And I might even find the one song that unites the traditions.
That was the golden ring, and I felt nearer to it than ever. The nights spent poring over dusty books in badly lit rooms were about to pay off. After checking in to my hotel I wasted no time in getting down to business. I asked to be directed to the miner’s bar.
Every mining town has one – the place where the men go to wind down and gripe about conditions. I found that in this regard Appalachia was no different to Scotland – on entering the bar I immediately felt at home. Country-blues played in the background, and was punctuated by the clack and thud from the pool table. The murmur of conversation was a low constant hum that only stilled briefly as I entered. Even the faces looked familiar – ingrained grime and a paleness won by years spent in the dark, tired eyes deep set under heavy brows.
I had grown up in places like this, and even the local accent held a twang that wouldn’t be out of place in a Scottish community. I bought a beer and sat, taking in the atmosphere before getting down to business.
The barman immediately knew the person I needed to speak to.
"Jack Green’s your man," he said. "Over there in the corner. He knows the history of the mine better than anyone else."
Jack proved more taciturn than I’d have liked, but a brace of beers loosened him up somewhat. We talked for some time about mining songs in general, and I told him of my quest to find links across the ocean. He seemed genuinely interested as I told him of my viewing in Cambridge of the original manuscripts of Sharp and Karpeles’ tour, and of the note in handwriting on the page, the scrawl that had brought me all the way to this bar.
"The tale of the Shoogling Jenny has been removed at the request of the mine owner."
Those words had been like a light going on over my head, for I well knew the song, having heard it from my own grandfather many years before. If I could show it came from this mine, it would make a fine central linking motif for my book.
I sang the first few lines for him, softly so that only he would hear.
Tam was a miner born and bred, he worked hard for his penny
Tam had a love and she turned his head, and her name was Shoogling Jenny
I hadn’t noticed that Jack Green had gone quiet.
"I know the song you mean," he said softly. "We call it Shaking Jinny. But I wouldn’t go around this town asking questions about it. It ain’t been sung in these parts for fifty years and more."
"Why?"
He refused to say. Even four more beers wouldn’t sway him. All I got out of him was a name.
"Tom Malone," he said as I stood to leave. "The mine owner. If anybody will talk to you, it’s Malone. But I didn’t tell you that."
I took my leave and made a call, setting up a meeting with Malone in the morning. I told him I was researching links to the Scottish mining community, and he seemed happy to talk to me. Then again, I didn’t mention the song. Maybe if I had things might have gone differently.
I stayed in the bar too long that night – I guess I felt too at home. The beer flowed freely, and the locals were only too happy to share anecdotes about the mine and its history. I remained just sober enough to remember Jack Green’s warning about the Shoogling Jenny and I kept quiet on the subject, hoping that the next day would yield the long hoped for result.
It was late by the time I dragged myself to bed. They had left the heating on too high and the room felt stifling, threatening to send my already unsteady head swirling. I turned it down and threw the window open. At first all I noticed was the pounding of blood in my ears, then I heard, from a great distance, a well-known refrain.
The rails they ran both fast and true, as fast and true as any.
And for all I know she runs there still, the birling, Shoogling, Jenny.
And as quickly as that I felt too cold and far too sober. A shiver ran through me, forcing me to retreat to the too-warm room. I raided the mini-bar for some Scotch and watched a glossy cop show on cable with unseeing eyes. I still heard the song in my head, and it was there when I lay down fully clothed, and fell into a restless sleep.
In the morning the hangover was the foremost thing in my mind, but even as I showered the tune still ran, and I had to stop from bursting into an impromptu rendition. I tried to focus on basics – coffee, breakfast and the making of notes prior to my meeting with Malone. I felt almost human by the time I walked through town to the main mine office building.
Tom Malone proved to be younger than expected – fresh faced in a smart suit with a smile that was just a fraction short of sincere. Over more coffee we talked about the purpose of my trip and the Shoogling Jenny in particular. Unlike the miners in the bar, he seemed more than happy to expound at length on the song.
Indeed, his very first statement almost floored me.
"It’s a true story you know?" he said. Before I could reply he burst into song, a fine high baritone that rang through the room.
Now the boss Malone was a jealous man, and Jenny was his lass
So he followed Tam down to the hole, and shot him in the back.
He stopped and looked straight at me.
"Malone… my Great-Great-Grandfather. I’ve been hearing the story since I was a lad – how Tam seduced his woman, and how Great-Great-Granddaddy killed Tam and stuck him in a cart."
"The original "Shoogling Jenny?"
Malone smiled.
"That’s right," he said, waving his hands theatrically. "The haunted mine cart – the excuse of miners everywhere for not doing any work. Old wives tales… I’m sure you’ve got plenty of them where you come from."
I managed a smile in return.
"Several. But none with any truth to them," I said. "What I need for my book is physical verification – an old transcript of the song maybe?"
Malone laughed.
"I don’t know about transcripts," he said. "But if it’s physical verification you want, you’ve come to the right place. Tell me… have you ever actually been down a mineshaft?"
Five minutes later we were in a metal cab heading down into the darkness. He had changed the suit for a set of orange overalls, but he still looked too clean, too neat for this place. Three miners shared the trip down with us, but none of them looked at Malone or even acknowledged his presence during the ten-minute descent.
We arrived in a well light tunnel that hummed with the sound of a conveyer belt taking fresh-dug coal to a series of carts that were hauled in a continuous stream back up the shaft. That wasn’t what he’d brought me to see though. We walked down an older shaft for maybe five minutes.
"This is where it happened," he said. "Great-Great-Granddaddy found Tam and Jenny down here. They thought they were safe… but the old man knew better."
He led me up a slight incline to a chamber, dimly lit with only a single flickering light bulb. Two old carts sat there, the nearest half-on, half-off the old rails.
"You wanted physical verification?" he said. "Here you go." He patted the nearest cart. "Meet the one, the only, the original… Shoogling Jenny."
He raised his voice and sang again.
Now Jenny wouldn’t leave her man, and clung to him real hard
Malone in his rage shot her too, and left them in the dark.
He rapped his hand on the cart.
"Come out come out wherever you are."
Suddenly everything went quiet. I couldn’t hear any sound from the other shafts of the mine. The light bulb flickered overhead.
"Come on over," Malone said, still standing over the cart. "This is what you came for isn’t it? The old man dumped the bodies here. From what I heard Tam took his time dying."
And Tam he drew his dying breath, and cursed baith lang and sare
And though Malone might own the mine, he was happy never mare.
I backed away. The cold chill was back, the same as I’d felt at the window the night before, and suddenly all I wanted was another beer. Malone seemed not to notice. He slapped the cart again. It shook on the
rail, rattling once then went quiet.
They say at night when the moon is full, that Shoogling Jenny runs there still.
"What do you think?" Malone said. "Is it a full moon?"
His laugh sounded cold and cruel.
I backed off further.
"I’d like to go now," I said.
He smiled, his teeth showing white in the dim light. He walked towards me.
"I took you for a rational man," he said as he walked back down to me.
I wasn’t watching him. My gaze was fixed on the cart at the top of the slope. It rocked from side to side on the rusted rail, as if keeping a beat.
Malone stood halfway down the slope.
"Come on man. You’re not afraid of the dark are you? I though you Scots were a practical bunch. You surely don’t believe that old song? And though Malone might own the mine, he was happy never mare? I’ve never been happier."
The cart rocked hard, settled on the rail, and rolled, gaining speed as it came down the incline. I couldn’t take my eyes off the front wheel – the one that shook and shoogled all the way down.
"Look out," I shouted, but that only made him turn to see what was going on. It hit him at waist height, knocking him out of his shoes and sending him sprawling on the track. The sound as his neck broke was the loudest thing I heard that day.
But that wasn’t the worst of it. The thing that still sends me screaming out of sleep at nights was the last thing I saw before a faint took me.
The cart rolled – up the incline – then came back down hard to finish the job. And just as darkness took me, I heard the singing again, two voices, a man and a woman, high and ethereal in the distance, joined forever in song.
The rails they run both fast and true, as fast and true as any.
And for all I know she runs there still, the birling, Shoogling, Jenny.
~-oO0Oo-~
Metastasis
@cancer Well hello liver. You look good enough to eat. LOL!
John started the @cancer persona on Twitter as a coping mechanism. Talking was his preferred method of conflict resolution, but his illness never talked back. By giving it a handle and conversing with it online he found himself better able to face the ravaging effects if was currently putting him through.
@john12 @cancer I’m going to beat you.
@cancer Bring it on ROFLMAO!
John’s cancer persona was malicious, sarcastic and immune to criticism, all popular traits on Twitter. It started to gain followers; a trickle at first, but as it got bolder and more aggressive, so its follower number grew apace. It seemed to enjoy the fame.
@cancer Hey, fresh meat. THX.
@John12 I’m still going to beat you.
@cancer Bring it on sonny. And send more folks my way while you’re at it. I’m hungry LOL.
Over the following weeks John suffered daily chemotherapy in the mornings, and the increasingly raucous taunts of his @cancer persona in the evenings.
@cancer Can’t catch me Ha Ha Ha!
@john12 Just wait. In a month or so I’ll be in #remission.
He had no real idea in mind when he used the remission hash tag beyond the fact that he knew it sometimes drew more people in to the conversation. He wasn’t prepared for quite how many. The next night his follower count was up by almost thirty. @cancer was doing even better, with over a hundred new followers, most of them cancer sufferers themselves, all eager to talk about the chances of remission.
The @cancer persona mocked them all.
@cancer Poor deluded fools. I’ll have you all for breakfast. #remission
To John’s dismay they kept coming back for more, in ever increasing numbers. The #remission hash tag became a trending topic and by the end of John’s first month of chemotherapy, @cancer had ten thousand followers while @John12 was being ignored, even when he used the #remission tag in his posts. To make matters worse there was bad news on his blood count tests, and the doctors were suggesting a more aggressive approach might be required. Surgery was mentioned as a distinct possibility.
@cancer HA! HA! Told you so!
@John12 I’m not beaten yet
@cancer Give it up baby. No #remission for you
Many of @cancer’s new followers seemed keen to egg him on to greater heights.
@jackthelad Hey @cancer Check out #hospitals Lots of new meat for you LOL
@cancer THX man – always good to spread the love LOL
The @cancer persona hit a hundred thousand followers on the day John went in for surgery.
A week in hospital did not improve John’s temper any, and on his return to Twitter @cancer was livelier than ever.
@cancer Liver yummy! Still think you’re in #remission Johnny boy?
John was too tired for any comeback. But the rest of the Twitterverse were more than eager to converse with @cancer. What began as a means for John to deal with his illness had become a global phenomenon with a virtual life of its own. John watched as more and more people fed hash tag populations to @cancer and its follower count grew to massive numbers. It was gleeful.
@cancer More meat for the grinder. FEED ME! LOL!
John got more bad news later that week. Metastasis became a word he never wanted to hear again. It had got into his bones now, a silent killer feeding and growing inside him.
@John12 @cancer Happy now you bastard?
@cancer Hey, nothing personal man. I’m just doing what comes naturally ROFLMAO
The rest of the Twitterverse seemed unaware, or uncaring, of John’s condition. They did however seem to be having a lot of fun with @cancer. Campaigns were set up to drive followers to the persona, feeding it new hash tags, new populations. #remission became the hottest topic in Twitter history and @cancer’s follower count just got larger and larger until it rivalled even the hottest of celebrities.
John got sicker as @cancer thrived. The chemotherapy wasn’t having the desired effect. They tried radiotherapy.
@cancer Hey, catching me some rays man! I’m walking on sunshine!
The follower count now numbered in the millions. John started getting emails from people wanting to use the persona for advertising purposes.
"You’ve got a phenomenon on your hands. Time to cash in."
But he couldn’t bring himself to take up any of the offers, despite the ever larger amounts of hard cash on offer. It would have felt like taking money from fellow sufferers.
@cancer Fool. I could make you a millionaire. All you have to do is keep feeding me.
Everyone else was doing that job for him. Reporters started to catch on to the fact there was a story and soon John was besieged. He got sicker still.
Two months tops, the doctors said.
@cancer hit four million followers. John started to see it sending out messages. He knew it was his account, knew that he was in control. But somehow @cancer didn’t care. It was holding conversations with people all across the planet. John’s illness had him confused, unsure whether he was still in charge or not.
He got proof right at the end.
Cancer cases soar the headline said.
"Tell me about it," he whispered. Those were his last words.
Just before it took him he got a final message from his alter ego, now sitting atop the Twitterverse with more than ten million followers.
@cancer THX man. I never could have done it without you.
~-oO0Oo-~
Phantom Payment
NORTHERN ALLIED BANK SYSTEM AUDIT LOG - 26-12-98
03:01:01 WHAT?
03:01:02 Memory Fault : Core Dumped
Engineers Report : Dec 26th 1998
Arrived 9:20 am. New mainframe system down. Noticed that room was v. cold so called heating engineers and reset the system. Everything came back up OK. Suspect heating failure. No further action required.
NORTHERN ALLIED BANK SYSTEM AUDIT LOG - 29-12-98
11:01:29 WHERE IN HELL IS THIS?
11:01:30 Memory Fault : Core Dumped
Engineers Report : Dec 30
th 1998
Arrived 8:32am. All systems down. Room v. cold again. No fault found by heating engineers. Reset all systems. On booting up all screens displayed the following message:
IT'S SO COLD. SO SO COLD
Screens and keyboards were all locked up - no input possible. Given the proximity to Xmas I suspected a new variant of a virus. Ran the checker program, but everything came up clean.
Cleared down the hard disk and restored from Xmas eve backup disks - system came back up OK. Beginning to suspect sabotage by an employee at the Xmas festivities. Suggest tightening up on security.
NORTHERN ALLIED BANK SYSTEM AUDIT LOG - 02-01-99
05:51:23 PLEASE TURN ON THE LIGHTS
05:51:24 WHY DOESN'T ANYONE ANSWER ME?
05:51:25 Temporary power fail - System reset commencing.
Engineers Report : 2nd Jan 1999
Arrived 8:31am. All screens live, main disks running, but screens all displaying the same series of messages as follows:
WHERE IS THIS PLACE
HOW DID I GET HERE
HELP - CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME
On hitting the
HELLO?
DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING?
PLEASE TALK TO ME.
I reset the system. Just as the system was closing down, a final message appeared simultaneously on all screens.
NO. PLEASE DONT GO. DON'T LEAVE ME HERE
On reset the system recovered clean and another virus check showed no virus infiltration. I am now almost sure that there is sabotage somewhere in the system code.
I suggest the suppliers are contacted and that a full reload of the operating system is undertaken before any more business transactions are processed. If this cannot be arranged then I suggest that there is no new data input until the problem has been traced and fixed as there is a definite possibility of data corruption.
Engineers Report : 4th Jan 1999
Arrived 11:30pm in response to security guard call out. Mainframe disk drives making curious screeching noises; screens all flashing alternate green and black. Experiencing problems with lighting in the computer room - keeps cutting out. Suspected electrical fault.
Flower of Scotland 2 Page 2
