For now.
Thursday afternoon, I sat outside Emilia's new house as I waited for them to return from their trip to Disney. She had bought a Spanish–style home with clay tiles on the roof, right on the cliff of Laguna Beach and I had yet to see the place. It wasn’t the biggest house in the neighborhood, but it surely wasn’t the smallest, and I knew it had a beautiful view of the ocean.
Her black SUV drove up her cobblestone driveway. Once the car stopped, the back door was kicked open and Lyra hopped out with a massive Daisy Duck stuffed animal. “Daddy!” she squealed and sprinted toward me, her reaction causing my heart to melt.
Scooping her up in my arms, I kissed her rosy cheeks. “Happy Birthday! Did you have fun?”
“It was super awesome! First, we had French toast with powdered sugar for breakfast. Then, we went on every ride—twice! Mommy spun us around the teapots and I almost threw up. Then, Mommy said I could have whatever I wanted for dessert after I ate my lunch and you know what I had, Daddy?”
“What, princess?”
“Funnel cake and a candied apple with chocolate chips!” Her eyes were wide. “And I got to meet Cinderella and Belle and . . .”
As Lyra continued to list all the Disney characters she had met, I watched Emilia get out of the car, alone. Her face was covered with exhaustion, and the dark circles under her eyes seemed more pronounced than the last time I saw her. My mind wandered to where Jeremy was, but I didn’t let it go there. I had done more thinking about them than I cared to admit.
“I think I let her have too much sugar. Don’t think I’m a bad mom. It’s her birthday, after all.” She gave me a small smile.
“It's fine.” I shrugged. “Nice place.” I looked back at their new home. “I'm sure the view is pretty amazing.”
“It's the reason I bought the house. You know how I am about the ocean.” She jiggled her keys. “Let me get her suitcase. It's all set and ready.” Emilia opened her front door and pulled out Lyra’s suitcase from inside what I assume was the foyer. She wheeled it over to us. I stood Lyra on the ground and took it from her.
I loaded the suitcase in the trunk of my car while Emilia said good–bye to Lyra. “I packed Ho–Ho and your favorite pajamas. Remember to brush your teeth at night before you go to sleep and in the morning. Make sure you ask your dad for your vitamins so you stay healthy and strong, and when you see Granny and Mama, make sure you give them a big giant hug, okay?” Lyra's little arms draped over Emilia's shoulders. “Happy Birthday, my sweet little angel.”
Lyra pulled back and framed her mother’s face. “What are you going to do all alone, Mommy?” Lyra looked back at me. “Can Mommy come too, Daddy?”
“Why is Mommy going to be all alone?” I asked, looking over at Emilia. My eyes scanned hers for some kind of answer. Had there been trouble in paradise?
“Jeremy is on a business trip. And Lyra . . .” Emilia tickled her sides and she giggled, “Mommy has to finish unpacking your room, and the rest of the house. Go have fun. And when you get home, we'll go camping outside and have s’mores, deal?”
Lyra gave Emilia one more hug and skipped toward me. Emilia followed behind her, a sideways grin on her face. “She has enough clothes in there to last a month. She likes changing her outfit, a lot, and if she gets scared at night just give her Ho–Ho to sleep with. If you need anything, just call, but I really think she’ll have a great time with you guys.” Emilia looked at Lyra, who was climbing into the backseat.
Without any thought as to what I was doing, I reached for Emilia and brought her head to my lips. “I'll talk to you soon.”
I didn’t know why I did it.
I didn’t know if it was the need to touch her or that she was an amazing mother to Lyra. But the second I did it, I wanted to do it all over again. Her scent was powerful and sweet. Her skin soft on my lips.
“I'm sorry,” I quickly apologized.
“It's okay,” she said softly. “You guys have a nice week.” She looked over at Lyra and blew her a kiss. “Bye, sweet pea. Call me when you get there.”
I got into the car and drove toward our week of vacation in Seattle…
Away from Emilia.
60
EMILIA
Everything happened quickly.
Since splitting up with Jeremy, I used the money my parents had left me to buy the home outright. Burying myself in boxes, I avoided the elephant in the room. The busier I became, the more I forgot about my cancer.
I took Lyra to Disneyland where we went on every ride she wanted, and ate as much junk food as possible. I didn't know how many more birthdays I was going to get, so I planned on making this one unforgettable. After Disney, Weston scooped her up and they flew out to Seattle for a long weekend to visit his mother.
I hired a car service to take me to surgery and back. I still hadn’t told anyone what had happened to me. Only Jeremy knew, and since I had filed for divorce, we weren’t exactly on speaking terms.
My feet were cold as I lay underneath the covers in the hospital bed. The gown I wore was a light blue color with gray squares, and though I had a thick blanket over me, I couldn't stop shaking. I was getting my uterus removed, and then starting chemotherapy followed by radiation. Dr. Marino was optimistic, but we’d both agreed that my odds weren’t great since I was prone to this disease.
"How are you doing?" Dr. Marino asked as he walked into my room.
"Fine." I said in a low voice.
Dr. Marino nodded and grabbed my hand. "We'll take good care of you.” He smiled and small crows feet appeared around his dark eyes. "We'll go in laparoscopically, and you'll have a few incisions on your abdomen. We'll keep you overnight for observation and you'll feel minor discomfort, but barring any complications, I expect that you'll be back on your feet in no time.”
A few nurses wheeled me into the operating room. I took in a deep breath as they began to connect me to the monitor and the anesthesiologist asked me to count back from ten. Closing my eyes I began to count but all I could pray for in my mind was that I'd get more time with Lyra than my mother had with me.
Groggy from the surgery, I was taken to recovery for a bit and then to my own room. When the fatigue had passed, I called Weston.
"Hello?" he answered on the second ring.
“Hey, how is she?" My voice was lower than I'd anticipated, and I tried to clear my throat.
"You okay?" he asked.
“Yeah, a bit exhausted from moving boxes around all day." A smile grew on my face as I heard a cheerful Lyra in the background. "Sounds like she's having a blast."
"Oh yeah, she has everyone wrapped around her finger." I laughed and winced from the wound. “Lyra, your mom’s on the phone,” Weston called out to her.
"Mommy!" she shouted. “Oh, Mommy, I miss you so much, but Mama taught me how to play Mancala, and I've beaten Daddy twice at it. Do you know how to play?"
“No, I don’t, sweet pea.” I closed my eyes and tried to envision her there with me. “Will you teach me?"
"Yes!"
"Are you behaving and brushing your teeth?"
"Yes."
"And did you have a nice birthday?"
“Yes, Mama got me a guitar. It's smaller than Daddy’s, and its pink, and Daddy is teaching me how to hold it."
"That's great, Lyra." I sniffled, trying to hold a sob that had crawled up my throat.
"Do you know how to play?"
My eyes swelled with tears. “Yes, your dad taught me how to play too. But, Lyra, baby, Mommy has to go. I love you, baby girl, I'll see soon."
“Okay, bye, Mommy. Love you."
"I love you so much more."
I hung the phone and pressed it to my chest. My heart was broken with the uncertainty of what was in store for me. How Lyra's life was about to change. Closing my eyes, I let the tears drown my pain.
The following day, I was discharged from the hospital. My driver was waiting for me outside the front lobby. Climbing into the back seat, I closed my eyes and
tried to shut off my brain. When I arrived home, my house was empty, cold. The boxes that contained my life were pushed against the wall where the movers had left them.
I headed straight for my room, and laid down on my bed, looking out into the ocean. I pushed every thought out of my head and focused on the sound of the ocean a few feet away from my room, but my vision was blurred from the tears. The loud crashing against the rocks drowned out my soft cries as I hugged the pillow to my body and stared out into nothing.
Alone.
I was utterly alone.
A feeling of emptiness washed over me, the walls of my room closing in on me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. All I knew was the numbness that was coursing through my body.
I faintly heard my cell phone ring. I knew who it was. It was Dr. Marino’s office calling for the fourth time with the treatment plan.
The empty prescription bottle of Clomid sat next to the telephone, the red plastic box on the other side of the phone filled with empty syringes. It was all too much to process.
I pulled my gaze away from my nightstand and looked towards the foot of the bed at the legal size envelope my lawyer’s carrier dropped off earlier today. I knew it contained my divorce papers, and though I should’ve been heartbroken I felt nothing. They were signed and ready to be given to Jeremy.
Anger began to build again as I thought about him. Inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes and let the sound of the waves crashing below calm me. I gently placed my hand over my stomach and let the sadness continue to pour out.
Love is fatal; a snake that slithers into your life, poisons you with its venom and then leaves you there to die.
61
WESTON
Though Emilia may not have agreed, I had recently introduced Lyra to Vengeance. Emilia’s father was the lead singer of the band, so I had taken the time to edit some of the music and remove all of the profanity. I wanted her to know how deep music ran through her little body. She sang along with her grandpa as I pulled into my mother’s home in Seattle.
To my surprise, Lyra wasn’t scared of flying. I learned she had flown with Emilia to Brazil and to Chicago last year, so she didn’t complain as we walked through security and waited at the gates for our plane. She was so well behaved that the two hour flight seemed like a breeze with her sitting next to me.
My parents and Mama were outside their home waiting for our arrival. Before I could put the car in park, Lyra had unbuckled her seatbelt and was sprinting toward my mother. Over the past year, my mother called her constantly, Skyped her every possible opportunity, and flew down for a weekend every other month. Their bond had strengthened over the past few months.
“Granny!” Lyra squealed as she dove into her arms. Pop walked toward me to help with our bags.
“How was your flight?” Mama asked when I leaned in to give her a kiss.
“Really good.”
“Are you ready for a week of fun?” she asked Lyra. Lyra beamed and nodded.
My mother wasn’t lying when she said we would have a week of fun. Every morning there was a new adventure. We visited the Space Needle, the EPM Museum, the zoo and the aquarium. We sailed and hiked, and Lyra had the time of her life alongside my nieces, Tessa and Teegan. Emilia called Lyra three to four times a day, and most of the time Lyra talked so much I doubted Emilia was able to get a word in.
The week flew by and before I knew it I was carrying Lyra out of the taxi and up the steps to my home in California. She didn't get much sleep while we were in Seattle, so she was exhausted. Once we landed, I texted Emilia and let her know I wanted to show Lyra her room before I took her home.
I opened the door and carried Lyra upstairs to her bedroom. Though this was my house, it still didn’t feel like my home unless she was here with me. Pushing the door to her room open, I whispered, “I have one more surprise for you.”
Lyra lifted her head off my shoulder and gasped. I lowered her to the floor. The sleep vanished from Lyra’s face as she took in her room. Sandra had picked out light gray furniture and the painters painted the walls a light purple. Lyra’s room looked like it was taken out of a magazine. Everything was perfectly placed. Her American Girl dolls stood in their holders, their little furniture was set up to look like Lyra’s room. Her comforter matched her curtains, which matched the lamp shades. It was immaculate.
“Do you like it?”
She ran and jumped on top of her bed. “This is the best room ever! Can I sleep here tonight?”
“Maybe sometime this week, but I know your mom misses you. That said, we don’t have to leave right away, so you can play in here while I go bring our stuff in.”
I left Lyra playing in her room as I brought my suitcase in. My stomach growled with hunger, but pulling the fridge door ajar, I realized I had no food, so I pulled out a bottle of water instead.
“Is it everything you wanted?” I asked Lyra as she walked into the kitchen
Lyra nodded with a big smile on her face. “I’m hungry,” she said, rubbing her belly.
“Why don’t we stop and grab something to eat before I take you home?” I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and sent Emilia a quick message.
Me: I’m taking Lyra to Max’s before I head your way.
Emilia: No problem. I’ll see you soon.
Lyra had finished her fish tacos and was coloring on the activity sheet when Jeremy walked by talking on the phone. He was so focused on his conversation that he hadn’t noticed us. I was watching Lyra color a fish when she dropped her blue crayon and pushed off the table.
“Jeremy!” Lyra sprinted toward him.
Jeremy turned in time for Lyra to wrap her hands around his leg. “Hey there, peanut!” He shoved his phone into his pocket and scooped her up in his arms. “Look how big you’ve gotten! I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing the side of her head.
“Hey, man.” I strolled over to him and shook his hand. “I told Emilia I was bringing her home after this. You didn’t have to come all the way out here.”
Jeremy looked at Lyra and then back at me. His eyebrows furrowed together and confusion appeared on his face. “She didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what? I told her I was bringing Lyra here to grab food and then I was bringing her back.”
“Why don’t you go get your crayons, Lyra, so they don’t throw them out?” Jeremy said, placing Lyra on the floor. We watched as she walked back to the table to grab her crayons. “Emilia and I are getting a divorce,” he said quietly. “She made me move out before she moved into that house. I was served with divorce papers a few days ago.”
My mouth dropped. “I . . . I didn’t . . . Why?” I shouldn’t have asked, nor should I have cared.
“She didn’t tell you anything?”
“No . . . I thought you were here to pick up Lyra since I didn’t bring her straight home after we landed. What’s going on?”
Jeremy scratched the back of his head. Lyra came and stood between us. “Listen, that’s on her to tell you.” He crouched down so he was eye–level with Lyra. “I have a special gift for you in my office. I’ll make sure to bring it for you tomorrow, okay?” Lyra nodded, leaned in and hugged him. “I’ll see you soon.” He kissed the top of her head and extended his hand to me.
“Take care, Weston.”
Lyra sang on the car ride home as my mind replayed what Jeremy had said. They were getting divorced. Why hadn’t she told me? Was she devastated over it? Was that why she looked so tired and sad? Lost in my thoughts, I missed the turn to Emilia’s driveway.
“Daddy?” Lyra said from the back seat.
“I know, princess. Daddy missed the turn.”
I turned around and parked my car next to Emilia’s SUV, then walked to the trunk to grab Lyra’s suitcase. Emilia had the door wide open before Lyra was able to ring the doorbell.
“Mommy!” she shouted.
“Sweet pea.” Emilia crouched down and pulled Lyra in her arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”
�
��Me too, Mommy.”
Emilia held her hands on Lyra’s shoulders. “I think you grew a whole foot while you were in Seattle.” She brought her lips to Lyra’s forehead.
“Now you’re being silly. I’m the same size,” Lyra said, measuring herself against her mother’s body.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “I saw you cringe when you hugged Lyra.”
Emilia stood and looked at me. “I’m fine. I just lifted one too many heavy boxes. Did you have fun?””
“Oh, we did!” Lyra tugged on her mother’s hand to gain her attention. “We went to the zoo and saw monkeys and giraffes, and we took the elevator to the Space Needle, and I have a princess room in Daddy’s house.” Lyra gasped for air. “And Granny let me have pancakes with chocolate chips for breakfast.”
“Yummy.” Emilia smiled and tickled Lyra’s tummy.
“And we saw Jeremy at Max’s and he said he has a present for me.”
“Oh.” Her gaze left our daughter’s and met mine. I cocked my head to the side, letting her know that I knew more than she had shared. She brushed Lyra’s hair away from her face and tapped the tip of her nose. “Honey bunny, why don't you go play on the jungle gym outside so Daddy and I can talk.”
Lyra ran through the house, her laughter bouncing off the walls. I followed Emilia inside. She stopped in the kitchen and pulled open her wine fridge. Retrieving a bottle, she looked back at me. “Do you want some?” she asked.
I declined and she shrugged. Moving around the island, she pulled a wine glass from the cupboard and walked out to the deck. I gazed at the infinity pool and the field of grass off to the right where Lyra was playing in a treehouse as Emilia pulled out a chair for me on her patio. After pouring herself a giant glass of wine, she chugged some of it and looked up at me. She inhaled and her eyes filled with tears.
“Jeremy wants kids.” She brought the glass to her lips once more.
“Okay . . .” I pinched my eyebrows together. “I thought you two were trying to have a kid?”
Love Letter Duet: The Encore Edition Page 34
