There must be one of the clones nearby. This was their mission, after all. To find her kind, to give them options. They had done this over and over again. Each time, she had handed the woman of The Grey a choice. Each time, the woman took the wrong one.
The shower finally turned off. It was quiet for a while, then Israel came out of the bathroom, shorts on and bare chested, and Lisa thought he looked relaxed. No, it wasn’t relaxed. Something was different.
Picking up her backpack, Lisa headed to the shower. She was overdue to be clean, or at least as clean as she could get in this place. She had a feeling that no matter how much soap she used, she’d never feel cleansed as long as they were here.
That was okay, though. Lisa herself felt like this hotel in this desolate desert town. She was dirty, but on the inside. Her thoughts were tainted, no matter how hard she worked on strengthening them. Would she ever get this “feelings” thing down? She didn’t think so.
Sitting in the shower tub, Lisa let the water pour down on her, pretending it was rain. Lowering her head into her knees Lisa attempted to smile. Fake being happy. Pretend that she wasn’t in limbo, but in a rain storm instead. A rain storm in a quiet cool place, a place where she could reach out for Israel’s hand and he’d take it. Together they would open their mouths to the rain, swallowing the sky, and for the moment Israel would forget that Lisa was anything other than a normal human woman. A woman that he could love.
She was on edge and she knew it. There was a pumping in her brain that wouldn’t stop, and soon she’d completely lose it. She’d fall into sobbing and that would lead to bad things. What could she do? Where could she go? She had spent her life in the prison of The Grey, and now she was trapped in the prison of herself.
All the books she had read to strengthen her mind. All the times she had sneakily used her powers to bring on her cold. She had improved herself, empowered herself to break the Grey, to win this war she was in. Yet, she sat in the shower feeling emotionally numb. Turning off the water, Lisa stood, wrapped a towel around herself, and sat on the edge of the tub. She needed just another minute or two alone to find her composure.
She was kidding herself. She had no composure left. She needed some time to find the energy to fake it, to fake being aloof towards Israel. To pretend she wasn’t unnerved by being constantly on the road, stealing as they go, or to ignore the memory of the look of every Woman of the Grey’s face when she killed them. Killing one of the clones was like killing herself over and over again. They all looked the same. Watching them fall to the ground dead, she was watching her own mortality as well.
Lisa could see the resignation in their eyes when they chose The Grey, as if they must yet again bow to Superior Mother. Even when they didn’t have to. That they don’t have to is what kept Lisa in a constant state of angst. They didn’t have to choose The Grey.
They owed Superior Mother, the mothers, the whole place, nothing. They are not the same, despite what they’ve been told. They are different, but like lemmings they made their choice for The Grey and fell off that cliff. Willingly, without complaint.
These facts had shaken Lisa’s composure long ago. Her self-assurance had disappeared, and now Lisa faked it. She faked every step she took in any direction. She only wanted to understand herself, and still, after months of debating, thinking, and killing, she understood nothing.
Tossing the towel into the tub, Lisa stood naked in front of the mirror. It’s a dreadful thing, to kill something that looks exactly like you. It’s as if every kill takes a chunk out of you as well. Rolling her shoulders, Lisa brought her real face out. The shark like skin, the eyes that stretched farther than was possible. Opening her mouth, Lisa let her tongue feel the tip of the razor-sharp teeth. Shaking her head, Lisa put her real self away. The ice on the mirror had frosted it over.
Tuck away that beast. Put away that monster. Shove back who she really is.
Putting clean clothes on, Lisa shuddered a bit. That was the real her. She knew that but rejected it. She’d reject the alien part of her over and over again. Long ago Lisa had decided that she wanted to be entirely human. To have only human thoughts, behaviors, and most of all, feelings.
“Alien” Lisa repeated this word to herself often. Sometimes she bravely said it out loud. Sometimes it was just a whisper or a quick mutter. “Aliens” was just a hunch, but there was no other way to explain The Women of the Grey. There was no other way of explaining her real face. Lisa knew some of her was human, but which part? Which half?
Opening the bathroom door, Lisa could see Israel, sound asleep on the bed. His arms flopped out beside him. This caused Lisa to pause and stare at him. Israel’s hands were usually locked up and almost always in a fist. But now they lay open. Maybe one day he’d be open to her as well.
Walking to the bed, Lisa could see his chest rise and fall with each breath. She put a finger into the palm of his hand, gently. Only wanting to touch his skin, just for a bit. A stolen moment of skin to skin, even if it was just fingertip to palm.
Israel’s palm burned. Lisa moved her hand to his arm. It was also on fire. He was sick with fever. Walking over to the window and moving the curtain aside a bit, Lisa checked for police again. She then walked over and sat on the bed next to Israel.
Now, along with the dirt of the hotel room, tension hung in the air. Israel was not well. She was stranded here, following him around like a baby duck. She should have been paying attention. What could she do? She felt like a child watching their parents fall ill. Helpless and ignorant, Lisa laid down next to Israel, telling herself she’d keep watch. Yes, she’d make sure she noted every breath till Israel woke up well.
She hoped he’d wake up well. Putting her fingertip to his, Lisa whispered “alien” and promptly fell asleep.
June
Clarissa was spread out in front of June, naked. She could see the human blood smudges all over her torso. Clarissa was a ghastly thing to look at, especially since she had the very same face as June. Clarissa had the same face, knees, nipples, ass — everything was exactly like June.
“We are all the same…not really,” June sighed staring down at Clarissa. She was an unappetizing thing.
Except for June’s hair, she and Clarissa were twins, just like everyone in The Grey. Running her hands through her hair, June smiled slightly. At least her hair was now different. The black curls were still bouncy, even after having sex with Clarissa. June wanted a shower. A long, hot shower to wash Clarissa off her skin. She could feel the flecks of Clarissa’s skin sticking to hers. That made June’s stomach turn.
Sitting on the floor, June stretched her legs and arms, all while watching Clarissa’s chest go up and down so steadily that June almost imagined Clarissa a newborn, deep in the ocean of sleep with a belly full of milk.
Instead of a babe Clarissa was a mother of The Grey, strung out on Red. Flicking one of Clarissa’s toes with her finger, June waited to see if she would budge, just a little at least. No response, so June flicked her big toe again, and again. No movement, just her quiet inhale and exhale in her sleep.
“Junkie” June shook her head, standing up. She’d get dressed and leave, see Clarissa some other day. She’d never loved Clarissa. Clarissa was a feel-good, need-to-get-off distraction. Often June felt the need to close her eyes when she was alone with Clarissa.
It was very unsettling to have sex with oneself. Clarissa and June, like all Women of the Grey, were clones, each identical to the other except for the stupid name tag. It was like fucking your twin, and June often felt bile rise in her mouth if she opened her eyes.
June wanted to kick Clarissa in the face, tell her she couldn’t play these games anymore. She couldn’t pretend to enjoy herself. June couldn’t fake a smile and wrap her arms around her, sinking herself into kissing Clarissa. She couldn’t do it anymore.
“WAKE UP YOU STUPID JUNKIE!” June was screaming now and caught herself at end of “junkie.” The Women of the Grey were not supposed to socialize with each
other in the way that June and Clarissa did. It was forbidden.
Sex was for mating. Sex was an unenjoyable sloppy process that wasted time and created a mess. Mother’s tsked at nasty Women of the Grey who indulged in such activities. “Why have sex? What a waste of time. Instead walk the gardens of The Grey. Enjoy cleaning up the halls of the Grey. Please yourself by completing missions for the better of The Grey.” June had heard the mothers say all this before.
They’d say it, then talk about how much they missed fucking humans when on missions. They’d then find solace in each other’s beds. It was old news, but still it was kept secret, like everything else. The Grey was nothing but dirty deeds kept secret.
Now June was sure the Women of the Grey found themselves in each other’s bed, but instead of sex they were smudging each other with human blood and falling into a stupor before anyone’s pants came off. It was just as well for June.
Each addict meant a fatter bank account. They’d trade anything for some more Red once they had a nibble. June found herself taking a trade, then trading up and finally selling it in the outside world. Soon, June figured she’d have a fat enough bank account to make herself disappear.
There were so many holes and flaws in Superior Mother’s plan to keep the Women of the Grey secret. Six months ago, June learned two very valuable things about The Grey. The Women of the Grey stayed strictly in the US. Nobody had ever gone to another country. She thought – she hoped - she could make herself scarce in Mexico. The border to Mexico was painfully close to them.
At the same time June learned about the conspiracy of these “clone women.” These “evil twin women.” These women who all looked like the same person popping around all over the country. In and out of people’s lives. These “skinny blonde women who all look alike.” Where ever they go people disappear, people end up dead, fathers fall in love with baby girls that also disappear with their mamas. The Women of the Grey were more than urban legend. Humans had taken notice and these same humans were documenting it all over the internet.
June believed it wouldn’t be long before humans discovered The Grey and demanded answers. This did not threaten or disturb June in anyway, she’d be long gone the day that happens.
Looking at Clarissa, June frowned. Until then she’d stick around, and she needed Clarissa. Clarissa loved June. More, Clarissa was in love with her, and June used this to her advantage. As long as she tossed Clarissa some affection on occasion, Clarissa would keep running the Red for her and bringing the bounty home to mama.
How could June toss that out? She wouldn’t. For the time being, it had to be fake kisses and closing her eyes during sex. Just for a bit longer. Closing the door to their secret hideaway, June made her way to Superior Mother’s office. It was time to see the queen.
Superior Mother
Superior Mother felt content despite the fact that she shouldn’t. Nothing that was going on in The Grey was good at the moment. The building was in ruins, and soon the roof would collapse. Yet, a layer of happy covered Superior Mother, and she knew, nervously, that it was because of Red she had taken, even though she’d promised herself she wouldn’t.
Red covered the nerves and calmed woes. She knew that. Now Superior Mother sat waiting to speak to June, knowing that she should be on guard when dealing with June or should at least pay attention, but her focus was off. She felt light as a feather and a giggle could escape her lips at any moment.
The Red should have worn off by now, but it was lingering. She had overdone it. Again, Superior Mother promised herself restraint. She’d hold off. Sitting up in the chair, she called out for her assistant. She needed to eat something, drink something, or maybe, she thought, “take a bullet to her head.”
Soon after calling her assistant, the door to Superior Mother’s office opened. She smiled; anticipating her kitten-like assistant to be at the door, ready to bring Superior Mother a tray of whatever she fancied. Instead, Superior Mother watched as a Woman of the Grey with curly black hair and cherry bomb lips stepped in.
It took seconds before Superior Mother saw the name tag and realized it was June. No one had ever changed their appearance before. It wasn’t forbidden. It just wasn’t done. Why would she do that?
“We are all the same and none different, June.” Superior Mother used her best intentions voice for this, not wanting to challenge the best sneaky mother she had, and knowing it was more than that. June was both sneaky and dangerous.
There was a reason she’d never placed June on the special team of mothers who handled the not-so-nice things that sometimes, just sometimes, needed to be done. June couldn’t be trusted. Superior Mother knew this, but she also knew that all of June’s shady tendencies would be exactly what would help her find Lisa.
June winked at Superior Mother, pretending to bounce one of the black curls. “I needed a disguise.” Sitting, June tried her best to act natural and be nonchalant. The hair was an act of defiance. Maybe Superior Mother would take it as an act of rebellion.
“Very well. Do you have anything on Lisa?” Superior Mother felt the warmth in her cheeks brought on by the Red flush away. With the black hair, June almost looked like a different person. Suddenly she wasn’t a clone — she was a sibling, a relative of The Grey. As far as Superior Mother was concerned, it was the first sign of the apocalypse.
June looked right at Superior Mother, and Superior Mother maintained eye contact with June. It was a standoff of two alphas, but Superior Mother was the leader and had to dominate here.
“I’ve got leads, but it’s difficult when we all look alike. I’m going out again tonight and won’t be back for a several days.” June quieted then, never breaking eye contact with Superior Mother.
“Well, then off with you, but remember, June, you are one of us. Hair color changes nothing. If they cut you open you won’t bleed. If you get a nip of human blood you’ll turn into that ugly creature I work so hard to tame. Those black curls will stop none of that.” Superior Mother gave June a death stare and waved her hand towards the door.
Once June left, Superior Mother paced the room, waiting for the effect of the Red to wear off. She desperately wanted to feel on top of her game again. Her hands were shaking violently; she was coming down. Superior Mother sat, gripping the chair arms.
She was playing a dangerous game. Superior Mother knew the rules of Red. The Originals that lived in the bowels of The Grey had warned her. Red on skin dulled the world. Red in the mouth washed away all worry and replaced it with joy, for a while. But if addiction to Red settled in, the Women of the Grey would fall back into their real forms and not be able to control the urge to kill, fueled by the want of more Red.
Why had she done this to herself? Medicated herself with something that she knew she shouldn’t touch. Human blood was the forbidden fruit of The Grey. Red was the reason they ate such a strict diet, the reason why the rules for being among humans for missions or mating were strict. Once Superior Mother had received the ring, this truth was laid at her feet, and yet she chose the path of an addict.
“The wrong path.” Superior Mother felt tears well up in her eyes. She didn’t think she could give up Red. She also knew that what June had started with the different hair color and makeup would soon spread like wildfire in The Grey.
Soon, they would all demand their own new hair color, painted eyes, and lips that glitter. That was only the beginning; soon they’d pound the walls to be let out like June. Maybe not all, though. Many mothers were also addicted to Red and that kept them placated.
Superior Mother leaned over and vomited bile into a trash can.
Everything that was happening was like watching their demise in action.
Teresa
Teresa got out of Uni by dragging herself along rather than crawling. Not realizing how weak she really was, Teresa thought she would carefully crawl out and then stand, but when she tried to get on her hands and knees they trembled violently making crawling an impossibility. Now out of Uni Teresa lay f
lat on her face. She sensed its trembling as well.
She wasn’t going to give up. Uni had let go of her, allowing her to work at freeing them both. She wouldn’t give up. Teresa stuck one hand in front of another and clawed her way through Uni’s membrane and out. The floor of the lab was ice cold. Cold like everything else in The Grey. Teresa wished for a comforter, hoodie, and cozy socks. Instead she was naked, dragging herself across a frozen floor.
Out of Uni, Teresa lay on the floor of the lab. She did not care that she was naked. Pride had left her the minute she entered this place. She had been granted no dignity here and now was apathetic towards it.
From the floor Teresa could see that Uni was purple, the prettiest purple Teresa had ever seen. Uni glistened like a fish. It was as if someone turned a jellyfish inside out, Uni’s tentacles being on the inside. She made a mental note to tell Uni how beautiful it was. The glimmering purple was as gorgeous as a rainbow. She’d remember the beauty of Uni and talk of it once she was back in. Teresa knew she’d have to go back in. This was a scout mission, nothing more.
If she could run now, she wouldn’t get far, and then she be dragged back in and Uni would never let her loose again. Putting her feet flat on the floor Teresa brought herself up to her elbows. Those simple moves took all the energy she had. Looking around it was as she expected, she was being kept in a laboratory. The Originals came and went from here. Where were their quarters? Where did those little beasts sleep, if they slept at all?
Teresa pushed herself up to sitting, doing her best not to allow her anger to control her next moves. She was one of them, always following orders. She completed her missions, did her tasks. Not once did she ever question Superior Mother’s command.
Women of the Grey- The Complete Trilogy Page 48
