by Val Wood
‘Mrs Flitt told me that Cherie had gone to stay wi’ somebody,’ Johnny said. ‘Rena? To look after somebody’s bairn, anyway.’
Lily nodded and heaved a sigh. ‘That’s all right then. But where’s Mrs Flitt gone? She’s nowhere to go. And how did she know who you were?’
‘She was skulking about at ’end of ’square and came up to me. She’d seen you bring me to ’house, and asked who I was and could I help you. When I told her I was your husband she began shouting at me, thinking I was that Fowler chap. When I told her I was your proper husband come back from ’military, she started to weep and said that God was good after all. She said that ’last few months wi’ you and ’girls had been ’best in her life and she’d never be able to better them.’ He rubbed his chin, contemplatively. ‘She seemed very determined about summat and said she knew what she had to do now that she knew you’d be safe.’
‘Safe? How am I safe?’ Lily gazed at Johnny. She still loved him but he needn’t think he could just walk back into her life as if nothing had happened. ‘I owe Jamie, but I don’t care about that. I’ll still leave here and he can come after me if he will. But I’ll get my life back; nobody will ever pull me down again. There are things you don’t know about me. I’m a different person from ’one you left behind and you might not want to start over again, and I might not either. I was pregnant by Billy Fowler and he humiliated me by selling me in ’Market Place wi’ folks standing by watching; I lost ’child and was tekken to a home for fallen women. And then I had to see my bairns go off to mek their own way before they were ready.’
Tears came to Johnny’s eyes and he dashed them away. ‘Mr Walker told me about ’child,’ he said, ‘and how his wife sent you to a refuge, thinking that you were a – a street woman.’ His voice broke. ‘I’m sorry, Lily. So sorry that this had to happen to you. All ’time I’ve been away I’ve thought about you; every day I thought about you and my bairns. And I did write. Whenever I could I wrote to you, telling you that I loved you and would to my dying day.’
He fished in his trouser pocket for a handkerchief and blew his nose vigorously. ‘When you’re in ’army, officers sometimes send for their wives, and whenever I saw one of ’em, I thought that none of ’em was a patch on you, and how I wished that you could’ve come out to me. But then I thought that I wouldn’t want to put you in danger, never thinking that you were in more danger at home.’
He reached for her hand again and she let it lie limp in his. ‘Will you let me make it up to you, Lily? I want you to be my wife again, a family again.’
‘How can that be? I married somebody else. And I’ve just said, I’m not ’same person I was.’ Her voice was tight and bitter. ‘I was onny a young lass when you went away, even though I had two childre’. I’m a woman now; I’ve had to struggle on my own.’ She stared him out, challenging him. ‘I’m not sure that I want to put my life in anybody else’s hands.’
‘I’m not asking you to,’ he said softly. ‘Don’t you remember when we were young that we used to agree to differ? We were allus equal companions even afore we were man and wife. I never made decisions for you.’
It was true, he never did, and he always listened even if he didn’t agree with her.
‘I need time to think,’ she said. ‘But first I have to get out of here. Jamie’s going to bring customers to me and as soon as you’re gone he’ll be watching me all ’time.’
‘Right!’ Johnny stood up. ‘I’ll see to him. You get your things together and be ready to leave.’
‘I’ve got nothing.’ She gave a short laugh. ‘Just ’clothes I’m wearing and even these are second hand.’
He gazed down at her. ‘Lily! Will you let me kiss you? I’ve wanted to for so long. It was ’one thing that kept me going, just ’thought of holding you in my arms again.’ His eyes were moist. ‘I’m not ’same person as I once was either. I’ve seen things that I’d never want to tell you about; but one thing hasn’t changed and that’s my love for you.’
Lily’s mouth trembled. She wanted so much to be loved and protected, but dare she let down her guard? For so long she had stood alone, guardian of her children, supporting herself until Billy Fowler had come along with his false promises. She gave Johnny her hands and he pulled her to her feet; then gently and caringly he kissed her on each cheek, and then, so tenderly, on her lips.
She caught her breath as she recalled how he used to tempt and tantalize her with his kisses before their passion brimmed over, engulfing them. She closed her eyes, ready to succumb, when she heard someone at the front door and remembered where she was.
‘No,’ she hissed. ‘No! Not here. You might or might not be my rightful husband but I vowed no man would ever touch me in this house, and that means you too, Johnny.’
He drew away, his eyes searching hers, then he kissed her hand. ‘You’ve just proved to me that you are still ’same woman you once were,’ he said softly. ‘If I’d had any doubts at all about your life here in this hellhole, they’re gone for good.’ He kissed her once more on the mouth, and then said, ‘Come on. Let’s get you out of here. I’ll not let a little runt like Jamie stop us.’
It turned out to be easier than they expected. Johnny opened the door into the hall and found it empty. They could hear raucous laughter and voices coming from upstairs and from the parlour; but the front door was locked. ‘I’ve got a key,’ Lily whispered and went back into her room and opened the drawer to the desk where she had always kept a spare. They tiptoed back into the hall and slipped the key into the lock. As they opened the door Angelina came down the stairs.
‘Wait!’ she called. ‘You haven’t paid. I’ve to collect ’money now. Jamie said so.’
‘There’s nowt to be paid for,’ Johnny said. ‘She’s not up to it.’
Lily saw fear on Angelina’s face. ‘He’ll blame me,’ the girl said. ‘He’ll say I kept ’money. Don’t go out, Lily. You’ve got to be here for anybody, doesn’t matter who; that’s what Jamie said. Don’t go. Please!’
‘I’m leaving, Angelina.’ Lily felt sorry for her, but knew she couldn’t help her. ‘And you’d be wise to do ’same.’
The girl gazed at Lily, her face creased with panic. ‘But where will I go? There’s nowhere!’
‘Go to Hope House. They’ll look after you.’ Lily could feel Johnny’s hand on her elbow, urging her to hurry.
‘They’re full. I’ve been there.’ Tears started to spill from her eyes. ‘Jamie was my last hope.’
Johnny pulled Lily out of the door, and as he locked it behind them and put the key in his pocket the image of Angelina’s lovely distressed face was imprinted on Lily’s mind.
‘You can’t help them all, Lily,’ he said, leading her away. ‘Come on, you’ve a son and daughter waiting for you. A new life to begin.’
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
‘Where’re we going?’ Lily ran alongside Johnny towards the bottom of the square. Most of the houses were brimming over with people. Women were standing in their doorways with lamp or candlelight behind them, calling out to men who were idling about in the dark road. ‘Where are Ted and Daisy?’
‘I’ve left Ted at ’hostelry where we’ve been stopping. Daisy went back to ’Walkers’. She said she’d leave and come wi’ us.’ He glanced at her. ‘If you were coming too.’
‘Mrs Walker won’t let her leave. Not straight away. And she’ll kick up a fuss. She’s not quite right in her head, poor woman.’ She pondered for a moment, not answering his implied question. ‘We’d best go there first, and then I want to see Rena and Lizzie and her new bairn.’
‘And then?’ he queried. ‘What then?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said, shuddering. Would Jamie come looking for her? What would she do next and where would she go? With Johnny, or to live a solitary unloved life?
‘Would you come back to Hollym? We were happy there – we could start again. Get a little house.’ He hadn’t told her that after selling some of the amber he now had some money
to his name.
Lily slowed to walking pace. ‘We can’t go back. And anyway, you don’t know what it was like. You were hardly ever there.’ She stopped and put her hands to her head. ‘I don’t know what to do. I feel that there must be summat – something I can do to help women who’ve come to rock bottom in their lives, just as I did. I keep seeing Angelina’s face.’ When she saw his puzzled expression, she explained. ‘That girl back at ’house. She was so frightened and she reminded me of Alice. My poor Alice.’ She started to sob. ‘She was lovely, just as Angelina is now, yet she got diseased and she got consumption, and then she died. And she was so young!’
‘It happens,’ he said quietly. ‘All ’world over.’
‘But don’t you see,’ she cried passionately. ‘There should be more done to help them! Like Hope House, where I was sent. If onny there were more places like that. Where young women could find refuge and weren’t at ’mercy of men!’
‘Who pays for summat like that?’ he asked. ‘Where does ’money come from?’
‘I don’t know. Donations, I think,’ she said vaguely. ‘And people like Dr Fulton give their services free. And there are women who run the house, sort of matrons and housekeepers, and they help young women to find other work or go back home if they can.’ She sighed. ‘I heard they were trying to buy another house because there’s such a need. So many young women in desperate situations!’
‘Is that what you’d like to do if you had ’money? Wouldn’t you rather have a little house of your own?’
‘At one time, yes,’ she said. ‘That’s what I wanted more than anything. But now …’ She turned to him. ‘I’ve seen decent young women having to sell themselves in order to live. And it’s a downward path, Johnny. They think that it’ll onny be for a short time till they get some money together. But it never is. They can never earn enough to get out, especially if they owe a man like Jamie.’ She took a breath and exhaled. ‘So if I ever came into money I’d use it to try to save some of these girls.’
Johnny said nothing. He didn’t want his newfound wealth to be spent on women he didn’t know, deserving or not. He wanted to set up a business, provide Lily and his children with security to make up for the years when he had let her down. He strode by her side as she hurried past St Mary’s, which was in darkness, and Holy Trinity, whose windows were dimly lit, and on towards King Street. The street traders had gone, their empty stalls ghostly in the gaslight, but the local hostelries were brimming over with revellers, some of whom were spilling out on to the pavements.
The chemist’s shop was closed, and a low-lit oil lamp glowed dimly in a back room. Lily tapped on the door and peered through the glass. Presently an inner door opened and Oliver Walker came through. He drew back the bolts and turned the key and opened the door. ‘Can I help you?’ he began, and then recognized Lily. ‘Mrs Maddeson!’ he said. ‘I’m afraid my father isn’t in.’
He looks agitated, Lily thought. He’s upset about something. ‘I wondered if I might have a word with Daisy.’
‘She’s with my mother,’ he said. ‘My mother is unwell and Father has gone to fetch a doctor. Would you like to come in?’
Lily hesitated. ‘I’ll come back,’ she said. ‘If your mother’s ill she’ll not want anybody else with her.’ She bit on her lip. ‘Is Daisy looking after her? It’s not anything infectious?’
‘No, it’s not. Mother is rather overwrought,’ he murmured. ‘She – she doesn’t want anyone else to be with her but Daisy.’ He looked at her reassuringly. ‘She’s bearing up very well – Daisy, I mean – and Father won’t be long.’
‘All right.’ Lily nodded. ‘I’ll come back. I, erm, Daisy will probably be leaving.’ She made the decision. She’d move Daisy no matter what. There was something not quite right in this household.
‘I’m sure that would be for the best,’ Oliver agreed. ‘In fact …’ He hesitated as if unsure whether to explain. ‘That is the reason my mother is unwell. Daisy told her that she would probably be handing in her notice. They’re in my mother’s bedroom with the door locked.’
‘Then we’ll wait.’ Johnny spoke up. ‘When your father gets back with ’doctor we’ll force ’door.’
‘This is Daisy’s father,’ Lily explained, seeing the startled expression on Oliver’s face. ‘He wants to take her back to Hollym, our old village.’
‘You’d better come in and wait,’ the young man said, and Lily felt some sympathy for him. He must have been anxious about his mother.
‘Can I go up?’ Lily asked. ‘Just to see if everything’s all right.’
Oliver agreed and led the way upstairs to his mother’s room and knocked on the door. ‘Mother,’ he called. ‘Mrs Maddeson is here. She’d like to speak to Daisy.’
‘Well she can’t,’ Mrs Walker called back. ‘Daisy doesn’t want to speak to her.’
‘I do. I do.’ They heard Daisy’s answering piping voice. ‘Ma! I want to come home!’
Johnny moved both Oliver and Lily out of the way and put his shoulder to the door. It was quite firm; a good solid door. He stood back and with a great heave he put his foot to it and felt the lock break. Another heave with his shoulder and the door crashed open and they saw Daisy and Mrs Walker sitting on the edge of the bed.
‘Oliver! What’s happening? Oliver!’ They heard Charles Walker in the shop below and he came running upstairs, followed by Dr Fulton. ‘Mrs Maddeson! I’m so very sorry. Is Daisy all right?’
Lily nodded. Daisy was sobbing in Johnny’s arms and Mrs Walker was gazing vacantly into space.
‘Poor woman,’ Lily murmured as she, Daisy and Johnny trudged across to Rena’s. ‘I hope she’ll be all right. I’ve heard tell that those asylums are terrible places.’
‘He’ll send her to ’best there is,’ Johnny said quietly. ‘It’ll onny be for a short time. They’ll mebbe give her electric shock treatment to bring her back to normal.’ He heaved a breath. On his travels he’d seen people with a craving for opium and Mrs Walker looked to him as if she had had quite a large dose. He’d helped the doctor to put her into his carriage whilst Mr Walker and his son had looked on helplessly.
Lily and Daisy went into Rena’s to visit Lizzie and admire the new baby whilst Johnny waited outside. When they emerged half an hour later, Lily said, ‘Daisy wants to stop wi’ me. I expect that Ted will go back to Hollym with you.’
‘But where will you go?’ he stammered. ‘Where will you live? Lily! Please!’
She sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Johnny, but I can’t go back. Billy Fowler’s there for one thing and if I saw him I think I’d be tempted to kill him.’ She looked at him and saw despair. ‘And I’m not free, am I? Whose wife am I? Yours or his? You can sort that out, because—’ Her voice broke. ‘I can’t.’
‘Where will you go?’ he said miserably. ‘What will you do?’
‘I’m going back to Hope House,’ she said. ‘I’ll tek Daisy with me, and I’m going to ask if I can work there.’
Johnny trudged back towards the hostelry where he’d left Ted. He felt more dejected and dispirited than he had ever done, even during his captivity with the Sikhs. How could he win Lily back? How could they ever start again?
‘Hey! Hey you!’ somebody shouted and he automatically lifted his head and looked across the street. It was that pup Jamie shouting to an old woman. Johnny watched, his eyes narrowing, and then he walked towards them.
‘You old hag,’ Jamie was saying. ‘Don’t you come near my place again! Do you hear?’
‘I hear you, you little toad,’ she answered back, and Johnny recognized Mrs Flitt. ‘Don’t you tell me what to do! I do as I like. Not that I’ll ever set foot through your door. Why would I want to?’
She flinched as Jamie came towards her with his fists raised and put her skinny arms up in defence. ‘Don’t you touch me,’ she screeched, ‘or I’ll yell for ’constable and I’ll tell what you’re up to, you dirty little pander.’
She ducked as his fist came down, but he yelped as Joh
nny caught his arm and wrenched it back, hearing his shoulder click.
‘You’ve broke my arm,’ Jamie shrieked. ‘You’ve damned well broke it. You! You owe me money. You never paid for that whore Lily.’
He shrieked again and staggered as Johnny’s left fist struck his chin. ‘That’s my wife you’re calling a whore,’ Johnny growled, shoving his other fist in his stomach.
Jamie retched. ‘Well, that’s what she is!’ He doubled over in pain. ‘And she’s not your wife. I met her husband and he was more than willing to be rid of her.’
Johnny grabbed him by the neck and putting his face close to Jamie’s said menacingly, ‘Don’t ever breathe her name again, and don’t ever threaten this old woman or I’ll come after you. I mean it. Don’t think I won’t. Now get out of my sight. Hop it to whichever sewer you came from.’
Mrs Flitt dusted herself down. ‘Thank you very much, sir,’ she said. ‘Much obliged.’ She peered at him. ‘It’s Miss Lily’s husband, isn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Johnny murmured, giving a wry smile. She was a tough old biddy and no mistake. ‘Where’re you off to?’
‘To ’workhouse,’ she said. ‘I was on my way there. I’ll get a bed and a bit o’ food. I’ll stop ower winter and then – well, I’ll see what happens. If I survive, that is. When you see Lily, will you tell her? Tell her I’ll be all right and that I hope as it works out for both of you.’
Johnny’s eyes glistened. ‘I’ll tell her.’ He swallowed. ‘When I see her.’ He turned about and walked in the direction of the hostelry. ‘Well,’ he muttered, ‘I’ve got my son. And if I want my wife and daughter back I’ll have to prove myself.’ But first, he thought, I have to confront that blackguard Fowler.
