by Jane Linfoot
‘Ivy, you came.’
I try to move past how one glimpse of that smile of his is lighting me up inside. ‘If we could make this quick …’
‘Of course. I just want to set things straight, let you know how things stand.’
‘Great.’ I can’t help my ironic tone.
‘I don’t want to speak badly of Gemma, but a wider view may help you understand.’ He frowns. ‘I know you didn’t want to know this, but I’m going to tell you anyway. It makes sense to start at the beginning, which was when Gemma and I were on the same flight back from Chamonix. We shared a taxi home to mine, one thing led to another, and two weeks later she told me she was pregnant.’ He blows out a breath. ‘It wasn’t a great start. It certainly wasn’t what I’d planned, but she moved in and we took it from there.’
‘So that was Abby …’
He’s staring out across the water. ‘In fact … no. That first pregnancy didn’t actually work out, but by the time I knew that, Abby was on the way.’
‘Wow.’ We all knew she was determined to get him, but we didn’t think she’d go that far.
Bill gives a shrug. ‘Gemma and I both had different priorities, different reasons to make the relationship work, but it wasn’t ever easy. When Abby arrived she made everything worthwhile for me, but the rest was always hard work. We did our best for five years. But when Gemma wanted to move on with someone else last year it felt like at least one of us was getting the chance to be happy.’
‘But that didn’t last.’
‘Maybe it was too optimistic of me to hope it would.’ He sighs. ‘I’m so sorry, it was wrong of me to take you anywhere near the house. When Gemma saw you she reacted.’
‘But if Gemma wants to try again, surely you have to, for Abby?’
As his face folds the lines are pained. ‘It was the first time Gemma had mentioned a reconciliation, and I wanted to clarify things with her, and make sure I was doing the best for Abby.’
‘I understand.’ Really I do. He doesn’t have to keep going.
‘But I’ve thought about it a lot – how good is it being brought up by parents who never loved each other and don’t get on?’
That wasn’t the impression I had. ‘But Gemma was crazy about you, she pursued you the whole time in Chamonix.’
‘I’m not pretending I’m perfect. But with Gemma, there’s no give and take, no sense of partnership, it’s only ever about her. It’s fair to say, Gemma loved my house and earning capacity a lot more than she ever loved me.’ Bill winces. ‘As we are now Abby won’t get to see both parents every day, but if she gets to see the two of us being happy on our own, being the people we want to be instead of being miserable together, that has to be more positive for her.
‘Gemma didn’t want me back until the moment she thought I might have moved on. And then she came in with the wrecking ball. And I’m truly sorry I caused you to be caught up in that, it was very demeaning.’
I let out a murmur. ‘It was horrible.’
‘There you go. I maybe made it hard for her when Dad and I found the castle and I wanted to move here. But she was the one who made the choice for us to go our separate ways, but now she has, I’m standing by that. I’ll always be there for Abby as much as she wants me to be, but I won’t be going back to Gemma.’
‘Okay, well thanks for telling me.’ I’m letting it all sink in. ‘Is there anything else you’d like to clear up while we’re here?’
His eyes go wide. ‘In case you hadn’t already guessed, when you saw the note on the Merwyn cake collar … I’m your secret baker.’
I’m laughing now. ‘And I almost thought it was Keef. Are you going to tell me why?’
‘Milo was there, pretending how good he was, I had to throw something into the mix to show you he wasn’t “all that”. And it was my way of trying to help the Christmas cause too. You weren’t exactly thinking the best of me at that point, if I’d come clean about the baking you’d have only disliked me more.’
‘Why were you ever worried about Milo?’
‘He’s attractive, I’d missed my chance with you once, I was damned if I was going to let it happen again.’
‘Milo’s not that handsome. It’s not about looks anyway …’ Looking at Bill, and feeling my stomach disintegrate, I could be lying here. ‘For me it’s much more about what we talk about, how much you make me laugh, how you smell …’ which reminds me ‘… what aftershave do you wear?’
He rolls his eyes. ‘All those bottles in my bathroom, how do you ever expect me to know that? It might be a browny one …’
‘I don’t believe it.’ I give him a play punch on his arm. ‘You’re joking me?’
There’s a twist to his lips. ‘It’s Dior Fahrenheit.’ His lips curve more. ‘Do I get a kiss for telling you that?’
I roll my eyes. Because, hell, I don’t want to look like a pushover here. ‘Do you have mistletoe?’
His face falls. ‘Shit.’ Then he grins again, and wriggles into his jeans pocket. ‘Of course I have mistletoe, I told you before, from now on I’m never going to be without.’ He holds up the tiniest wiltiest sprig that’s obviously been all the way to London and back.
I can’t help laughing. ‘You call that mistletoe? It’s not very impressive.’
‘Well try this first, and then we’ll see if you’re still grumbling.’
One moment I’m laughing, the next I’ve turned, his arms are around me, and the dark, sweet, coffee warmth of his mouth hits mine. And as I close my eyes and drag the delicious scent of Dior Fahrenheit deep into my lungs, and fling myself against the wall of his chest the world starts to spin. If there’s a distant cheer and something that sounds a lot like Tiff and Tansy screaming, I hear it for a moment, then the rush of the waves falls over it and the battering of the wind blows it out to sea. And it’s a long time later when we finally part. I’m left with my mouth aching for more.
As I stagger backwards he grabs me again. ‘I refuse to let you fall in the sea here.’
So instead I press my cheek against the cashmere of his jumper, and listen as he starts to talk again.
‘This was never about choosing between you and Gemma. I was here, living my pretty shit life and the minute you walked around that corner and found me in the hot tub, everything changed. Up until then even in a relationship I’d been completely alone. And then you marched in, and started to help.’
‘Started to order you around you mean.’
He rolls his eyes. ‘I had no idea what I’d signed up for. But I’m really pleased I did. But I’d have been in such big trouble without you. You shook me up, and made the most amazing things happen, but most of all we worked as a partnership. When things went wrong, you were there to haul me out of the mess. You made me stand up to Gemma and made me strong enough to see Abby. And through all of it you’ve been wonderful to be with, in a way that makes me never want to be without you again. You’re incredibly beautiful inside and out, and I can’t thank you enough for all of it.’
For some reason there are tears running down my face, because my cheeks are wet against the wool. ‘Actually, I’m the one who needs to thank you. You made me feel beautiful when I didn’t think that would ever be possible. And you made me see I don’t have to be sad forever.’
He sniffs and swallows. ‘You give so much to everyone, unconditionally. Of everyone I’ve ever met, you’re the person who most deserves to be happy, Ivy. I’ve never been in love before, but I’m completely in love with you now. It’s like my life turned upside down these last two weeks. I love you, Ivy, I just want us to be happy together, if you’re up for giving it a try?’
I push my hand upwards, slide my fingers through his hair and tug. ‘And I love you too, Bill.’ However strong the sea glass, I can’t let on how long I’ve felt that for. ‘This is like a dream come true.’ There. I’m saying the same thing in a different way.
‘There is one more thing …’
He always does this and it’s not always good
. ‘And …?’
‘That sky …’
I look upwards past his ear. ‘There are stars, I know they’re there, we just can’t see them yet …’
He laughs. ‘For once I didn’t mean stars, I was thinking more that the sky looks full of snow …’
I have to check. ‘Are you joking me again?’
He’s smiling down at me. ‘Would I joke about something that serious?’
If he’s trying to give me a reason to snog the pants of him in gratitude, I’m very happy to do it.
But when we go out much later to take Merwyn for his phone-light walk along the beach it still hasn’t snowed and if anything the icy blast off the sea is less cold not more.
‘Still no snow then? What did your famous BBC weatherman say about that?’
He wrinkles his nose. ‘Tomasz said it would snow when it warmed up.’
And as I huddle inside Bill’s coat the sky I’m looking up at is very dark.
‘It’s too cloudy for stars tonight too.’
‘So many disappointments.’ Bill laughs. ‘We can’t see the stars, but if you look really carefully can you see those tiny flecks falling out of the sky?’
‘If I half close my eyes I think I can.’
‘They’re little pieces of falling stars.’
‘Is that a Cornish thing, then?
In the half light I see him biting his lip. ‘Only teasing. I don’t want to get your hopes up … but I think they might be snowflakes …’
Wednesday
25th December
35.
Tinsel, sprouts, turkey, snow!
‘Snow on Christmas morning, it’s official, I’ll love you forever for this Mr Markham …’ I’m looking down from my bedroom window, catching my breath with excitement as I take in the snow in deep drifts across the lawn, clinging to the branches of the shrubbery, and in clumps across the beach all the way down to the water’s edge.
‘I hope that’s the kind of forever that goes on to the end of time, Ms Starforth, not the kind that melts when the snow goes away.’ Bill’s lips twist as he eases his tanned shoulders back on the pillow pile. ‘So are you coming back to bed so I can give you a happy white Christmas kiss?’
After our first proper night together I doubt we’d have been getting up at all if it hadn’t been Christmas Day. But Christmas Days with snow are the kind of thing that happen in stories. In real life they’re so rare, however delicious and warm it is under the duvet and however sad I am to let Bill cover up that smoking hot body of his with clothes, we have to get up. By the time we hurry down to take Merwyn for his early walk, everyone else is already out in the garden.
Fliss calls across to us. ‘Hey, lazy bones, what time do you call this? We’ve already opened our stockings, had breakfast and built an entire family of snow people.’ She’s hauling Oscar across the lawn on one of the sledges from under the Christmas trees, dodging the snowballs that Tiff, Tansy and Scout are pelting at the boys.
As I dip into my pocket for my phone Bill gets in first and pulls me towards him. ‘Come on Ivy, smile for our first ever Christmas morning selfie together.’
I do as he asks, sneak a quick and very discreet brush of his lips then bob down. ‘And we need one with Merwyn too! And then some of the castle in the snow.’ It’s beyond picturesque with the snow-capped turrets stark against a bright blue sky, the snowy expanse of lawn and the dark trees highlighted in white where the snow is sticking to the bark. If Libby had ordered up the scene of so many people in bright coloured coats and scarves and wellies, playing in the snow in front of the castle she couldn’t have asked for any more. Even Miranda and Ambie make it outside, and Ambie donates his hat for the grandad snowman.
Once Merwyn has had a run along the beach and we’re pretty much snowballed out, we all head inside for hot chocolate, freshly cooked croissants and Milo’s ever popular griddle scones. Then Keef, Taj and the guys get going with lunch while the rest of us go into the family room to watch the children start on their present opening. Its amazing how an operation that’s taken literally weeks to prepare – I’m thinking off all Libby’s deliveries, the hours she’s been holed up in the laundry working on the gift wrapping – is demolished so fast. In minutes it’s all over and the room looks like a bomb went off in a paper recycling factory, and the kids head to Bill’s room to set up the new iPhones Libby gave them all. As soon as they’ve done that the girls come back and set up a production line in one of the tower rooms with Tansy’s new laminator and a stack of Bill’s gin labels. Before long they’re calling Keef out of the kitchen to get his step ladders and they’re sending him up the tree in the hall to hang the glossy labels in the branches alongside the shells and the miniature gin bottles.
So as Fliss and I get some after-lunch games ready and start to help lay the tables we’re already popping the corks on the Bucks Fizz, and I’m frantically dashing around taking photos because wherever I look there’s an Insta-worthy shot. Everything from the glow of the fires to the twinkle of the fairy lights is there, all given an extra brilliance because it’s Christmas Day today.
By the time we’re ready to sit down for lunch the serving table is groaning under the weight of a huge turkey and various veggie alternatives. There are dishes piled high with crispy potatoes and creamy mash whisked into peaks, there are more stuffings than I can count, towers of crusty golden Yorkshire puddings, crispy Cumberland sausages, veggie sausages, pigs in blankets, veggie pigs in vegan sleeping bags, sprouts, peas, carrots, asparagus, celery, baked squash and parsnips and peppers, jugfuls of gravy. By the time I put Libby’s phone away and sit down between Fliss and Bill and hold my glass up for Keef to fill with Prosecco I feel like a food photographer. And whatever people say about sex making you extra hungry … I’m ravenous.
The platefuls of food are so large, it takes ages to finish, but every mouthful is so delicious I can’t bear to leave any. Then just as I’m thinking I might need to get up and help clear the tables there’s the sound of a knife tapping on a glass.
As we all stop talking and look around, Miranda stands up and gives a little cough.
‘Er … Ambie and I have a little announcement to make.’
I hear Libby’s groan from further down the table. ‘Oh no, what now?’
Fliss mutters too. ‘Please may it not be Gretna Green or Vegas …’
Miranda ignores her, breathes in so deeply that her boobs practically burst out of the top of her black lacy bustier, and carries on. ‘As you all know Ambie and I got engaged a few days ago and you all helped us celebrate.’
Along the table Keef blinks at the pop of cleavage, then shakes his head.
‘Well …’ Miranda does another little cough ‘… today’s news is, we’ve decided to put our plans on hold …’
Fliss looks bemused. ‘On hold … how?’
Miranda’s beaming. ‘On hold, as in we’re getting un-engaged for now, with a view to re-visiting the ring thing at some point in the very distant future. We’ve talked about it for many hours in the hot tub and we both feel more comfortable that way.’
Libby’s eyebrows have gone high. ‘Congratulations, Mum, it’s so much better to wait until you know each other better.’
Milo’s picked his jaw up off the floor. ‘No need to rush things … isn’t that what we’ve always said?’
As I grin at Miranda she’s beaming back at me. ‘Well done, Miranda, high fives to both of you.’ I give her hers and then look around. ‘Where’s Ambie?’
Miranda gives a little wince. ‘In the hot tub having a liquid lunch. But he’s fine with it.’
Tiff looks at Tansy. ‘What the fuck? How the hell are we kids meant to keep up with who our step-grandparents are going to be when they change their minds all the time?’
‘LANGUAGE, TIFFANY!’ The glare that Libby sends Tiff is fierce enough to nuke her, but she can’t hold it. A second later she’s back to grinning again.
Fliss is holding up her glass. ‘So let’s all drink to
good decisions – and being sensible in your sixties!’
Miranda sends Fliss a saccharine smile. ‘Fifties, sweetheart …’
Tom mutters, ‘Fifties, my arse.’
But this time Libby doesn’t sweep in to correct him, she just quietly murmurs, ‘Too right.’
Tarkie frowns at Tom. ‘Does that mean they’ll be having safe sex then?’
Tom’s face crinkles. ‘Senior railcards, more like.’
Tiff turns to Tarkie. ‘If you start banging on about the clitoris Tarkie, I’m going to mash you.’
Tarkie groans. ‘How will I, that’s the one I can’t remember!’
Fliss tries again. ‘So let’s drink … to MUM and AMBIE and their DISENGAGEMENT!’
There’s a roar of applause, and everybody bangs on the tables so hard I’m hoping the plastic molecules are going to hold up. And as Keef catches my eye he’s got his elf waistcoat off and he’s twirling it around in the air. And then he grabs hold of Miranda and waltzes her off around the room.
Then as the mayhem dies down Libby claps her hands. ‘Okay, so how about you kids clear the tables then?’
If you want something doing, ask someone young. There’s the scraping of chair legs on the floor, and the stampede of feet and before we know it the tables are spotless, the kids are back in their seats again, and we’re watching Keef, Taj and Bede carrying in flaming Christmas puddings, followed by Slater with a tray of home made rum and toffee ice cream, Brian with a tray of vegan-friendly sorbets, and Nigel with jugs of rum sauce and cream and mince pies. And we all settle in for the next round.
And just when we really think we can’t possibly eat another thing, Keef comes around with coffees and brandy in glasses followed by Bill with a tray of hand made chocolates and truffles, with Kinder eggs for the kids.
