by Lisa Swallow
“Unfair?” I choke.
“I’ve tried calling at your apartment, but you’re never there. And oh!” She grabs my arm with warm fingers, and I snatch it away. “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?”
What the hell? Who told her?
I take a sharp breath against the wooziness growing in my head. “Lily. I’m warning you. Back off or I will involve the police.”
“What? Why? Sky!” She pulls her mouth into a sympathetic look and reaches to touch me again.
I grip my bag and take another step backwards. Obviously whoever Dylan has watching Lily failed today.
“Is this about the thing I told you last time we met?” she asks. “I thought you should know. That’s all.”
“The ‘thing’? The fictional rape you mean?”
“No. The baby, silly!” She sighs. “That’s why I’m leaving the note. I wanted to see you again so we could talk about everything we need to.”
“I don’t want to talk to you about my baby. And how the hell did you know?” Perspiration soaks my back as the sun beats down. I need to leave, sit down. I hate feeling vulnerable, and now I’m exposed.
“This one time, I was waiting for you. We usually visit the cafe around the corner from your place on Tuesdays,” burbles Lily. I do. Every week. Alone. “You went somewhere with Dylan instead, and I was curious.”
“You followed me?” I bite back.
“I was upset you didn’t keep our meeting, and I wanted to talk to you. You went to the doctors. I know there are a few different specialists in the building, but one’s an obstetrician. You both looked so happy. I just knew you were pregnant. So exciting!”
There’s no dangerous edge to her voice, anger at my carrying Dylan’s baby, but something’s off here. “Lily, you need to leave me alone. I will go to the police.”
“Sky, what’s wrong?”
I stare at Lily, the pretty, ordinary looking girl whose open face suggests she could never hurt anyone. The type of girl everyone meets and loves. When I met her before today, she was different. Hints of delusion, asking me to say hi to Dylan when she’d been partially responsible for his overdose, but this? This isn’t sane.
“I’m sorry about thinking Dylan’s mine. I guess I always hoped he come back to me. It was tough when he married somebody else.” Her eyes brim with tears. “I hated you for taking him, but I think I’m okay with it now.”
Think? “I think you should leave before I do something I’ll regret.”
She screws her face up. “Pregnancy hormones, they suck, huh? I remember feeling the same.”
The words come from my mouth before my brain can leap and make the connection. “You have a baby?”
“See, that’s one of the reasons I warned you about Dylan. He uses people and—”
I clamp my hands over my ears. “I’m not doing this again, Lily. I don’t want to see you or hear your lies. Do not say what I think you’re about to.”
Her tearing blue eyes fix on mine, unwavering as she waits for me to take my hands away. “He made me give the baby away.”
“Stop!” I yell. “Just fucking stop there! You need help, Lily. First the rape and now this bullshit?”
“He’s a liar!” she shouts back. “He never told you! Did you know he came to see me after the tour was cancelled? How he asked me to leave him alone but promised he’d always care for me? He comes to see me sometimes, Sky.” She places a hand on her chest. “Dylan and me have a connection, Sky. A really special connection.”
The bile swirls in my stomach and threatens to push up, an all too familiar feeling after weeks suffering morning sickness.
I can’t.
I won’t.
Lily has completely lost her mind, and she’s trying to take my sanity with her.
Without another word, I turn on my heel and stride away, gripping my bag, as if it will keep the tipping world upright.
“Sky!” she calls after me. “Now we have a connection too!”
Every step I take, I expect to hear Lily’s soft footsteps behind, but when I brave glancing back, she’s resting against my car still. I’ve risked enough. I can’t stay near her.
The PR company’s cool office building is a sanctuary and relief after the weather and woman outside, and I rush across the polished tiles to the elevator as the glass doors swish out the London day. Climbing inside, I watch the front doors warily in case psycho bitch follows me. As the metal elevator doors close, there’s no sign of her.
I whip my phone from my pocket and hit speed dial. Before he even has a chance to speak, I’m on him. “Dylan. Get the fuck here. Now.”
“What’s happening? Where? Are you at the hospital?” His voice rises, but not as high a mine is about to.
“No, I just saw Tina.” I take a deep breath. “And Lily.”
“Lily? Where? What did she do?”
I bite back my frustration. “Come here. Now. We need to talk.”
The elevator lurches still and I step out onto the third floor.
“Are you okay?” asks Dylan, stupid question of the day.
“No, I am not fucking okay.” My low voice and language silences him.
Months of peace between us; the only arguments minor and resolved in hours, and now this.
I said she wouldn’t win, but Lily’s having a fucking good try.
19
SKY
The aircon in the small client meeting room raises goose bumps on my arms, but at least the fresher air stops the light-headedness. Sienna left me alone with a glass of water and more apologies. I thanked her for what she did even though it was inadvertent, and I’ll interfere if Tina tries to come down hard on Sienna.
I’d rather leave and meet Dylan back at the apartment, but for the first time, I’m scared of Lily.
What if she’s still outside?
Dylan arrives half an hour later, wild panic in his eyes as he rushes through the meeting room door. “Sky?”
I can never argue with Dylan when I’m seated, so I stand. Dylan crosses to take hold of me, and he towers over me, which also makes arguing with him hard. He drops his arms as I cross mine, confusion marring his face. This shifts to understanding as I drag the letters from my bag and throw them on the table beside him. They skim across the shiny surface, spreading out his guilt.
“Explain this.”
“Shit.”
“Explain.”
He drags a hand through his short curls, eyes on the letters. “I didn’t want you to worry. You know, with the pregnancy and—”
“You promised you’d tell me if she did anything like this. You promised no more secrets, Dylan.”
“The letters aren’t threatening you, Sky, so I kept quiet about them. Lily did this to me before, and she loses interest after a while. I was trying to protect you from something you didn’t need to know about.”
“Protect me?” I half shout. “And what do you think would happen when I found out you hid this from me?”
He scrunches his face up. “Hadn’t thought that far.”
“Of course not. You never bloody do!” I snap. I pick up a letter and thrust it at him. “Have you read them?”
“Only the first couple. Sky, sit down, please.” Voices pass outside the room. “Maybe we should leave. This isn’t the best time and place for the conversation.”
I tremble, Lily’s words repeating over and over in my mind, until I can’t contain them anymore.
“Lily told me she had your baby,” I say in a low voice.
Dylan stiffens, and I size up his reaction for any hint he knows, any possibility of the truth. A muscle in his jaw twitches and he snorts.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“And you believe her?”
“No. I mean, I don’t know.”
“What the hell, Sky?” he half yells at me. “How can you?”
“Don’t shout at me! You’re to blame!” I grab a letter from the table and scrunch it into a ball. “How dare you!”
�
��She’s a lying bitch! If she had my kid, don’t you think I’d know by now?”
Ohmigod. “If? You mean she could? Didn’t you use protection, Dylan? I thought you’d be careful about that!”
“For fuck’s sake, Sky.” His face hardens. “You seriously think if what Lily says is true, she could hide the kid? And would I lie to you about something this fucking big?”
“You lied once before. You left me because you couldn’t tell the truth about you and her.”
“Whoa! Stop there,” he snaps. “This is completely different. You’re gonna allow her to fuck this up with lies again?”
I slump onto the seat, fighting the uncontrollable anger and tears, at my pregnancy hormones forcing irrationality into the situation. “What if it is true, Dylan? What if she’s held this back as the final card in her hand?”
“We used protection,” he says in a low voice. “I did not get the girl pregnant.”
I stare at my hands wanting to believe him, but this has been a situation, which has played on my mind before, especially after we lost the first baby. Is there a girl out there from Dylan’s blurry past, one with his kid?
“I’ve been through this shit before, Sky! Twice. DNA tests the whole fucking works.”
I swallow. “What?”
“Oh, come on. Surely you’re not surprised I’ve had paternity suits thrown at me?”
“And you’re so blasé about it? That’s disgusting!”
“What the hell does it matter now? Lily doesn’t even have a kid to be tested, does she? She’s bloody insane.”
I shake, unable to push away the thought of girls claiming Dylan fathered their kids, of his past, the side of Dylan I don’t think about, emotions I was sure I’d buried.
Dylan drags out a chair, sits, and leans forward to take my hands, his warm strength circling my fingers. “One side effect of knowing Lily all this time, of her refusal to step out of my life, is we’ve known her for years. She did not have a baby.”
“I thought she disappeared for a couple of years? I mean, she could—”
“Fuck, Sky! Will you listen?”
I drag my hands away at his firm tone. Yelling at me will change this from simmering to explosive. “And will you understand why this upsets me?”
“No, I don’t. She’s lying, the way she did about the rape.”
I cringe at the word. “Well you seem extremely pissed off about this. Are you sure you’re not hiding something?”
Dylan pushes his chair back. “What the hell is wrong with you? You believe her over me?”
Covering my face with my hands, I suck in breaths. The last hour imploded my world. I can’t think straight anymore. A quiet place to curl up and cry in is all I want. “I don’t know what to think!”
“You could fucking trust me over the psycho who invented a friendship with you.”
“Have you seen her?” I demand, peeking through my fingers.
“When?”
“Any time since we were married.”
Dylan blinks rapidly, the answer I didn’t want. “You met up with her?” I yell. “When?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I bury my head in my hands. “Oh god. Oh my god. I can’t talk to you right now.”
“I wasn’t alone, I—”
“Leave me alone!” I scream at him, tears blurring my eyes. “Go away.”
“Jesus, you’re weird when you’re pregnant.”
The anger bubbles closer to the surface. “One more comment like that and I’m not coming home,” I growl.
“Sky, calm down.”
I pick up the letters and throw them at him, a voice inside asking where my self-control is. “Calm down?” I shriek, and, hell, I never shriek.
I can’t be in the same room as Dylan when I’m heading out of control. I can’t be in the same city. This is fucked up. My head is screwed, and the longer I stay here with him, the worse this will become. “I’ll leave then. Keep the letters you wanted to hide from me. I don’t want to see you or speak to you!”
I believe him about Lily, of course these are lies, but this isn’t what bothers me. Dylan betrayed me. He broke a promise, and until I calm down and deal with the hurt, I want nothing to do with him.
20
SKY
I take a taxi to Tara’s, fighting my anger and swiping away tears. Angry the tears won’t stop, more appear, a vicious circle leaving me a red-faced, snotty mess. Dylan attempts to call me several times, but with the mood I’m in, not a good idea. My best friend answers the door, unable to hide her surprise. She looks behind me, then takes my arm. I’ve calmed down a little on the final part of the two hour drive, but not much.
“Sky? What the hell happened?”
“Do you have time to talk?”
“Always.” She rubs my arm. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
Tara sits me down and makes a herbal tea as the story pours from me. For the first time in months, I crave a drink, but… baby.
Tara talks gently to me, edging around her unspoken opinion: I’m overreacting. She carefully chooses her words in an attempt to push in rationality. I rest my head on the table, body aching.
“Don’t you understand?” I ask, picking at the coaster next to my mug.
“I understand why you’re angry with him, but he’s Dylan. He’s fierce in the way he protects you, and he doesn’t think things through. He is male after all,” she says in a light tone.
I don’t laugh.
“He lied. Somebody was stalking me, and Dylan didn’t tell me. So he can’t be that protective. Can he? He put me in danger.”
On the drive over, little things from the last few months crystallised in my head. Dylan wanted me driven everywhere. He hated me leaving the apartment when he was out. When he’s working and I’m alone, Dylan insisted I call him more often than usual, and if I didn’t, he’d call me. I quizzed him about it once, and he told me this is his paranoia over the pregnancy.
For all I know, he had bodyguards shadowing me.
Would I have freaked out if I’d known about Lily’s letters? Yes, but it was my right to know.
“He lied,” I repeat. “I don’t cope well with people lying to me. If he can lie about this, what else can he lie about?” I chew on the edge of my hand, biting back the words I don’t want to say again. Lily. Dylan. Baby.
“No, Sky!” protests Tara. “You don’t believe Lily about the baby, surely your pregnancy hasn’t totally melted your brain.”
I jerk my head up ready to give her a piece of my mind, but her half smile disarms me. “Stop trying to make this sound okay by joking.”
“No. But I think you’re being over the top. You’re pissed off with Dylan when he runs from problems and conflict. What are you doing? Running.”
I scowl and grab a biscuit from the packet, staring into my teacup as I munch. “Yeah, so, I’m a hypocrite.”
“Stubborn.”
I relax my shoulders. “It’s more than that. Seeing her was horrible, rewound me to the time she told me those awful lies about Dylan. The world feels surreal, different. I can’t think straight.”
Tara chews her lip and looks into her cup. “Don’t be annoyed with me, but I think your pregnancy hormones have an influence here.”
“If you were of the male species I’d ram this packet down your throat for those words,” I growl and pick up the biscuits.
“Exactly my point. Jesus, Sky. Listen to yourself.”
I ignore her and shove another biscuit into my mouth, as her wisdom sinks in.
“Since when did you start drinking herbal tea?” I ask.
“Nice subject change.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to him,” I mumble.
“Good.” She laughs to herself.
“What’s funny?”
“I’ve always found it hilarious imagining you fighting with him. Mr Badass rock star, six foot of brooding muscle brought to heel by feisty Sky.”
I smile. “He’s not badass. None of
them are. You saw him at the wedding.”
“I did. I saw how in love with you he is. Don’t be mad with me, but I had my doubts too, thought everything happened too quick. You don’t often see somebody look at another person as if the world outside no longer exists or matters, but Dylan does. Not only when you’re meeting his eyes, but all the time. He watches you. You’re precious to him. He doesn’t want to lose you. I love Tom and know he cares about me, but he has never looked at me the way Dylan does you.”
I cradle the cup in my hands. “Why are you so sensible? Has Dylan paid you to talk me round?”
Tara laughs. “No, I just don’t like seeing you unhappy. And you want to sort this out before it becomes a story. Were you in public?”
“Oh crap.” I drop my head onto the table again. “Semi. At the PR offices.”
“Then I suggest you go home and publicly make up.” Tara pushes the phone across the table. “Call him. Let him know you’re safe. The spare room is made up, stay tonight, by the time you wake up you’ll feel better.”
The Dylan I return home to the next morning watches me warily as I pour myself a glass of water in the kitchen and wait for him to speak.
I sense him in the doorway behind, hairs lifting on my neck as always. I’ve partly rationalised his decisions, but annoyance grips a corner of my mind still. I’m on a hair trigger here; Dylan had better be tactful.
And he knows.
“Are you okay?” he asks. “You haven’t spoken to me since you walked through the door five minutes ago.”
I turn and rest my back against the counter. Dylan leans against the doorframe, playing his fingers over the phoenix tattoo on his arm, the action that always betrays his stress.
Melting my resolve.
“Better than I was.”
“I’m sorry, Sky.”
“You bloody should be.”
“I’m a dumb bastard sometimes. Tina told me back then I should let you know, but you were only just pregnant, and I thought it would be easier to just keep an eye on you and—”
I interrupt Dylan’s attempt to say everything in thirty seconds. “You did have people following me?”
“Sometimes.”
“Bloody hell, Dylan!” I clear my throat and rein in the fresh upset.
“Lily never came near you. We only saw her once.”
