With that, she stepped through the door, closing it firmly behind her.
* * *
Farah
I sat with my back pressed against the headboard, running my fingers through Crash’s fur nervously as Bev moved to the side of the bed and sat down a foot away from me.
I was just about to ask her what was going on when she spoke, beating me to the punch and saying something I never in a million years expected to hear.
“When I was twenty, a man broke into my apartment in the middle of the night and raped me.” My lungs froze and my hand stopped moving. Sensing that his momma was having a moment, Crash hopped out of my lap and moved to the end of the bed to curl up and take a nap. “I’d grown up with him, gone to school with him, and we even went out on a few dates. It wasn’t a love connection, so I ended it. What I didn’t know was that he’d developed an unhealthy infatuation with me. I was a young woman, living on my own for the first time, and he made the decision to break in and take something from me that wasn’t his to have.”
“Oh my God,” I said, my chest rattling on a shaky inhale. “Bev, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
“I appreciate that, sweetheart, but I didn’t tell you for sympathy. I told you because you need to know that I get it. I understand exactly what you’re struggling with, darlin’. Shane called me and told me what happened. She gave me the whole story, and before you get mad at her, you have to know that the only reason she confided in me was because she knew I could help.”
“I-I . . .” A lump formed in my throat as another wave of tears filled my eyes. I glanced across the room at the small loveseat situated in front of the fireplace where Shane and Poppy were sitting. “I’m not mad,” I whispered, locking eyes with Shane so she’d know I meant it. She gave me a small, tremulous smile and nodded her head as a tear slid down her cheek.
Bev reached out and placed her hand on mine, giving it a squeeze. “I’m glad to hear that. She’s a good friend, and at a time like this you need people like that in your corner, because you can’t do this on your own, sweetie. You can’t. I understand how hard it is to talk about it. I understand that the more people you tell, the harder it is to pretend it didn’t happen, but this isn’t something you can ignore. It won’t just go away with time. No matter how hard you try, no matter if you think you’re healed and have moved past it, if you keep this bottled up, it’s only a matter of time before something triggers it and causes an explosion.”
I sniffled as I lifted a hand and swiped at the tears that had fallen from my eyes. “I-is that what happened with you?”
She nodded. “I was so worried that everyone would look at me differently if they knew. I didn’t want to be the girl who was raped; I just wanted to be Bev, and I was scared that if people found out, I’d lose the rest of my identity. The man who attacked me had already taken so much already, and I was terrified of losing the rest of myself.”
A sob burst from deep within my chest, because that was exactly how I felt. The relief at finally knowing I had someone in my life who understood that was almost too much to bear. It felt like she’d reached right into my soul and plucked out my biggest insecurity. I was no longer alone in this. There was someone else who got it.
“When I met Banks, I thought I’d moved past it. I thought it was behind me, but then something happened; it came out of nowhere. He touched me a certain way, and it was like I was catapulted back to that night. I lost it, and after, I was so embarrassed. I was sure I’d scared him off. But I didn’t. He loved me. Not in spite of what happened and not because I was a survivor. He just loved me. Bev. I asked him once what he saw when he looked at me, and do you know what he said?”
I shook my head, unable to speak.
“He said he just saw his Bev. I wasn’t a scared, broken woman. I wasn’t a rape victim. To him, I was just his Bev. The woman he loved, who couldn’t cook for shit, and who was quick to anger when he missed the laundry hamper. To him, that answer wasn’t anything special. He was just telling the truth, but to me, it meant everything.
“You’re still you, honey,” she whispered, moving closer and taking my face in her hands as her own tears broke free. “You’re still Farah. You’re funny and smart and beautiful and so, so kind. You still have a big heart. You still have the capacity to love and to feel compassion more than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re still all of the things you were before that man took something that wasn’t his to take. He can’t take that from you, because it’s etched on your very soul.”
She pulled me into her arms as I sobbed so hard my whole body ached with the force of it.
“There’s no shame in leanin’ on the people who love you, Farah,” she continued, her voice a whisper across my hair. “You’ve got nothin’ to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. You don’t need to hide anymore, and you aren’t in this alone. You did nothing wrong. You have a family, and we love you.”
“I-I . . . I l-love you guys t-too.”
“Then let us help, sweetie. Let us be there for you. You’re just Farah to us, and we love all that’s you. And, honey, there’s so much to love. You have my word on that.”
I wanted to say something. I wanted to thank her for confiding in me. I wanted to tell her how much everything she’d just said meant to me.
But I couldn’t stop crying long enough to get the words out. But those tears were different. They weren’t tears of fear or sadness. They were cathartic. Each one felt like a release, like the poison that had been trapped inside me for so long was working its way out through my tear ducts.
By the time they began to taper off, I’d begun to fade. With the release of the poison came an exhaustion that weighted down my limbs and my eyelids.
And after several long minutes, I drifted to sleep in the arms of the best mother I’d ever known.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Farah
My eyes felt gritty as I slowly blinked them open. The lamp on my nightstand was the only light on, bathing the room in a soft, golden glow.
It felt like I’d been asleep for days, but judging from the darkness outside my bedroom windows, it had only been a few hours at most.
My brain was slow on the uptake, but the events of the night finally came back to me, and I let out a slow, measured breath.
There was a weight settled across my waist that I hadn’t noticed until just then when it wrapped tighter. A moment later, Cannon’s heat hit my back and his breath whispered across my ear as he spoke. “You’re awake.”
I inhaled the scent of clean cotton with a hint of motor oil, letting the smell invade my senses and wrap me up like a safety blanket. “I’m awake.”
His hand pressed against my belly and his weight shifted on the mattress, making room so he could roll me to my back.
“Oh my God!” I pulled in a startled gasp at the state of his face. There was a cut sliced through his eyebrow that was being held together with a butterfly bandage, and one swollen eye was painted with ugly mottled purple and blue bruises. Reaching up, I trailed my fingers along his forehead, caressing his skin while avoiding the cut. “What happened to you?”
“I punched the prick who touched you at the bar. Knocked him out, but it set off a chain reaction with a bunch of his buddies.”
My eyes went big and my mouth dropped open before I squeaked, “You got in a bar fight?”
“Don’t worry about that, Hummingbird. These’ll all heal up just fine. What I wanna know is how you’re doin’. You had one hell of a night.”
My chest compressed and my body sank deeper into the bed. “You know, don’t you?”
The look that spread across his face was one I’d never seen from him before. It wasn’t bad, it was tender, but it was something else as well, something I couldn’t put my finger on. “I know, baby. Jase told me all of it.”
I couldn’t be mad at my brother. He hadn’t done anything wrong. With what had happened at the bar earlier, there was no more hiding it. And after my talk with Bev, I didn’t wan
t to. I wanted everything to be out in the open. There had been a cinderblock tied to my feet as I struggled to keep my head above water for far too long, and it was as if it had finally been cut, freeing me of its impossible weight. If anything, I was relieved he knew the truth, and that I wasn’t the one who had to recount the story. I would have done it, but my brother spared me from having to add more bad onto an already terribly night.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, my voice so quiet I wasn’t sure he’d heard until he answered.
He placed his palm against my chest, right over the faint scars. “I’m thinking about how much I hate that you had to suffer through that. I hate that you ever had to experience that kind of pain. But I’m also thinkin’ about how fuckin’ grateful I am that you’re a fighter. That man almost took you away from this world, and if he’d succeeded, I never would’ve had you.”
“Cannon.” My chin started to quiver and his face blurred as my eyes filled with even more tears.
“I wouldn’t have had the chance to hold you in my arms or to listen to you ramble when you get nervous. I wouldn’t have been able to tease you about swerving for little gray and white cats or get hustled at pool. And I wouldn’t have had the chance to fall in love with you. So right about now, I’m thinkin’ about how goddamn lucky I am that you survived, and that I have the chance to do all of that.”
“Y-you . . . you love me?”
The golden green of his eyes burned with an intensity that made my skin tingle as he said, “Farah, you’ve been through more shit in twenty-six years than most people have to go through in their lifetime, and still, you’re the most fiercely loyal, loving person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. Your ability to open your heart amazes me, baby. So let me ask you, how could I not love you?”
It took me a minute to regain the ability to form words after that heart-stopping declaration. “I-I don’t know. To hear you tell it, I sound pretty awesome.”
My body shook with his as he chuckled, and when he brushed the hair from my forehead, trailing those rough fingers from my temple to my jaw and down my neck, I let out the most contented sigh. “You’re more than just awesome, Hummingbird. You’re everything.”
I felt those words in my stomach, in my chest, in every fiber in my body. It was as if they infused my muscles with a strength I hadn’t realized I needed. But there was one thing I had to know. I had to be certain, because if I was going to heal, if I was going to lean on Cannon for support, I needed to know what he was thinking.
“What do you see when you look at me?”
The question seemed to catch him off guard, and it took him a second to answer, but when he did, the answer was everything.
“I see my future. When I look at you, I see what my life is gonna be like from here on out, and it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Now that was the perfect answer.
“You know,” I whispered, running my fingers through the mess of long, dark blond hair near the top of his head, “that’s exactly what I see when I look at you.”
He lowered his head, bringing his face so close he was all I could see. “That’s good to know, Hummingbird. But I’d also really like to hear the words.”
I could give him that. “Cannon, I think my life started the moment I looked across a crowded bar and locked eyes with you. I love you, honey.”
He exhaled through his nose as he closed his eyes and lowered his forehead onto mine. “I’m gonna give you everything, Farah. All the things you always wanted but never had, I’m gonna give them to you. Starting with a goddamn puppy.”
My mouth fell open with a surprised laugh, and when his head came up, his smile was positively glorious. “But I’m pickin’ the name this time.”
My laughter tapered off into a giggle as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “I’ll let you have that. On one condition.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
“We get a rescue. No fancy breeders or anything like that. I want a dog in need of a safe, loving home.”
“Deal.”
I didn’t need a dog. I already had everything by having his love, but if he was determined to get me a puppy, who was I to argue?
Like he said, I had a lot of love to give. And, fortunately, I had a lot of space too.
* * *
When Cannon and I came down the stairs hours later, Jase was already in the kitchen. His hair was disheveled, like he’d been running his hands through it all night, and he was still in his clothes from the night before, only now they were a rumpled mess. The big purple bruise on his cheek stood out in stark contrast to his lightly tanned skin, and it was clear he’d been a part of the same bar brawl Cannon had the night before.
He was sitting at the breakfast table with a coffee mug cupped between both hands, and when he lifted his gaze to mine, I saw the worry swimming in his eyes.
Moving from beneath Cannon’s arm, I headed for my big brother, stopping at his chair so I could lean down and wrap him in a hug. The moment my arms closed around him, his whole body sagged in relief. He returned the hug, squeezing so tight my ribs creaked, but that was okay. A little discomfort was more than worth it if it put him at ease.
After a minute, we broke apart, and I headed for the coffee maker. I made Cannon and me each a cup, then we moved back to the table to join Jase. “What time is your flight?” I asked after taking that first fortifying sip.
“I’m canceling my flight,” he said in a gruff, exhausted voice. “After what happened last night, there’s no way in hell I’m leaving.”
Placing my mug on the table, I leaned closer to my brother, forcing him to meet my eyes as I stated, “If you want to stay, you know I’m more than happy to have you here. But I’m okay, bub.” I felt Cannon’s hand come down on the small of my back, offering a gentle show of support. “I’ll be okay,” I quickly amended. “Last night was an eye-opener. I’m not in this alone. I know that now. It’s not just you and Ben anymore. I have people now, and . . . I’m gonna start seeing someone. A therapist. Bev gave me some recommendations.”
He studied my expression carefully, his tone a barely-there whisper as he admitted, “I just want to protect you, sweet pea. All I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe.”
“You’ve been protecting me my whole life, Jase. It’s just one of the million reasons I love you so much. But I’ve got it from here, I promise. It’s time for you to start living for yourself.” My mouth hooked up in a tiny smirk as I added, “Besides, if I have my way—which I fully intend to—you’ll be back soon. And hopefully next time, it’ll be for good.”
The trepidation melted from his features, and he smiled for the first time since I walked into the kitchen. “You really aren’t gonna let up about this, are you?”
“Nope,” I answered honestly. “This place has a way of leading people to their happiness. And I know for a fact that my big brother is searching for his. Something tells me this might just be the place where he finds it.”
Leaning back against the chair, he lifted his mug and took a sip, watching me over the rim. “Who knows,” he said a moment later. “Maybe you’re right.”
I was. I knew that to my very bones. And if it was the last thing I did, I was going to convince him of that.
Because after years of neglect and loneliness, it was time for both the Hyland kids to get their happy.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Farah
It had been a week since my panic attack at Bad Alibi, and even though he’d believed me when I told him I was fine, Jase had insisted on extending his stay.
Cannon and I were just driving back from dropping him at the airport, and while I was sad to see him go, I was grateful that he’d be back for Thanksgiving.
I felt Cannon’s hand come down on my thigh as his whiskey-smooth voice filled the cab of my SUV. “You doin’ okay, Hummingbird?”
I turned from the landscape whizzing by the passenger window and offered h
im a small grin. “Yeah, I’m all right. Just a little sad.”
His fingers pressed in, offering comfort. “Figured you would be. That’s why I decided to do somethin’ I hoped would take your mind off of it.”
I instantly perked up. “Are you taking me out on your bike?” The weather hadn’t turned cold enough yet to prevent us from riding, and in a very short amount of time, I’d become addicted to being on the back of Cannon’s bike with him. There wasn’t a more freeing feeling in all the world.
“Maybe later,” he said with a smile in his voice. “But you’ll still like what I have planned.”
A few minutes later, Cannon made a left into a large asphalt parking lot, and as I looked out the windshield at the building in front of us, I knew he was right. “Redemption Animal Shelter and Adoption Center?” I asked in a high pitched squeak, bouncing in my seat as he pulled into a parking spot.
“You said you wanted a rescue dog, right? Well, this is the place.”
I waited for him to put the car in park, and as soon as he did, I launched myself over the console, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Oh my God! This is the best surprise ever, honey.”
“Glad you’re happy, baby,” he returned on a rumble, pulling me in for a kiss.
“So happy,” I replied dreamily as I shifted back just enough to look at his handsome face. “Have I told you yet today that I love you?”
The gold in his eyes began to swirl as he stared at me. “Maybe once or twice, but feel free to say it as much as you want. I’ll never get tired of hearin’ it.”
Bad Alibi: a Redemption novel Page 22
