"He has large estates to manage, which is a lot of work. If you love him, you'll find a way to free up time for yourselves. It is also not easy for him to adjust. I think he feels the same way and I'm sure it's important to him that you are happy."
"I am, Eileen. I love him so much. I would give my life for him."
"Well I know, from personal experience, that the gentlemen can be a little too passionate at times, but he shouldn't put so much strain on you. You look a little pale. Are you really well?"
Concerned, Eileen looked at Moira. Was Robert overdoing it a little with his marital duties? Moira's face flushed and quickly she replied, "No, it's not that. I think I'm getting sick. I haven't told Robert about it yet, because I don't want him to worry, but for the last two weeks I have been constantly nauseous and have no real appetite. Sometimes I suddenly can't smell certain things and yesterday my eyes went black for a moment. Thank God no one has noticed this yet, but I'm starting to get a little bit scared."
"I think I can put your mind at ease on that. These are the same symptoms that a friend of mine described when she was pregnant."
Astonished, she looked at Eileen. She had never considered this possibility. She had only been married three months.
"You mean I could be pregnant?"
"I not only mean that, but I am almost convinced of it. You're having a baby."
"But, so soon? It can't be."
"Well, it doesn’t take long, and I imagine Robert is a healthy husband and attends to you regularly."
Thoughts rolled over in Moira's mind. The initial shock slowly turned into fear of what was coming. How was she going to tell Robert? Should she tell him right away or wait a little longer until she was more sure that she was really pregnant? How would he react to that? They had never talked about children before. Eileen, who was watching her friend closely, could guess what was going on in her mind right now.
"He'll be happy, I'm sure of it. You're going to have a child, and that's the most beautiful thing you can crown your love with. Give yourself a few more days to get used to the idea, and then tell him. You'll see that he'll be happy to hear it."
Despondent, Moira said, "Do you really think so? I'm going to be a mother, I don't know if I can do it."
“Oh, Moira, if you can't do it, who can? You have kept up this house with all its children for the last few years, so you can do it easily. Believe me, everything will work itself out. I'm so happy for you."
She hugged her friend and the fear in Moira disappeared. She regained her old strength.
"You're right. I have to take care of the garden party this weekend. That is my baptism of fire as a hostess and after that I’ll be ready for the things that are to come. You two are coming this weekend too, right?"
"I wouldn't miss the party for the world. and see you in action as Lady MacIntyre."
Laughing, they sat on the porch and drank their tea.
Satisfied, Moira looked around. Her first social assignment seemed to go well. The gardeners had
implemented her wishes. Colorful lanterns hung down from the trees and bathed the neatly trimmed lawn
beneath them in a warm light. Tables and chairs were festively set and a long table was laden with the most wonderful delicacies. There were pies, roast venison and beef, salads, vegetables, casseroles, bread and many dishes more. In addition to Scottish desserts, they had also prepared cakes and petit fours. Proud of his perfect little housewife, Robert took Moira in his arms and kissed her passionately. Somewhat embarrassed that the staff could see her like this, she tried to keep him at a distance but she was unsuccessful in doing so.
"Robert, don't. We are being watched.
"So what. Let everyone see how happy I am with you. You've done well. Everything looks great. Come on, our guests are arriving."
One hundred and twenty guests were expected this evening and most of them came from the high and landed gentry. A few distinguished merchants and business partners were present as well as Samuel with his wife, who as administrator of Robert's estate, had the honor to attend the feast. One by one the carriages drove up and the couples were greeted by them.
The women were all dressed in the most beautiful robes, while the gentlemen had mainly chosen the social black tailcoat, which in some cases were worn by the clan chiefs with a plaid over the shoulder.
Robert also had chosen his black tailcoat for this evening and wore the plaid over his shoulder, which was held by a clasp that showed the coat of arms of the family. Moira, on the other hand, wore a ravishing ensemble of a crinoline skirt in dark blue silk, which she wore together with a dark green short-sleeved velvet corsage and a red sash. They were the colors of the MacIntyre clan. They had already greeted most all the guests, when Moira suddenly lost her breath. In front of her stood Dumfrey and looked at her with a smile then he turned to Robert.
"Lord MacIntyre, it is an honor to attend your feast today."
"Sir Dumfrey, I am pleased that you have accepted my invitation. I need not introduce you to my wife."
"Lady MacIntyre, it is good to see you again."
She could not allow her annoyance to show, and forced herself to offer him her hand. Dumfrey accepted it and gave her a kiss on the hand, then he joined the other guests. Moira, however, found it difficult to concentrate on the rest of the guests. What did he want here? She had hoped that he would not bother her anymore. He had left her alone for months. That he now appeared again, could not mean anything good. Robert, sensing that something was wrong, whispered to her.
"What's wrong? Is there a problem?"
"Why is he here?
She pointed her head at Dumfrey. Robert followed her gaze and replied:
"Well, I invited him. He belongs to a number of distinguished businessmen and I thought you'd be pleased to have him here. After all he was a friend of your parents. Is something wrong?"
"No, everything is fine, I was just a little surprised to see him here."
She was a bad liar. Something was very wrong, he could feel it, but he couldn't dwell on it now, because the guests were waiting for him to open the party with a speech and so he left his wife's answer as it was and led her to the others in the garden.
Over and over again, she caught herself following what Dumfrey was doing that evening and who he was talking to. But nothing in his behavior indicated that he had another villainy in mind.He gallantly entertained the ladies and joked with them, while a little later he was engaged in a political debate with a group of gentlemen. Moira tried to relax. Actually, this was supposed to be a cheerful, informal evening for her, but with him here, she could hardly keep her anxiety in check. She noticed that he was watching her closely. She could feel his eyes on her back when she tried to be a good hostess and talked boisterously with her guests. How she wished that Robert knew about it and would expel him from the party. She had been able to suppress the memories of her deeds well in the last months, but now they all came out again and she felt sick.
What was he up to? He was not here to have a good time, he had come to remind her of her sacrilegious deeds and that she was at his mercy. Moira noticed the nausea was increasing, she apologized to the ladies she had just been talking to and fled in the direction of the house. Just as she reached the steps to the terrace Dumfrey stood in her way.
"Where are you going in such a hurry Moira? You have so far done very well to avoid me this evening, but it won't do you any good."
"What are you doing here?"
"Why so rude? I am here because your husband invited me. I must say, I am proud of you. You took my adviceand didn't tell him. Very wise decision and that it will stay that way, that's why I'm here. I just wanted to make sure that you haven't forgotten me in all your marital bliss."
"Why don't you leave me alone? I'll be able to pay you back soon."
"Oh, are you now among the businessmen? Good for you, but I've already told you before that I don't care about money anymore."
"Well, we are far from finished with each other and you will continue to be at my disposal."
Desperation and anger welled up inside her. She wanted this to end. She loved her husband and with him the life she was now leading and under no circumstances did she want to put him in danger again.
"I will no longer lie to my husband and I will do nothing more for you. It's over, Sir Dumfrey."
Moira was about to hurry up the steps when he angrily held her back by the arm.
"Not so fast, my dear. We'll be through with each other when I tell you we will be and until then you will do as I command. Or do you want me to say here and now, in front of all these people what a criminal you are?"
Horrified, she gave up her resistance. Would he really accuse her of a crime? Here in front of all her guests?
"I think you understand me. Now go and powder your nose before you go back to playing the carefree and affectionate hostess again. Have a nice evening."
With that, he left her standing and walked away. Moira, on the other hand, dragged herself up the stairs and disappeared into the house. Robert, who had been watching this scene from the other side of the garden while he was talking to his business partners, wondered. He recalled that he had witnessed a similar scene between the two of them the night he met Moira. Something was going on here.
All evening long she had given him the impression, as if something was bothering her. Just like on their first evening at the ball. What was going on between Dumfrey and Moira? He thought about asking Moira directly, but then decided against it. Maybe she would tell him tonight what the scene was all about. But the night passed without Moira bringing up the conversation and he did not follow up.
Chapter 18
Something had awakened him. When he opened his eyes, it was still dark in the room. How late it might be, he did not know. He looked next to him and saw the empty side of the bed. Immediately he was wide awake and sat up. Was that it? Had he woken up because Moira had left the bed? Where was she?
He put on his robe and went barefoot to the bathroom. But it also was empty. He could not say exactly why, but suddenly he had a bad feeling. He hurriedly ran out of the room and down the stairs. He searched the downstairs rooms and the kitchen, but he could not find her anywhere. When he glanced out of the window in his office, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Moira was standing out there, barefoot and dressed only in her robe. Quickly he hurried to the back door, circled the house in seconds and saw her standing in front of him in the darkness. She did not seem to have heard him, for she was terribly frightened when he gently put his hand on her shoulders.
"Moira, what are you doing out here?"
Gently, he turned her to face him and saw the tears on her face. She was trembling all over, and instinctively he picked her up and carried her back into the house. Without a word she snuggled tightly against his chest like a child. She seemed so fragile at that moment that Robert brought her back upstairs to the bedchamber where he carefully lowered her onto the bed and then sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.
"What's wrong Moira?" he asked gently. "Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?"
She struggled with her tears. She didn't want him to see her like this. How was she supposed to explain to him what the reason was? It had been a terrible night. At first she had not been able to fall asleep, because she had searched frantically for a solution. She had not found it and when she finally had fallen asleep, she had had terrible dreams. Dreams in which first Dumfrey and then she herself did bad things to Robert. She had woken up and felt the need to get some fresh air. How easy it would be if she could confide in him. He would know what to do, because she could always count on him. He was the strong shoulder on which she found new strength. But she also had the words of Dumfrey buzzing in her ear, who had told her that if Robert ever found out, she would be dead to him and in danger of going to the gallows herself.
"Moira, please talk to me. What's wrong with you?"
In a voice choked with tears, she tried to form her words.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I had a bad dream."
"A nightmare? What was it?"
"If I did something that was worse than I was aware that it was, would you leave me? Stop loving me?"
"I don't understand what you mean. Why would you have done anything bad? Moira, you're scaring me. What's the matter? Does it have something to do with Dumfrey?"
"With Dumfrey?"
She was terrified. Did Robert suspect something?
"I saw you talking to him this evening, and it seemed to me that you were having a disagreement."
Relieved that he seemed to have no idea after all, she quickly added.
"No, there was nothing. I just got a little staggered and he grabbed my arm to support me.
I just had a nightmare and needed fresh air, but I'm better now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes absolutely, but maybe now is the right time to tell you something important. I've only known for a few days myself and I can't really believe it yet."
"What is it?"
"I'm having a baby."
Anxious to see his reaction, she looked him in his eyes and hoped to see the joy of the news there.
"Is it true? We're going to have a child? Moira, that is the most beautiful thing you could have told me.
I love you!"
"Really? I was so nervous to tell you."
"I guess that's why the nightmare. My God, we're going to be parents.”
Passionately he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Relieved that the message about the pregnancy had pushed the other topic to the background, she pulled him down to her and returned his kisses with the same devotion. She snuggled up to him, because she had to make sure he wouldn't let her go. Like a drowning woman, she clung to his body and arched toward him. Their bodies melted into each other and together they found fulfillment. The love they felt for each other tonight was worth doing everything in the world not to lose it. Even if it meant living with a lie for the rest of her life.
Robert sat dreamily at his desk. Actually, he had plenty of papers to sift through and correspondence to conduct, but he could hardly concentrate on his work today. His thoughts were constantly drifting to the past hours. It had probably been the most incredible night they had spent together in their short marriage. After he had put Moira to bed again they had made love to the point of exhaustion. Moira had been more passionate than ever before. And now she was expecting a child - his child. He had nothing against children, quite the opposite, but that it was already happening so quickly was something he had to think about. Was he really ready to become a father? Not that one could change it now, but he was still allowed to ask himself the question. He ran his hand through his hair and kneaded his neck. Boy oh boy, his parents would be happy to become grandparents, and he himself still had a little time to get used to the idea. It was something great coming their way. Robert was called back to the present when there was a knock at the door.
"Come in."
Samuel appeared in the doorway and came straight towards him.
"Good morning Robert. Here are the papers, you asked to see."
"Thank you, have a seat. Did you get home okay yesterday?"
"Yes, thank you again for inviting us. It was a lovely party."
"Yes, it was. What I wanted to say. I hope it meets with your approval. I have agreed with Moira that when your house is finished and you've moved in, we'll hire a governess to live at the orphanage and take care of the children when Eileen is not there. We think it's a good solution for all concerned. What do you say?"
"I agree, and I'll share that with Eileen later. She's already thought about it, and I know it will reassure her. Do you know yet whether you will lease the fallow fields again to get the costs for the house or will you use them for breeding?"
"I had thought of leasing, for th
e same reason as you, but it is Moira's inheritance and she has to decide about it. However, we haven't had much opportunity to talk about such business matters lately."
Samuel grinned mischievously as he opined:
"Yes, I heard that. You don't waste any time do you?"
Robert leaned forward and addressed his opposite in Mock indignation.
"Who ever gave you permission to speak to me with such disrespect? The one should really be scolded, but you are right. How come you already know about it? No, don't tell me. I can guess who told you. Eileen, is it true?"
"That's right. Congratulations, too. It's great news."
Robert leaned back again, relaxed and propped his elbows on the armrest.
"I admit it scares me a little, about becoming a father."
"Hey, it'll be fine. I have eight siblings and all of them are older than me and have been married longer. With eight married couples, there's always a baby on it’s way and I can tell you from experience of a large family, that it all works out. You'll see. Look forward to it."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Now something completely different. What do you know about Sir
Dumfrey?"
"Not much, actually. He moved into the Fellow sisters' estate a few years ago. It's this kind of dark castle-like mansion on the other side of the village, heading north."
Robert nodded to show him that he knew which house he was talking about. Samuel continued with his explanation: "The two sisters were never married. And six years ago the younger of the two died of pneumonia. When, then, I believe three or four years ago, the older one also died suddenly, Sir Dumfrey came here. As far as I know he is quite wealthy. Where he got his money, whether by birth, inheritance or good business fortune, no one really knows. He has no land or any other business that he calls his own, but he still owns a townhouse in Edinburgh. Your uncle was at his ball just before he died. Why are you interested in Dumfrey?"
When Love grows doubt Page 13
