“First of all, we don’t use tanning parlors,” Flotsam said, his eyes narrowing.
“And we don’t highlight neither,” Jetsam said, equally resentful. He touched his lightly gelled hair and said, “These streaks’re what the sun does to hard-core kahunas that surf year-round.”
“I didn’t mean to suggest anything untoward,” the sergeant apologized.
Flotsam grunted and turned to Jetsam, saying, “Untoward?” Then, to their host: “If we work for you, Sarge, we might need a translator.”
Sergeant Hawthorne, who was thinking exactly the same thing about them, said, “You can ask any of the night-watch vice officers about me. I’m a forgiving supervisor, and I’m easy to get along with. Maybe I don’t look or sound the part, but I’m a pretty good street copper as well.”
Doubting that, Flotsam told his partner, “Dude, it could be nectar-neat to catch an occasional break from these bluesuits and, like, go all Mission Impossible for a night or two.”
“Easy for you to say, bro,” Jetsam said. “You ain’t the one that’d have to get your mind into a ghoulish game of show-and-tell where some psycho pervert wants to hump your stump.”
Sergeant Hawthorne said, “It’s not like that. Cozzo is basically a grifter with a rich foreign client who has a very strange Achilles’ heel, that’s all.”
“If he ever decides to go the distance himself, the geek won’t even have a heel,” Jetsam reminded them with a perceptible sneer.
“We could try it once and see how it goes,” the vice sergeant said. Then: “Whoops!” as another dollop of ketchup obliterated the A in UCLA.
Jetsam shook his head. “Sarge, your sweatshirt now just says UC, as in ‘undercover,’ with two blobs of red beside it. So you just managed to out yourself. Any denizens of the dark out there can read that you’re UC, and you did it with your own ketchup.”
Sergeant Hawthorne managed an embarrassed smile and began wiping ketchup off the sweatshirt and off his face, until scraps of shredded napkin clung to his chin.
Jetsam looked at the vice sergeant and said, “What’s the thread count on these things anyways? You got pieces of it hanging off your face.”
Flotsam said, “Sarge, if we let you dial us in, you gotta learn how to eat a fucking hamburger. You’re making us, like, way nervous here.”
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Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint portions of the following:
“Cowboy Logic,” by Don Cook and Chick Rains. Copyright © 1987 by Cross Keys Publishing Co., Inc., and Terrace Music. All rights on behalf of Cross Keys Publishing Co., Inc., administered by Sony Music Publishing, 8 Music Square, West, Nashville, TN 37203.
“Brother Jukebox,” by Paul Craft. Copyright © 1976 by Screen Gems-EMI Music, Inc./Black Sheep Music. All rights controlled and administered by Screen Gems-EMI Music Inc. All rights reserved. Internationally copyright secured. Used by permission.
“I’m That Kind of Girl,” by Ronnie Samoset and Matraca Berg. Copyright © 1990 by WB Music Corp., Samsonian Songs, Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp., and Patrick Joseph Music, Inc. All rights reserved on behalf of Samsonian Songs administered by WB Music Corp. All rights on behalf of Patrick Joseph Music, Inc., administered by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
“A Heartbeat Away,” by Steve Bogard and Rick Giles. Copyright © 1990 by Chappell & Co. and Dixie Stars Music (ASCAP). All rights reserved on behalf of Steve Bogard administered by Chappell & Co. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
“I Got It Bad,” by Matraca Berg and Jim Photoglo. Copyright © 1990 by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp., Patrick Joseph Music, Inc., WB Music Corp., Patrix Janus Music, and After Berger Music. All rights on behalf of Patrick Joseph Music, Inc. administered by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. All rights on behalf of Patrix Janus Music and After Berger Music administered by WB Music Corp. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
“Never Knew Lonely,” words and music by Vince Gill.Copyright © 1989 by Benefit Music. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
“Heartbeat in the Darkness,” words and music by Dave Loggins and Howard Russell Smith.Copyright © 1986 by MCA Music Publishing.A Division of MCA, Inc., and Patchwork Music. Rights administered by MCA Music Publishing, A Division of MCA, Inc., New York, NY 10019. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
copyright © 1992 by Joseph Wambaugh
cover design by Jason Gabbert
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Fugitive Nights Page 32
