“I’m watching every word that comes out of it,” the young man chuckled, dodging a fry Ryder threw at him. “I think I’ll take my exit now. You sure you’re paying for mine, Chief? I know I had a pretty big appetite today.”
“Yeah, whatever. Get out of here. I’ll see you back at the station,” he grumbled, and Amanda let Sully out to run away before Ryder chased him down and pummeled him. “He’s a good kid, but he’s got a mouth on him.”
“He’s not the only one,” she teased. It was good to be back on friendly ground. Maybe the time and distance between them since the electricity had been repaired made a difference. If she was careful, she might not even feel like she’d gotten to the World Series and lost.
18
Ryder refused to let another three days pass before seeing Amanda. Maybe it was a mild addiction, and he’d eventually have to deal with the consequences of it, going into withdrawals when she returned to the east coast. In fact, he’d probably take that vacation he wanted and go sit on some beach, drinking away the misery rather than biting people’s heads off around here until he recovered. But while she was here, he was going to feed that addiction like a fiend. It was the only way to keep himself sane.
He’d realized it the moment she’d shown up at the diner yesterday. His entire mood changed, and the darkness that seemed to be closing in around him faded. He suddenly wished he had someone to confide in, a close friend or even a therapist, god forbid. But the closest thing he had to that was probably Noah, and he didn’t want to hear about the glory and happiness of love. He wanted to know that he’d be normal again, when all of this was through. And Noah wasn’t going to tell him that.
Six months ago, it would have been a different story. Noah would have told him to run away and never look back before he even thought about Amanda again. But since he’d met Zoe, he’d flipped from heads to tails and would advocate for taking the risk.
Some friend.
There was one therapist in Five Forks, and Ryder had gone to high school with her. Elaine Bishop didn’t need to hear his personal problems, and he certainly didn’t want her to psychoanalyze him. That left him high and dry, since the only other person he ever talked to about anything serious was Sully, and that kid wasn’t old enough to know which head he was thinking with.
So, he resigned himself to dealing with the situation his way. He went into town, stopping at the firehouse to deal with any pertinent issues. Sully caught him on the way in and smirked. “Hey, Chief, how was the rest of your lunch yesterday? Get your eyes full?”
Ryder gaped at him. “What are you talking about, boy?”
“Nothing.” But the dimples in his cheeks above a giant teasing grin said otherwise. “I just thought you might like a little private time to, you know, talk about whatever. Did I do good excusing myself?”
Ryder glanced around to make sure the other two guys couldn’t hear the conversation and stepped closer to speak more quietly. “What makes you think I needed to be alone with her?”
“Well, first off, you called her ‘Amanda’. When she got here, she was ‘Miss Halston’. And second, you were moping and practically slouching into your plate. When she walked in, you perked up like a freshly watered petunia.”
Ryder rolled his eyes and kicked himself for being so obvious. “Look, she’s not so bad. And she got us the money to speed up the investigation against her own client. We’ve had to work together, and it just makes sense after a while to stop being so formal.” It was a crock, and from the look on Sully’s face, he wasn’t buying it.
“Even if that’s true, Chief, that woman is sprung for you. She doesn’t have a nervous bone in her body, but she got all antsy and anxious sitting there with you yesterday.” Sully shook his head. “You’re in denial, boss, and it doesn’t suit you well.”
Crossing his arms, he glared at the young guy. “How would you know what she thinks or feels? And who are you to give advice?”
For the first time, Sully grew serious, though the smile didn’t fade. Unless he was in the middle of a crisis, Sully never stopped smiling. “It’s pretty obvious. You two were making gooey eyes at each other and flirting like crazy. But maybe you have to be on the outside looking in to see it. Just do yourself a favor and don’t wait too long to make a move. She won’t be here forever. She’s a Yank, and she’s going home sometime.”
That was exactly the point. She would go home, and Ryder could go back to his life. He could have told Sully he’d already made a move and that hadn’t turned out well at all, but he wasn’t going to divulge the details of his personal life—or a failed attempt at seduction—to a coworker, especially one who liked to tease the way Sully did. “I’m not sure that would be such a good idea,” he finally said. “Like you said, she’s going home any time now. I don’t need to complicate my life or hers.”
“You don’t have a romantic bone in your body, do you, Chief?” Sully said, his brows knitting together. He folded his arms over his chest in a direct challenge to Ryder and said, “Did you ever think maybe she likes it here enough that, since she likes you, she’d think about sticking around? But you can’t expect her to do that if you don’t say something.”
But Ryder knew better. She had a five-year plan, a ten-year plan, and a lifelong plan, none of which included a possible long-term or permanent stay in Five Forks. And he didn’t want to be in a marriage that was more like a business partnership. If he was going to take the plunge, he wanted all the heaven and hell that went with it, the passion in the fights as well as the happy times.
It all sounded so sappy he refused to say it out loud. “I appreciate the advice, Sully, but I doubt I’m going to take it.”
“Whatever you say. Just do me a favor and accept my resignation the day she drives out of town.”
Ryder scowled at him. He wished he could muster up the gall to tell Amanda that he couldn’t get her out of his head. But it wouldn’t get him anywhere, so he didn’t bother to try. He glanced toward the office and decided there was nothing pressing enough for him to lock himself in there for any amount of time. He could always stop back in on the way out of town. Right now, he was going to Fanny’s to find Amanda. Maybe he could pull her away from the phone and that blasted computer long enough to actually show her some of the interesting things Five Forks had to offer.
She sat in the open dining area just inside, chatting with a girl he recognized as the daughter of one of the older ranchers. Ryder couldn’t remember her name, but she looked just like her old man. He wondered why she was staying here rather than out on the ranch, but it wasn’t really any of his business. As he stepped inside and tipped his hat to Fanny, who waved from the kitchen, Amanda looked up in surprise and what he hoped was delight at his presence.
“Hey, Ryder, what are you doing here?” There was mirth in her voice, and the flush in her cheeks told him they’d been having a jovial, animated conversation.
He sauntered over and took a seat at the next table, leaning his elbows on his knees. “You came to town during the worst blizzard we’ve seen since I was a kid, so your exposure to Five Forks has been pretty limited. The sun’s shining, and it’s actually above freezing. Since we’re both waiting on some news to make our next moves, I thought I might show you around a little.”
She looked intrigued and even appreciative of his offer, but the other woman laughed. “What is there to see? If you’ve been down the main drag, you’ve seen it all. That’s why I left.”
He wasn’t in the mood for negativity, and he would have said something, but Amanda spoke first. “This is Emily Richland. Emily, this is the fire chief, Ryder Sieverson.”
“I know who he is,” Emily said, eyeing him up and down like he was some sort of prize.
Richland. That was it. “And you’re George’s oldest daughter. I thought you went to boarding school.”
She scowled. “I did. But I asked to go. And then I stayed to start college.” She turned back to Amanda and smiled. “It wasn’t for me. I’m goin
g to see my daddy and the rest of my family, and then I’m getting on the bus and going to Hollywood. I actually made one commercial already. Should be out in the next couple of months.”
Amanda nodded. “Wow, that’s great. I wish you luck.” Ryder kept his mouth shut. He didn’t need to pass judgment, especially when he knew she had a mind of her own and a good sense about people. She turned to him. “I’ll make a deal with you. If you can take me somewhere to buy a pair of jeans and a pair of boots first, I would love to explore a little. I’m sure there’s something more exciting than the diner and the café, right?”
He gave her a mischievous smile. “You haven’t really been out of town yet. I think you’re going to enjoy it. Get your pocketbook ready. I’m taking you shopping, and then we’re going exploring.”
“You got it. Give me five minutes.” She rushed up the stairs, and he beamed as he watched. Today was going to be great fun, and nothing was going to get in the way of that. Not even thinking how much more fun it would be to spend the next few hours locked up inside his bedroom.
19
Amanda didn’t stop with jeans and boots. She got two pairs of gloves, one thin and one thick. She also bought some sunglasses, which seemed counterintuitive in the winter, but with the blaring sun bouncing off the white snow, she needed them. And she picked up a couple of sweaters, a pack of thermal shirts, and long socks.
She excused herself once again to change, finally feeling more appropriate for the weather and the company she was keeping. She tended to enjoy shopping, but she rarely got excited, and she never purchased casual attire like this. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d worn a pair of jeans, and they felt strange but comfortable in a snug sort of way. And the look on Ryder’s face like he was choking made it all worthwhile.
“So, where to?” she asked.
He took a minute to answer, like he couldn’t get his thoughts together, and he literally seemed to shake himself. “Have you ever touched a pig?”
“What?” she laughed. “No! I eat them all the time. I’m not sure I could ever eat bacon again if I got all friendly with a pig, and bacon is one of my biggest downfalls. So it would be an absolute tragedy.”
He shook his head. “Trust me, my pigs are like pets, but I still eat pork all the time. And when you’ve been raising pigs for the slaughter all your life, you learn to let go. Come on, we’re going to introduce you to the farm.”
She got in his truck, fighting the feeling of awkwardness that threatened to creep up on her. There was no reason to be nervous about seeing some pigs. Or about spending a little time getting away from her work and enjoying good company. She and Ryder were both adults, and they could exercise impulse control. This was just a friendly outing, a fire chief showing a visitor his town and the pride he held for it.
“The closest I’ve ever gotten to a ranch is that Farmville game on Facebook,” Amanda admitted.
He laughed, a sound that she hadn’t heard before that rumbled deep from his chest. He’d chuckled and snorted a few times, but this was an honest, mirthful laugh. And it did dastardly, unmentionable things to her body. But she reveled in the fact that she’d actually drawn it out of him and tried to ignore the tingling sensation in very private places. “You can’t be serious.”
“Cross my heart and scout’s honor or whatever,” she said. “I’m terrified of horses and wouldn’t ride one when I went to summer camp.” Which had been more like staying in a suite at a commercial lake, she realized now.
“We’ll have to take you to Noah’s today and fix that.”
She stared at him in horror. “The trainer? No, I’d rather not.”
“Calm down.” He laughed louder. “I promise, you’ll learn to like it. Noah’s patient, and he can guide you through it. And he’s got some really gentle mares out at his place. He’ll probably put you on Zoe’s big old Appaloosa.”
But she wasn’t convinced and only said, “We’ll see. Doesn’t he also have dogs?”
“Yeah, a couple of bloodhounds. Beautiful creatures, really, if you like dogs.” Amanda gulped, her stomach twisting into a big knot. Ryder glanced at her sideways and said, “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of dogs, too.”
“Not little ones. Only big ones. Like beagle size or bigger.” She shuddered.
“Seriously, Amanda, that’s a bit ridiculous. What about cows?” He sounded so baffled.
She shrugged. “Ambivalent. I haven’t really thought about cows before. You don’t really find them around Richmond. But chickens and ducks and stuff freak me out. I don’t even like the ducks at the lake where I go jogging, so you aren’t going to change my mind about that.” She was adamant about it, and he chuckled.
“Okay. We’ll avoid anything with feathers. Is that good enough?” She nodded, feeling a little less unsettled. Still…pigs and horses and dogs, oh my! This was not going to be the sort of laid-back, relaxing day she’d imagined.
As it turned out, pigs were sort of fun. The grown ones were huge. They stood waist high and were almost as long as Ryder was tall. They liked being petted, and their hair was coarse. But the piglets squealed and wiggled, just like in cartoons, and when Ryder caught one and forced her to hold it, she couldn’t stop giggling. He showed her how to wrap it securely in her arms so it stilled, and then she could stroke the soft skin. “Okay, maybe a miniature pot belly pig wouldn’t make a bad pet,” she admitted as he led her away from the sty, the smell of which was the biggest drawback.
“Be prepared to need a second bedroom. They’re disgusting animals.” He winked at her and climbed in the truck. When she was in the cab, he said, “So, are you ready to brave the stables?”
“I don’t want to intrude on your friend,” she said quickly. “And he might not even be home.”
“Oh, he’ll be home. And he doesn’t mind company dropping in every once in a while. I haven’t been there since the fire, so he’ll be fine. And Zoe won’t be there. She’s got a class this afternoon.”
That was good, at least. Amanda knew for a fact Zoe didn’t like her, and she didn’t want to cause any disagreements. She wondered if Noah would even say anything to her about the visit. If so, Ryder would probably get an earful later, something along the lines of what a betrayal it was to break bread with the enemy and all that. It was too bad, really, since she thought she would like Zoe. She seemed like a spirited woman with definite ideals and morals.
She vaguely considered why Ryder would even do this, knowing the kind of backlash it could cause, but she hesitated to ask. It might spark a conversation neither of them wanted to have.
But Amanda preferred having things out in the open so she could prepare for anything, and her curiosity got the best of her. “Ryder, you and I both know none of the ranchers have any genuinely kind feelings for me. I represent the people they hate, people that might have set a fire that could have destroyed everything they own. Why are you being so nice to me? And risking the wrath of the community that has so much respect for you by spending time with me?”
He looked over at her as he came to a stop sign, and there was something in his gaze she couldn’t define. His stormy eyes reminded her of the sky in Virginia just before a thunderstorm, when there was just enough sunlight to make the gray clouds seem luminescent. He still wore a smile, but it faded in its brightness. “Let’s just have fun today, okay, Amanda? It’s probably best not to ask questions.”
But she wasn’t going to back down. “I’ll ask them now or later, Ryder. Let’s just lay things out on the table. Tell me why you’re doing this.”
“Why did you accept the invitation?” he challenged, rather than answering.
“I’ll answer when you do.” They were being petulant, but Amanda stuck to her guns. She asked first; she wanted an answer first.
He sighed and put the truck in park, turning to look out the window pensively. “Sometimes, it’s not about the smartest thing or the right thing. Sometimes, you just have a gut feeling that you need to do something.” H
is eyes caught her off guard as he turned a sharp gaze on her. “I just feel like I need to be with you as much as I can before you’re gone. Because when all of this mess is over, you’ll leave and go back east to the city. You’ll go on and make things happen that you’ve looked forward to all your life, and Five Forks will be a distant memory. I guess I want to believe I’ll be part of that memory in a good way.”
Amanda was shocked. And touched. She knew it couldn’t be easy for Ryder to say those things, and she wouldn’t believe them if he hadn’t said it with such conviction and longing. The longing again. Her chest and throat ached, and she fought through it to speak. She owed him an answer, and she intended to be just as brutally honest.
“I came here with a clear goal, and the next destination on my roadmap was already blaring at me. Then, I met you, and I started to wonder if I’d set the goals in my life based on lies I told myself. I drove here in a BMW with a big-city attitude and couldn’t understand how anyone could want to make a life here. But I met you, and I realized it’s not just about the place. It’s about the people and the history and the atmosphere.” She paused, getting a little more emotional than she’d bargained for. But she was going to finish what she had to say, even if it choked her up. “I want to remember that appreciation for this place when I go home, and I want to remember that sometimes, there’s something to be said for passion as opposed to reason. And when I think about that, I want it to be your face that comes to mind. And I want to believe that I won’t become a distant memory for you.”
He searched her face, for what she didn’t know, but there was raw sentiment written all over his expression. “Why?” he rasped. “Why wouldn’t you want me to forget you?”
Amanda hesitated. This was the part she’d hoped to skirt. But in the interest of complete disclosure, she nodded and swallowed her pride. “I don’t want you to forget me because I want to leave a part of me behind, like I can still be a part of all this. And I want to think that, in some alternate universe, that part of me will find its way to the part of you that kissed me and build something special. Something big and passionate and worth the risk.”
The Cowboy In Me (Wild At Heart Cowboys Book 2) Page 9
