by West, TJ
“How do you do it Luck? You’re always in the tabloids with some other girl, with some crazy ass story. How does Faith handle it?”
“We have trust in each other,” he says, matter of factly. “It took us a long time to get where we are today, so there is no way I’d ruin everything we have fought for. No fucking way. Plus, I love my woman more than life itself. She’s it for me, just like I know Melody is it for you. When you have a trust and love like Faith and me, nothing - and I mean nothing will matter or stand in the way.” I’m nodding my head, intently hearing him out. “Those fucking maggots love any kind of story, just to stir trouble. People feed off of it, but it doesn’t mean shit when you know what’s true inside your heart. You’ll be fine. Just have a little faith.”
I take in everything and do my best to let it sink in. I feel a little better and chuckle a bit from the last thing he told me. “That last line was a little weird.”
“Yeah, thought that too, right after I said it,” he chuckles back.
“You can keep a little Faith, and I’ll try keeping a hold onto my Melody.” That sounded lame too, but what the hell. I am able to feel some relief, hoping what Lucky said is true. Melody knows me well enough that I wouldn’t risk our future together. She knows what those scumbags are only after, and shouldn’t believe anything a tabloid says. I text Melody anyways, just to warn her before she sees it in the paper.
“Babe. There’s going to be a picture coming out with me and an old friend. Don’t believe anything you read. Please.”
I hope she fucking reads this text before it’s too late.
I HAVE FELT A HUGE void, since the second Wayne left my bed. I knew it was going to be painful, but I never imagined this emptiness; it’s worse than when I left him to come to Vegas. Maybe it has to do with him saying the words “I love you.” I had a feeling he felt that deeply for me, but now that it’s out in the open, things are changing. I’m still scared out of my mind and don’t think I deserve him, but at the same time I want things to move forward. I want to say, I love you back to him, to feel free for once. It’s just going to take me a little longer, until I am positively sure it’s the right thing. I know…I don’t make any fucking sense. I can’t explain my actions, my feelings, my mistakes. I just know the fear is there, but now slowly disappearing.
I haven’t heard from Wayne, since that night. I’m better off not talking with him anyways. When I am ready, he’ll know it. I did get a nice surprise from June, though. She came the next day, wanting to see me perform. I was completely shocked, nervous and thrilled all at the same time. I didn’t expect her to come see me. She’s always so busy. We hung out, had a couple drinks before I went up on stage. I introduced her to Shaz, who couldn’t have been more ecstatic to have a big music label owner come in to watch his entertainment. I got a huge hug from him before I went to do my number. I’m still so excited I am now his number one entertainer. It’s such a dream. Playing as Shaz’s number one, for the first time tonight, had me reeling with energy. I am so pumped and can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.
The audience is amazing. After I play my last song, I receive another standing ovation. It’s surreal and just what I need to keep myself going. I see June in the back, clapping her heart out and a smile that beams. She is one fabulous woman with a heart of gold.
When I get off stage, June comes running up to me and gives me a hug. She’s so tiny I have to bend down to reach her. She’s too adorable; like a little pixie doll. “O.M.G. you were fabulous!”
I lead us toward the back of the club and order a couple drinks to celebrate. “Thank you. You really think so?”
“Girl, I don’t think, I know so. I demand you to leave this place, come back to San Diego and let me sign you. Pronto. Now. Today,” she sternly demands, pounding her palm on the table.
I love her enthusiasm, but I am still so scared of that dream coming true. “Not sure I’m ready, June.”
“Melody,” she grabs my wrist. “You are ready. Trust me. I know music. I know what sounds good and what will be a big hit. You, my dear friend, have what it takes to rise overnight.”
Overnight! Holy shit! I have to take a deep breath and let that possibility sink in. “I need to think about it. Actually, I have a lot to think about.”
“I understand. No rush. I’ll be at your door within seconds once you make your decision.”
Knowing how she is, I wouldn’t doubt that. “Thanks. I am so happy you came here. I know how busy you are.”
“My company is just fine without me for a couple days. That’s why I hire others to help me run it. Plus I am scouting a new artist,” she winks.
I’ve been getting texts all day from various people, I just haven’t had the time to look at them. However, the one that just popped up gets my attention. It’s a picture of Wayne and some girl…laughing, looking very cozy. She’s really cute; small, big boobs, great smile. Wayne is holding her underneath her tits, coming off the tour bus. Who the fuck sent me this picture? “Oh, fucking hell no,” I utter.
“What? What’s wrong?” I show June the picture. “Melody, this has to be some kind of mistake. You can’t believe everything you see or read.”
I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. My heart is starting to pound a bit harder. Did I lose him that fast, already? “But look at his face. He’s laughing while holding her. And he was just here, with me. How can he beg me to be with him, when…..”
“No. I won’t let you do this to yourself.” She takes my phone, shutting it off. “You’re setting yourself up to think the worst and you know Wayne would never stoop to this kind of level to set you off. He wouldn’t betray you.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “It’s my fault, if this is true though. I’ve turned him down several times, I wouldn’t blame him if he changed his mind.”
“You cannot think that. Wayne….I have never seen him like this with anyone before. You have changed him from being a manwhore to a love sick puppy. He’s so in love with you.”
She’s right. I’m jumping to conclusions. Wayne professed his whole heart to me. I can’t forget that. Not once have I ever been jealous when another woman got close to him. Things like this happen all the time and it doesn’t mean anything. Whoever this bitch is…she’s going down. I can see it in her smile that she’s playing him. I know a player and a skank when I see one.
I put myself back together and say, “I am not a jealous type - at all. And this bitch, who looks too comfortable in his arms, won’t bring me down. I won’t let her.”
“That’s more like it. Fight the demons, Lady.”
I have a huge decision to make, but I just need a little more time. I hope it’s not going to be too late by the time Wayne gets home from the tour. “I know this is asking a lot, but I need a month to figure some things out. I’ll have a decision for you by the end of the month.”
“Sounds perfect to me.”
I know I am stalling and should leave this second. Anyone smart enough would do it now. But I am not just anyone. I am looking at all my options; do I really want to be a famous artist, or do I want to stay small and entertain a smaller audience? Shaz has given me this opportunity. I can’t just drop everything and leave him. For once, I am fulfilling a responsibility and I am going to see it through.
I was sad to see June go. We have such a growing friendship, which is not just about music. We are so much alike. We’re both strong willed individuals, and don’t take shit from anyone. We stand up for ourselves; we’re fighters. I may not have been a fighter in the last few years, but that has all changed. Nothing is going to stand in my way. I am fighting to be happy and will do anything to make my dreams come true.
The last few days have been great up on stage, but once the lights turn off, and the audience have left I feel so alone. Ever since that picture of Wayne came out, I am at a loss. I want to be with him. I want to be that woman in his arms, laughing. I’m jealous. Plain and simple. If things couldn’t get any worse, another pi
cture of Wayne and that woman pop up on my phone. I don’t fucking get it! I finally looked at all my texts the other night. I received one from Wayne. He warned me about the first picture, telling me not to believe anything I saw or read. I wanted to believe him. I did! But now…this new picture is telling me a different story. My heart has sunk. Wayne and this so called, Scarlett Donahue are kissing. Fucking kissing! How can I misread that! It’s impossible. I’ve lost him and it’s all my fault. He couldn’t wait for me, and I don’t blame him. He’s a big rockstar now. He can have anyone he chooses; women fall at their knees, begging him for attention. Just then, my sister calls. I bet she saw the picture too.
Without even saying hello, I ask, “You saw the picture too, huh?” I sit down on my couch, in the dark, waiting for this small nightmare to be over with.
“I did. Are you okay?”
“I know I shouldn’t believe it, but they’re kissing, Harm! Kissing!”
“Mel, -”
“Yeah, you think I’m blowing this out of proportion.”
“I wasn’t going to say that,” she argues. “Who knows who this girl is. She could be some groupie who got her paws on him before he had a chance to think. JINKS is now on the front page on almost every magazine. I’ve seen several pictures of Danny with girls - no it doesn’t feel good to see it, but I know him. We’ve talked about what could happen when they got bigger. Paparazzi take things out of context all the time, just to make a story.”
“You know where you stand with Danny. I don’t with Wayne.”
“He’s not going to choose another woman over you, Mel. You want me to talk with him?”
“No!” I gasp. “No. Please just stay out of it.”
“Okay. Have you talked with him since he came to Vegas?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should call him.”
“I’m still trying to decide what my next move is with him.”
“Ugh, Mel,” she yells in my ear, “you have got to be kidding me! You’re head over heels in love with Wayne! How can you still be deciding! You’re getting jealous and making yourself sick whenever you see a photograph with him and another woman. You’re not making any sense!”
“I know, I know!” I yell back.
“Stop playing this weird game you have with yourself, and for once go with your heart. Be with Wayne.” I know I’m being ridiculous, and I know I should follow my heart and fight for Wayne, before it’s really too late. A few silent seconds go by. Harmony knows I am done talking about this. She has said her piece, now it’s my turn to decide what to do next. “Mel, I am proud of you, just remember that.”
“Thanks. I know you are. Love you, Sister.”
“Love you too.”
After I hang up, I contemplate calling Wayne. I need to know if this sudden tabloid is for real. I have no business asking him. I haven’t once tried contacting him, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care. I more than care. I love him. I love him so much my heart aches from seeing him being kissed by that woman. No one’s lips should be on his except mine. Who the hell is this woman? Why does she keep getting in the way? How is it possible, two pictures within a few days apart, are being splashed across every entertainment site? I don’t know what to think, except I have an eerie feeling he’s being set up, and I’m going to find out.
I walk upstairs to my apartment and immediately go to my laptop and Google, Scarlett Donahue. It doesn’t take me very long to find her. She’s everywhere; Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr. She works at the New York Times as an entertainment journalist. Holy crap! She definitely doesn’t hide her personal information very well - stupid bitch. Her last name used to be West. She grew up in San Diego and went to the very same high school with Wayne and Slim. At the age of sixteen she left San Diego and went to a boarding school in France. She moved back to the United States at the age of eighteen, went to college in Berkeley, California and married a guy with the last name of Donahue. Two years ago she moved to New York and has become the journalist of the year. She has traveled with several bands in the last year, moving her way up to lead journalist; a high paying position. I cannot believe this shit! I go straight to her Twitter account and look at her latest tweets.
@JINKS hottie #WaynePriest givin me a rockin kiss #HSSweethearts
HSSweethearts? No. She can’t be! She can’t be the one Wayne got pregnant! However, the text he sent me, saying he was with an old friend, clarifies this tweet. I feel sick to my stomach and race to the bathroom to retch up my dinner from earlier. This bitch has my man in her trap. She’s the black widow who is tightly wrapping her strong web around him, crushing him until he no longer cares about me. He must have told her about us, or this wouldn’t have been happening. She wants him all to herself and she knows exactly how to exploit it. She has ties and ways to make it happen. Forget about calling him. I know where I lie now, and it’s definitely not in his bed. He hasn’t even tried to contact me to warn me this time. I’m the one who’s been played, but it certainly won’t break me. I still have my job at Shazzy’s. I’ll be fucking fine.
*One month later
After that whole picture shit, nothing has happened since. The rumors of Wayne and that bitch were now history. Unfortunately I have yet to get any other information from it. Wayne and I haven’t spoken. I don’t try to reach out to him and he doesn’t either. It really hurts, yes, but what can I do? He’s still on tour and probably doesn’t have the time to look at any messages. Okay I am lying. I have reached out to him, only to get a failed message, saying his voicemail is full. Forget about texting. I wanted to talk with him, hear his voice. I just have to get over the fact that we’re never going to be together. I had my chance and I failed miserably.
I have focused all my energy and time putting on a great show at Shazzy’s Lounge. The crowd never seems dull or bored. They love me and I love performing for them. Being the head entertainer has been a great reward. I’ve been asked to play a fans favorite, asked on several dates by distinguishing men - but turned them all down - and my favorite is meeting a few celebrities. So, I have definitely been having the time of my life here.
The month is almost up and I have yet to make a decision about June’s offer. We’ve talked several times, but she hasn’t pushed me. She knows my deal and is letting me take this ride with ease. I’m having a blast and doing one hell of a job. People come back to only see me perform. How fucking awesome is that? It’s an amazing feeling.
The place is filling up rather quickly. I’m too excited to get up on stage and do my thing. I just wrote a new song and I have a feeling it’s going to knock all my other songs right out of the park. Here I go!
“Sugar Cube,” Shaz grabs my attention.
“Shaz, I’m about to go up.”
“Wait on that. I want Tally here to go first.”
Who? What? Tally? Who the fuck is Tally?
“Hi!” this Tally girl says way too enthusiastically. Just from the looks of her I want to puke. She looks like Pat Benatar but with blonde fucking hair. “I love your lineup of songs. You have a beautiful voice.”
I am stoned face. I don’t know what to say other than, “Uh…thanks.”
“Go on up, Baby Doll.”
“Eek! So excited! Thanks Shaz!” She hugs Shaz like he’s the greatest gift to mankind. Holy crap, I did the exact same thing! That bitch, Emily was fucking right! Shaz so played me with his charm, and fake support.
I am livid and show Shaz just how much. “What the hell Shaz!”
“Now, now Sugar,” he says all cool and swag. “Don’t be upset. You’re still my number one, but sometimes I like to mix things up, once in awhile. So don’t get yo sexy feathers ruffled, ahright?”
“So…what? Does this mean I don’t get to play tonight?”
“Givin’ you a night off. Go out. Have some fun. Live it up on the strip for once.”
“Will I be singing tomorrow night?”
“I wanna see how well my girl does first, and then we’ll talk,” he pats
me on the cheek like a fucking toddler and walks away.
I cannot believe this shit happened! Who the fuck does this guy think he is? I’m the best singer he’s ever had and he’s blowing me off for miss goodie goodie. I am angry as hell and order a couple shots at the bar. I down them like water and order a couple more.
“Told ya.”
Oh fucking hell. Emily just had to get on her high horse and throw her smug ass comment in my face. “Piss off,” I gruffly reply, downing another shot.
Her deep throat laugh makes me want to strangle her. “Maybe you should find a stripping job or something. That usually helps with those that are untalented, such as yourself.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“I take my talent in other places.”
“Like your boss’ bed?” Her eyes widen and her nasty smirk disappears. I have struck gold and feeling a nice little buzz. I look down upon her, telling her exactly what I think. “Yeah, fucking your boss is a true talent. Makes you his little whore. No wonder you’re so jealous with those that have actual talent, because you probably couldn’t make it out in the real world on your own. I feel sorry for people like you. You’d rather make others feel like shit than try to get a real job. Instead you’re fucking The Shaz just to keep a job.” I click my tongue, shaking my head. “You poor soul. Unlike you, I know how to get by in this world without fucking my way into it, just to feel like I have control of something. You’ll see me in the spotlights someday, trust me on that. You’ll eat your words up and regret ever knowing me.” I down my last shot and head back up to my apartment.
I’m ready to get the fuck out of Vegas for good. There is nothing left for me here. Shazzy’s Lounge is nothing other than a memory. He can kiss my big white ass goodbye; he’ll never have another talent like mine. I’ll be laughing all the way to the Grammy’s.
