“Go ahead, baby,” he coaxed. “Don’t hold back. Go ahead and come.”
****
That did it.
She fell apart; her whole body shuddered. It was so easy.
She slipped over the edge, free-falling, dragging air into her lungs through her open mouth. She clawed at the sofa, almost tearing the weave, as her body convulsed beneath him. He moaned, pumping his fingers in and out of her for maximum pleasure until the tremors subsided.
Spent, Lorena closed her eyes. He showered tender kisses on her cheeks and eyelids, finally slipping his hand from between her legs.
She remained still, keeping her eyes closed.
What had she done?
Guilt heated her face at her behavior.
“You okay?” he asked, nuzzling her ear.
“Yes.” She turned her head to stare out at the night sky. She didn’t want to face him. She didn’t want to look into his eyes and tell him they’d made a mistake.
She pushed against his chest, and he eased up, allowing her to roll to a sitting position. “What is it?”
She fastened her bra and adjusted her dress. Her breasts still ached, her body still thrummed, and when she closed her legs, she felt the wet and sticky proof of her loss of control. She swallowed.
“What happened…I’m sorry, Matt. That shouldn’t have happened. I got carried away.”
“We both got carried away.”
Lorena stood, and immediately she heard him stand behind her.
“Don’t walk away from me now,” Matthew said.
“I think part of me just wanted…I don’t know—”
“Don’t do this.” His voice held a note of desperation. “Whatever you’re feeling—guilt, remorse—we can work it out.”
“I can’t.” She turned around to face him.
“Don’t do this,” he repeated. He reached for her, but she stepped back. “I will not let you go.”
“It’s not your decision. You don’t want forever, Matt. I do.”
He closed his eyes and took a few deep, heavy breaths. “Listen to me. Forget everything I ever said to you before. We’re starting over, right now, from this moment, you and me.”
She shook her head slowly, filled with regret.
“You can’t really expect me to—dammit, Lorena! Now that I’ve seen you…” His voice dipped intimately. “Now that I’ve touched you and kissed you, you can’t expect me to let you walk out of here as if nothing happened.”
“Yes, I do.”
He looked bewildered. “If you think I only want to have sex with you, you’re wrong. Don’t ask me to do this.”
She took a step back, the moisture evaporated from her mouth. She wrapped her arms protectively around herself. “What happened between us was a mistake. Let it go. It was a crazy act by two people who—who never got any closure.”
Matthew shortened the gap between them. “Closure? Is that what it was?” he asked softly. “Well then, I’d love to have some more closure.” His lids lowered so she could barely see his eyes. “I can give you some more closure.” He focused on her rose-tinted lips, slightly parted, as she struggled to breathe. “I’d love to have some closure in your mouth.”
“Stop it.”
“I’d love to flip you on your stomach and give you some closure from behind.”
“If you don’t stop, I swear, I’ll—”
“I want to give you so much damn closure you forget your name, and the only name you remember is mine, as you scream it over and over again as I ram my—”
“Stop it!” Lorena put her hand over her ears.
“Why? So you can pretend? Pretend you don’t have any feelings for me, when it’s obvious you do? Pretend I didn’t have my fingers inside you and you were so hot and wet you came, and I almost did, too? Go ahead and pretend.”
“You’re disgusting,” she spat.
“I don’t regret anything that happened here tonight, and I’m not going to pretend I don’t want you. You know I do. I haven’t made any attempt to hide it. I feel like a drug addict who’s fiending for a hit, and the needle’s right there, but I can’t touch it even though it’s within reach. It’s killing me. The other day, I was in a department store, and a woman walked by me, and she wore the same perfume you do. I got hard as a rock. From the scent of her perfume, because it smelled like you. This is what’s happening to me.” He hit his chest. “Day in and day out. This is what being without you does to me. Do you have any idea what it feels like? Do you have any idea the kind of torture I’ve been suffering through?”
“Do I have any idea?” Lorena laughed bitterly, past the tightness in her chest. “Imagine wanting a hit so bad, for four years, but you couldn’t get it. You watched everyone else get a turn, but never you. And then when you finally get a chance, you’re high for three solid months, before everything comes crashing down and the needle’s yanked away. All of a sudden, you have to go without—cold turkey. Do you have any idea what that’s like? To finally have what you’ve wanted and when you get it, it’s better than you ever imagined, but now you’re not allowed to have it anymore?”
When she spoke again, her throat had constricted as she fought to hold back the tears. “I know, Matt, and I don’t want to go back to it. I don’t want that kind of high anymore. Not ever again.” Her mouth twisted into a pain-filled smile. She stared down at the plush beige carpet.
“Don’t do this.”
“I despise myself for what I did just now. For being weak for you when I have a good man in my life who respects me and cares about me and wants a future with me.” She lifted tear-filled eyes to his. “Leave me alone, Matt. Please. Obviously I don’t have the strength to fight you, but I want more than you can give. I can’t trust you. You know it, and I know it.”
She backed away from him, her gaze trained on his stoic expression. He stood as rigid as a marble statue, his eyes lifeless as he watched her walk away.
When she reached the entrance to the hallway, Lorena turned and ran as if the hounds of hell pursued her. Outside the apartment, she continued to run, all the way to the elevator, and stabbed the down button impatiently.
She shook all over. Her lips were swollen from their passionate kissing, and her aching body was angry at being deprived of him.
She shouldn’t have come. She should’ve known she’d be no match for him, entering the lion’s den, incapable of battling against the desires of her own body and the longing in her heart.
How could she face Lewis now after what she’d done? Could he forgive her moment of weakness?
Could she forgive herself for loving Matthew…still?
Chapter Seven
After a rough night, Matthew woke up on the sofa, clutching the pillow where Lorena had lain the night before. His body ached from having slept awkwardly because the sofa was too short for his tall body to stretch out. Groaning, he swung his feet to the floor and sat up.
He didn’t want to be alone and felt the urge to get out of the city. Although he’d initially told his oldest brother, Roarke, he couldn’t attend his Sunday cookout, Matthew called and told him he was on his way. A couple of hours later, after a shower, change of clothes, and a stop at the supermarket for beer, he drove east, toward Athens, Georgia, where Roarke lived with his wife, stepdaughter, and mother-in-law.
When he arrived at his brother’s, Roarke’s mother-in-law opened the door of the two-story house. She stood at almost six feet, like her daughter.
“Hello, Matthew,” she greeted him.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. B.” Holding a plastic bag with a six-pack in his hand, he leaned in for a one-armed hug.
“Good to see you, son.” She patted his back. “Your brother’s out back.”
Matthew walked through the house to the backyard. Roarke stood in his newly built outdoor kitchen, prepping the grill.
“Wow, this is nice,” Matthew said in awe.
Roarke looked up and smiled. Before him sat a large tray of ribs and chicken, and a smal
ler one with ears of corn. “They did a good job.”
Matthew started loading bottles of beer into the cooler. “And it only took two weeks longer than they promised.”
His brother laughed. “It’s all good. I expected delays, but now I’m ready to kick off the summer. We can do some serious entertaining out here.”
“I’ll say.”
Matthew looked around in appreciation at the pavilion. The gabled bamboo roof protected the kitchen beneath it from the elements. Under the sealed concrete countertop sat a small refrigerator, a rotisserie grill, and storage for pots, pans, and other supplies. A large grill and a two-burner stove rounded out the appliances. An island provided more work space and a sink for washing up. At one end, a sitting area of several chairs included a round fire pit as the focal point.
“Uncle Matt!”
Matthew didn’t have time to turn around before Roarke’s seven-year-old stepdaughter came bounding toward him and grabbed him around the waist.
“Who is this? Who’s this big girl?”
“It’s me. Arianna!”
She beamed up at him, and he pulled her up in his arms to give her a hug. “You’re getting so tall.”
“I know. Papa said I’m growing like a weed, and that’s a good thing.”
For months after Roarke married her mother, she’d refrained from addressing him, not sure what to call him. Then one day she came to him and asked, since she already had a daddy, was it okay if she called him Papa? Afterward, she started referring to the rest of the Hawthorne siblings as Auntie and Uncle. They were all pleased by this development, as they were very fond of her and happy to have her as part of the family.
Arianna held up the hem of her green dress. “See my pretty dress Grandma bought me? I wore it to church today.”
“Very nice,” Matthew said before lowering her back to the ground. “You look very pretty.”
“Hi, Matt,” Celeste called from the back door.
“What are you doing over there? Come on over and let me look at you.”
Celeste waddled over to be enfolded in his arms. “I can barely get my arms around you,” he teased, referring to her pregnant belly.
“Don’t start. I already feel fat enough as it is.”
Roarke stopped his preparations and walked over to put his arms around Celeste’s distended waist. “You look beautiful. You’re glowing.”
“You need to stop,” Celeste said, her voice filled with pleasure. She brushed his bearded chin with the back of her fingers. “That’s how I got into this predicament.”
Roarke spread his fingers across his wife’s belly. “Look at my boy in there,” he said to Matthew, his voice filled with pride. “He’s going to be a big one. I’m thinking he may end up being an athlete.”
“Probably a soccer player. He loves to kick his mommy,” Celeste said. She turned her attention to Matthew. “I thought you weren’t coming today. Are you staying for dinner?”
“Did she ask me if I’m staying for dinner?”
Arianna giggled and nodded.
“Does a pig like slop?” Matthew asked.
“I take that as a yes?”
“Yes. What are we having?”
“Roarke’s doing the ribs, chicken, and corn on the grill. Mom and I are making collard greens, squash casserole, and macaroni and cheese.”
“Wait a minute, I didn’t hear you say corn bread. You do have corn bread, don’t you?”
“Now you know that would be Southern blasphemy if I made collard greens without corn bread. Your brother would divorce me.”
“Sure would,” Roarke confirmed.
“And I wouldn’t blame him,” Matthew said.
“I know how to keep my baby happy,” Celeste whispered, then kissed Roarke on the chin.
“Sure do.” Roarke nuzzled her neck.
“Don’t mind me,” Matthew said dryly as Roarke nibbled on his wife’s ear.
“Honey,” Celeste admonished him, blushing with pleasure. Roarke laughed and rubbed her belly.
“They kiss all the time,” Arianna said with her face scrunched up. “Yuck.”
“Yuck? What are you yucking about?” Roarke bent over and grabbed her to plant a loud, sloppy kiss on her cheek.
“Stop it, Papa! Stop it!” Arianna squealed with delight.
Celeste reached out her hand for her daughter. “Come on, Arianna, let’s go inside and get you changed before you mess up your pretty dress.”
“But—But I want to stay in my dress, Mommy,” Arianna said.
“Don’t start with me,” Celeste said in a firm voice. “We already talked about this. You have two choices. If you keep your dress on, you have to stay inside. Or, you can change and come back out. The choice is yours.”
Arianna pushed out her lower lip. “Okay. Uncle Matt, I’ll be right back. When I come back, I have a surprise. Don’t leave, okay?”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got to stick around and help you guys eat all this food, remember?”
Her face brightened. “Okay. Papa, don’t tell him the surprise, okay?”
“I won’t.”
“I’ll be right back!”
When they’d disappeared, Matthew asked, “How many guests are you expecting?”
“About ten of us total. Some of my friends, Antonio, and a few of his friends.”
“So you’re still happy?” he asked after a brief silence.
“I think it’s obvious, but I couldn’t be happier,” Roarke affirmed. He started placing meat on the grill. Each piece sizzled when it connected with the hot grate. “You changed your mind and drove all the way out here to ask me that?”
“No.” Roarke knew enough not to ask any more questions and waited for Matthew to talk when he was ready. He continued to place meat on the grill, and after a prolonged silence, Matthew said, “I messed up with Lorena. I thought I had a chance at getting her back, but I found out she’s dating someone. I saw her last night, and she can’t forgive me for what I did. I hurt her too much.”
Roarke closed the lid on the grill and set the tongs on the counter. “I kind of figured you had a thing for her, so I wasn’t surprised when the two of you hooked up. I was surprised when you broke up with her, though. When you got past the two-month mark, I thought for sure you were in it for the long haul.”
How sad that two months was considered a long-term relationship for him. “I didn’t cheat on her.” He’d been saying that a lot lately.
“I know.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t even know why I broke up with her.”
“Too many wild oats still to sow maybe?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
Matthew paced restlessly. He didn’t fully understand why he’d ended the relationship. Sure, being with her scared him, but he’d been happy. And he’d known her for years, experiencing a level of comfort with her he hadn’t with other women because they’d been friends first.
“So what changed your mind and made you want her back?”
“I was miserable.” He stopped and hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. “It really hit me when I was sitting on the sofa with my arm around this girl I picked up at the sports bar, watching a basketball game, and she kept asking me all these stupid questions. ‘What happened?’ ‘Why was that a foul?’ ‘Why did the referee stop the game? I don’t understand what’s going on.’ She got on my nerves.
“She didn’t understand anything about the game. If Lorena had been sitting there with me, she would have been quoting stats and yelling at the referee for bad calls. A completely different experience.” That was his problem. Ever since Lorena, every other woman fell short.
Roarke watched him thoughtfully. “Now what?”
Before he could answer, Arianna came back out wearing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. In her hands she held a tiny black kitten. “Look, Uncle Matt. This is my surprise.” She held up the cat for him to see.
“Cute.” He stroked the animal’s head. “Bo
y or girl?”
“It’s a girl kitty. Her name is Midnight, ’cause she’s black.” She held the kitten close to her chest and gently rubbed her fingers down its body.
“She’s beautiful.” He stroked the kitten one more time and then tried to answer Roarke’s question. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I really want to get”—he looked at Arianna and said the first words that came to his mind—“my kitty back.”
Arianna’s head snapped up. “You lost your kitty?” she asked sympathetically.
Matthew nodded.
“Did you not take good care of it?”
Roarke choked back a laugh and turned his back to the two of them, busying himself with preparing the corn for the grill.
“Well, I don’t know if—”
“Kitties are a lot of work, aren’t they?”
“Yes, but I can handle it.”
“I wanted two, but Mommy says I have to prove I can handle one before she lets me have another one, so I’m going to take good care of her.” She kissed the kitten, and it made a little mewling sound. “How many have you had?”
“Oh, lots. I’ve lost count.”
“Really?” Arianna gasped. “You’re so lucky. I want another one so bad. I think it’ll be fun. Have you ever had two at the same time?”
Good times. “Yes. It’s extra work, but it’s worth it.”
“I knew it. I hope I can get another one,” Arianna said wistfully. “What kinds of kitties have you had?”
“Oh, I’ve had all kinds. White, black, different colors. I don’t discriminate.”
“What does disc-discriminate mean?”
“It means he’s not picky,” Roarke interjected. “Anytime he sees a kitty, he has to have it.”
“I’m not that bad,” Matthew said defensively. “I do have standards.”
“The problem is,” Roarke continued, wrapping an ear of corn in aluminum foil, “he only keeps them for a short time. He switches them out often.”
“Why, Uncle Matt? Is it because you don’t know how to take care of them?” Arianna’s worried gaze met his.
“I know how to take care of them.” Matthew shot Roarke a dirty look.
“No, he doesn’t,” Roarke said. Matthew frowned at him.
Here Comes Trouble Page 6
