“Yeah, we probably do, but I’m not sure I’m ready to talk.”
“Why not? You were the one who dropped a bomb on me, not the other way around.”
“Dropped a bomb? By telling you I love you?” Jesse knew his anger was ridiculous. He’d been hiding his feelings from her for years, and he’d known she’d react the way she had. So why does it hurt so much?
She sucked in a breath. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because I knew how you’d react. Because you were dating someone else. Because you were so skittish I was afraid you’d never speak to me outside of work again. I was afraid it would ruin our chemistry on the set.” He shook his head. “but more than anything, because you weren’t ready to hear it!”
She led the way into her trailer and stalked to the refrigerator. “So why did you tell me this morning?”
“You forced me into it. You and Jennifer.” He sighed. “I didn’t want to scare you.”
“I feel like I’ve been lied to for four years.”
“I didn’t lie to you. I never said I didn’t love you.” He frowned, picking up the bottle of water she’d placed in front of him and taking a swig. “I honestly didn’t feel like I had the right to tell you. You were dating someone else.”
“Someone that you knew didn’t treat me right!” She couldn’t help wondering how different her life would be if he’d admitted his love four years before. Would she have married him right away? It would certainly have saved her from four years of abuse.
“But you still chose to stay with him.”
Her face fell. “I thought you understood what happened there.”
He sighed. “I do understand. Now. How could I then? I knew you two didn’t have the kind of passion you and I had, but that didn’t mean you didn’t care for him. For all I knew, you thought you were madly in love with him!”
“Where does this leave us?” she asked, suddenly tired. She’d gone to bed the night before feeling like they could get through anything as long as they were together, and now this.
He reached over and took her hand, bringing it to his lips. “We’re not in any different position than we were last night. I loved you then, and I still love you. The only difference is you know about it now.”
“But my knowing it changes everything. At least in my mind.”
“Not in mine.” Jesse frowned. The only thing different for him is he’d wanted her to confess her love as soon as he’d confessed his, and she hadn’t. “I feel the same as I always have. I married you knowing I loved you, and you didn’t love me back. It’s the same now.” Other than hurting a little more, of course. I can take it like a man, though.
Valerie closed her eyes for a moment, feeling terrible. “I care about you a great deal, Jesse.”
“I know you do. I also know we have great chemistry. I believe you can fall in love with me if you let yourself.” He shrugged. “Eventually.”
“So in the meantime, I get to feel guilty because our feelings are uneven?”
His eyes met hers, the hurt apparent in them. “There’s no reason for you to feel guilty. I knew what I was doing by marrying you.” He took the hand he still held and pulled her over onto his lap. “Val, let’s just leave things like they’ve been. I’ve got the woman I love in my arms every night. You’ve got the feeling of safety you needed. We’re okay. We’re both getting what we need from the other.” He recognized his words as a lie, but hoped she wouldn’t. He needed so much more than her acquiescence in bed. He needed her love.
She nodded, unsure of what else they could do. “I guess.”
“Did you call your agent to have her move your things yet?”
She smiled. “Now I understand the manly sappiness.”
He grinned, tracing her lips with one finger. “Of course, you do. Does that make it better or worse?”
“Neither one. Things are just—different.”
“I’m still going to take care of you.”
She sighed. “I appreciate the thought. I’m still going to learn to stand on my own two feet and take care of myself.”
They went back to work a short while later, hand-in-hand once again. Jesse’s eyes were alert for trouble but there was none.
“I felt like I was cheating on you when Bob kissed Jo.” She rubbed her hand over her mouth as she said the words, trying to wipe the memory of the kiss she hadn’t wanted from her lips.
He smiled at that. “Did you feel like you were cheating on Curtis when Jo kissed Dylan?”
She shook her head. “No, but let’s be really honest here. It was never Jo kissing Dylan. It was Valerie kissing Jesse. It was always you for me.”
He stopped walking and pulled her to him, kissing her passionately in the middle of the set for everyone to see. He pulled away as he heard the wolf whistles from the others. “I’m so glad you said that. Makes me feel like it’s me you care about after all.”
She touched her hand to his cheek. “You know it is.”
* * *
Curtis came to the set on Tuesday, but security sent him away. The security guard went to Valerie afterward and pressed a note in her hand. “He begged me to give you this.”
Valerie took it and tucked it into her pocket. She’d decide what she’d do with it later. There was no point in worrying about it right then.
That evening, while Jesse was filming a quick scene without her, Valerie read the note.
Dear Valerie,
I know I couldn’t have heard right, but people are saying you’re married to Jesse. I know we had a little tiff, but we’ve had them before, and I’m sure we will again. I bought you a ring, and I was planning to propose when I came to the set last week. I’m sorry we fought, but seeing you kiss that man makes me go crazy with jealousy. It always has.
Please forgive me.
Curtis.
She read through the note once more before setting it on the table. At least he wasn’t threatening her. She was sure it would come, but for now, he was being apologetic, just like he always was after he’d hit her.
She sighed, deciding not to talk to Jesse about it yet. She wanted to take care of it herself for a change, not asking him to fix it for her. She had to learn to stand on her own two feet someday.
Tucking the note into her wallet, she picked up her phone to call her mom. “Hey!”
“Hi, Valerie. How are things going for you?”
“Good. We’re filming some pretty intense scenes this week.” She rubbed the back of her neck, exhausted from everything that had gone on for the past few days.
“Jesse really seems like a great guy. I can’t wait to meet him.”
Valerie smiled at that. “He is. Maybe we can fly there for a weekend on our next break.” She was surprised two such important people in her life hadn’t met yet. “Has Rikki gotten over being mad at me yet?”
Her mother laughed. “How did you know Rikki was mad?”
“She’s had a crush on Jesse for so long, I knew she’d be mad that I married him before she even had a chance to meet him.”
“Yes, she was. A little. I think she’s over it now. She’s talking about how cute your kids will be.”
Valerie laughed at that. “Yes, she’s over it then!” She took a drink of coffee from the mug in front of her. “Have you heard anything else from Curtis?”
There was a pause before her mother responded. “We took out the restraining order, and I’ve blocked his number on my phone. He can’t really get in touch with me at this point.”
“Let me know if he tries, okay?”
“I promise to phone if something happens.”
Valerie talked for another minute or two before hanging up. Amber had already done her filming for this episode, so she was off somewhere. Valerie debated for a minute before calling her.
“Hey you!”
“Well, if it isn’t Mrs. Jesse Savoy! I still can’t believe you ran off and married him!”
Valerie laughed. “It was his idea.”
“I’m sure it was. The man’s been in love with you for four years! As soon as you and Curtis fought, he made sure to make his move.”
Valerie frowned. “You knew he loved me?”
“Oh, honey. Everyone knew he loved you, and I mean everyone.”
“You think?”
“I know. We all used to talk about it. The other actors on the show razzed him about it all the time.”
“Why?” Valerie truly didn’t understand why the others would tease him about her.
Amber laughed. “Because he was so into you, and you didn’t know he existed unless you were in a kissing scene together. I mean, he always had your friendship, but it was obvious there was nothing more on your side other than that intense passion.”
“So what do people think now that we’re married?”
“That you finally came to your senses.”
Valerie wrinkled her nose. “Wow. How did I not know all this was going on around me?”
“Because you were too busy trying to hide from that jerk you were dating.”
“Did everyone think he was a jerk? And why did you not tell me any of this stuff?”
“Yes, everyone knew he was a jerk. I didn’t tell you any of it, because I didn’t think you were ready to hear it. I honestly don’t know if you’re ready to hear it now, but I don’t feel like we can hide it anymore.”
Valerie sighed. “I guess not. It’s weird being married to a man who loved me for four years without me even having an inkling.” She shook her head, thinking about how obvious it was for everyone but her. How blind could she be?
“He hasn’t dated anyone else in four years. Did you think he was practicing celibacy to be a priest?”
“Wait. He told me he hadn’t dated in that long, but I didn’t believe him. You mean it’s true?”
“Oh, honey. You’ve been his entire world for four years. He moons around during the off-season, because you’re not there with him all the time. There’s no one in his life but you.”
“He has friends,” Valerie protested.
“You’re right. He does, and he spends time with his friends during the off-season. I don’t want you to think he didn’t do anything at all.”
The door opened then, and Jesse came into the trailer. “He just got back. I’m going to pay attention to my man now.”
“Your man. He’ll like hearing that.”
“Bye!”
Valerie stood up and walked over to Jesse, who looked tired. “How’d the scene go?”
He shrugged. “It was fine.”
“I missed you.” She put her hands flat on his chest and stood on tiptoe to kiss him.
He raised an eyebrow, putting his hands on her hips to draw her closer. “True or not, that’s nice to hear!”
She frowned at him. “Why wouldn’t it be true?”
He sighed, taking her hand and leading her over to the love seat pressed against one wall. “I guess I’m just worried you’re going to start saying things like that out of pity. Because you want me to feel better about the fact that you don’t love me back.”
She shook her head at him. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as someone who could be insecure about anything.”
He shrugged. “Only about you.”
She knelt beside him, facing him. “Don’t be. I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about you.”
He smiled at that. “I guess that’s a plus, right?”
She cupped his face in her hands, kissing him sweetly. “I would think so. It means that I feel more for you than I ever have.”
“But you’ve only ever been kissed by Curtis, and we all know what a chore that must have been.”
She rolled her eyes, stifling a laugh. Kissing Curtis had been a chore, but she wasn’t about to reiterate that. “Your kisses would make me forget any other kiss I’d ever had anyway.”
He laughed at that. “You’re really trying to make me feel better about all this, aren’t you?”
She nodded. “You know why?”
He shook his head. “Because you’re a nice person?”
“Because I care. I care so much about you.”
He pulled her onto his lap, kissing her again. “I think I like this side of you. Very kissable.”
She wound her arms around his neck. “If you lock the door, we could probably manage to make love before we have to go film that night scene.”
He grinned. “I like the way you think, wife!”
She smiled at that. “I like being called ‘wife’ by you. It sounds right.”
CHAPTER 6
A few hours later, Jesse and Valerie were getting dressed to go and film their night scene. “What did Curtis say in the note he left you?”
She shrugged. “How’d you know about the note?” So much for her plan not to talk to him about it.
“I talked to the security guards and told them they needed to let me know if he tried to communicate with you in any way.”
“Of course you did. I can take care of myself, you know.”
“May I see the note?”
She nodded, hurrying over to her purse and pulling it out of her wallet. “He was apologetic, just like he always is after he’s been violent. It’s the same cycle every time. I don’t think he believes that we’re really married.”
Jesse read the note she handed him, frowning down at it. “Throwing a vase at your head is having ‘a little tiff?’ And he thinks you’ll just forgive him for it? And people are saying we’re married? News stations that have interviewed us! He needs psychiatric help.”
“The sad thing is, I think he does need it. And a lot of it.”
“I don’t want you going outside alone at all. If I have to film a scene without you, I’d like you to stay on the set where I can see you at all times.”
She sighed. “So I’m going to have absolutely no alone time.” She knew it wasn’t common for an actress, but she was an introvert and always had been. She enjoyed her time with Jesse a great deal, but she needed time alone as well.
He frowned. “I know how much you love being alone, but I don’t feel like it’s safe right now.”
“I understand. I really do. I just wish we could post a guard outside the trailer or something so I could still have at least a little time alone to read.”
“I forget how much you love to read.” He took her hand as they left to go to the main house together. “You still reading romance novels like they’re going out of style?”
She nodded. “They’re my favorite. Not too much violence, and a whole lot of happily ever after. I just don’t understand why someone would read a book when they weren’t guaranteed a happily ever after at the end. There’s enough bad stuff in the real world. I want to escape.”
He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. “I see what you mean. I’m not going to let any bad stuff touch you, though.”
She sighed. “I don’t want to be smothered by bubble wrap and spend my time being protected from life. I want to get stronger, so I can handle things on my own.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “I think I’ve already gotten stronger by breaking up with Curtis.”
“You have. Do you have any idea how proud I am that you broke up with him?”
She smiled. “Will you still be proud when he comes in here with a machine gun and mows everyone down?”
He stopped walking. “You don’t really think he’ll do that, do you?”
She shook her head. “Not really, but he’s so unpredictable. I never know what he’ll do when he gets angry.”
“I want to go into town tomorrow to put a restraining order out on him.”
“Really? I thought you were going to protect me.” She was surprised he was willing to take legal action. He was more the type who believed in dealing with bad situations himself. It was one of the things that drew her to him.
“I’m not sure anyone can.” He shrugged. “I’ll keep you with me at all times, but I just don’t feel like we can trust him not t
o go off the deep end.”
“I guess not. Okay, we’ll go tomorrow for the restraining order. Are there any scenes being filmed tomorrow that we’re not in?”
“Yeah. First thing in the morning is the scene with Bob and Jo’s dad’s lawyer. He’s going to try to get the guy to talk to Jo about how much her dad wanted her to marry him.”
“Oh, yeah. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate that storyline? I wish Bob would just go away, and we could have our happily ever after on the show.”
Jesse laughed. “Sounds good to me. Then we could film lots of kissing scenes.”
“We kiss all the time now. Why do you need kissing scenes?”
He shrugged. “I guess they’ll always be special to me after the years we went with that being our only physical contact.” He paused. “Why did you quit inviting me to hang out with you and Curtis?” He’d been so hurt when she’d stopped wanting to see him away from work. She’d never changed how she treated him, though, so he’d felt Curtis had something to do with it.
“He got less violent when you stopped hanging around. He kept telling me that he wanted to hurt you for always mauling me on camera.”
“Mauling you? Really?” Jesse laughed. “I guess he didn’t realize what a willing participant you were.”
She grinned. “If he had, I’d have been in big trouble. I never told him how very turned on I always was after those scenes.”
“Oh really? How turned on were you?” Jesse looked at her with a raised eyebrow. He liked hearing she’d had feelings for him too, even if they were only physical in nature.
She blushed. “Maybe it’s time to change the subject.”
Jesse stopped just before they entered the house. “No, tell me.”
She shrugged. “I took lots of cold showers to calm down after those scenes. At first, I loved them, because they made me realize that I wasn’t made of ice, no matter what Curtis said. And then they got to be too much, so I’d shower after each one.” She tried to act as if it was perfectly normal she’d been so turned on by her co-star, but they both understood the deeper significance of what she was saying.
“It’s almost like we were taking cold showers together, because that’s where I headed immediately after each scene as well.” He leaned down to kiss her softly. “Valerie the Virgin showering with her co-star for years while dating another man…”
B01EU62FUC (R) Page 7
