This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2019 by Molly Hurford
Cover art and interior illustrations copyright © 2019 by Violet Lemay
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Rodale Kids, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Originally self-published in paperback and in slightly different form in 2017.
Rodale and the colophon are registered trademarks and Rodale Kids is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 9781635652772 (hc) — ISBN 9781984894250 (lib. bdg.) — ebook ISBN 9781635652789
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Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
How Cyclists Are Basically Superheroes
Glossary
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Author
For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived in a world that’s full of superheroes.
At least that’s what my parents say when they complain about the comic books all over the house, or all the posters in my room, or the times that I’m watching cartoons instead of doing homework. I try to explain that I’m not “wasting time” or “killing brain cells,” as they call it.
I’m researching. And this summer I’m logging all my research here, in my guide to being a superhero.
I figure I’m super qualified to be super (ha-ha, get it?), since I have my own strict training regimen. Not every wannabe superhero bothers with that. See, every day I come home from school and do the same thing:
3:30 p.m.–4:00 p.m.: Research via watching cartoons while eating a (healthy) snack.
4:00 p.m.–4:15 p.m.: Intelligence gathering, i.e., skimming Mom’s morning newspaper for any recent heists.
4:15 p.m.–4:45 p.m.: Daily report. I take the info I just got from the newspaper plus the notes that I thought of during my earlier research and put them into this journal so I can reference them later.
4:45 p.m.–5:00 p.m.: Stretching using the yoga mat Mom has set up in the living room. Even in the Justice League, I know they do warm-ups before training, which leads to…
5:00 p.m.–6:00 p.m.: Intensive physical training. Can be done outside on the tire-and-ladder obstacle course my dad helped me build, or in my basement crime-fighting training center…which is really just a crime-in-progress scene with a bunch of my villainous teddy bears and old dolls set up as targets. But Mom promised this year I could get a punching bag for my birthday, so the countdown is on.
6:00 p.m.: Dinnertime and back to my alter ego, plain old Lindsay.
With all this training, how could I not be destined to be a superhero?
Also, I’m pretty sure my cousin Phoebe is a supervillain, so I have a built-in archnemesis.
Okay, I admit, it’s a little unlikely that she’s an actual supervillain. But I need to start somewhere and I like a good project. From my research, an epic battle is pretty key in the superhero game. I mean, anyone can do good, but to take it to the next level, it seems like superheroes always need to have a “big bad” to fight. And it’s so easy to want to fight with supervillain Phoebe. She wears all black, dyes her dark hair crazy colors, pierced her entire ear when she was eighteen—and then got a bunch of tattoos. She’s been adding to her tattoo collection since then, and now that she’s twenty-three, she’s living on her own in an apartment a few miles from her parents’ house and my house, and her style has only gotten wilder over the years.
I have to confess, I secretly think she looks kind of cool (in a villainous way), but her attitude really isn’t very cool at all….Usually she just ignores me, and I’ve heard her yelling at her mom in the kitchen while we’re over there for dinner. The stereo in her old room at her parents’ house—even with the door slammed shut—actually seemed to pulse the walls and floors, and when she brought friends by, they looked like they could have been rejected by the Legion of Doom for being too obvious.
Like today, I walked down to the kitchen to get a snack—a superhero-in-training needs to keep her strength up—and I heard my mom on video chat with my aunt, and Tía Maria was complaining for the millionth time about something Phoebe was up to now that she’s moved into her own apartment. I think she got into trouble at school or work or something, maybe….Whatever it was, Tía Maria was shrieking that Phoebe was going to get hurt if she kept up what she’d been doing, no amount of training could protect her, and why couldn’t she be more like Tía was when she was her age? (Between you and me, I’ve seen the photo albums, and the way Tía Maria dressed when she was younger wasn’t exactly a style I’d want either. Shoulder pads and enormous hair, yikes.)
But anyway, Phoebe definitely stands out. She spends family parties mostly ignoring me and listening to music with her headphones on. Okay, that may not be a major indicator that she’s a supervillain, but I need to start somewhere when it comes to finding an archnemesis.
(Hey, I didn’t make the rules. I just read about them.)
Superhero Tip: All good superheroes have an archnemesis. You can still be an equal-opportunity crime fighter and stop all crimes, but your main focus always needs to be thwarting your archnemesis. Otherwise, there’s no way your comic book will become a well-known series. Obviously.
Before you roll your eyes, just hear me out. You’re probably my age, and you might be someone who would be my best friend in school. (Maybe. Actually, I’m pretty shy in real life.) Or you might ignore me and laugh at me with your friends at the lunch table. But you know what? I bet you’ve also thought about how cool it would be if life were a little more like your Saturday-morning cartoons.
(And if you don’t think being able to jump into other dimensions or fly would be cool, maybe we wouldn’t be best friends after all.)
I know it sounds crazy, but I really believe that I could be a superhero. The world may n
ot be under imminent threat of alien invasion yet, but if it happens, wouldn’t it be great if there was someone around prepared to deal with it?
Lately, I started using my Wonder Woman notebook (I’m writing in it right now!) to take notes on everything I see or read that may come in handy one day—like when Catwoman says that to disarm a bomb you don’t need to worry about which wire is blue or red and you can just cut them all. (I know she’s a bad guy, but it seems like good advice.)
I’ve also been trying to sketch out some of the cooler fight scenes so I can practice them later. I’ve tried to get good enough to do a front kick so high that it goes over my head, but I think that might be a skill specific to cartoons, not real life.
Still, that will always be the dream, along with having bright red hair like Batgirl.
My mom says that women in the stuff I read and watch are bad role models for me, because they promote an “unhealthy body image.” But I told her that at least I don’t want to be like Barbie, whose dimensions are so unrealistic they’re almost inhuman, so she backed off a little. I still see her muttering when I’m watching cartoons sometimes, though. Mom’s really into being a feminist. She told me that back in college, when she would write about how movies and books needed more female heroines, she didn’t mean women who wore teensy skirts and high-heeled boots to save the world. And now that she’s a cultural anthropologist, she’s always trying to get me to read about women from ancient civilizations and matriarchal cultures—those are cultures where women are in charge. Some of the stuff she gives me to read is actually pretty cool (but don’t tell her I said that).
I keep telling her that I’ve been working on a design for a costume that would be the most effective, which doesn’t include heels or a short skirt. I’ve paid attention: short skirts get ripped, no live-action female hero can run in heels, capes get grabbed, and covering up is just a good safety measure. It’s probably best to wear something like Catwoman’s and Batgirl’s full-sleeve jumpsuits, though without Batgirl’s cape. Of course, I’m thinking it also needs to be something that wouldn’t stand out too much in a crowd—I don’t want to do a Superman and wear it under my clothes all the time. That would get way too hot in the summer. I’m trying to be practical.
But last time I tried to make a costume, it didn’t go so well. I had it perfectly planned out: an outfit that would let me fly over fences and leap tall buildings in a single bound—or at least jump off the top of the slide we have in the backyard without tearing anything or showing the world my underwear. My sewing abilities, though, are far from super.
I may have cut my jeans a little on the short side—but at least I put my purple tights under them so I wouldn’t run the risk of scraping my legs on fences as I vaulted over! And looking back, that old glittery leotard from my one disastrous attempt at gymnastics class wasn’t the best choice for a top. It was a little beat-up-looking, and there’s a chance that Mom was right and I had outgrown it a couple of years ago. It did feel a little strained at the seams when I put it on. Mom took one look at me and said there was no way I was even going outside in that outfit and I looked like a “street urchin.” (Yeah, I don’t know what that means either.)
The next day, when I was emptying the trash cans while doing my chores, I spotted my poor cutoffs at the bottom of the trash can in the kitchen, so Mom won that round.
Okay, I’ve probably said too much—I’ll use up this whole diary in a week if I’m not careful. But I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff at school. I have friends and everything, but I don’t talk about the whole “superhero quest” stuff—like I said before, I know it sounds kind of out there. And being twelve is difficult enough without having everyone in my class thinking I’m nuts, or perpetually yelling “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…Lindsay!” every time I walk past them. (You laugh now, but when it happens, it’s not so funny.) So I keep my secret identity under wraps, which is just Superhero 101 anyway.
Superhero Tip: A superhero needs to have an alter ego: Superman’s is Clark Kent, Batman’s is Bruce Wayne, and mine is…me. It helps if you can wear glasses like Superman does when he’s in disguise—as Clark Kent, he looks too nerdy to be saving the world.
So far I have the nerdy part covered: every time I walk down the hall at school or try to blend in at the mall, I know I’m not fooling anyone into thinking I’m cool. (I guess on the bright side, I have the perfect Clark Kent–style mild-mannered disguise. Too bad I don’t have an alter ego to match Superman. Yet.)
When I look in the mirror, I don’t see anything super: just a pointy chin, more muscle than I’d like, and definitely, completely, unlike the skinny blond girls at school. I’m no Batgirl, that’s for sure. I would love to call my hair wavy and chestnut, but really it’s just kind of poofy and mouse brown, and long enough to be that boring in-between length. And like Clark Kent, I wear wire-rimmed glasses—which the lady at LensCrafters assured my mom were back in style. (She whispered it, really, but I heard. Maybe I have super hearing too? Either way, I got the glasses. I don’t love them.)
But deep down I know that the superhero side of me is just one spider bite or lightning strike away, and I’ll be ready for it. So I’m going to keep this log running for the summer, now that school is out. The first priority is coming up with a witty sign-off. I’m having a bit of writer’s block at the moment, but I’m sure something will come to me.
Brilliantly yours,
Lindsay
(That’s not it.)
I should back up and add that my parents are pretty cool. I shouldn’t say that they’re unsupportive of my superhero goals. They’re both cultural anthropologists—that’s how they met, studying in college—and according to my research, it’s a pretty good profession for a superhero’s parents to have. I figure they’ll eventually stumble on some kind of magic artifact on a dig somewhere, bring it home as a trophy, and then bam! Superpowers for all of us.
The only problem I have with Mom and Dad is…well, that there isn’t any problem. How can I ever become a superhero without some kind of great tragedy or huge obstacle to overcome? I know what you’re thinking: that I’m a terrible daughter. Well, I’m not. It’s not like I want to be in a Batman scenario—parents shot in an alley after an opera, their killer never caught, swearing vengeance, et cetera.
For one thing, we don’t go to operas. For another, we don’t have a butler who could raise me and help me become Batman. Also, I know I’d miss them, and I don’t think I have the personality to be as brooding and mysterious as a Batman-type superhero.
So I’m counting on the magical artifact, which I’m hoping will happen any day now.
Forever flying,
Lindsay
(Absolutely not.)
CHAPTER 1
It’s hard to believe that it’s finally summer break for us….It’s so weird to just have the whole day stretching out ahead of me and nothing really going on, except for thinking about new ways to beat a bad guy in a fight. The free time—and the summer heat—are great, but in some ways I’m already missing school. This morning birds were chirping and the sun was beaming when I woke up, and immediately when I walked down to get breakfast, Mom was pestering me to get outside and play. That’s when I remembered the worst part about summer break: my parents trying to make me spend the whole day running around outside. So we compromised over breakfast: I would walk outside, but to my favorite spot.
And now, as I walk down the block toward the library to trade out some comic books, my mind wanders to why exactly I can’t be a superhero. My parents say that I have a problem accepting reality—they even sent me to a therapist once when I was nine! (Okay, so it was because I tried to fly off the top of my swing set. It didn’t work, by the way, but how else was I supposed to try out the Hawkgirl wings that I made?)
The therapi
st understood, though. She told my parents that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, that I was just “creative” and “imaginative.” She didn’t think that there was a problem, so they eased up a little. Since then they’ve tried to be supportive, sending me to comic book drawing classes and taking me to comic conventions. They once even dressed up like Clark Kent’s parents and got me a Supergirl costume. I’d like to say it was awesome, but to be honest, it was pretty embarrassing. They kept taking pictures with every Superman they saw and wouldn’t get out of character!
I’m actually amazed, as I walk down the street completely, wonderfully alone, that they even let me out of the house to do errands like this. That’s a new thing this summer: when school ended, my parents still had to work during the day, but they said I’m old enough to stay home alone, and even walk to the library, as long as that’s the only place I go. They can be pretty strict: I still have a bedtime, and there’s no going out with boys (not that any boys in my class are that cute anyway) or hanging out at the mall without adult supervision—the classic parent stuff. I usually don’t mind too much. With all my superhero training, I don’t have a lot of time to hang out anyway. But being able to walk alone to the library is already my favorite hobby of the summer—so every step I take has a little more bounce in it.
As I round the last corner, I catch my reflection in a store window. Alley23 is right next to the library, and my mom does not approve of the clothing sold there, so I’ve never actually gone in. But that doesn’t stop me from pausing to dream about going in one day. For the last month they’ve displayed an ideal Catwoman–meets–Supergirl black jumpsuit in the front window. Without my mom, I can finally take a good look at it, so…I do. On the mannequin, it’s not skintight like Catwoman’s normal uniform: it’s got a wide neck and three-quarter-length sleeves, and the top and bottom are divided by a light gray band. The top is tighter, but the bottom is almost like harem pants instead of leggings, and close up it’s not actually all black—it’s navy blue, almost inky-looking. It’s a silky, shimmering fabric, and I can imagine myself doing a sweet flying kick wearing it.
Lindsay's Joyride Page 1
