“By the time I was eighteen or nineteen though, Harvey finally let me help him out with a few things,” he continued. “It was nothing big, just a few errands for him. But people started making comments about me, about my size. Like I was a threat to them if they didn’t do what Harvey wanted. I think that was the turning point for him. He realized he could use me, even just for intimidation, and that would help him out and he could give me a cut of the money which benefited me. It just got deeper from there.”
“Have you ever told him no? To anything he’s asked of you?” I wondered how far his loyalty and obligation went.
“Only once,” he replied hesitantly. He shook his head like he didn’t want to continue, but he didn’t hold back. “A couple years back, my dad was released from jail. He was barely out a week before he was busted for a burglary. Harvey asked me to take the heat for him. My dad has a pretty extensive record, he’s been in and out of prison since before I was born. Harvey knew if he took the fall for it, they would lock him up for awhile, versus if it was me, I would probably only get a few months sentence. He told me that if my dad went away for long, it would impact the ‘business’ and he couldn’t afford that, since my dad had some ties to people he knew. Whatever that meant. So he wanted me to confess to the crime.”
“You look up to him like a father, and he asked you to go to prison for someone else?” I said astounded. He asked him to do it for his deadbeat biological father no less. Most things he said about Harvey before seemed so much more admirable. Obviously his business deals were one thing, but they way he took Cole in, I couldn’t imagine that conversation. How could he ask that of him?
“I understood where he was coming from,” he said with a shrug. “On paper it made sense. And honestly, if it was for anybody else I would’ve strongly considered it, especially if it meant a lot to Harvey. But not for my father. I couldn’t do it.”
I could hear the emotion in his voice. It was sad and angry at the same time. “So that’s what your dad has been in jail for the past couple of years?”
“Yeah, he was sentenced for four.”
“Have you talked to him since he’s been in jail?” I asked quietly.
“Once, but we only exchanged a few words.” Cole fell quiet and I looked up at the treetops above us, blocking some of the stars. It felt like such a private spot, like we were in the middle of nowhere. It seemed like a perfect spot to share these kinds of stories. I appreciated his honestly probably more than he realized, but I definitely wanted him to lead the conversation. “I was in twice. Just briefly.”
“You went in to see him?”
“No,” he replied, growing quieter. “That’s when I was in jail. I saw him as an inmate.”
I was shocked, and had no idea what to say. I was not expecting that admission. He’d mentioned having some run-ins with the law, but for some reason I assumed that was long ago, maybe even back when he was a teenager. No wonder he didn’t say much when we first met. Honestly that would’ve made me run.
“Say something,” he said softly.
“I… you… why?” I stammered, not sure what to ask.
“I was picked up for dumb stuff,” he admitted. “Wrong place wrong time, that kind of thing. I was only held both times for a couple nights. Harvey paid my bonds and that was it. The cops weren’t after me, they just wanted information.”
“How long ago was that?” I wondered. When he originally mentioned jail time, I hoped for some story about how that was years ago and he’d changed his ways since, but clearly it had to be in the last couple years.
“One was about a year ago. I saw my father that time, but we didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure he even knew I was there. The other time was maybe four months ago?” he estimated.
“Cole,” I said quietly, not sure what I even wanted to say. He reached out his arms to me and pulled me in. “You were in jail just four months ago?”
“Now do you understand why I’ve been putting off this conversation?” he asked sincerely. “I know it’s bad. And inexcusable. I’m not making excuses for it either, I can say all day long that it’s Harvey, getting me mixed up in all this. But at the end of the day, I know I have a choice. But I just… I can’t get out.”
“Do you even want to?” I pulled back and looked at his eyes, trying to gauge his emotion.
“I always said I did. I wanted to, but maybe not bad enough. And then I saw you at the clinic, and I’m telling you, something changed for me. You had this innocence about you. You’re more compassionate without reason than anyone I’ve ever known. You fix things, right? Animals, people… And I don’t know, I just… I want to be fixed.”
“I can’t fix myself, so I don’t know what to do with you,” I said lightheartedly.
“You could at least tell me your prison stories to make me feel better about myself?” he replied sarcastically.
“So what’s your plan?” I asked, not sure what to even do with all of this information.
“Honestly, my plan all along, even before you, was to do one last big job for Harvey, for the money, and then head out,” he explained. “Down the coast. Far away from all this. But now, here with you, I can’t imagine going anywhere. I feel so conflicted… About everything. But I know I have to make a change.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. It was as if he was looking to me for an answer, but I couldn’t have been farther away in relating to his situation.
“If you could have everything you want, would you leave this place?” he asked seriously.
“I don’t even know what I want,” I replied honestly. “I have nothing keeping me here anymore. School’s over, and even Sam is leaving next month, which I’m in denial about. But…”
“What do you mean you don’t know what you want? I thought you wanted to run your own animal rescue sanctuary?” he asked, cutting me off.
“Well I mean sure, that’s just a dream. Like an ‘off in the distant future’ dream. I’d also like 300 pairs of shoes and a boat and a pasta maker. But you can’t just want things. That’s not enough. Even a spoiled city girl like me knows that. No one gets everything they want.”
“How do you know?” he asked with genuine eyes. “What if it’s possible?”
“Are you telling me you believe that?” I asked with an amused grin. This entire conversation felt backwards. I was supposed to be the delusional naïve one.
“I never did before,” he replied. “My whole life suggests that’s an impossibility. But for a girl like you to give me a chance… If that’s possible? Then yeah, everything else seems easier than that.”
“What are you saying?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I don’t know, I just…” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “I just want to know that I can be enough for you. I mean, I know you can’t answer that right now. But I want to know what the right thing is to do. I can’t be good enough for you if I stay here. I know that. But I won’t leave here without you.”
On the surface those words seemed like a boyish ideal – the whole “I’ll never leave without you” thing. It was dramatic, and let’s face it, usually not true. But I thought back to last night, when he promised me he wasn’t going anywhere – and sure enough, his words were completely literal. He didn’t leave my steps. I believed him in that moment that if I was still in the picture, he wouldn’t make it to California like he’d always planned.
“What are you thinking?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “Like maybe I’m holding you back?”
He laughed quietly, shaking his head. “You think you’re holding me back?” He continued laughing. “All I want is to be a better person for you. That’s what I want. But honestly I don’t know how to do it. It all weighs on me, like I just need one more big job. That’s it. Then I would have enough.”
“Have enough? What does that even mean? What’s enough?”
He got up and jumped off the back of the tailgate, heading inside his cabin. He reemerged wi
th a small metal box, climbing back into the truck. He opened the box and handed me a business card and a couple brochures.
“What are these?” I asked, browsing through them. They looked like plots of land for sale.
“That’s what I’m trying to do. That’s the land I want to buy in California. It’s ten acres.”
I studied the pictures. It was a beautiful open lot surrounded by a dirt road and trees everywhere. Avocado trees. I smirked as I realized it. The business card was for the realtor selling the property.
“This is where you’re going?” I asked, looking at his face. He looked so happy as he talked about it.
“I hope so,” he sighed. “But I’m not there yet.” He held up a huge roll of money. “I still need like, forty grand or so.”
“Cole, what are you doing with all that money,” I said with a panicked tone. It was way too much to keep in a metal box somewhere in his house. “Have you heard of those places called banks? They handle that kind of thing for you,” I said sarcastically.
“This isn’t the full one-sixty,” he responded with a laugh.
“One sixty?” I repeated, clearly confused.
“Yeah, I have a hundred and sixty thousand dollars saved up so far,” he shrugged. “But I need at least two hundred thousand in cash to make the purchase before a bank will let me finance the rest.”
“You have a hundred and sixty thousand dollars just lying around your house? You can’t keep that kind of money tucked under your bed,” I urged. “You really are a crazy person.”
“It’s not all here,” he smirked. “I keep it hidden in multiple places.”
“Cole, seriously, you need a bank!” I repeated, wondering how on earth he thought storing large amounts of money in a dingy cabin was a good idea.
“I can’t hand it over to a bank, they need a paper trail for that kind of money,” he explained. “I would be flagged immediately. I told you, it’s not necessarily from an upstanding source. The last thing I need is people checking into what I do. It’s not like this comes with tax forms.”
“So you’ve been in jail, you’ve been violently stabbed and beaten on numerous occasions, you work in a chop shop, you handle drug money, and you’re committing tax fraud?” I said audibly.
“Of all those things you’re really getting hung up on the taxes?” he teased. “Come on, Syd, I told you, I’m not perfect. But I’m trying to change. I swear.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re on some type of FBI Most Wanted List,” I replied, only half sarcastically. “Cole, all of that is really bad.” I was trying to process it all in my head, but I just couldn’t. He wasn’t necessarily justifying any of it, he also knew it was wrong. And I believed that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to change. But he seemed so far away from my life at the moment. He was more like one of the Dateline episodes my dad always watched. But yet here I was, looking at him with stupid googly eyes just because he had a perfect handsome face and giant biceps. He was like quicksand.
“Why are you so quiet? Say something,” he said softly.
“Honestly all of this makes me worry about you,” I admitted. “I love spending time with you, I really do. You make me laugh and smile incessantly and I think about you every moment we’re not together.” I knew I shouldn’t be telling him all of this, but it was just pouring out of my mouth. The honesty in his eyes brought out every truth I felt inside of myself. “I love everything about this,” I continued, holding my hands up. Tacos and stargazing in the back of his truck – it was a perfect summer night on so many levels. I wanted to end up wrapped in his arms by the end of the evening feeling cared for and safe, with no regard for anything else happening around us. I hated all of these things hanging over my head – all of the things he was admitting to me just to save whatever this was. I appreciated his honesty, I really did. But it also genuinely scared me. “I just… I mean, what if you go to jail again? Cole, I am not the girl who can handle this kind of thing. I’m not.”
“Because you are good,” he said softly. “I know I don’t deserve your goodness. But that’s all I want, to be the guy who deserves a girl like you. I promise I’m getting out of all this and it will all be behind me. All of it. I just need a little more time.”
“Don’t you feel like you’ve been saying that for awhile?” I shrugged. I couldn’t imagine I was the only reason he wanted to change.
“Yeah,” he answered reluctantly. “But despite wanting something else, I just never had a good enough reason to stop, and it kept pulling me back in.” He gently touched my face. “I don’t deserve your trust just because I’m asking for it, but I’m begging for it anyway. I actually called Harvey last night while I was sitting in your doorway. That was finally it for me. I told him I needed out.”
“I don’t know exactly what you mean by that,” I replied quietly. “You quit?”
“I told him I’m laying low right now. I’m not making drops for him and I’m not doing anything around the warehouse anymore,” he began. “He actually took it well. Better than I thought anyway, but I think he knew the time was coming. Honestly he didn’t even try to talk me out of it. I told him what happened at the bar. I reminded him my whole life that he told me I had to do right by the one who cares about me. All I could think about in that moment was how that person was you.”
“And that’s it? He’ll just let you go?” I asked for clarification.
“Yeah, for the most part. As of now, I have no more responsibilities to Harvey. I have nothing on the side, nothing I’m out doing for him, I have no business with him. I’ll work a little at the bike shop, but that’s it. I should probably pay him some rent now that I’m not earning my keep in other ways. But other than that, I’ll have no other responsibilities other than being good to you.” He looked at me with such a genuine sweet expression, I swear my entire body tingled. “No violence. No dangerous errands for Harvey. The bike shop will just be to pass the time while you’re at the vet clinic saving the world.” His lips curled up into a sweet smile. “And then I’ll ravage and adore you every second after that when you’re free to spend time with me. And we can figure all of this out.”
“Assuming I want to spend my spare time with you,” I said coyly, not wanting to show him how much I truly wanted that.
“I’m hoping I can talk you into that,” he said with a sexy grin, pulling my face close to his. “Let me convince you why you should.” He kissed me eagerly and I melted into him. Despite everything he had just told me, all of the horrible things he was a part of, I couldn’t help but submit to him. He made me feel so many things, and not one of them was remorse for choosing to be with him despite his flaws.
He held me tight and I clung back to him. Every touch of his was sweet and tender, yet commanding all at the same time, like he knew exactly what to do with me. I knew in this moment, under the perfect starlit sky, that this was what I wanted. Cole was my choice, no matter the path he was on. I knew this was the beginning of us – our paths colliding and becoming the same.
I couldn’t imagine a moment when I would ever regret falling for him. Even if such a time came – I was certain the crash would be worth it.
CHAPTER 14
The next morning we awoke completely wrapped up in each other exactly like I’d hoped. The blankets were tangled tightly around us and we were still in the back of his truck, watching the sun come up. In these simple, beautiful moments with him, there was no right or wrong – no good or bad – it was just simply us. And that felt like enough. In so many ways, I wanted time to stop – I wanted each second with him to draw out until the rest of the world didn’t exist. But instead, time passed like the breeze that whispered through the trees in these woods surrounding the lake.
I had to work all day, that was inevitable. But as soon as I got off work, I couldn’t wait to rush into his arms at the end of my day.
“I’ve completely changed my mind,” I said to him as we grabbed some dinner at a local spot near the clinic.
At
first his face looked worried, but then it softened. “Please tell me this isn’t bad,” he said nervously.
“I want you to take me for a ride on your motorcycle,” I replied with a smile.
“Seriously?” he snickered. “Really?”
“Yes. I want to know what it feels like.”
“I thought this day would never come,” he said excitedly. “Tonight?”
I nodded, happy he was so eager to take me. I’d never been into motorcycles. They seemed so dangerous and unsafe. But the more I thought about Cole, he was those things too in many ways. Yet I completely trusted him. I wanted to experience something he loved, even though it terrified me.
After we ate, we headed back to his place to get his bike. He explained a few things to me, like why it was important to wear my sunglasses while we were riding, along with how to lean my body into the turns. We climbed on it and he started up the motorcycle. I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as possible, and we headed out. It was so much more than I was expecting.
The wind rushed around our bodies, and it felt like we were flying in some weird way. It was a completely different sense of freedom than anything I’d ever felt before. The trees breezed past us and the lake sparkled as we hugged the curves of the road. Any fear I had of doing something new, I knew as long as Cole was with me, any nerves I had would dissipate. He felt so firm and strong and safe underneath my tight grip, and I felt he would always feel that way to me – as if he was completely unbreakable. Any reservations I had about him when we met – they were completely gone now, left in the wind behind us. I knew this was everything I had ever wanted.
This day became our new routine – we spent all of our spare time together, trying new things, exploring the area around us - but also returning to the uncomplicated joy of simply just being with each other. One day blended into the next, and I felt as though I would never stop radiating with the happiness I felt from our time spent together.
The Falling Kind Page 14
