by Alan Cumyn
So Dad drove me to Uncle Lorne. He looked around in the car like he’d never seen our fields before or the river or anything. He said a man can work so hard he doesn’t even see he is digging his own grave. He said he never really felt alive until he was working on his book and even then he felt 1/2 dead until he was finished but now he feels like a man walking in the world.
Even though we were driving.
Uncle Lorne was not happy about me wanting to play the pipes. I thought he would be. He taught me the loon call all right. But the pipes are different he said. If you play them wrong they sound like dogs fighting over someone’s garbage he said. And you have to be strong to blow the bag and keep it blown.
I said I would do pushups and practice blowing up pillow cases.
He said why do you want to play the pipes.
Because I can’t dance I said.
So he lent me his chanter. It is just one pipe with no bag or any other tentacles. Be careful of the reed he said. The reed is delicate.
I said — more delicate than Fillus?
So now I am practicing with the chanter. It’s not so hard. You blow into the mouth hole and finger the other holes and keeping blowing. He even lent me some music called the Lad’s Lamant which I don’t know what to do with. But he played the tune for me and I’m keeping it in my head and just finding where the sounds are with what fingers.
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
Do your parents sometimes confews confuse you? If you were here really and not Scottish dancing but just sitting with me on Uncle Lorne’s cot down in the basement and I wasn’t nervous but just me then I would ask you and maybe you would tell me.
Yesterday morning I got up early because I thought of something to write to you down in the basement. Nobody else was up and the house was dark as an old cave and then I saw Dad sleeping on the chesterfield with his bare foot sticking out of the blanket looking all cold. He sat up right away and pushed the blanket over the side like maybe I wouldn’t see it.
I said — why are you sleeping on the chesterfield?
And he said — O. His face looked all mushed and kicked up.
Then he went to make the porridge himself.
Mom came down and had her coffee. She looked at the floor like there was maybe something staining it and Dad looked hard at his porridge.
Then Mom left for work and Dad went to the garage where he is doing projects like sanding the rust off the old dead baby buggy in case someone wants to buy it for a lot of money. And Andy and Leonard and me went down to the river where we watched for enemy submarines and Leonard said — are Mom and Dad going to strangle each other?
And Andy said nothing. He just kept watching the water.
And Leonard said — I woke up last night.
And Andy said — it’s none of our business!
And Leonard said — Mom was crying so loud I heard her voice in the bedsprings. It’s because Dad doesn’t have a job since he finished his book.
And Andy said — writers don’t need to work! When his book comes out we’ll be rich!
And Leonard said — but she was crying about it.
And Andy said — she just doesn’t understand about stories! They don’t come from work. They come from other things.
Andy threw a big stone then in the water that splashed Leonard only Leonard stayed where he was wet and not even yowelling.
A story is like a big adventure right in your head — Andy said. But it doesn’t come in your head in an office when you are taking people’s money.
Dad wrote The Invisible Enshurince Man in an office! — Leonard said.
But he wasn’t taking people’s money! — Andy said. You take the money at the end when it’s a book.
When will that be? — Leonard asked.
Splash! He dumped his own big rock but Andy had already stepped back.
It probably takes a few weeks to make it all into a book — Andy said. But at least Dad already typed it up.
How will we get the money? — Leonard asked.
Andy was quiet about Leonard’s question. Finally he said — here’s how it works I think. The publisher makes a big pile of books of The Invisible Enshurince Man. Then they send them to the book store where everybody buys the book. Then Dad goes to the book store and picks up the money. That will be his new job once the book is ready. So he won’t go to the office any more.
Except to write another book! — Leonard said.
That’s why he’s in the garage with his projects — Andy said. When he hits off some rust from the baby buggy maybe he’ll think of something good for his next book. Maybe The Invisible Enshurince Man marries Rebecca and they have an invisible baby who has super powers!
Maybe he wants to fix the baby buggy to bring to the book store — Leonard said.
Why would he do that? Andy said. His jaw was sticking out just the way it does when he thinks you’ve said something stupid.
But Leonard stuck out his jaw too.
So he could put all his money in it! — he said.
Andy looked like he didn’t know if he should laugh or push Leonard in the river. But Leonard was already wet and anyway why make Mom even madder?
From,
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
Mom came home early today after house managing for the hotel. She even petted Sylvester and said she would cook dinner which made us all run around the house cheering. It was meatloaf that was much better than Dad’s.
She asked me to play the Lad’s Lamant which I almost got through and it wasn’t so bad. And she even said she would clean up the dishes because summer was almost over and we should run around outside and just be children which of course we are.
So we went outside.
Dad was cleaning the valves on the car. It has a lot of valves and they get very dirty and need constant attenshun attention or else the car won’t take Mom into Elgin to work for us. So he was doing a good job.
And Mom called out the window — did anybody check the mail?
There was nothing in the mail box.
But when I came back I saw a big package right on the front porch so close to the door no one noticed it. HORACE SKYE it said on it which is Dad.
There’s a big package for you Dad on the porch — I yelled. It felt even heavier than 1 ton soup.
What is it? Dad yelled back.
And then I knew what it was. The name of the publisher was on the label: Scrivener and Sons.
It’s your book! I yelled. They published your book!
So everyone came running out. Mom looked like a great big sail was blowing her across the ocean. And Leonard was so excited he couldn’t stay on either foot but kept hopping around. And Andy was hollering and his arms giggled and Dad wiped his black hands all over his shirt.
I lifted up the hole big package of books and carried it over to him. He took it like a big crown and Mom kissed him and she said — Horace you’re getting grease everywhere! Let me open it!
Which she did with her long thumbnail.
I was right. It was Dad’s book. But it wasn’t published. They sent back just the same pages he sent them. With a little letter that said Deer sir and We regret and other things.
It wasn’t a very long letter for such a big book.
Some of the pages started to blow around in the wind. So Leonard and I ran and picked them up and kept them from Sylvester who was biting at them. And we put them back in order. They only got a little dirty.
Dad had his mouth open like a fish and he kept reading the letter over and over.
And Mom snapped the screen door shut WHACK!
If there weren’t numbers on the pages we would have had a harder time putting them all back together.
We all left Dad with his sad letter. Mom was in the garden on her knees pulling out weeds so fast they never h
ad a chance. So we climbed up the apple tree and sat in the branches like we do when we are defending the village from enemy craft.
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
It was an offal thing for The Invisible Enshurince Man to come back just in pages like that. Dad sat in his chair in the living room and we asked and we asked could we turn on the TV and he didn’t even answer. Mom said Shh! just go up to bed but it was still light out and not bedtime.
We could just hear them talking down the stairs.
There are other publishers — Mom said.
Dad didn’t say anything.
Lots of writers get reggectted rejected in the beginning — Mom said.
Dad didn’t say anything.
And they try again — she said. Maybe there’s a different book you can write.
Dad didn’t say anything.
Maybe this 1 needs a little more work — Mom said.
He already had 487 pages! How much more work was there to do! I thought.
Mom and Dad talked some more and some more. But they weren’t shouting and there were no big hurricanes. I thought maybe he should send the book back because everybody goofs sometimes and even publishers should get another chance.
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
I played the Lad’s Lamant for Uncle Lorne today on the chanter and he said I got a lot of it right. So I said can I try it on the bagpipe and he said he would think about it. So I said I really wanted to play it on the bagpipe and he said maybe after I practice some more. So I said it would be really great if I could try it just try it on the bagpipe and he looked at me almost as tired as Dad and I said it would make a big difference for my practicing if I could just try please just once on the bagpipe.
So we went out to the field behind the chicken house as far from Fillus’s crib as we could get without climbing a fence and going into the woods.
Sadie came too because she’s not afraid of anything any more.
First Uncle Lorne started it up. You have to blow and blow the bag like it’s a big balloon that’s going to fly you across the Dutch Alps. It stays under your left arm like a cat you just found and you squeeze it like you don’t want it to get away but not so hard it will claw you either.
And the drones start to hum. They have their own music they keep up separate like Dad sleeping on the chesterfield which he does sometimes.
Then you keep blowing into the bag but it’s not like blowing into the chanter because the bag blows for you! All you have to do is remember the Lad’s Lamant.
Which I didn’t. Because the bag started to get away and then 2 of the drone reeds got tetchy and stopped droning and I had to start them again and then in the middle of all the screeching my fingers forgot the Lamant. Which you might wonder how is that possible since I practiced and practiced so much but it’s different playing with a cat yowelling under your arm.
Sadie danced around the Paw Debask as much as she could which wasn’t much since she couldn’t stop laughing and covering her ears.
But I liked it. I really want to try again.
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
The Invisible Enshurince Man is sitting on Dad’s desk not moving. Dad is sitting too but not at his typewriter. He is at the breakfast table not reading the newspaper not even the funnies.
I have been practicing and practicing the Lad’s Lamant on the chanter but it isn’t cheering him up. Once I get Uncle Lorne’s bagpipes going then Dad will be dancing and hollering just like when Lorne was playing them.
We drove into Elgin yesterday to see Mom’s new hotel and to get new clothes for school which cannot be stopped. But it might be a releef relief after how nervous it has been at home especially since Scrivener and Sons made such a bad mistake.
And so we went into Mom’s hotel which is called Quincy not Kwincy. She said we had to sit on the bench and just be quiet for 1/2 a moment while she did something. So we sat. Leonard said I guess we aren’t poor any more.
Shhh! — Andy said.
Because we’re going shopping for new clothes — Leonard said.
Then Mom came back with some bags already full of clothes. She said they were left behind by guests more than a year ago and so we got to choose. There were hats and a jacket and belts and even a monackle monocle which is like a magnifying glass that sticks right in your eye socket. Andy took it right away and then he wore it like a spy lord. And he got a pair of men’s shoes that will fit if he wears a lot of socks. Mom made me try on the jacket and I suppose it will fit if I eat a piano.
Leonard said I guess we’re still poor.
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
It has been a long time since I wrote to you even though I have been thinking about you and the letters all along. Here’s what happened and I will have to start at the beginning.
It wasn’t my fault.
I was standing at the bedroom window the night after we left the hotel in Elgin with our new clothes that aren’t even new and don’t fit anybody. I was remembering this day exactly last year when I didn’t want school to start again because you went to Elgin and wouldn’t be just across the classroom any more. And I was looking at the oak tree.
I felt the puff of wind. Just on my face.
I turned back to go to bed.
The old oak tree looked darker just for a second so I looked at it again and it was darker and closer.
Then the house started to move! Right toward the tree! Like we were on a ship and the water pushed us up! CRASH!
The house wasn’t moving at all.
It was the tree smashing down on the house!
Maybe you read about us in the newspaper and saw the picture. How the hole house is crumpled over. It looked funny in the picture but really the window broke and a big branch reached right in and pushed me to the ground and part of the roof broke and Leonard bit down so hard on his thumb he chewed himself and Mom burst in yelling for us all to come her way and Sylvester started licking Leonard’s thumb and Dad was right behind with an ax and Andy wanted us to climb out the hole and down the fallen tree to the ground or what good would it be as an adventure?
It wasn’t good at all. Maybe an earthquake or a hurricane would be a good adventure but this was just a big old tree giving up and crashing over onto a tired house and nearly killing us.
But we’re all right.
We went down the stairs which now had a tree beside them and then stood around outside and looked at our house. It looked like the big roots of the tree gave up grabbing the earth and instead thought they would reach for the sky for a while and so the tree toppled and the house caught it falling like a pillow catches your punch. But you can’t just fluff up a house again.
Mom was crying. She said — what else is going to happen to us?
But Dad said — it’s all right! I have the Enshurince!
I opened up the old doors for the coal shoot to the basement. Mom said Owen where are you going? I said I just had to get something. But she said no it’s unsafe!
The house was groaning and moaning a lot. Like it was the Bog Man’s house in the woods.
Leonard said Dad you have to get the Invisible Enshurince Man!
But Dad said no it’s all right.
But it’s trapped in your office! Leonard said.
Dad said to just leave it.
But you did all that work!
Neighbors were there by then and making a big fuss and everybody said look at that and what a miracle nobody was hurt and still I wanted to go into the basement.
To get the box with your letters.
But then Uncle Lorne came in his truck and there was nothing anybody could do in the dark so we drove away.
Love,
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
We are staying with Uncle Lorne and Ant Lorrai
ne. It is 4 grownups and 5 kids and 1 baby and 2 dogs. Their dog is Rex who is hard on Sylvester. Just 1 growl and Sylvester flaps back his ears and grins stupidly and his tail gets all tangled between his legs so Rex growls again. Sadie grabs Rex’s collar and says his name slowly and Sylvester wiggles around and worries which is very embarasing.
We are sleeping in every bit of the house. The boys are on the floor in the parlor which is the living room and the girls are sleeping upstairs in the hallway and Mom and Dad are in Sadie and Eleanor’s room and Uncle Lorne and Ant Lorraine are in their room and Fillus gets her own room because she still might go off any moment like a bomb.
I can’t stop thinking about the old house. Dad said the Enshurince is going to bring a bulldozer to flatten it and we will begin all over again with just money. We haven’t even started school yet because we don’t know where we are going to be living. It will take some time for a new house to be built and anyway do we still want to live in the country when Mom works in Elgin all the time? So maybe we are moving to Elgin!
But it’s not going to be right until I go into the basement and get back all your letters. I don’t want the bulldozer mucking them and the mud just sliding over them and I don’t want some other house built on top of them!
And Dad shouldn’t give up either on all his work just because 1 stupid publisher wrote a bad letter.
Yours,
Owen
Deer Sylvia,
Here is our plan.
Andy and Leonard and me are going to sneak out of the house tonight and walk back over the bridge and along the highway to our house. We are going to get back everything important before the bulldozer buries it. Andy is going to get the big kitchen torch flashlight and Leonard will get Mom’s jewelry box and I am going to get The Invisible Enshurince Man and then I will get your letters.
Then the house can fall down if it wants to.
Owen
PSST! I borrowed the bagpipes today and stood out in the field behind the chicken house and did the Lad’s Lamant as loud as I could against the wind. Did you hear it?
How is your class this year?
I think probably you saw the picture of the house in the newspaper and then you didn’t know where I was so that’s why you didn’t call. But when you read these letters you’ll know all about it.
