Tanner and I both chuckled at him as Tan climbed out of bed to go to the bathroom.
Symon snuggled into me, hugging me. “Missed you the other night.”
“I missed you too.” I sighed and kissed the top of his head. I’d worked so late two nights ago that I hadn’t been able to sleep over. It was the first night we’d missed together in two weeks. It’d sucked and I’d gotten zero sleep.
“Didn’t get any sleep.”
I smiled a little that his words matched my thoughts. “I didn’t either.”
He managed to scoot closer and hug me tighter, so I wrapped him in my arms and pulled him as close as possible. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I loved him, but Tanner came back before I had the chance.
Tanner looked at me and hesitated for a few seconds before reclaiming his spot on the bed. The three of us lay there for a while, quiet but comfortable. I soaked up having Symon in my arms while he woke himself up. I loved mornings like this where we could just lounge and relax together without the urgency of getting ready for work—unfortunately, I did have to work today, but not for a couple of hours.
Finally, when Symon was awake enough to talk, he peppered a few kisses on my chest, then looked at me. “Good morning.”
I chuckled. “Morning.”
Sy looked at Tanner and rubbed his shoulder. “Morning, big guy.”
“Morning, Sy.”
Symon laid his cheek on my chest so he could easily look back and forth between both of us. I looked over at the clock and sighed. I needed to get ready for work. “I have to leave soon.”
Symon looked at me with a frown. “I thought you had off today?”
“I was supposed to, but Alex is sick and Trent needs someone to work that wedding with him, so I need to go.”
“No one else can?”
I shook my head and ran my hand through his hair. “Not today. Levi and Andy are at another wedding, and Miranda is at the store for a few appointments. I’m the only one left.”
“They need to hire a new person.” Symon stuck out his lip, and it was so damn cute that I had to lean down and suck it into my mouth.
“I think they’re going to. Levi’s been talking about it.”
“You’re working with Trent today?”
I nodded.
Symon frowned and Tanner asked, “Who’s Trent?”
Symon answered for me, “I don’t know if you’ve met him yet, but he’s really nice… and cute.” He still looked pouty.
I laughed a little. “Are you jealous of Trent, pumpkin?”
“No.”
I laughed a little harder. “You know he has a boyfriend, right? They’ve been together for a while and even own a house together.”
Symon sighed and put his face against my chest, kissing it and mumbling, “I know.”
I chuckled and kissed the top of his head, then looked at Tanner. “What do you have going on today?”
“Not sure. I wasn’t really planning on doing anything, except maybe go to the store. I need soap and shampoo.”
I nudged Symon. “Didn’t you say you needed bathroom cleaner or something? Why don’t you two run to the store around the corner together when I have to leave?” I wasn’t really sure why I wanted them to spend time together, all I knew was that I did. Maybe I just felt guilty knowing that I was supposed to spend all day with Sy and now he was going to be lonely.
Symon looked over at Tanner. “Would you want to do that?”
Tanner shot me some side-eyes with a little grin. “Sure. Maybe we could grab some lunch while we’re out, too.”
“That would be nice.” Symon looked at me. “Where is this wedding? Do you need me to bring you some lunch?”
I ran my hands through his hair. “It’s forty-five minutes away, so no, but thank you, pumpkin.”
He huffed and kissed my chest.
I looked at the clock again and mentally calculated how long I had. “Shit, if we want to eat breakfast, we need to get up right now.”
“Okay, I’ll start, you jump in the shower,” Sy said.
I kissed his lips, then all three of us climbed out of bed to get ready for our day.
Tanner
“Can you come out after work today? Sady is making me come out with her and the guys,” I told Symon as we climbed into the back of the ambulance.
“Um, right after work?” he asked.
“Yeah, right after.”
“Yeah, okay. I think that’ll work. Jax is working a late wedding tonight, so I was just going to go home and order a pizza.”
I chuckled. “You hate cooking, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “Only every day that ends in Y.”
I laughed. “You’re a dork.”
“You should’ve figured that out five seconds after meeting me.”
“Actually, I figured it out as soon as I saw you, so technically I knew before we met.”
He punched my shoulder. “Asshat.”
I shot him a grin and he chuckled. “So anyway, we’re going to that place, Bobbi-Q’s, around the corner from here. Supposedly, they have good wings and beer or something.”
“Yeah, that place has great beer. And the boneless wings are good, so I’m sure the regular ones are, too.”
I furrowed my brow. “Do you not eat regular wings?”
Symon sighed. “Well, you know I don’t eat red meat, right?”
“Yeah. But wings are chicken.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, I know. But I can’t stand anything on the bone. Like, it makes me way too aware that it came from an animal. So yeah, I stick to boneless, or just no meat.”
“You seriously have the weirdest eating habits of anyone I’ve ever known.”
He shrugged. “I’ve heard that before.”
I chuckled and pushed his shoulder. “Well, I’m glad you’re coming out. I didn’t really want to go by myself.”
He smiled at me and his eyes locked onto mine. He looked so sweet and caring in that moment that all I wanted to do was kiss him. He looked like he maybe wanted to kiss me, too. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned in. When my lips were an inch from his mouth, he put his hand on my chest, stopping me in place as he whispered, “What are you doing?”
I felt like I got punched in the gut at the realization that Symon wasn’t mine to kiss. Sure, we’d kissed a million times over the past couple of months, but he still wasn’t really mine. We only kissed when we were supposed to be using each other’s bodies to get off. We only kissed when Symon’s boyfriend was with us. We only kissed to get off, not to show each other we cared, not just because we wanted to.
No, Symon wasn’t mine to kiss. But I wanted to kiss him so fucking badly, and the fact that he was stopping me made me feel like someone was punching me in the gut and through my chest.
I closed my eyes and whispered back, “I don’t know.” I took a little breath, then opened my eyes. I was still right up in Symon’s face, and his hands were still on my chest. He was looking into my eyes, looking like he was pleading with me, though I didn’t know if he was pleading for me to kiss him or for me to move away. But I sure as hell didn’t miss the moment his eyes flicked down to my lips.
I sucked in a deep breath.
Symon whispered, “Tanner… I… I… can’t.”
Hearing that shot another jolt of pain through my chest. I was surprised I wasn’t going into cardiac arrest. “I know, angel.”
As soon as I called him angel, he closed his eyes, but not before I saw the pain in them. That pained look was all I needed to see to finally back away from him. He looked like he was struggling, and that was the last thing I wanted. So I backed away and cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the emotion stuck there.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was developing feelings for Symon. Shit. I was fucking falling for one of the men I was sleeping with. Okay, let’s be real, I was falling for both of them. Goddammit! What the hell was I going to do? What could I do? I was so fucking screwed.
I tried to send him a smile, but I was pretty sure it looked like a grimace. “I know. It’s okay.”
He eyed me, then nodded and turned away from me, digging into his bag. He faked going through his inventory for several minutes, so I followed suit before we got a call for a kid that fell out of a tree.
Symon
After we finished our shift, I showered and put on fresh clothes at the station. I didn’t want to go out in my uniform, plus, who knew what was on me after a shift? Could be anything, which was totally gross and so not okay for going out for food and drinks.
I shot off a text to Jax to let him know my plans for the evening. We usually checked in with each other after work.
Me: I’m going out for a beer with Tanner and Sady. Call me when you get off work, I might be up.
Jax: Are you sure? It’ll be late.
Me: Yep. Please call. I missed you on your break.
Jax: Okay, pumpkin. I’ll call you later. Have fun!
Me: Thanks!
I headed out of the locker room and found Tanner waiting for me. As soon as he saw me, he smiled. “Do you want to walk over or drive?”
I looked outside. It was starting to get dark, so normally I’d drive so I didn’t have to walk back in the dark alone, but then I looked at how big and muscular Tanner was and nodded. “Sure, let’s walk. I could use some fresh air after that shift.”
“Yeah, that was a crazy one.”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath and tried to shake off the image of the dead woman we’d been called to transfer from an alleyway to the morgue. It was so sad. She was obviously a homeless woman that’d overdosed, but I felt terrible that her body was unidentified. I hated getting those calls. And that one came up right after we’d taken in an eighteen-year-old kid with a gunshot wound to the stomach. He’d lost a lot of blood, so I wasn’t sure we’d gotten him to the hospital in time.
Tanner bumped my shoulder. “You okay?”
I sighed. “Yeah, just trying to forget about that Jane Doe and that teenager.”
“Yeah, me too.” He took a deep breath as we made our way out of the station. “At least we were able to help that little kid with the broken leg.”
“That’s true.” I smiled, grateful that Tanner seemed to understand exactly what I needed. “He was such a cute kid, too.”
“Oh my god, he really was. He had the chubbiest cheeks I’ve ever seen.”
I laughed. “He really did.”
Tanner shot me a smile. “You want kids one day?”
I took a deep breath. “Yes, I do. I’d love to have the whole white picket fence stuff, only with a husband, not a wife.”
Tanner looked thoughtful for a few seconds before he spoke again. “When I was younger, I didn’t even know that two men could have that, you know? I figured if I wanted the house, the kids, and the dog thing, I’d have to marry a woman to get it.”
“That’s because most people don’t talk about how you can still have a family if you’re gay—or bi or whatever. Most of the time the focus is on how we’re different because we’re gay and not how we’re the same. I mean, not that you’re gay.” I looked at him. “You’re bi, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Not me. I have never looked at women like that.” I laughed at the thought.
Tanner grinned.
“Anyway, it’s hard to imagine what it would be like, you know? When you’re young all you see is straight couples everywhere. So you think that’s the only way to have that… family. But obviously, it’s not. And I guess that’s what I want—a family.”
“I want that, too,” Tanner said quietly. “You’re right, though. About it being hard when you’re young to realize that you can still have those things, they’ll just look a little different than the pictures we’re shown.”
I reached over and rubbed his upper arm, squeezed it, then let go. For some reason, I just had to touch him in that moment. I didn’t really understand why. Well, okay, yeah, I did understand why. Every minute I spent with Tanner was confusing me more and more. I was with Jax. I was falling for Jax. I already loved him, though we were both dancing around saying it out loud. But I also had strong feelings for Tanner. At first, I thought it was just me having a new best friend, that I cared about him in that way, but every time he kissed me, I felt the same butterflies in my chest and stomach as I did when Jax kissed me. So then I thought that maybe I was just having the same reaction because we were sleeping together, but I started getting that warm fuzzy feeling in my chest when we weren’t having sex, too. Like, when he shoulder-bumped me, or smiled at me, or pushed my shoulder, or sent me a smile—wait, I said that—or made me laugh, or any one of the million things that Tanner did. Every single time we were together.
But I had already fallen for Jax, and I still felt that way about my boyfriend. So how could I possibly be having these feelings about Tanner, too?
“Sy?” I startled at the sound of Tanner’s voice.
“Yeah?”
He shot me a weird look and opened the door of the bar. “We’re here.”
I looked around and realized I’d walked two blocks without even noticing. “Oh, right. Sorry, I was daydreaming.”
“About anything good? Wanna share your deepest darkest desires?”
I held in a groan at how spot-on he was. “No, not really.”
Tanner smirked at me. “Must be something good, then.”
I sighed and ran my fingers through my still-wet hair. “No, it’s just… embarrassing.”
He laughed. “I’m always up for a nice, funny story.”
“So not happening, big guy.”
He stuck out his bottom lip in a little fake pout and all I wanted to do was lick it.
I cleared my throat. “Uh, can we just find them so I can get a beer.”
Tanner looked a little disappointed for a split-second before he tried to cover it up with a fake smile. “Sure thing, Sy.”
I followed him to the table in the back corner, and discreetly checked out his ass before catching myself and shaking myself out of my weird mood.
I was going to have to call Joel tomorrow and talk to him about all of this craziness.
I sat down and greeted the rest of my coworkers and Tanner did the same, sitting in the seat beside me. We had to squish in to fit everyone at the small table, so I was literally right up against Tanner. I could feel him and smell him. It was Friday night, so the bar was really crowded, and we were unable to grab another table to push together. Every time one of us moved, our arms brushed and every time, I ended up gasping at the contact. Why was this happening? We touched each other all the time.
Chapter Eleven
Jax
I’d been noticing things lately. Little things. Like every time Symon and Tanner kissed, they seemed desperate for each other. And every time they looked at each other, they just stared, like they were mesmerized with one another.
At first, it’d bothered me, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe it was a good thing.
All three of us had wonderful chemistry in the bedroom, there was no denying that. And Sy and I had great chemistry outside and inside the bedroom. It was more than obvious that Sy and Tanner did as well. So the only issue was with Tanner and me. I knew that we’d had wonderful chemistry back in the day, so the real question was, could we get that back after what had happened? Did I even want to?
I wasn’t sure how Symon would feel if I brought up the possibility of trying a three-way relationship, but the more I thought about it, the better it sounded. I didn’t want to hold Symon back from someone he obviously cared about, but I also didn’t want to give him up.
I’d been in a few triads before, and I’d always enjoyed the dynamic. After Tanner left, it’d been hard for me to get serious with anyone, but when I was in a
relationship with two other people, it seemed to make things easier for me because I always felt like I had someone in my corner. It didn’t really make sense, but I guess feelings and emotions didn’t always have to.
My biggest challenge was going to be having that conversation with Symon. I didn’t want him to freak out. But I had the feeling that if Tanner wasn’t brought into our relationship soon, he was going to pull away from us. I could see how hard it was getting for him. And as much as Tanner had hurt me in the past, I would never wish him to feel that same hurt. I didn’t want to wound him, I never would.
I took a deep breath, then dialed my phone, calling Symon.
“Hello?”
“Hey, pumpkin. How’s work going? I didn’t expect you to pick up.”
“I’m actually on a little break to grab some lunch, so you called at the perfect time. And it’s going okay. How are you? Aren’t you at work, too?”
I smiled. “Yeah, I snuck in the back since my last client just left. Is Tanner with you?”
“Yeah, he’s sitting right here.”
“Great. Do you both want to come over tonight?” I asked, dropping my voice a little lower than usual so he’d catch my meaning.
“I’m definitely in. Let me ask him, hold on.” There were muffled noises for a few seconds before he came back on saying, “Yeah, Tanner can come over, too. We’ll pick up some Chinese on the way to your place, so don’t worry about dinner.”
“That sounds perfect,” I said. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Okay, Romeo. See ya.”
I smiled as I hung up the phone.
“Making big plans?”
I looked over my shoulder at Alex as he walked into the breakroom. “Yep.” I snapped my mouth closed and looked at my friend.
Alex gave me a questioning look. “Are you really not going to say anything else?”
“Nope.”
He sighed dramatically and plopped into a chair at the same table I was sitting at. When he ran his hands over his face, I furrowed my brow and asked, “You okay, man?”
He dropped his hands. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Adeline is being really weird with me lately. I think she wants to break up.”
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