Cupping Kelly’s ass tightly once more, she lifted her off the ground and leaned forward the inches necessary to prop her on the edge of the vanity. She ran one hand up a firm thigh, pausing only a second as she reached the navy fabric that had ridden up Kelly’s beautifully toned leg. Part of her couldn’t believe she’d been granted access, and yet she might die if she weren’t.
She continued to kiss along Kelly’s neck, her throat, her chest, as her hand worked higher. There were no words. Nothing to break the spell they incanted through heavy breaths and wet kisses. If Kelly were going to be the one to stop this, she surely would have done so by now, and as Elliot’s fingers brushed against the warmth of her center, she found all the evidence she needed to prove she wouldn’t finish this downward spiral alone.
At the touch of Elliot’s hand, Kelly’s hips rocked up, her body saying what neither of them dared. Elliot pressed closer now, bunching Kelly’s skirt up as she settled between her legs. Something primal, instinctual took over. She hadn’t felt so sure of herself for weeks, months. This is where she belonged. The heady sense of control filled her chest as she lifted her free hand. She cupped the back of Kelly’s head and urged her closer. Then taking her mouth once more, she pushed her whole body forward.
The friction grew painfully perfect as they ground against one another, breaths heavy, urgency overcoming finesse. She gloried in the press of her weight against the thrust of Kelly’s need. She wanted to stay here forever, never letting go of the physical sensations overriding all emotion, if only Kelly would let her.
Then as abruptly as the whole thing began, Kelly’s back went rigid and her hands clenched in fists. She hung, suspended in that arc of ecstasy until with one sharp cry she went limp. Resting her forehead against Elliot’s chest, she breathed slowly in through her nose and out through her mouth.
Elliot wasn’t sure she was really breathing yet at all, but if she were, the oxygen didn’t seem to be reaching her brain enough to let her make sense of the drastic change of pace. She hadn’t been with tons of women, but enough to know orgasms usually came with more build-up, and generally a little bit of afterglow.
“Would you mind extracting your hand from my skirt?” Kelly said, her voice low, but without a hint of softness.
Okay, so no afterglow. She leaned back slowly, afraid to make any sudden movements, but when her entire body was free of any connection, Kelly hopped gracefully off the vanity and brushed her skirt back into place.
“I think you’ve stopped bleeding,” Kelly said, matter-of-factly.
It took a second for Elliot to realize she meant the comment literally, and she lifted her hand absently to the Band-Aid over her eye.
Kelly stepped out of the bathroom into the hall, but the physical distance didn’t feel nearly as far as the emotional separation, as she casually added, “I don’t think you need stitches.”
No, stitches wouldn’t do anything to make sense of the dysphoria that plagued Elliot now. Maybe she did have a concussion after all. If not for Kelly’s bruised lips and her unwillingness to make eye contact, Elliott might have believed nothing that transpired over the last twenty minutes had actually happened.
Certainly nothing made sense. Her very straight, very uptight boss had kissed her like a woman who knew what she was doing and driven her into such a frenzy that she’d fucked her on the office sink. Things like that didn’t just happen, and yet it had. She knew it had, even if she didn’t understand how. Had one of them had a nervous breakdown? If so, which one? And what the hell should she do about it?
“I think it’s probably time for you to get home,” Kelly suggested calmly, but in a way that left little room for argument. Besides, listening to her seemed easier than trying to figure out what the hell was happening.
“Yeah,” she said, finally speaking for the first time since everything spun out of control. “I probably better.”
“Do you, um, need a ride?” The little waiver was the first hint from Kelly that she felt anything other than complete control.
“No.” She buttoned the part of her shirt Kelly had popped open and picked her coat up off the floor before joining her in the hallway.
“So …” She waited. For what, she didn’t know. An explanation? Some emotional cue? The camera crew to reveal themselves and unveil the most elaborately inappropriate prank in the history of all humanity?
Nothing happened.
Nothing other than Kelly standing stoically still with her hand on the steel door to the alley and her eyes anywhere but on Elliot.
Okay. Fine.
Nothing to say.
Nothing more to see here.
Elliot slipped on her coat and braced herself for the cold. Kelly pushed open the door, then stood back to give her room to pass without any part of their bodies so much as brushing against each other. It didn’t matter though. No amount of distance, avoidance, or pretending could ever erase the imprint of them pressed together in the most intimate way. She knew she’d feel Kelly against her for hours, days, weeks to come. The only thing she didn’t know was what the hell she should do about it now.
Other than leave.
Kelly clearly wanted her to go, and she didn’t know what she wanted well enough to argue, so she stepped into the alley before turning back to seek Kelly’s dark eyes one more time. Kelly refused to offer her even that as she looked past her, above her, or anywhere else.
“Thanks for the …” Elliot paused, unsure of herself but unwilling to fall apart in the face of Kelly’s indifference, “the Band-Aid?”
Kelly’s skilled mouth twisted in something akin to a grimace. “You’re welcome.”
Elliot shrugged. She’d tried. Perhaps not eloquently or smoothly, but she’d tried. She’d stood in the awkwardness long enough. She wouldn’t beg for an explanation or an invitation. Kelly had kissed her. Elliot had practically jumped Kelly, and while she hadn’t exactly said she wanted to go as far as they had, she hadn’t stopped her, either. She’d had as much chance to control the situation as Elliot did. More control actually, if she could summon this icy resolve in the immediate aftermath of their meltdown. Kelly was apparently the queen of control, and for once, Elliot could only follow her lead.
“Goodnight, Kelly.”
“Goodnight, Elliot,” Kelly said. Then, without even waiting for her to go, Kelly closed the door behind her.
The metal clang echoed through the alleyway with a finality that made Elliot’s knees buckle. Reaching for the wall, she steadied herself, first with her hands, then by resting her forehead against the rough wall. She relished the sharp points of gravel poking at the soles of her boots, the bite of frost at her fingertips, the coarse texture of the brick against her skin. The tactile sensations grounded her to reality, to this moment. She needed things she could touch, feel, and know, but no matter how much she attempted to anchor herself to the tangible, she couldn’t prevent the blaring retort ringing through her mind. She finally gave it voice by whispering it into the frozen night. “What the fuck did we just do?”
Chapter Eight
Kelly slammed the lock into place and stumbled back to the bathroom. Bracing herself against the sink with one hand, she turned on the cold water with the other. She tried not to notice how badly her fingers shook as she ran them under the faucet. She cupped both hands and brought the water to her face. She splashed it across her cheek and rinsed her mouth as if she could somehow wash away the kiss and its multitude of implications. And yet the regret didn’t come. At least not in the crippling way she expected.
Why hadn’t the remorse overtaken her yet? She’d felt a veritable catalogue’s worth of emotions over the last hour. Anger, fear, need, lust, abandon, ecstasy, relief, embarrassment, and shock. Why hadn’t she fallen apart yet? She’d behaved totally out of character. She’d come unglued and surrendered to her baser instincts. And worst of all, she’d liked it. She’d relished every debauched second.
Not the aftermath. Not the awkwardness or the confusion as
she tried to pull herself together. Certainly not the bewilderment in Elliot’s eyes. No, least of all that. And yet even remembering the concern that had crossed her beautiful, youthful features as she’d broken away, Kelly couldn’t summon any meaningful desire to undo what they did.
Slowly she lifted her gaze to the mirror, afraid of what she’d find, scared that somehow her reflection would reveal the woman she’d shown herself to be, and it did. In a myriad of little ways, her body betrayed her. From the flush of pink in her cheeks, to her still-enlarged pupils, to the deep maroon of her lips, she no longer appeared wan and pallid under the lights. She looked like a woman come to life, a shot of color in a previously sepia scene.
Her heart rate accelerated as the thoughts spun through her brain, causing her pulse to rush through her ears and her head to throb. She might regret how things ended, she might regret the awkwardness she’d have to face, but in no way did she regret what they had done.
What she had done.
Elliot had come along for the ride, eager and able, but never fully in control. It would be easy to blame her, but Kelly didn’t have it in her to be so unfair, not even to save herself. Elliot’s only sin came in the form of her skill.
God, she could kiss, and touch, and caress, and move. Her cockiness in every social situation wasn’t merely false bravado or over-inflated ego. She not only possessed the wit and charisma to back them up, apparently she also had the sexual prowess. Her breath shortened at the thought, though she couldn’t tell if the reaction stemmed from the worry that she’d be faced with similar temptation in the future or the fear that she wouldn’t.
Surely Elliot wouldn’t return.
Why would she?
Maybe if Kelly had offered her some explanation … but she hadn’t, she couldn’t, and Elliot had walked away willingly. She couldn’t deny a twinge of disappointment in her lack of fight. She would’ve expected someone who threw punches for strangers to at least ask questions of someone she’d been intimate with. And yet, Kelly had kept the intimacy at a minimum. She accepted only what her body demanded and returned nothing. She didn’t blame Elliot for taking the first available exit, and she wouldn’t fault her for refusing to return. A woman with her skills, both on the job and in the bedroom, had many options that didn’t include continuing to work with Kelly on any level. Maybe part of her would even appreciate a clean break. Elliot deserved better than Kelly could or would give her. She hoped Elliot would find everything she needed in her next placement.
Surely she could still find another placement. She didn’t have to miss graduating. The university undoubtedly had policies in place for leaving internships. Would she tell her supervisor why? Would she tell Beth?
Her stomach turned and the bile rose in her throat. She splashed her face with another handful of water. There was the panic she’d expected. The dark cloud had merely been biding its time, giving her false hope of sunny skies. She might not feel any remorse for losing control of her body, but she would be made to feel plenty for losing control of her life. Her business. Her reputation.
Then again, didn’t those things always go together? Sex and guilt. Relationships and fear. Love and disappointment. Wasn’t that what she’d preached to herself for years? She’d never had the same options other people did. Everything she’d worked for and everyone she’d ever cared for came with a choice.
Tonight, in a moment of weakness, she’d made the wrong one.
A knock sounded softly on Elliot’s door, followed by whispered voices.
She rolled over and peeked one eye open just enough to see the clock: 8:02. She didn’t have to be at work for another hour, and she didn’t want to be awake or thinking any earlier than she had to.
She pulled the pillow over her head and tried to slip back out of awareness, but whoever stood on the other side of the door knocked again, this time louder.
“Elliot,” Rory called. “If you’re in there, you need to say so, or I’m going to call the police.”
Police? What the hell?
She threw off the comforter and padded quickly through the apartment, picking up a shirt as she went. She’d never actually managed to strip off her jeans the night before. She hadn’t had the energy or desire to take any more steps than those necessary to fall into the oblivion of sleep.
Rory knocked again, but Elliot swung open the door. “What in all the fucks are you—” Then she saw Beth standing beside her and stopped short. “Sorry.”
Beth smiled. “I’ve heard the word before.”
“Jesus,” Rory said, ignoring the exchange and catching Elliot’s chin in her hand. “You really did it.”
“What?”
“We heard about what happened last night,” Beth said softly.
“You what?” Elliot exploded, causing her head to throb and Rory and Beth to both wince.
“Can we come in?” Beth asked.
She glanced down the hallway, realizing her neighbors could probably hear everything through the thin walls. “Sure.”
Beth did an admirable job of appearing calm and collected as she took a seat on the couch, but Rory paced across the living room like a caged lion. Elliot couldn’t blame her. She felt as though she might crawl out of her own skin as she frantically tried to process their reason for being there. How had they found out? Had Kelly called them? She shook her head. Kelly had barely said two words to her afterward, and she couldn’t imagine her spilling to anyone else. Then again, less than twelve hours ago, she wouldn’t have imagined Kelly allowing herself to be taken in the office bathroom. Part of her still couldn’t believe it, but Beth and Rory wouldn’t be in her living room at the butt-crack of dawn on a Saturday morning otherwise.
“Okay,” Beth said, seeming to collect herself. “Why don’t you tell us what happened?”
“Um, okay. Well …” She ran a hand through her bed head and tried to figure out where to start, but only came up empty. She couldn’t make any sense of what happened between them, not what started things, or what made them spin out of control, and she certainly didn’t understand what caused Kelly’s abrupt withdrawal. Least of all she didn’t understand what Kelly would have told someone else between then and now. Hell, if anyone had answers to those questions, it was as likely to be Beth as anyone else. “Why don’t you tell me what you heard?”
“Elliot,” Rory warned, “this is serious. If word of this gets out around town, it could make you a target.”
“A target for what?”
“Violence.”
“Violence?” Why? Did they think she forced herself on Kelly? Oh God, did Kelly think that? She looked from Rory to Beth, who gave them both a little shake of her head. Nothing made sense.
Rory lowered her voice. “Probably not violence, but paybacks. Or just bad will. What if the dean finds out?”
Her internship. She hadn’t even gotten that far in her worries. She’d been so focused on the emotional side of the equation she hadn’t thought about work or school or the implications for her career. She needed to graduate. She needed experience and references. “Shit, this is going to wreck my internship. Am I fired?”
“Fired?” Beth asked. “Why would you be fired?”
“What did Kelly say?”
“Kelly?” Rory asked, shooting Beth one of their indecipherable looks. “Was Kelly with you?”
“Well, yeah.”
“I told you,” Rory said, shaking her head. “I told you we shouldn’t have put them together. I knew something like this was going to happen.”
“What? You knew something like this was an option?” Elliot asked, her head spinning. “ ’Cause I didn’t know until like, well, when it was already happening.”
“Wait a second.” Beth hopped to her feet and came between them. “Both of you need to sit down and take a few deep breaths.”
Rory and Elliot complied immediately.
“I need you to back up.” Beth continued. “Obviously, we heard part of the story, the part that came through the public
rumor mill, which is notoriously unreliable, but you’ve got a Band-Aid coated in dried blood over your eye, so something happened.”
Elliot lifted her hand to her eyebrow and ran her fingertips to the crusted blood around the edges as the proverbial lightbulb went off in her mind. The police, violence, the blood, and no mention of Kelly. “You’re talking about the bar fight.”
“Yes, we have lots of questions about that,” Beth said calmly, then raised an eyebrow. “But now I also have questions about what you thought we were talking about.”
Elliot hung her head. Kelly hadn’t thrown her under the bus. She hadn’t told anyone. Confusion and disillusionment gave way to fear once again. Kelly hadn’t betrayed her, but Elliot might have inadvertently hurt her. How could she back out of this situation without causing any more damage?
“I got so confused there,” she said honestly. “You woke me up, and you know how well I function so early in the morning.”
Rory snorted and made a show of looking at her watch.
“You woke me up,” Elliot repeated with greater emphasis. “And you said something about police, and I had to find a shirt.”
“All right,” Beth said with one of her most soothing smiles. “We did sort of barge in, but we were worried. We got a call this morning saying one of the lesbian students from Bramble got into a bar fight where homophobic things were said, punches were thrown, and someone left bleeding.”
“And you got scared,” Elliot finished. Made sense.
“I started calling PRIDE students only to find out most of our undergraduates spent the night down in St. Louis. You were the only one unaccounted for, and you wouldn’t answer your phone.”
She felt her pants pockets, then grabbed her coat off the floor only to find its pockets empty as well. Her face flamed as she realized it must have fallen out while she and Kelly were doing whatever it was they’d done. She still didn’t know what word to use. “I must’ve left it at the office last night.”
“Right, the office,” Beth sighed, “which leads me back to the question of Kelly’s involvement in the altercation.”
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