by Toni Aleo
And you never will again.
He said it as a promise.
A promise he believes will never be broken.
And I believe him.
Because I’m pretty sure I’ll never feel like this again.
Avery said I might not like her by the end of the week.
But she was dead wrong.
Because it’s been two weeks since that moment at the rink, and I’m in deep.
Which I know is insane, especially with how crazy busy I’ve been. When I’m not with her, I’m at the coffee shop or at practice. My life, which used to revolve only around hockey, now revolves around her. We do everything together. For someone who doesn’t want to label anything, she seems to be really into me. I walk her to her classes, we have lunch at the quad or the coffee shop, and at night, we are together. And yes, I mean together. Our sex is just as hot as it was the first time, and at times, I can’t get enough. I swear, I have had more sex in the last two weeks than I have in my whole life. It’s freaking great, really. She’s great, and when we aren’t together, we are texting constantly. I don’t even know how I get through practice or how she practices her music, we are talking so much.
I don’t know, it’s ridiculous. But all I do know is I wake up in the morning thinking of her, and when I go to bed, I’m still thinking of her. It’s scary, like, really scary because, at any moment, she could decide she doesn’t want to do this anymore. And then I’ll be there, alone. It’s kind of pathetic to think about. That I’ve molded my life around her and her interests from just two weeks of knowing her, but I have. What I used to use as extra ice time, I now use to hang with her or even listen to her sing at the coffee shop.
And man, she’s getting so popular on campus. People love her music, and I couldn’t be prouder. I’m pretty sure that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m supposed to support her unconditionally and be proud. I mean, Jude supports Claire to the ends of the earth, and Jayden, too. He’d rather Baylor live her dreams than him. Both my sisters-in-law feel the same about my brothers, which is awesome. But I can’t forget Avery hasn’t been to even one of my practices, and every time I bring up my games, she never says she wants to come.
It’s stuff like that that fucks with me because I’m in, but I feel like she isn’t sometimes. Or maybe I’m just overthinking it. In every other aspect, she’s in it to win it; I feel it. But when it comes to supporting me athletically, she’s lacking. Then again, she hasn’t made it a secret she doesn’t care for the sport, and I respect that. But she wouldn’t be there for the hockey—she’d be there for me.
I sound like a fucking girl.
Running my hands down my face, I sit up and stretch my arms over my head. I had to take a nap today. I stayed up late at a gig with Avery downtown—that she did awesome at—and we had an even later night in bed before I had to work this morning at the coffee shop. Then I hit the ice with my team. I’m worn out, so a power nap was needed since tonight the boys and I are hitting the Gilroy for karaoke night.
But, as always, Avery is the first thing I think of.
Reaching for my phone, I send her a quick text.
Me: Just woke up. What are you doing?
Avery: Dying in this music theory class. Wish I was with you tho.
Me: Me too.
Avery: Give me about twenty minutes and I could be.
Me: Promise?
Avery: Yeah, I’ll come to you. If you aren’t busy. Not sure if you’re still a one-woman kinda guy or if you’re ready for that player game.
I smirk as I lean back against my pillows.
Me: I’m pretty sure I’ve made it well known that I’m a one-woman guy, but someone is dragging their feet on the commitment. Not naming names. coughAVERYcough.
Avery: Well maybe, coughAVERYcough likes Javery the way it is?
Me: Then don’t assume I want the game when I’m wanting more from you.
Avery: Jesus, that got deep quick.
Me: You started it.
Avery: Touché. Can we pause and carry on when I get there?
Me: Only if you come out with me tonight.
Avery: I already have you penciled in.
Me: Good, you like karaoke?
Avery: Kinda. I mean, I do like to sing a bit.
Me: Yeah, just a little, huh?
Avery: Yeah, and you know I can carry a tune, but can you?
Me: Duh, I’m amazing.
Avery: Of course, you are. You’re amazing at life.
Me: Preach it, baby.
Avery: Okay, so…I’ll see you soon?
Me: Yeah, I’m counting the seconds.
Avery: …
Avery: You’re corny as hell.
Me: But yet, you still swoon over me.
Avery: Every day.
Grinning at that, I click off my messages and check my Facebook.
I want to say I’m cool with Javery, as we’ve been calling it, but I want more. I want to be able to say she’s mine without her giving me that look. That “don’t label us” look. I kind of hate that look. A lot. But I can’t make her feel what I feel. I can’t rush her into this, I know that. But still, I want more. I want all of her, but it’s obvious she’s holding back. I’m pretty sure it has to do with that douche who hurt her. I get it, heartbreak sucks—I’ve been witness to it. But I don’t know how to be patient.
I’ve never been one of those guys who sits back and waits. I’m an all-in kind of person; I fight for what I want. Work for it. And I feel like I’m putting in extra hours with this girl and only getting half of her. Sometimes I think, why am I even doing that? I could have anyone I want. Or at least, I think I could, but I’m putting all my eggs in Avery’s basket, hoping she’ll feel it too.
It feels right, though.
And I can’t fight that. I’d be stupid to, but something’s got to give.
I’ve got to know she feels the same.
When my phone rings, I realize I wasn’t really looking at Facebook because I don’t even answer the phone right away. I’m too consumed by my feelings for her. By my confusion and uncertainty.
Shit, it’s my dad.
“Hey.”
“Hey, are you in class?”
“No, just woke up. Had to work early.”
He pauses. “You’re working?”
“Yeah, at the coffee shop.”
“Why?” he asks, and I can tell he’s confused. “Do you need more money?”
“No,” I say quickly. “I’m just bored.”
“So focus on hockey. You don’t need to work. I’ll support you.”
“I know, but I need to—”
“You’ve been talking to your brothers, I’m guessing, and they are the ones pushing this?”
“No,” I say even though they kind of are, but I agree with them. I’m not a spoiled brat anymore—I’m a man. Or at least, a man-child who is too insanely spoiled by my mommy. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone else. “I like it.”
“You like it?”
“Yeah.”
“Your main goal is the NHL. Focus on that. Don’t let your brothers outdo you.”
I pause, pressing my lips together. This isn’t a competition with Jude and Jayden. No one is better than anyone. Yeah, we tease and pick at each other, but we just want each other to live our dreams. My dad, he doesn’t get that. He’s mad they don’t want anything to do with him, but that’s not my problem. It’s his. “I’m good.”
“Okay, fine,” he barks, and I don’t miss the frustration in his voice. “Just quit the damn job, okay? I’ll give you whatever you want.”
I don’t know why, but I don’t trust him.
Maybe it has to do with the fact he’s a cheating whore who lied to us all?
Not sure, but I just shrug. “Sure.”
But I’m not quitting. I do like it. It’s fun, and Chase is a cool dude to work for. I like that the money I make goes to whatever the hell I want it to, and I don’t feel bad that it’s someone else’s money. Plus,
I get to see Avery perform all the time and she comes in and hangs often. It works for me. I didn’t think it would, but it just does.
“Okay, good. Now, the reason I’m calling…” he says and I hear as he shuffles through papers. “I sent that demo you sent me to Stu Waters, my buddy who I do work with. He needs her number. You didn’t give that to me.”
“Oh, here,” I say, spitting out Avery’s number. When Avery burned her demos to sell at her gigs, I snatched one up and gave it to my dad. I know he has connections in the music industry, and anything to help Avery further her career, I’m doing. Especially when I—or really, my dad—have the connections he does. I want to help. She’s doing everything she can, and I want her to succeed just as much as she does. Just last night, we celebrated the fact she was hired as an intern at Empress Records. She doesn’t start that until January, but we are both so excited. She got her foot in the door, but this could help even more. Stu is a cool dude.
“Cool, I’ll get this over to him. He liked her, wants to talk to her.”
“Awesome,” I say with a grin. “Did you listen to it?”
“I did. She’s good.”
“She is. Amazing.”
“Well, be smart. Don’t get involved with someone when you have things to do.”
Yeah, little too late there, Dad, I think as I nod. “I hear ya.”
“Okay, well, I’ll get this to Stu, and I’ll see you Friday?
I pause. Shit, I was hoping he forgot. “You’re coming?”
“I told you I would.”
“Oh, okay.”
“It’s gonna be fine. Relax. Have you talked to Ralph?”
“Yeah, I have an interview with the Wings organization next week.”
“That’s good. Are they coming to the game?”
“Yeah, and someone from the Sabres and the ’Canes.”
“Wow, Ralph is getting it done.”
“Yeah, I’m happy.”
I really am. Things are going great. People want to watch me play, and I guess somewhere deep inside, I had been nervous about that. After my injury last year, I worried everyone would write me off, but they haven’t. Their interest is still as strong as it was last year. I’m excited. I’m ready.
“Good. All right, I’ll see you in a couple days.”
That doesn’t feel right, but I nod. “All right, talk to you later.”
I hang up and lean back, sucking in a deep breath. Man, why do I feel so guilty? Fuck. Rolling to my side, I kick the blankets off and look at my phone. I should call my mom, tell her that he is coming, but I can’t handle the distress in her voice. I don’t want to upset her. But wouldn’t it be worse if he just showed up and no one knew? I guess I could call Jude, but he would be livid with me. So would Jayden. Fuck me.
I need to tell someone, though, and Avery’s in class.
I hit my sister’s name on my phone, and she answers after the first ring.
“No shit, I was just about to call you.”
I smile. “Miss your baby brother?”
“Hardly,” she laughs and I grin. “Listen, I need a huge favor.”
“Yeah?”
“Come get Angie for me. I have a meeting, and she’s out of school today for some teacher day or some shit. I didn’t know, and Mom is at work and I planned this and I need—”
“No problem,” I say, cutting her off. “What time?”
“I love you, I do. And believe me, you’re my favorite.”
I grin. “Duh, I’m the best.”
“Whoa, calm down. Can you get here by one?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Cool… But what did you need? You called me.”
I pause, biting my lip. “Can I ask you something, and you promise you won’t rip me a new one?”
She scoffs. “No, I cannot.”
“Asshole.”
“Brat. What is it?”
“Dad called me.”
“Ah fuck, Jace. What did he want?”
I close my eyes, biting the inside of my lip. “He’s coming to the game.”
When she groans, I squeeze my eyes closed tighter. Lucy isn’t one to hide her feelings. That chick wears them like armor, and everyone knows what she is feeling at all times. But there is something about hearing it in her voice that really hits me in the gut. “Jace, that’s gonna be bad. Especially when Jude is coming in for the game. Really?”
“I couldn’t say no.”
“Why? It’s easy, you open your—”
“Yeah, smartass, but he’s been giving me money,” I admit. And wow, aren’t I a Chatty Cathy today.
“You little shit,” she groans. “Are you serious? Don’t you know he is doing this to trap you? He doesn’t do it ’cause he loves you. He doesn’t know how to love, Jace.”
Did I mention that everyone hates my dad? I think I did. “I know, but I needed it.”
“Man, I am speechless. Jude and Jayden are gonna skin you, and I’m just gonna stand there, holding the knives.”
“Lucy! Five minutes ago, I was your favorite. Plus, I’m watching your kid.”
She pauses. “And you’re the best for that. But really, dude? Come on.”
“I hear you. Tell me what to do. Should I tell Mom? Jude and Jayden?”
“Um, no. You are insane!”
“Then what do I do?”
“You test my patience, I swear. I’ll do it.”
“What?”
“You’re watching my kid. I’ll tell them.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but I’m not paying you for watching her, for one. And two, you owe me another day.”
Relief floods me, but then it’s followed by a bit of guilt. I did this. Shouldn’t I handle it? “I love you, Luce.”
“You better. But don’t worry, Mom will handle it fine. But Jude and Jayden, woo…that’s gonna be bad.”
“Thanks, really. And I’ll see you in a bit,” I say just as the door opens and Avery pops her head in. Flashing me a quirky grin, she shuts the door, dropping her bag before coming over to the bed as my lips turn up. She looks hot in a pair of jeans and a rocker tee that hangs off her shoulder. There is something about that shoulder that gets me every time. It’s so hot. She’s so hot.
“Okay, I would thank you, but I’m pretty sure I’m helping you more than you are me,” Lucy says.
Climbing the ladder to my bed, Avery crawls over to me, lying on top of me with her chin in the middle of my chest. “You’re right. I love you.”
“Love you more, dumbass.”
Hanging up, I lean down, framing Avery’s face with my hands before kissing her hard against her lips. “Hey, you.”
“Hey,” she says against my lips. “Your girlfriend?”
I chuckle, as she does this a lot. “Jealous Jenna,” I tease and she grins. “My sister. The only girlfriend I have doesn’t like labels.”
Rolling her eyes, she groans, “Jeez, I just walked in, and we are doing this now?”
“Yup, I’m unpausing now.”
“But I want to cuddle,” she complains, squeezing me before she nuzzles her nose against my neck. “Talk later, cuddle now.”
I let out a breath with an eye-roll. “You need to work on your communication skills.”
She gives me a cheeky grin before pressing her lips against mine. Melting against her, I feel like a weak ass. She knows exactly what to do to get my mind off anything else. Her lips are magic like that; I just wish she’d use them to talk instead of driving me wild with lust. Dropping her legs to the sides of my hips, she straddles me in the most delicious way. My fingers bite into her shoulders as she moves against me. I’m hard instantly, and fuck, I want her.
But really, when is there a time I don’t want her? This girl is wild, and sex with her is the best thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. There isn’t a moment I don’t want her or crave her. But I know if I let this go too far, I won’t make it in time to get Angie.
Pulling away, I wrap my arms around her ne
ck, holding her close, her nose pressing into mine.
“I can’t do this right now.”
Her brow quirks. “No?”
“Nope, I’ve got a date.”
That makes her smirk. “Yeah, with me.”
For someone who doesn’t want to categorize shit, she sure is territorial. “I’m watching my niece today. My sister just called and asked.”
“Aw, sweet. So…”
“So, you should come. Angie is awesome.”
“Really? You don’t care?”
“Um, no. I want you to.”
She smiles. “I want to, too.”
“Good. Now get off me before I tear your pants off and have my way with you,” I demand, pushing her off me. Her laughter fills the room as I sit up to jump off the bed, but she stops me before I can go too far.
“I suck. I know.”
I grin as I nod. “Yeah, really good too, and I want it, but—”
“Jace!” she shrieks, smacking me, and I shake with laughter. “I mean, about communication. I know this.”
My laughter dies off as I shrug. “You’re getting better…”
“No, I’m not,” she says dryly. “Don’t sugarcoat my faults.” I shrug and she looks down. “It’s just…I never had to communicate before because no one ever listened.”
She doesn’t give me much info about her family. I know they are douches who didn’t see the star I see but nothing else. She keeps that locked up tight. So when she lets little things like that out, I not only file away the information, but I do everything I can to make her see that I’m not like them. That I want to know and I want to listen.
That I couldn’t ignore her if I tried.
“I understand that, but something has got to give, Avery,” I say honestly. I look at her, waiting for her to freak a bit. She always gets this look in her eyes, and it alarms me a little. But instead, she nods as I say, “I feel kinda one-sided here.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t. Please don’t.”
“Trying.” With a small laugh, I climb off the bed, my feet hitting the ground.
“And I know that you’re different, but still, it’s hard.”
I reach into my drawer, getting a pair of wind pants and a tee. “I get it, I do. But you gotta remember, I’m not that douche canoe, and I’m not your family. I’m amazing, remember?”
