It killed him that he’d not been there for her. “You married in the spring, I heard.”
“We married that very day of the auction. Dee and I packed up what little was left and we got into Richard’s carriage and drove off with him. The minister had us married by supper.”
Keith tried not to think about what came next, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Colleen had enjoyed Richard’s lovemaking as much as his. When his friend Jamie had heard a rumour from his wife, Sue, that Colleen had married, he’d nearly gone insane. He’d seen countless men desert and he’d never understood their weakness. But that day he had. He’d gotten blind drunk and nearly gone as far as to saddle a horse. But in the end, he couldn’t leave his men. He and Colleen might have been over, but the war wasn’t. So he stayed.
But that didn’t mean he forgot Colleen. Every night he lay in bed wondering about Colleen and Richard lying in bed together. It had driven a stake through his heart. Jamie was killed two months later at Gettysburg. So there’d been no more letters from Sue. No more rumours from home. He was alone. Maybe for good.
The loneliness had stalked him for years. Only in those brief moments while they’d made love today had he felt truly alive for the first time in years. And God, but he wanted to feel alive again.
He reached for her hand. “I want to make love to you.”
She pulled it away as if she’d been burned. “We shouldn’t have done it the first time.”
“You didn’t like it?” he challenged.
Her breathing grew shallow. “What I like or don’t like isn’t the point.”
“Did you like it?” he persisted.
Her mouth opened, but she didn’t seem to know what to say. She snapped it closed.
Keith already knew the answer. He’d heard the moan in her throat, and felt her fingers dig into his back as she’d pressed her hips to him. He rose, moved behind her and leaned forward until his lips were close to her ear. “A simple yes or no is all I’m looking for.”
“Yes.”
He took satisfaction in that. “What’s wrong with giving ourselves pleasure?” He traced the top of her shoulder with his fingertip.
She closed her eyes and swallowed. “We both know there is too much anger for us to have a future.”
Keith trapped a loose strand of hair between his fingers. “I’m not thinking to the future right now. Wouldn’t you like to feel something other than loneliness?”
She lifted her chin. Tears glistened in her eyes. “I feel other things.”
He laid his hand on her shoulder. This time she didn’t pull away. “Obligation, guilt, sadness?”
A tear trickled down her face. She swiped it away. “I am content with my life.”
He knelt down and cupped her face in his hands. “Sounds like warm milk. It works in a pinch but no one really likes it.”
A smile tipped the edges of her full lips. It had been so long since he’d seen her smile. “I’ve learned that there’s more to life than what goes on between the sheets.”
“There is. But let’s face it, darlin’, good sex does make the long days more tolerable.” He traced her lips with his fingertip. She closed her eyes, clearly savoring the touch.
Keith knew when to shut up. And this was one of those times. He rose and, taking her hands in his, pulled her to her feet. He lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed them. He could taste the hint of salt and flour from the biscuits she’d made earlier. She hissed in a small breath.
No matter what misunderstandings and pain they’d had, when they were in bed, nothing else mattered. Her pulse thrummed in her wrist under his fingertips. “Lord, but I want to lose myself in you.”
Color warmed her cheeks. She rubbed her thumb over the top of his hand. He saw the desire in her eyes.
Still, he needed to hear her say she wanted this. There’d be no misunderstandings between them in the future. “Is that what you want?”
She moistened her lips. “Yes.”
He cupped her face in her hands and kissed her. Just touching her made him rock hard. He guided her toward the bed. “This time, darlin’, we’re going to enjoy every inch of each other.”
Chapter Eight
What little reason Colleen had left in her brain screamed at her to stop this now. Before, when she’d been with Keith, it had been about pure animal need. However, now they were going to make love. She knew how Keith could take his time, stimulating her body until she screamed for release.
Making love to Keith was dangerous. It took her down the slippery path. He’d leave her wanting for more when she knew there would be no more. Once the snows ended they’d go back to their old lives. And she’d be left only with memories.
Yet, despite all the sane reasons why she shouldn’t make love to him, she knew she would. She wanted this moment more than she could say. Her body hungered for his touch.
She would savor the memories of this night for the rest of her life.
He kissed her softly on the lips. A shudder passed through her. She’d anticipated a passionate kiss. Tender affection was the last thing she expected.
She slid her hands up his muscled chest and rising on tiptoe, wrapped her hands around his neck.
Keith’s hands moved to her breasts, cupping them gently, thumbs circling her nipples, which hardened into hard peaks. He kissed her again and this time she opened her mouth to him and let him explore the interior.
When he broke the kiss, she could barely breathe. Her heart raced. He reached for the buttons at the top of her bodice. The slight tremble in his hands gave her comfort. They were both nervous. Slowly he worked his way down the tiny rows of buttons that ran between her breasts. When he reached her waist, he pushed the jacket off her shoulders. Underneath, she wore only a thin camisole. She’d forgotten her corset this morning.
Keith sucked in a breath as he drank in the sight of her full breasts pressed against the white sheer fabric. “You’re beautiful.”
He cupped her breast in his hand, coaxing the nipple to a hard peak again. This time through the fabric, he kissed the pink mound and began to suckle until she closed her eyes and moaned.
Wild sensations exploded in her as she ran her fingers though his hair. If it were possible, the desire thrumming in her veins was more intense than it had been earlier.
She grabbed his shirttail and pulled it over his head. A thick mat of hair covered his chest, tapering down over his belly button to his waistband.
He unfastened the tiny row of white buttons trailing between her breasts. He pushed back the gauzy fabric, exposing her naked breasts. He kissed the valley between her breasts and slowly trailed kisses to her flat belly. The rough skin of his jaw scratched her skin and sent jolts of desire shooting through her body.
She arched against him. “I’ve never wanted this so much.”
He kissed her navel. “I won’t rush things this time. I want to taste every inch of you.” He spoke as if repeating a promise he made over and over to himself.
Keith unfastened her waistband and slid her skirt over her narrow hips. She wriggled out of the fabric and her pantaloons, anxious to have him touch her.
His eyes darkened at the sight of her as he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her on her back and covered her body instantly. Again he kissed her belly. She moaned.
And then he moved lower. Colleen’s eyes flew open as she hissed in a breath. She clutched a fistful of sheets in each hand, arching her pelvis toward him.
Over the years Keith had tried to hold on to the memories of their lovemaking. Through the long nights on the battlefield, he’d dreamed of her. When fev
er had ravaged his body after he’d been shot, images of Colleen had seen him through. During the long trail home, he’d stopped often to look at the picture he’d carried of her.
But he realized now how much he’d forgotten. His memories paled in the face of Colleen’s passion.
His arousal was so hard he feared he’d explode from wanting her. Unable to keep up this tortuously slow pace he backed away from her long enough to strip off the remainder of his clothes.
Light from the fireplace illuminated her pale, damp skin. As smooth as porcelain, her skin, her body, were so stunning it could still take his breath away.
He lay on top of her, nestling his erection against her center. She arched and pressed her body against his as she opened her legs.
As much as he wanted to take his time, he could wait no more. When he slid into her, the moan that rumbled in her throat was primal. The sound nearly drove him over the edge. But he willed himself to hold back as he moved slowly back and forth inside her. She cupped his buttocks, arching her back.
He opened his eyes and savored the play of desire on her face. At this moment, she was so wonderfully expressive, so open.
This was his Colleen.
The muscles in her body tightened as she whispered his name. As she climaxed, the pure, raw pleasure on her face was his undoing. He let himself go, pumping faster until he too found his release.
They’d made love a third time. And it was well past two in the afternoon when they’d both crawled under the covers of the bed and fallen asleep. She’d curled beside him and he’d draped his hand over her waist.
Colleen wasn’t sure how long she slept. She felt so warm and cozy, so at peace. She could have cheerfully stayed in this cabin with Keith forever.
She raised her hand and let it fall to his side of the bed. The sheets were still warm, but he was gone. She opened her eyes and let her gaze drift in his direction. He wasn’t there.
The fire in the hearth had died down and there was a chill in the room.
The dewy, boneless feeling vanished. She sat up, suddenly fighting a wave of panic. Her gaze scanned the cabin. He wasn’t there. Clutching the sheet to her chest, she hurried across the room to the window. The snow had stopped and the sky had cleared. The sun hung low on the horizon but there was at least two hours of daylight left. Enough time to get to Dixon’s Corner.
Colleen had been in such a rush this morning to get to Dixon’s Corner and to stop Deidre’s wedding. Now she questioned her reasoning. Her sister was young but she wasn’t one to give her heart easily. Several men in town had tried to court her last summer. She’d not given her heart to anyone. But she’d chosen Josh.
Colleen understood the power of such a love. Because the love she had for Keith was just as strong today as it had been eight years ago.
She didn’t regret any of the decisions she’d made in her life. Each and every one had been necessary. But how she wished life had gone differently.
She refused to dwell on the past. Especially since the future looked so bright. She and Keith hadn’t spoken of tomorrows, but their lovemaking had spoken to her better than words.
“I need to get dressed.” She looked at her skirt, which sat in a puddle on the floor by the bed. Her shirt and chemise were tossed recklessly over a chair. She swallowed a grin when she ducked her head under the bed and retrieved her shoe. Lord, but she was wanton.
She quickly wriggled into her skirt and buttoned her shirt. She wanted to find Keith. Anxious to see him, she wanted to tell him her truest feelings.
Colleen loved him.
She’d always loved him and would love him forever. During her years with Richard, she’d done her best to shut out her feelings for Keith for fear that she’d go mad from the loneliness. But now that they’d shared these last few incredible hours, there was no hiding her heart.
Their past had been riddled with heartache, separation and loss. But the future would be so different. There would be love, laughter and children.
The whinny of horses drifted inside. She grabbed her coat and rushed to the door.
Keith stood in the front yard. The ankle-deep snow accentuated his black coat and pants. His Stetson shadowed his gray eyes.
“Hey there,” she said, her voice warm and inviting.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“I was wondering where you were.”
“The snow has cleared. We can travel.” There was no missing the disappointment in his voice.
“Deidre and Josh are likely married by now.”
“Likely.”
She moved toward him. The cold from the outside clung to his range coat. “We could leave at daybreak.”
He smiled, rubbing his gloved hand over her arm. “Very tempting. But we better get going while the getting is good. The snows could return.”
Regret slashed at her. He was right, of course. “I’ll get my coat.”
He frowned. “Colleen, about what happened today…”
“I don’t have any regrets.”
A faint smile tugged his lips as he moved quickly toward her. “Neither do I. But what about tomorrow? Is this it?”
She tensed, fearing she’d say the wrong thing and ruin what they had. “I was hoping it wasn’t.”
He cupped her elbow. “Marry me.”
She jumped into his arms and gave him a hug. “What took you so long to ask?”
He sighed his relief and banded his arms around her.
He kissed her on the lips, savoring the sweet taste of her. His body hardened and he was so very tempted to take her back to bed. With an effort he broke the kiss. “We better get moving.”
“Okay.” She picked up her coat and the hat and gloves he’d given her earlier. “It’s going to be different this time, Keith. The troubles are behind us.”
He kissed her lightly on the lips. “Good.”
Outside, afternoon sunlight glistened on the snow blanketing the countryside. The land had been transformed into a mythic place. Everything at this moment was perfect.
They rode in companionable silence for fifteen minutes, but Colleen could barely contain her excitement. “The town is only a two-hour ride to your ranch. It will be easy to move back and forth between the two.”
“It will?” He sounded confused.
“I should only need to be in the store a couple of days a week. I will hire a clerk to oversee the days I’m at the ranch.”
He paused, his jaw hardening. “You’re not going to sell the store?”
“Sell the store? It’s a good source of income. It could be quite useful for us.”
He frowned. “I don’t want you to keep the store. Your place is at the ranch at my side, not running a business owned by a man who plotted against us.”
The anger surprised her. “I will be at your side most of the time. I’ll just be in town a couple of days a week.”
His jaw tightened and then released. “And when the children come?”
Children. The idea softened her heart. “I’ll take them with me, I suppose.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no?”
“I mean, I don’t want you to keep the store. You need to sell it.”
“It’s a thriving business. It’s seen me through some tough times.”
“You don’t need to worry about money anymore. I will take care of it.”
A bitter smile lifted the corner of her lip. “My father said the same thing and his ranch failed. Richard said the same thing and then he got sick. If not for the store, I’d have been lost.”
Arrogant, he lifted his chin. “I’ve done well—you don’t need to worry.”
“I will never forget the days I went hungry. I won’t go back to that.”
“So you don’t trust me to take care of you?”
“It’s not a matter of trust. I’m being practical. The store can protect us both.”
“I won’t have it. Richard Garland won’t be supplementing my income.”
“Richard may h
ave lied to me, but the store has been mine for many years. My sweat and my worry kept it going these last eight years.”
He shook his head. “It’s either the store or me. You can’t keep your hand in two worlds, Colleen.”
“You’re being stubborn.”
“You’re being selfish.”
“You didn’t want to marry eight years ago, so we didn’t. You don’t want the store, so I must sell it. Why is everything always so black and white for you? Can’t you see the gray?”
“No.”
“I thought after today things had changed between us.”
His eyes were as dull as his voice. “I did too, but I guess it didn’t.”
She spoke carefully as she tried to quell the bubble of fear growing inside her. “But what we shared was special.”
“It was great. I won’t deny it. But I won’t do this marriage halfway. You’re either in all the way or you’re not.”
He was slipping away from her. “I want us.”
His jaw tightened. “Then sell the store.”
“I won’t do that.”
“Then there’s nothing more to say.” He shook his head. “I think we set a record.”
Hot tears stung her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“We have a talent for bumping into insurmountable obstacles. We reached this one in record time.”
Bitter tears spilled down her face. “That’s not funny.”
“I’m not laughing.”
Colleen had her pride. Losing Keith would dig a hole in her heart that would likely never heal. But she would not beg him. She would not. If he was going to be so bullheaded, then the devil take him.
Still, the pain was unbelievable. She swiped away a tear. “So this is it? We just pretend today never happened.”
“Yes.”
“You’re doing this to punish me.”
Shards of anger shot from his eyes. “This isn’t about hurting you. It’s about saving my sanity.”
Chapter Nine
The ride to Dixon’s Corner was a blur to Colleen. She rode beside Keith but neither of them spoke. The clouds had parted and turned a crystal blue. The setting sun bounced off the clouds, splashing oranges and reds on the white landscape. It was a stunning evening. And she couldn’t have cared less.
