As the light began to fade, and Sarah quietly lit the candles, she heard a stirring in the courtyard, and closed her eyes as she trembled, praying he had not returned yet. As wicked as she knew it was of her to think so, her life would be forever blessed if indeed something had befallen him, and he never came back at all. She could not bear to think of spending the rest of her life beside him, however short it was, it would be far, far too long to be beside Edward.
Setting the candle down, she walked swiftly to the window, and then she saw it, his horse, riderless, being led by half a dozen of their men. And then behind them, she saw his body laid out on his cloak, on a farmer's cart. He looked as though he were dead. Her heart pounded like a bird in her chest as she waited. If he was dead, they would remain solemn, and someone would come to tell her. But they began running and shouting for help almost as soon as they entered the courtyard. Someone was sent to fetch the doctor, and four of the men set him on a board, and began carrying him into the house. She had no idea yet what had happened to him, but her heart sank as she realized he was alive, and they were still hoping to save him.
God, forgive me ' she whispered as a door exploded at the far end of the huge drawing room where she had been sitting, and his men carried him in. He looked dead to her, but she knew he wasn't.
It's his lordship, he's fallen, they said urgently, but Edward never stirred. She motioned them to follow her upstairs to his bedroom, and she watched quietly as they set him down on his bed. He was still wearing the clothes he'd worn when he left, and she saw that his shirt was torn and dusty. His face was gray and his beard was full of brambles.
He had started his journey with a woman at a farm nearby, and he had sent his men on to an inn to await him. And they had waited for him patiently there for the better part of three days. It wasn't unusual for him to take that long to dally, and they only laughed and joked as they waited for him, and drank gallons of ale and whiskey. And then finally they went to find him again, only to discover, when he did not surface, that he'd left the woman on the farm three days before. They called the sheriff out and began a search for him, and it was only that morning that they had found him. Edward had fallen from his horse and had lain delirious for days. At first they thought his neck was broken, but it wasn't. He had come to his senses once for a moment on the way home, and then fallen unconscious again, and now he looked as though he were dead as he lay there. To Sarah they said only that he'd had a bad fall and, they suspected, hit his head very sharply.
When did it happen? she asked quietly, and she did not believe them when they said that morning. He had blood and vomit caked on him that looked several days old. She knew almost nothing to tell the doctor, when he came, and the men took him aside and told him quietly what had happened. He was familiar with these things. His lordship's wife did not need to know where he'd been or what he'd been doing: What he needed was to be bled now, and some leeches, and they'd have to wait for the outcome. He was a healthy, vital man, with a strong constitution, and even at his age the doctor thought it was possible, though not certain, that he might survive his mishap.
Sarah stood next to him dutifully while they bled him, and he never stirred. It was the leeches she hated most of all, and when the doctor left finally, she looked almost as ill as Edward as she left the room. She went to her desk and wrote to Haversham then. He needed to know what had happened, and if there was any danger that Edward might the during the night, he should be there.
She sealed the letter and sent it with one of their runners. It was an hour's ride to where Haversham lived, and she knew he would come at once that night. She went back then, to sit with Edward. She sat silently in the chair, looking at him, trying to understand what she felt. It was not anger or hatred, it was indifference, and fear and disdain. She could not even remember a time now when she had loved him. It had been so brief, so based on lies, and so long ago as to have faded almost entirely from her mind. She felt nothing at all for him. And there was a part of her that sat there that night, silent, strong, unbroken, unbridled, praying he would the before morning. There were times when she thought she could not live with him another moment. She could not bear the thought of surviving his touch, or letting him paw her. She would rather the than bear him more children, and yet she knew that if he lived, it was only a matter of time before he took her again, and forced her.
Margaret, her serving girl, came to her just before midnight, to ask if there was anything she could bring her. She was a sweet girl, the same age that Sarah had been when she came to Balfour, a mere sixteen. And Sarah was surprised to find she was still up, and sent her to bed. Margaret was passionately devoted to her, she had been at her side when the last baby died, and she thought Sarah was the most remarkable woman she had ever known. She would have done anything she asked her.
Haversham didn't arrive until two o'clock that morning. His wife was ill, two of the girls had given her measles, and she was miserable, as were they, all broken out with spots and itching unbearably and coughing. He had hated to leave them, but when he got Sarah's note, he knew he had to come.
How is he? He was as tall and dark and handsome as Edward had been in his youth. Haversham was only twenty-nine, and Sarah could feel her heart stir, as it always did, as he crossed the room and took her hands in his own and held them.
They bled him hours ago, and leeched him, but he hasn't stirred, or made a sound. I don't know ' Haversham ' I think ' the doctor thought he had bleeding somewhere inside him. There's no sign of it, nothing's broken ' but he looks as though he might not survive it. As she said it, he could read nothing in her eyes. I thought you should be here.
I wanted to be with you. She looked up at him gratefully, and they walked slowly to Edward's room. There had been no change. It was only when they emerged again, and the butler brought Haversham a glass of brandy in the drawing room that he looked at his sister-in-law, and admitted that Edward already looked dead. He couldn't imagine him surviving. When did this happen? he asked, looking troubled. If Edward died, a great deal of responsibility was about to fall on him. He had never really thought that would happen. He had always assumed that, at some point, she and Edward would have a son, although he himself certainly hadn't managed it, despite four children. But since she'd had three sons who died, he couldn't imagine her not having another, and hoped that the next one would survive past childbirth.
They tell me it happened this morning, she said quietly, and as he looked at her, he realized, as he always did, how strong she was. She was far stronger, and more courageous, than most men, and surely more so than he was. They're lying, she said calmly. Haversham wondered how she knew that. He crossed one leg over the other as he watched her, trying desperately to resist the urge to take her in his arms. Something rather more complicated must have happened, she went on, but perhaps it's not important. Whatever happened, wherever they found him, it doesn't change the condition he's in now. He appeared to both of them to be mortally injured.
Was the doctor hopeful? Haversham asked, still looking anxious, and then as she looked noncommittal, he set down his glass and took her hand in his own again. Sarah, if something happens to Edward, what will you do then? She would be free of him at last, only Haversham and a handful of the servants knew how brutal he had been.
I don't know. Live again, I suppose, she sat back in her chair with a sigh and smiled, breathe ' just be. Finish my life quietly somewhere. Perhaps, if he left her anything, she'd rent a small house of her own, or even a farm and live peacefully. She wanted nothing more than that. He had killed all her dreams. All she wanted was to flee him.
Would you go away with me? She looked shocked at the question. They hadn't spoken of such things in years, and she had forbidden him to speak to her of love ever since his marriage to Alice.
Don't be ridiculous, she said quietly, trying to sound as though she meant it. You have a wife and four daughters here. You can't just abandon them and run off with me. But it was exactly what he wanted t
o do with her, and always had. His wife meant nothing to him. He had only married her because he knew he could never have Sarah. But now ' if Edward died ' he couldn't bear losing her again. Don't even think of it, she said firmly. She was, above all, a woman of honor. And there were times when, much as she had loved him for a third of her life, Haversham acted like a schoolboy. Never having the burden of the title, he had never been forced to grow up and take the responsibilities that went with it. But without the title, he also didn't have a penny, except his wife's dowry.
And if he lives? he whispered in the light of the flickering candles.
Then I will the here, she said sadly, hoping it would be sooner rather than later.
I can't let you do that. I can't bear it any longer, Sarah. I can't watch him murdering you day after day, year after year. Oh God, if you knew how I hate him. He had even less reason to do so than she did, although Edward had done whatever he could to complicate Haversham's life ever since he'd been born. Haversham had been born of their father's second wife, and the two men shared a common father, but had different mothers. Haversham was twenty-five years Edward's junior. Come away with me, he said then, the brandy had gone to his head, but only slightly. He had tried to concoct a plan to flee with her for years, but he had never before gotten up the courage to ask her. He knew how sensitive she was to his marriage, far more so than he was. Alice was a sweet girl, and he was fond of her, but he had never loved her. We'll go to America, he went on, clasping her hands now. We'll be free of all this. Sarah, you must do it. He spoke to her urgently in the dark, chilly room, and if she had been honest with him, she would have told him that she would have liked nothing better. But she knew she couldn't do it. Not to him, or to his wife. And if Edward was still alive, she knew with utter certainty that he would find them and kill them.
You mustn't talk such nonsense, she said firmly.
You would risk your life for nothing. She wanted more than anything to calm him.
Being with you for the rest of our lives is not nothing,' Haversham said heatedly. It would be worth dying for ' truly ' I mean it ' He moved ever closer to her, and she felt breathless being so near him, but she couldn't let him see that.
I know you do, dear man. She sat, holding his hands and smiling at him, wishing their lives had been different, but she would do nothing now to risk him. She loved him far too dearly. But as he looked at her, he sensed the love she felt for him, and he couldn't restrain himself any longer. He reached out and pulled her into his arms, and kissed her. Don't ' she whispered when he stopped, wanting to be angry at him, wanting to send him away from her, if only to save him, but she had been starved for too long and found she couldn't do it. He kissed her again, and she didn't resist him, and then finally she pulled away and shook her head sadly. We must not do this, Haversham. It's impossible. And very, very dangerous, if anyone saw them.
Nothing is impossible, and you know that. We'll find a ship in Falmouth and set sail for the new world, and have a life together. No one can stop us. She smiled at how naive he was, how innocent, and how little he knew his brother. Not to mention the fact that neither of them had any money.
You make it. all sound so simple. And we'd live a life of infamy and shame. Think of what your daughters will learn of you when they're old enough to be told ' and poor Alice ' She's a child, she'll find someone else. She does not love me either.
She will in time. You'll grow used to each other eventually.
She wanted him to be happy where he was, no matter how much she loved him. In an odd way, he was more boy than man. He really didn't understand the dangers with which he was flirting, but he was angry that she wouldn't agree to go with him, and he sat looking sullen for a while, and then they walked upstairs hand in hand to check on Edward. It was nearly dawn by then, and there was no one up in the house, except the manservant sitting with her husband.
How is he? she asked quietly.
There's been no change, your ladyship. I believe the doctor will return to bleed him again in the morning. She nodded, it was what she had been told as well. But Edward didn't look as though he'd live long enough to see it. And when they left the room again, Haversham looked hopeful.
Bastard, when I think of what he's done to you for all these years. It made his blood boil.
Don't think of it, she said quietly, and then she suggested that he go to sleep in one of their guest rooms. He was planning to stay until Edward either woke or died, and he had brought his own servants with him. They had been sent to bed downstairs when he arrived, but Haversham was grateful for a bed when she suggested it, and surprised that she didn't intend to go to bed herself. She seemed to go on forever, as tireless as always.
When Haversham had left her, she went back to her husband's bedroom, and offered to sit with him for a while to relieve the others. She could doze in the chair, next to him, and as she did, she found herself dreaming of his brother. What he had said to her was extraordinary. The idea of going to America was amazing. And however appealing it might sound, she knew that there was absolutely not the remotest possibility they could do it. If nothing else, no matter how irresponsible Haversham was, she would never have done that to Alice or her daughters, though she would gladly have fled Edward, even if it killed her.
Her head bobbed down on her chest for a while, and she was sound asleep when the sun came up and the roosters crowed. There was no one in the room with them, and suddenly as she slept, she felt a vise seize her arm and shake her. It seemed like part of her dream, and eventually she thought an animal of some kind had taken her arm, and had gripped it in its teeth until she thought her arm would be torn off her body. She woke with a start and a small murmur of pain and fear, and then was even more startled to realize it was Edward, clutching her arm and squeezing it until she had to fight not to cry out in anguish.
Edward! ' He was awake, and as evil as ever. Are you all right? You've been very ill for days, I believe. They brought you home on a farmer's cart, and the doctor had to bleed you.
You must be sorry that I lived, he said coldly, his eyes taking her in with obvious hatred. He still had a grip on her arm, and it amused him that even in his weakened state,, he was still able to hurt her. Did you call my fool of a brother? His eyes blazed as he let go of her arm just as suddenly as he had grabbed it.
I had to, Edward ' they thought you might be dying, she said, looking at him with the caution you would use with a poisonous snake, because indeed he was one.
How disappointed you both must be ' the grieving widow, and the new Earl of Balfour. Not so soon, my dear. You will not be so lucky quite so quickly, he said, squeezing her face hard in his fingers. It was amazing that he had so much strength after having been so deeply unconscious. She imagined that his wickedness must fuel it.
No one wishes you any ill, Edward, she said, lowering her eyes as he released her, and then she moved slowly to the door, on the pretext of getting him some gruel for breakfast.
I won't get my strength back on that slop, he complained, but from what she could see, and had just felt, he had regained quite enough strength already to suit her.
I'll see if we can make you something better, she said calmly.
Do that. He looked at her evilly, and then she saw his eyes glitter at her in anger. It was a look she knew well, and that had terrorized her when she was younger. Now she simply forced herself not to think of it, and to rise above it. It was the only way she had survived him. I know the way my brother diinks, he said thoughtfully, and how weak he is. He will not rescue you from me, my dear, if that's what you think. And if he should try, whatever his plan, wherever he goes, wherever you go, rest assured, I will find you, and kill him, or kill you both. Remember that, Sarah' . I mean it' .
I'm sure you do, Edward, she said smoothly. You have nothing to fear from either of us. We were very worried about you, she said, and swiftly left the room, feeling her knees tremble beneath her. It was as though he knew, as though he had heard them the night before
when Haversham tried to convince her to leave for America with him. How foolish Haversham was to think he could escape him. And she did believe that Edward would happily kill him. She could never put Haversham in that position, even if she had wanted to. She could never let him touch her, no matter how much they loved each other. In fact, she wondered now if she should flee, alone, for his sake. Then there would be no more accusations.
Her head was full of wild ideas as she went to the kitchen and prepared a tray for him herself, and when she brought it back to him, with Margaret carrying it for her, one of his manservants had shaved him. He looked remarkably civilized and he seemed almost himself by the time he finished breakfast. She had brought him fish and eggs and scones that had been made just that morning. But he thanked her for none of it. He was giving orders to everyone and although he was very pale, and she suspected he still felt quite unwell, the doctor couldn't believe his lordship's remarkable recovery when he returned to bleed him. He still wanted to, in fact, but Edward wouldn't have it, and threatened to throw him out bodily if he tried. The poor old man was quaking as he left the room, and Sarah apologized, as she always did, for her husband.
He must not get up too quickly, the doctor warned, and he must not eat such hearty meals yet. He had seen the remains of the breakfast she had prepared for him, and the cook had just sent him a roast chicken. He will fall into unconsciousness again if he is unwise now, the doctor said nervously. He was the same physician who had attended her deliveries, and seen her babies the as she held them, or come into the world blue and still and dead from before she bore them. He knew her well, and admired her. And he was terrified of Edward. He had actually refused to deliver the news of the last three stillbirths. The first time, Edward had hit him, as the bearer of outrageous tidings. He had even accused him of lying.
Well take care of him, Doctor, Sarah said as she saw him into the courtyard. And she stood there for a long moment after he left, feeling the sun on her face, wondering what she would do now. There had been a small ray of hope the night before, but there was none now.
The Ghost Page 14
