Cameron looked at Payton and reminded himself that the man was eight years younger than him. It did not dim the force of Payton's words or expression. He wanted to tell Payton sharply that what had happened between him and Avery was none of his concern, but he knew that was a lie. Avery was Payton's sister, his blood kin. Payton was also a young man he had wronged, one whose life he had nearly ruined. He was going to have to endure a discussion about Avery and try to hide how badly it would tear him apart.
"There really isnae anything to talk about,” Cameron said in a faint last-ditch attempt to stop the discussion that would stir up all the feelings deadened by too much drink and, now, by the sickness such excess brought on.
"E'en if my sister hadnae told me there was something, near everyone else at Cairnmoor would have. I fear your sister was most anxious to tell all. ‘Tis a good thing Avery spoke to me first.” Payton looked at Cameron, one brow quirked upward. “Some brothers might feel inclined to do ye some harm. I have no doubt my father would be most pleased to tear ye into wee pieces—slowly. There is a verra good chance Maman would help."
"I am still alive, however,” Cameron murmured. “Since your father isnae trying to kick down my gates to kill me, I must assume Avery has said naught."
"She wouldnae. So, do ye want my sister?"
The blunt question startled Cameron into answering honestly. “Aye. It matters not. I sent her away with nary a word,” he said softly. “And I acted upon a lie. I should have—"
"Nay,” Payton said, holding up a hand to stop his words. “I am nay the one ye need to talk to about what ye should have done or said. She is.” He leaned closer to Cameron. “Do ye wish to marry Avery?"
"Aye."
Cameron was surprised by the speed of his reply. He had stoutly declared he did not want a wife from the moment he had discovered his betrothed's treachery. There had not been a woman since who had made him even consider changing his mind. Not until Avery.
He had tried to banish her from his mind and heart from the moment he had sent her away, and he had failed utterly. For one week he had sought to convince himself that all they had shared was passion, that he was simply regretting the fact that their affair had ended before the passion had faded. That pretense had been shattered the night in the garden when he had learned all too well what his sister's treachery had cost him. All the misery he had suffered since Avery had left was suddenly explained, but what had sent him plunging into one of the darkest moods he had ever suffered was the thought that he could do nothing about it. Now her own brother was offering her to him. He would be an utter fool not to accept that offer.
"One last question,” Payton said very quietly. “Do ye love her?"
Staring into his goblet of cider, Cameron decided he owed the man at least one more moment of complete honesty. “Aye,” he whispered.
"Good.” Payton sat back in his chair. “Now, here is my plan."
"Ye are brooding."
Avery turned from the window she had been staring blindly out of to smile crookedly at her cousin Elspeth. They had come to the well-lit tower room to work on their tapestries. Elspeth worked peacefully while Avery had stared blindly at needle and wool, then had come to the window to do more of the same. As she studied her beautiful cousin, Avery could not stop herself from wondering it Cameron would have fought to keep her if she had possessed some of Elspeth's beauty.
"Avery, have I done something to upset you?” Elspeth asked.
It could be irritating to have people in one's family who so easily guessed one's moods, feelings, or thoughts, Avery decided. “Nay,” Avery said firmly as she sat down on a padded bench beneath the high-arched window. “I was just thinking of how bonny ye are with that black hair and those big green eyes. Wheesht, ye look more like my mother than I e'er have.” She grimaced. “I was just feeling a wee bit envious, in truth. A beautiful brother, beautiful cousins, and I."
"Ye are beautiful,” Elspeth said. “Aye, ye arenae the sort of beauty poets and minstrels warble about. Neither am I. Mayhap ye dinnae like the color of your hair, but try thinking instead that ‘tis thick, soft, and verra long. Mayhap ye are thinking yourself too thin. Think instead that, whilst some fool men might ogle full breasts and rounded hips, ye are strong, healthy, and verra, verra graceful. Your skin is clear, soft, and sparks with good health and warmth!"
"And I have good teeth."
Elspeth laughed. “Aye, ye do. Avery, there are verra few of us who can equal those fair ones in poem and song. Have ye seen many men who do? Nay."
"Weel, Payton, your Cormac, and uncle Eric come close to what is said to be monly perfection."
"Too much red in their hair, though it ne'er stopped the lasses from slavering o'er them. Cormac told me that the first thing about me that truly grabbed hold of his attention was my voice.” She shrugged and nodded at Avery's look of surprise. “Then my mouth. He told me other things, but though I am pleased beyond words that he likes them, I am nay sure they are flattering. Not all of them. The mon claims to like the way my hair always looks a bit untidy no matter what I do. And, he thinks I have adorable feet.” She laughed along with Avery but quickly grew serious again. “The mon wouldnae have bedded ye if he didnae find ye bonny. Dinnae look so wary, Avery, ‘tis nay so verra obvious."
"Then how did ye ken it?"
"Something in the way ye brood. It holds the longing of a lass who misses far more than a bonny face. Has your mither guessed?"
"I think so. She does try to ... weel, talk to me and studies me a wee bit too closely. ‘Tis why I thought to go to visit ye. Told her ye might wish to learn what I ken about Alan's father. Then ye arrive here to visit whilst Corniac is at court."
"Sorry.” Elspeth took a deep breath and asked softly, “He will be good to my Alan, will he not?"
"Oh, aye. I think he has shown that already, dimiae ye? He has every right to just take the boy."
"True. He has agreed to take it slowly, which shows concern for wee Alan's feelings. ‘Twill also help me let go, though I am thinking the boy will always hold a large place in my heart. And, is there nay a chance ye will be the lady of Cairnmoor?"
"I dinnae ken."
"Yet Sir Cameron bedded ye."
Avery leaned back against the cool stone wall. As succinctly as she could, she told Elspeth all about her time with Cameron. She told her how it had begun as a plan of revenge and how she felt it had changed. She also told her of Cameron's mistrust of women and why he clung to it. Then she waited as Elspeth thought over all she had just learned.
"My, three years of celibacy,” Elspeth finally murmured and shook her head.
"Which could be explanation enough for his desire."
"Nay. A simple rut or two would take care of that. From what ye say, ‘twas more than simple rutting he indulged in with ye."
"I like to think so. It certainly was on my part. And once, when I called it rutting, he got verra angry. Commanded me to ne'er call what passes between us rutting."
"Ah, Avery, there are the words to hang your hopes on."
"Do ye really think so?” Avery had thought them important, but she was wary of trusting in her own feelings and conclusions.
"I do and I think ye do, too. Ye are just afraid to believe in your own opinions. A mon who doesnae feel much more than desire for a lass isnae going to care what she calls their lovemaking. If ye said it whilst angry, he might murmur a few sweet denials and soothing flatteries. He doesnae get furious and command ye like that."
"Yet he sent me away.” Avery inwardly grimaced over the hint of a childish whine in her voice.
"He had to. Ye ken it. ‘Tis just one of those things it is easier to grab hold of when one wants to feel sorry for oneself. ‘Tis the getting ye back which could prove difficult. It will certainly look like a greater problem to him than it will to you,” Elspeth murmured as she tapped her fingers against her chin.
"How much bigger can it get?” grumbled Avery. “He made Payton the ransom for me and Gilly a
nd will make poor Payton marry that wretched, lying sister of his. Poor Payton may already have been plunged into that purgatory."
Elspeth grinned. “Very dramatic."
"Thank ye."
"Now, ye said Cameron had changed from thinking Payton capable of rape all the way to saying the marriage wouldnae take place for a week or two. He is giving Payton time to prove Katherine is lying and trying to trick them all to get what she wants."
"So why doesnae Cameron prove it himself if he already has doubts?” Avery snapped.
"Ye ken the why of that, too,” Elspeth scolded, but her tone was one of gentle sympathy. “Ye would find it hard to believe any of us would act so dishonorably. Ye would fight believing it just as hard as he is fighting the truth about his sister. Aye, right up until ye heard the confession of it all."
"I wish ye would stop doing that."
"Doing what?"
"Stealing away all my reasons for brooding."
Avery smiled faintly when Elspeth laughed. It was true, however. She did find herself dragging such reasons to the fore to explain her own deep hurt to herself. Brooding over such things kept her from thinking too much on Cameron's silence the day she left him and the days since. It kept her from courting too assiduously the devastating thought that Cameron simply did not want her. She was startled from her increasingly dark thoughts when Elspeth suddenly sat down beside her and hugged her.
"Ye love him desperately, dinnae ye?” Elspeth spoke the words as a fact, not a question.
"Oh, aye,” Avery whispered in reply. “I feel as if a part of me is missing. That if I dinnae have him in my life, I will ne'er again fully enjoy the living of it."
"I ken the feeling. So he is a good lover, is he?"
"Wicked woman,” Avery drawled, and then she smiled, “I think so. ‘Tis odd. I got the feeling he wasnae so sure of that. The last night we were together, he did confess that some of what we did, he had ne'er done before, had only heard of. And, I got the distinct feeling that he has ne'er been as ... er, adventurous as he was with me."
Elspeth nodded and folded her hands in her lap. “Cormac confessed something similar, about having few, er, adventures. Considering the whore he had tangled himself up with, I was surprised, but she did have the game of innocent, of victim, to play out. Couldnae be too skilled and scandalous, could she? Um, I dinnae suppose ye could give me a hint of what ye meant by adventurous?"
"Ye are a wicked woman,” Avery said, laughing a little in surprise.
"Humph. Men talk. Why shouldnae women?"
"Verra true. Weel, tell me, have ye e'er played with your food?” Avery asked, smiling. The way Elspeth's eyes widened told her all she wanted to know.
Avery stared at the letter she held. It had been slipped to her but an hour ago. She had descended from the tower room with Elspeth in something approaching a good mood, only to have it swiftly destroyed by this very secretive message from Payton. After a hasty meal, she had crept back up to the tower room to read it, but she had not gathered up the courage to do so yet. She suspected any word from Cairnmoor would make her feel the same: an uncomfortable mixture of trepidation and hope.
"Just read it, for sweet Mary's sake."
"Elspeth!” Avery clasped her hand over her pounding heart and glared at her cousin. “Weel, I cannae now. Ye are here."
"So?” Elspeth sat down on the bench next to Avery. “I didnae tell anyone ye got the letter. If ye wish it, I willnae tell anyone what it says, either."
"Are ye sure? E'en if it is from Payton?"
"Aye. After all, he isnae in any real danger, is he? There is a sadness o'er what may happen to Payton, but no fear."
Although Avery nodded, she still hesitated to read Payton's message. Was he reporting that all was well, that he had proven Katherine had lied, and was still a free man? If so, why so secretive a message? Why not just come home himself? Had he been forced to marry Katherine after all? If he had, a message sent secretly still promised no good news. Avery realized that, aside from her unsettled feelings about even the smallest bit of news concerning Cameron, the secrecy surrounding the letter troubled her. The only reasons she could think of for such stealth were bad ones.
"Are ye afraid it will tell ye something about Cameron which will hurt?” Elspeth asked softly.
"There is that,” Avery replied. “Yet what also troubles me is the secrecy asked for. Why is there any need for it?"
"Oh. Weel, ye ken Cameron and his people. Could Payton be in any danger at Cairnmoor?"
"Only from being deafened by Katherine's whining because he has denied her everything, all she thought to gain from this marriage. ‘Tis what Gilly told him to do, for she felt it would anger Katherine enough that she might spit out the truth."
"In the midst of some glorious fit?” Elspeth asked, and Avery nodded. “It could work."
"It could,” agreed Avery. “Payton would probably do it even if he doubted that. It does have the sweet taste of revenge for all the trouble she has caused him."
"True. Do ye think there is something in there which will steal away all hope of being with Cameron again?"
"'Tis possible. If Payton is now wed to Katherine, he will be angry, and so will most of our clan. Can I go against all that ill feeling to be with Cameron, and would he e'en think he could ask it of me? If Payton has proven Katherine a liar, Cameron will feel verra badly about all he did, for he will ken it was all based upon a lie. He might e'en think himself the greatest of fools. Neither possibility will make him want to face me again any time soon."
"Guilt and embarrassment. Two verra strong emotions no mon wants to suffer, and both strong enough to keep his feet nailed to the floor. Shall I read it for you?” Elspeth asked, holding her hand out.
It was cowardly, but Avery nodded and gave her cousin the missive. “In truth, I suppose it matters naught. After all, if the wedding occurred, Cameron will think we cannae be together, and he will think the same—if for different reasons—if there was no wedding."
"Nonsense. There is always a way. And mayhap ‘tis time we planned a few."
"What do ye mean?"
"Let us see what Payton has to say first."
Avery clenched and unclenched her hands in her lap as Elspeth read the letter. After a few moments, she began to wonder whether her cousin was a slow reader, or was reading the letter several times over. The latter possibility struck her as very ominous. So did the frown upon her cousin's face.
"There is something wrong, isnae there?” Avery finally asked.
"Not wrong, but definitely odd. Payton wants ye to come to him, but he isnae verra clear about why. He says it has to do with the wedding and certain things he has discovered."
"Do ye think he needs my help to ferret out the truth?"
"Mayhap, but I would think he could openly ask any of us for that. Oh, dear, I hope he hasnae discovered that the true father of that bairn is one of our own. Then he could weel wish to deal only with you, for ‘tis ye who ken the most about all of this, would ken what to ask, and what to look for."
"If it is one of our own, ‘twould probably be best if he hies to Cairnmoor. Once the truth is out, he could find his welcome amongst the clan gone. Maman is nay happy about any of this. I suppose I must go, but how does he think I can get to him? ‘Tis no short ride to Cairnmoor. E'en if we meet half the way there, ‘twould mean I am gone for at least three days."
"And, if Katherine is still unwed, the MacAlpins willnae wish to let the only mon they have for her disappear for a few days, will they?” reasoned Elspeth.
"Oh, nay, of course not,” Avery murmured.
"He has arranged for ye to meet him at a wee church which isnae too far from Cairnmoor. He wants ye to sneak out tonight, and says there will be men ye ken waiting to bring ye to him. He names a Leargan, a Wee Rob, a Colin, his squire Gil, and two of his own men, Jamie and Thomas. I wonder how they have come to join him at Cairnmoor?"
Avery frowned, shrugging off Elspeth's idle question. She d
id not really want to draw so near to Cairnmoor, not when Cameron had not sent for her. There was also the matter of what, if anything, she should tell her parents. If, after all that had happened, she simply disappeared for a week, her family would be frantic.
"I am nay sure I can frighten my family so,” she said.
"There is another letter which will be given to them ere they can begin to fear for your safety.” Elspeth patted Avery's tightly clenched hands. “If there is any upset, I will do what I can to ease it, e'en tell them about this letter if necessary. Agreed?"
"Agreed.” Avery sighed and was briefly overcome by sadness. She fought the urge to weep, something she felt she had done far too much of since leaving Cairnmoor. It was obvious she had nurtured some small hope that Payton was going to tell her Cameron had missed her, or even that there was some plan afoot to get her back.
"Avery, it has only been a wee bit o'er a week,” Elspeth said softly, “and ‘tis clear that matters with Katherine remain unsettled. Dinnae cast aside all hope yet."
"I try not to, but I fight to keep hope alive with no sweet words or promises to feed it. ‘Tis verra hard."
"The mon may not have whispered such things into your ear, but every instinct I have tells me he does care for you.” Elspeth nodded and smiled her encouragement when Avery looked at her. “Men sometimes cannae sort this all out as easily as a woman can. Didnae Gillyanne feel confident that ye and Cameron would be together?” When Avery nodded, Elspeth said, “Ye ken ye can trust in her instincts. And, ye must try to trust in what your own heart tells you."
"My heart is feeling verra bruised just now, and what thoughts it puts in my head are far from clear."
"Weel, first ye must find out what Payton wants.” Elspeth stood up and tugged Avery to her feet. “I shall help ye creep out of here. Then, depending upon what Payton has to say, ye may consider continuing on to Cairnmoor and confronting your big, dark knight."
Highland Knight Page 27
