by Iris Bolling
“No.” Theo held Joshua’s glare. “I know what I want. I tend not to allow obstacles to get in my way.”
Samuel and Joe shared a glance and a nod. “Dr. Prentiss, let me have your coat.” Samuel walked past his brothers to take the extended coat. “Pearl should be down in a minute. I’m certain she will have a few words for her brothers.” Each of them, with the exception of Joshua, grumbled then stepped away.
“I’ve checked you out.” Joshua held his position. “Why haven’t you married Lauren?”
When in the hell did he have time to check him out? Theo thought. He just agreed to dinner on yesterday. And where in the hell did he learn about Lauren?
“I don’t get a rise from Lauren.”
“Whoa.” Mathew stood. “Don’t talk about my sister like that.”
“News flash. Your sister is fine.”
Mathew grinned as he sat back down. “Damn right, she is.”
“Is that what this is, you trying to get with her sexually?” Joshua asked.
“If that was the case I would have done that days ago and wouldn’t be here dealing with the third degree.”
“We are round one and the light weights,” Joshua huffed. “We are just getting you warmed up.”
Theo looked around the room. “It feels a bit toasty in here already.”
“It’s about to get hotter, Dr. Prentiss,” Joe stated as he heard the girls coming down the stairs. “Brace yourself.”
“You made it.” Pearl smiled when she walked into the room. As much as she loved her brothers, Theo captured her complete attention. His smile seemed to brighten his features but then she noticed his eyes were dark, almost ominous. She looked around at her brothers, who were all seated on their sofa. “What did you do?”
“Intimidate him. Exactly what we are supposed to do,” Joshua replied.
“You know the routine, Pearl,” Joe stated as he sat on the sofa at the top of the semi-circle of sofas. “Come and sit beside me and let the gems and gents do what they do.”
Ruby pulled a chair from the dining room and sat it in front of the fireplace as the girls sat on the remaining sofa. “Have a seat, Dr. Prentiss.”
There was something in the tone of her voice that caused Theo to breathe a little uneasily. Theo, dressed in grey slacks, a burgundy sweater and a grey collar shirt underneath, sat with a curious look at Pearl.
“It’s a family thing.” Pearl nodded her head reassuringly. “I promise not to let them kill you.”
“Hold on, hold on.” Sally came running from the kitchen. “I’ve waited for this session for a long time.” She sat next to her husband and clapped her hands. “Pearl, I pray you are ready.”
“Yeah, it’s payback time.” Jade nodded as she crossed her legs.
“Ruby, let’s get started. The rolls are in the oven and I don’t want them to burn.”
Ruby pulled out her notebook and pen, as she stood next to Theo. “We are the Lassiters. If you are going to be involved with one of us you need to know who we are and what we stand for. We in turn need to know about you.”
“We have to do this because of Pearl,” Phire explained.
“Phire, this benefits all of us,” Ruby stated. “Now wait your turn.”
Theo crossed his legs in anticipation.
“Dr. Prentiss, excuse the interruption. On the sofa to your right are Samuel, Joshua, Mathew, Timothy and Adam. Luke, who falls between Matt and Timmy, is not present. On the sofa to your left are Diamond, Jade, Opal, and Sapphire. My name is Ruby.
“Men from the bible and gemstones…unique.”
“Thank you.” Sally smiled at Theo. “I like you already.”
Theo returned the smile until he looked up at Ruby. “No butt kissing with the queen.”
Theo stopped smiling but wanted to laugh. He only nodded.
“On the head sofa are Joe and Sally, the patriarch and matriarch of this clan. We’re going to ask you a series of questions to see if we like you and if you are a good fit.” She stared at him. “Each family member gets one question; however, any member can add on any question.”
“Do you do this to everyone who wants to date one of you?”
“Yes,” they all replied in unison.
“You don’t have to do this, Theo.” Pearl stood.
Joe pulled her back down. “Yes, he does.”
“Have a seat, Pearl.” Sally patted her daughter’s hand. “You have done this to all your sisters. Now, it’s your turn. Go ahead, Ruby.”
Pearl shrugged her shoulders at Theo and mouthed, Sorry.
“Anything for you, Ms. Lassiter.” Theo smiled then looked at Ruby. “Proceed.”
“Thank you. Phire, you go first.”
“Okay. Simple, Doc. Bid Whist or Spades?”
The question caught Theo off guard. “Whist, of course.”
Ruby made a note of his response. “Diamond.”
“Romantic comedy, or Thriller?”
Theo thought for a moment. “Thriller.”
“Opal,” Ruby guided.
“Checkers or Chess?”
“Chess.”
“Jade.”
“Sexy or Sensual?”
“Sexy.”
“CPA or Tax consultant?” Ruby asked.
“CPA.”
“Research or Practical?” Adam asked.
“Both.”
“You can’t do both,” Phire stated.
“In this case you can,” Adam replied. “To be a good doctor you have to respect the research.”
“Are you pre-med?” Theo asked.
Adam nodded. “I’m thinking of going in that direction.”
“Good man.” Theo reached over and gave Adam a pound.
Ruby walked between them. “No influencing the judges.”
Theo threw up his hands. “Sorry, please continue.” He winked at Pearl.
“Football or Soccer?” Mathew asked.
“Football.”
“Basketball or Baseball?” Timothy asked.
“Baseball.” The men groaned.
“I can shoot, but I prefer baseball.”
Joshua sat forward. “Guns or Bombs.”
“Neither, but if I had to choose, bombs. Why waste time? Take everybody out.”
Joshua stood, shook Theo’s hand. “He’s in.”
“He said he preferred neither,” Pearl explained.
“But he understands the concept,” Joshua pointed out.
“We’re not finished.” Ruby pushed Joshua to his seat. “Samuel.”
Sammy smiled, held his head down in thought. Then looked up. “Marriage or Sex?”
“Marriage. It enhances the sex.”
“Can you elaborate, Dr. Prentiss?” Sally asked.
“Of course.” Theo sat forward as if giving a lecture. “Sex is a moment of euphoria acquired when two individuals reach a peak of mutual arousal. There is no guarantee from partner to partner that moment will occur for both or even one. In a marriage you have a primary factor which enhances the sexual experience. That factor is love. The thing we all must remember about love is that it is, and always will be the number one factor in life. Think about it. It was God’s love that created heaven and earth. It was Sarah’s love for her son, which caused the divide between Isaac and his brother Ishmael. Love is such a deep emotion, that it can literally hurt your body, your mind, and your very soul. However, it is also powerful enough to heal. In marriage, imagine your body being controlled by such a powerful source during the act of sex.” He nodded his head. “Now, multiply that by 365 days a year or better yet…a lifetime. Do you have any idea how explosive that can be?” He sat back. “Yeah, I’ll take marriage over sex as soon as I find the right woman.” He stared at Pearl.
The room fell silent. No one moved or said a word…until Phire spoke up. “Okay, did anybody else get all yucky inside?”
Jade and Opal raised their hands as did Adam and Timothy.
“I think I just came,” Ruby mumbled.
Theo stoo
d and whispered in her ear, “It was good for me too.” He extended his arm. “Shall we have dinner?”
Ruby threw the book behind her, took the arm he offered and walked towards the dining room. Everyone began talking at once as they filed out of the room. Samuel stopped by Pearl and kissed her temple. “He’s a keeper.” He smiled at her.
Joshua walked by. “Don’t mess this up.”
“I like him, Pearl.” Diamond smiled as she hugged her sister. “I really like him.”
Once everyone was out of the room, Pearl looked up at her father. “Daddy, do you like him? I mean really like him?”
“Pearl, do you like him?”
“I don’t want to disappoint you again.”
He held his daughter back as the others filed into the dining room. “You have never disappointed me. I never condemned you for following your feelings and I never will. What happened in high school was a mistake, a part of learning and growing. It was not something for you to be ashamed of. Stop beating yourself up, Pearl.”
“I know, Daddy, but do you like him?”
Joe could see his daughter needed his reassurance. “Yes, I do. But not more than I love you and want you to be happy.”
Pearl smiled. “Okay, I’m not making any promises on how this is going to go. We’ll see if he knows how to act. You know how men can be.”
Joe shook his head as Pearl walked off and Sally joined him. “So, what do you think?”
Joe shrugged. “He’s made it this far. Let’s see if he makes it through the night.”
Dinner at the Lassiter’s was beyond descriptive. The food was delicious, but the company was outrageous. It certainly wasn’t like dinner at his parents’ house. The siblings at this house spoke loudly, often and quite freely. Theo swore he was going to clone Phire to take to his parents’ house to loosen up his mother. As for Joshua, the moment they mentioned outside decorations, he literally disappeared. One minute he was there, the next minute he was gone. Theo was granted the duties of the disappeared Joshua and given the task of stringing the roof, wearing dress loafers no less. All in all the evening went well. Theo could swear the lights were so bright he would probably be able to see them from his balcony. He held out his hand as he helped Pearl to the roof from the attic window.
“You okay?” she asked as she sat beside him.
“Better than okay.” He put his arm around her shoulders “I like your family.”
“You’re still alive so I think they like you, too.”
“So…I’m the first man you’ve brought home to meet them.”
Pearl pulled her jacket a little closer. “So far.” She grinned.
“I’ll take that as a good thing.” There was silence between them for a minute. He pointed toward downtown. “That’s my building to the right.”
“I know. You should show me the inside, sometime.”
Theo smiled at her shining eyes. “I’d like to show you the inside of me, tonight.”
Pearl kissed his cheek. “I’d like to see that.”
“Hey, we are getting ready to plug these in, you two might want to get off the roof,” Joe’s baritone voice filtered up to them.
“Be right down, Daddy.”
Theo stood then helped Pearl up. “I must really like you. I’m in the cold, on a roof, in Italian loafers putting up Christmas lights.”
“Santa needs a way to find our house.”
“I got a Santa for you.”
“Ooh, is he naughty or nice?” Pearl asked as she stepped into the house through the window.
Theo ducked inside then kissed her. “He can’t wait to show you.” They joined the rest of the family that was outside in the front yard.
“Countdown to the 151 proof eggnog.” Phire jumped with a cheer.
Joe caught her by the collar. “Turn on the lights.”
Everyone laughed as the lights illuminated the outside of the house.
Joe began singing with a surprisingly rich baritone voice. “Hang all the mistletoe. I’m going to get to know you better…this Christmas.”
To Theo’s surprise the others all joined in to a lively upbeat version of This Christmas. It was the most fun he’d had in years. He couldn’t stop himself from joining in, as neighbors came out of their homes to join in with the singing.
Things went up from there. Someone decided to play poker. Theo, to Joshua’s dismay, was surprisingly very good at the game. Joshua, the sore loser, didn’t take too kindly to giving up his wallet to Theo, but the man had won it fair and square.
“You made the bet, Joshua,” Samuel cautioned his younger brother. “Don’t get upset because he outsmarted you. Adam folded, that should have told you something. Stop being a sore loser.”
“I’m not a sore loser,” Joshua declared.
“You are a terrible loser,” Pearl added. “I should have warned Theo not to play poker with you. Give him the wallet back, Theo. It’s not that serious.”
“Oh hell,” Timothy mumbled.
“It’s a game, Joshua, and he beat you,” Pearl teased.
“Hey, look, um I don’t want your wallet. It’s all good.”
“Oh, now my sister is making decisions for you.”
“No. I don’t see the virtue in having a disagreement about something this trivial.” Theo extended his hand to Joshua. “We good?”
“Joshua, behave.” Pearl stood. “Let’s go, Theo.” Theo stepped back to get his coat.
“You running, Theo,” Joshua teased.
“Not running. Just man enough to walk away from a volatile situation.”
“Samuel,” Pearl pleaded.
Samuel handed Pearl the drink in his hand. “Here, Pearl, have a drink, I’ll handle this.”
Joshua stepped in front of Theo. “You think you are man enough for my sister? Prove it.”
Pearl drank the entire contents of the glass in one gulp. She gave the glass to Mathew. “Joshua, no, this isn’t necessary.”
“Yes, it is, Pearl,” Samuel stated as he handed her another glass of wine. “Drink this. We’ll handle the Doc.”
Pearl gulped down the second glass of wine. Then gave the empty glass to Mathew, who placed another glass in her hand.
Mathew turned to Ruby, who nodded to keep them going. So he filled the empty glass Pearl gave him and waited.
Pearl downed the third glass. She missed Mathew’s hand as she passed it back to him. Opal grabbed the glass before it fell to the floor. She took the glass Mathew now held and put it in Pearl’s hand. “You get them, Pearl, don’t let them hurt your man.”
“He’s not my man,” Pearl slurred as she took the glass.
“He will be before this night is over,” Jade laughed.
“Pearl, drink your wine.” Timothy stepped forward. “You know how the Lassiter brothers handle men who mistreat our sisters.”
“He didn’t mistreat me. He just kissed me.”
“Did you like it?” Adam asked as he stood next to his other brothers.
Pearl emptied the glass, then looked around at her sisters. “It was good.” She nodded.
“It was real good from what Phire told me," Jade laughed. "The man had her speechless."
"I wasn’t speechless, it was the orgasm."
Everyone stopped. Even her brothers, who had all surrounded Theo, turned to look at her. Joshua was the first to recover. He gently, or so he thought, pushed Theo. “You giving my sister orgasms?"
Theo's body bumped into Samuel, who pushed him back towards Joshua, who pushed him to Timothy, who pushed him towards Mathew. When he reached Adam he regained his balance.
"Hey, hey, hey,” Theo yelled. “The next person who touches me, I'm taking out your kneecap." The men stopped and stared. "Yes, I kissed her into an orgasm." He walked over to face Joshua. He figured if he was going to die tonight it was going to be quick. "I plan on doing it again as soon as I get her out of here." Theo put up his fist. "Who's going to try and stop me?"
Pearl stumbled into the middle. "You got to
go through me to get to him," she shouted. "You put a finger on him, Joshua, I'm kicking your behind."
"You would go against your own brothers for this man?" Samuel asked.
Pearl put her hands on her hips. "Damn right!" She stomped her foot and almost tipped over.
Theo reached out, caught her by the waist, then put her behind him. "You will not."
She jumped back in front of him. "I will. My brothers are professional killers. Stay behind me."
He put her back behind him. "I am the man in this relationship. Now stay back. "
She jumped back in his face. "Relationship. Who said we are in a relationship?"
"I did. And you damn well better agree for all I've been through tonight."
"No man tells me what to do unless his name is Joe Lassiter."
"I just did and my name is not Joe, it is Theo. You might as well get used to it. You'll be calling it a lot before this night is over."
The two were so into their argument, neither noticed the brothers had sat down, had drinks in their hands and were watching them, amused.
"How dare you speak to me like that? You don't know me well enough to talk to me that way. I will have every one of my brothers take you out, limb by limb, and spread you around the world so no one will ever find your body."
Samuel and Joshua looked at each other. "You leaving the country tonight?"
"Tomorrow morning," Joshua replied then took a drink.
"I'll store him at my place until morning." Samuel took a drink as Joshua nodded.
"Make sure you have plenty of ice on hand," Adam added. "It will help keep the smell down while the body deteriorates."
"I'm a doctor,” Theo yelled. “I know how to torture people in ways your brothers could never imagine."
Pearl huffed. "Did you just threaten my brothers?"
"I did."
Pearl brought her fist up to punch him, but Theo grabbed her wrist. That caused Joshua to rise. Samuel pulled him back down as Theo pulled Pearl to him.
His lips crushed down on hers and relentlessly kissed her until her body went limp. Theo put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer, then began to literally ravish her in front of her brothers and sisters.
"Ten points on technique," Ruby yelled.
"Ten on originality." Opal laughed.
'Twenty on execution." Jade clapped.
"Do you think Pearl is alright," Diamond asked.
