I pulled away a little bit so that I could look into his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I think I scared myself too, and I’m so ashamed,” I admitted.
He reached his hand out to my chin, and held it gently; tenderly. “Don’t be ashamed. Okay? You need to move past this and that won’t help you. It was a bad day, and yeah, you didn’t handle it the best. But babe, we all have days like that. It’s how you handle it now, and the next time it happens, that counts. And, I need you to know that I am here for you. I want to be the person you turn to when shit gets real. Can you let me be that for you?”
The tears started falling, and I was helpless to stop them. I nodded, struggling to speak. Finally, the words came. “I thought you were going to leave me,” I said, quietly.
Pain flashed in his eyes. “Fuck, babe. No, that thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. Yeah, I was mad as hell at you, but this, what we’ve got here...this is for-fucking-ever. I love you no matter what you do. It’s unconditional for me.”
I sagged against him at those words; that promise. He would never know how much I needed to hear that, right now. “Thank you.”
“We’re going to have a lot more fights. You know that, right?” he said.
I smiled. “Yeah, I’ve worked that out.”
“So we need to agree right fucking now that this is forever, that we’re on the same page here. Are you in this for the long haul?”
I touched my hand to his cheek and let it linger there. “Yes, I am. I love you. Unconditionally.”
He bowed his head and breathed hard for a moment. Then he looked back up at me. The love I saw there smacked into me, and I felt winded momentarily. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” he said, his voice full of raw emotion.
“Oh, I think I might, baby. I needed it tonight too.”
He took my hand and kissed it, softly. “We’ve got a lot more to talk through, but for now, I just want to take you to bed and show you how much I love you.”
I smiled, and let him lead me to the bedroom. As we walked, I started peeling clothes off, leaving them throughout the house. When we made it to the bedroom, he turned and ran his gaze over my naked body. I watched as his eyes glazed over with desire, my nipples hardening under his stare.
He reached his hand out to trace a line from my lips, down my neck, and to my breast. As his fingers found my nipple, he brought his mouth down to meet it and licked and sucked my breasts, one at a time. His other hand came up, so that both of them were massaging my breasts, while his tongue drove me wild.
I moved my hands to lift his shirt over his head, and he stopped what he was doing to allow this. Once it was off, I quickly reached to undo his jeans, and remove them too. My breathing picked up, and my fingers ached with a need to touch, to feel, and to show him how much I wanted him.
He stood before me, naked; fucking beautiful. There wasn’t anything about J’s body that I would change. I placed my hand on his chest, over his heart, and held it there while I focused my eyes on his. The invisible thread that held us together sizzled with desire; with white hot lust. But tonight, it held something more; a burning love that had been buried under layers of doubt, guilt and hurt. Tonight it shone brightly; we had finally found our way through, and peeled away those layers by committing completely to each other. We had promised forever, and those words had exposed the raw love that existed between us.
J felt it too. I could see it in the way he looked at me. Hunger for this man engulfed me. I moved my hand up to curl around his neck, and pulled his mouth down to mine. Our kiss was deep and full of need. His hand snaked around my waist and pulled me to him. I moaned when his erection hit my body. God, I loved his cock.
“I need to taste you, baby. Need my tongue in that sweet pussy of yours,” he murmured into my ear, while backing me up against the wall.
I didn’t argue as he knelt in front of me and spread my legs. When his tongue hit my clit, I scrunched my fingers in his hair, and cried out with pleasure. He grunted his satisfaction, and slid his tongue down and into my pussy. Oh, holy fuck, it felt divine. His hands moved slowly up the backs of my legs until they hit my ass. He kneaded my bottom, while his tongue continued to lick and stroke my sex.
Pleasure moved through me until my whole body was alive with it. When he began to fuck me with his fingers, I knew it wouldn’t be long until I came. The pleasure intensified and built, until it crashed all around me, and I came with his mouth wrapped around my pussy.
My hands were still in his hair, and I pulled him up to me, to kiss him. I needed his tongue in my mouth now. And the taste of me in his mouth only made me want him more. I groaned into his mouth, and pushed my body closer into his. My arms were wound tight around him, fingers clawing his back. One leg was wound around one of his, and all of a sudden, he gripped my ass and lifted me, carrying me to the bed.
As I fell to the bed, he leaned over me and smiled. “Fuck, I love fucking you. But tonight I want to make love.”
I shook my head, and trailed a finger down his chest. “No, baby. Fucking is our way of making love. I want you to fuck me.” And with that, I reached down to his cock, gripped it hard and pulled him to me.
“Fuck!” he roared, and thrust in. Hard; just the way I liked it.
A deliciously wicked grin flashed across my face, and then our lips were locked while he fucked me just like I’d asked him to.
Chapter 25
Madison
I started going to regular AA meetings again. J insisted, but I had already decided it would be an important part of my life from now on. I think I had fooled myself into believing I was better than everyone at those meetings; that somehow I didn’t really need to be there.
It was now a month after my relapse and things between J and I were good. I was worried though; there was something bothering him and he wasn’t talking to me about it. We’d had the discussion about his refusal to share club business with me, and he had been sharing more with me since. Even though I sensed he still didn’t tell me a lot, I knew he was trying, and that was all I could ask for. Strong relationships weren’t built quickly; I knew this would take a lot of work, so I was being patient. And yet, I felt it in my gut that something wasn’t quite right with him.
The club still hadn’t found Mandy, so I guessed that he was stressed about that. I’d brushed my concerns away for a few weeks now, but this week he seemed even more preoccupied with whatever it was. He was being elusive, and there also seemed to be some tension between him and Scott.
It all came to a head on the Friday afternoon of that week. I was waiting for J at the clubhouse when Griff wandered into the bar and locked eyes on me. Now, here was a man who I wasn’t quite sure what to make of. He had been a member of Storm for about three years and I still knew nothing about him except that he liked to keep to himself. If I had to choose one word to describe him it would be broody. I took in his appearance. He was tall with dark hair that was a little long, kind of like he just needed a good haircut, but the ruggedness of it did it for me. He also always wore a five o’clock shadow; another great feature as far as I was concerned. I liked a man who wasn’t perfect looking and he definitely fit the bill. Griff was one of the only bikers I knew who wasn’t covered in tattoos; well, tattoos that could be seen anyway. His tanned skin was clear of them on his arms, neck and hands. I had no idea if he had any on his legs as I had never seen them.
His green eyes penetrated mine, and I felt a little disloyal to J with the sensations he evoked in me. His voice was deep and commanding when he spoke, “Scott wants to see you in the office.”
“And why couldn’t Scott come and see me?” I asked.
“In the office now, Madison,” his voice rumbled, and his hand slid around my back to guide me in the direction he wanted me to go.
I wanted to argue with him, but something about Griff told me not to bother. If it was at all possible, he seemed bossier than J, with an air about him that screamed not to challenge him. So, I did what I was told an
d went to see Scott, with Griff close behind.
Scott was sitting at my father’s desk when we found him, and he looked up with a frustrated look on his face. Putting his pen down he motioned for me to sit. Griff closed the door behind us and stood next to my chair. My senses were going into overdrive; something wasn’t right here.
Scott finally spoke, “Are you up on what J’s been doing this week?”
“I’ve got no idea what J does with his time when he is not with me,” I answered truthfully.
“Fuck,” Scott cursed and shot a look at Griff, who nodded and then exited the room.
Okay, now I was really fucking confused. “What is going on, Scott?”
He sighed and then gave me a hard look, like he was contemplating just how much to share with me. “I was hoping you could tell us because we sure as fuck don’t know what he is doing.”
“Spit the rest out, Scott. What are you hiding from me?”
“Shit, Madison, this is club business,” he snapped, and paused for a moment, rubbing his chin and scowling at me before continuing, “We’re pretty sure he’s still out there looking for Mandy even though we’ve told him to stop. Problem is, it’s bringing heat to the club because that bitch is tied to a gang who don’t much appreciate the way J is going about it. Seems he is harassing their members for information.”
I decided it was time to back my man. “Why isn’t the club interested in finding her and dealing with her? That bitch threatened me.”
“Again, club fucking business, but seems as though I know you won’t let this go... she’s dating one of the head guys of the gang. We take her out, and who fucking knows what will come of it. They don’t mess around, and we don’t need a war. J needs to be smart about this, but I think his head is all messed up with you.”
“So you’re happy to leave me a sitting target.”
“No. We’re watching you when J’s not with you, making sure you’re okay - ”
I cut him off. “This sounds very fucking familiar, Scott. Reminiscent of what happened with Nix. Only this time, I’m not going to lay down and wait for her to come to me,” I ranted at him before storming out of the office.
As I was leaving, I ran into my father. He looked tired, and there was something else there that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“I heard your argument with Scott. There’s more to this that you don’t know, and I’m asking you to leave it be. And get J to leave it alone too.” His words held a warning. I searched his eyes, his face, and then I realised what other emotion he was running on. Fear.
“What is it?”I asked, even though I was fairly sure he wouldn’t tell me.
“Not going there with you, Madison. But leave it the fuck alone,” he ordered harshly.
His words stung; I hated it when he spoke to me like that. I met his glare. “Sometimes, I fucking hate this club, and your bullshit ways of hiding stuff,” I spat.
He opened his mouth to say something, but my mother caught both our eyes, and he went quiet. I was stunned at her appearance. She had been crying, and her face was stained with black mascara. There was a red mark on her cheek; it looked like she had been slapped. She had entered the room we were in, but when she saw us, she went to leave.
Christ, what was wrong with her? My mother never cried. And then, looking from her to my father, and noting the displeasure that crossed both their faces, I realised what was going on. Clarity hit me fair in the gut, and shock sliced through my heart.
I whipped my head around to face him. “You fucking hit her?” I almost screamed.
He shoved his face in mine, and snarled, “I said, leave it fucking be.” And with that, he left me standing there, wondering what the fuck was going on, and feeling like our lives were about to be tipped on their asses.
J.
I needed J. He wanted to be my go to person, and right now, I needed him to be that.
Chapter 26
Madison
“Hey, babe. What’s up?” J answered his phone straight away.
Thank fuck.
“I need you, now.”
He must have sensed the urgency in my voice. “What’s wrong?” It was like he was on instant alert.
“Something’s happened. Between my Mum and Dad. It’s bad, babe. Are you close to the club?”
“Fuck!” he swore. “I’m about ten minutes away. Sit tight, I won’t be long.”
“Okay. Thanks, baby.”
We hung up, and I threw my phone in my bag. My mother had left without saying anything to me, and there was no way I was staying inside with my father still there, so I was now waiting outside for J.
He must have sped the rest of the way here, because he arrived within five minutes. When he went to cut the engine, I shook my head and indicated that I wanted to leave on his bike. I couldn’t get out of here fast enough.
I hopped on, and wrapped my arms around his body, nestling my head against his back. He made me feel safe, and in that instant, my heart expanded with love for him. Over the past few months, we had been navigating the hills and valleys of our relationship. Some of those roads had been rocky, and we had clung to each other. I knew in my gut, that we were about to hit a really fucking rugged valley, and that the only way through would be to hold onto J for dear life.
***
“Scott’s shitty with you, and wants to know what you’ve been up to this week. And my father told me to leave it alone and to get you to do the same. What’s going on, J?” We’d made it home, and I was now determined to get him to open up to me.
He ran his fingers through his hair, and looked pained. “Babe, this is stuff I don’t want you mixed up in; stuff I don’t want you worrying about.”
“No. We’re together. For the long haul, as you once put it. And I want to have your back, J. So, for me to do that, you’ve gotta start talking.”
“Fuck,” he muttered, and began pacing.
I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. When he finally did start talking, he blew my world apart.
“I don’t want to tell you this. Fuck.” He sat on the couch, pulling me down with him. One hand grasped mine, and the other cupped my cheek. His thumb grazed my lips, and then finally, he spoke. “Mandy is running with a gang that is involved in drugs, prostitution and armed robberies. There could be other stuff, but that’s what I know of so far. They are the kind of motherfuckers you don’t mess with, but she’s in deep. She’s been dating their leader, Blade, for the past year or so. He runs a very smart operation and has been building his ranks up for a few years now. They are big enough now that no one really wants to challenge them. Even Black Deeds leave them alone.”
He paused, so I said, “I got the impression from Scott and Dad that they don’t want to either, and I find that hard to believe. Storm is strong enough to do it.”
He nodded, and then said quietly, “There’s another reason why your Dad doesn’t want to take them on, babe. And I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
I really had no idea what it could be, and why I wouldn’t like it. “What, J?”
He blew out a long breath before he continued. “Blade is your half brother. He’s Marcus’s son.”
The room spun, and I struggled to breathe. “What... how? Shit, does my Mum know?” My thoughts and words weren’t coherent so I stopped talking.
“Your mother found out today, and I thought your father was going to tell you too - ”
“Scott knows, doesn’t he?” I interrupted him.
“Yeah, babe. He’s known for a little while. I found out this week.”
“Does my Dad have anything to do with Blade?”
The look that crossed J’s face could only be described as devastated. That’s when I knew; that was the moment that the love I had for my father crumbled in a bloody mess of lies and deceit.
“Yeah, babe,” he said softly, pulling me into a hug.
I welcomed his arms, his warmth, and sank into his love. We stayed like that for awhile; he gently cares
sed my hair and pressed his lips to my head. He was my shelter from the storm.
Eventually, I pulled away and asked him to tell me the rest.
“Blade was born after Scott, before you. He is four years older than you. His mother has been your father’s mistress ever since, although from what I understand, they have been on and off throughout those years. Blade is their only child, and your father has had a relationship with him all his life. They get on okay, and Blade has given Marcus his word that Mandy won’t come after you again. Apparently, he wasn’t aware that she was mixed up in all of this. Marcus and Scott have agreed not to pursue her.”
I tried to take all of that in. “And you? Are you going against their orders?”
“I don’t trust that bitch, and I want her taken care of. I’m pissed off that Marcus and Scott have backed off.”
As I listened to what he was saying, I realised that this was the first time he had been so open with me about club stuff. Amongst all the crap we now had going on, this was my shining light. It was a pivotal moment in our relationship. I gently laid my palm against his cheek. “Thank you,” I murmured.
He looked confused. “What for?”
I smiled at him. “For telling me all of that even though I know you didn’t want to.”
He covered my hand with his and squeezed it lightly. “You were right to push me. And you were right that I need to tell you what’s going on. Thank you for being patient, baby.”
“I need to go and see my Mum,” I said, torn because I wanted to see her but I also wanted to stay right here with J.
“I’ll take you.”
I kissed him, and grabbed my bag before he headed out. I was very apprehensive about what we would find when we got to my parent’s house, but at least I had J with me.
***
My mother answered the door dressed in a bathrobe. So out of character for her.
Born to Ride Page 29
