Witch is How The Tables Turned

by Adele Abbott

  “Not just table tops. Sigourney was never a particularly powerful witch, so she set out her stall to specialise in one particular area of magic. The woman can make anything spin—hence the nickname.”

  “How can we reverse her spell?”

  “It’s doable, but it would take a lot of time. It would be much easier to persuade her to do it.”

  “How can we do that? We don’t even know where she is.”

  “I think I might know. Take my hand.”

  I did as she said, and the next moment we were in Candlefield, standing outside a pub, which at first glance appeared to be derelict, but on closer examination was obviously still plying its trade to anyone brave enough to venture inside. The name of the pub was The Spinning Top.

  “This place is a dump,” I said, as Grandma led the way inside.

  “It is now, but in my day, this was the ‘In’ place.”

  “What does she look like?” I glanced around at the assembled crowd of reprobates and ne’er-do-wells.

  “Exactly like the woman on that stool next to the bar.”

  Appropriately enough, the woman in question was spinning slowly around on the stool, and didn’t notice Grandma and me approaching.

  “Sigourney Sidelamp, long time no see,” Grandma said.

  “Mirabel? Mirabel Millbright? Is that really you?”

  “Who else would it be? Do you know another witch as beautiful as this?”

  “Come here, Mirabel.” She jumped down from the stool. “Give us a hug.”

  Grandma had never been one for hugs, or any other show of affection for that matter, but she allowed the woman to embrace her for a few seconds before pulling away.

  “Who’s this beautiful young woman with you?”

  “This is my granddaughter, Jill.”

  “Can I buy you both a drink?”

  “Not today, Sigourney. This isn’t a social call, I’m afraid.”

  “Oh?”

  “You have upset my grandchildren.”

  “But I’ve never seen Jill before.”

  “I’m not talking about Jill. I have two other granddaughters, Amber and Pearl, they run a certain tea room and cakeshop here in Candlefield.”

  Sigourney’s face fell. “I had no idea, Mirabel. I would never have—”

  “I know that, dear, but now that you do know?”

  “I’ll rectify it immediately, obviously.”

  “That’s very kind of you.”

  “I really am sorry, Mirabel. Are you sure you won’t allow me to buy you a drink, by way of an apology?”

  “That’s not necessary, and besides, I have to get back to the human world. I have a lot of things on my plate at the moment.”

  “Another time, maybe?”

  “Maybe, but not in this den of iniquity.”

  “Anywhere, anytime. It would be good to catch up.”

  “We have to get back now.” Grandma turned to me. “You’d better check in at Cuppy C, to make sure all is well. I need to get back to my real work.”

  “Okay, Grandma, and I’d just like to say—”

  Too late; she’d already disappeared.

  “The tables have stopped spinning!” Pearl came rushing over to me. “What did you do?”

  “It seems that the woman you threw out the other day is an old friend of Grandma’s who goes by the nickname of the Spinster. She took offence at the way she was treated, so she exacted her revenge accordingly.”

  “What did Grandma do?”

  “She didn’t need to do much at all. As soon as Sigourney, that’s the Spinster’s real name, realised that you were Grandma’s granddaughters, she was full of apologies and reversed the spell she’d cast.”

  “Thanks, Jill, you’re a life-saver.”

  “Do I get a reward?”

  “No, but you can come and help to clear up the mess, as payment for the muffin you stole.”

  Typical. That’s all the thanks I get.

  ***

  By the time I’d finished helping to clean up Cuppy C, I was whacked. I’d had more than enough for one day, so once I’d magicked myself back to Washbridge, I called the office.

  “I’m headed home now, Mrs V.”

  “I thought you’d already gone home.”

  “I did but the tubbers woke me up, so I went to check out the house where Theo Crane was held captive.”

  “Tubbers? Are they some kind of rodent? I have the same problem with mice; the little blighters make one heck of a noise under the floorboards.”

  “They’re definitely rodents, but much bigger than mice. It’s okay now, though, I think I’ve put an end to their little game.”

  “Good for you. You’re not working again tonight, are you?”

  “No, thank goodness. I intend to have a lazy weekend. Do you have anything planned?”

  “Yes, Armi has booked us on a park tour weekend. I’m really looking forward to it.”

  “That sounds like fun. Just one more thing: Are there any messages?”

  “A Carol Simms called to ask if you were the same Jill Maxwell who repaired tandems.”

  The sooner that additional sign was up, the better.

  ***

  “What did you do to poor old Monty?” Jack said when I walked through the door.

  “I haven’t done anything to him. Why?”

  “When I got home from work, the man was practically hysterical. He dragged me next door, to show me the crabs in his hot tub.”

  “Why did he put crabs in there?”

  “He didn’t; someone else must have.” He hesitated. “I thought maybe you’d—”

  “I’d what?”

  “I know how much you hate that hot tub. I thought perhaps this was your way of getting rid of it.”

  “You have a very low opinion of me. I’d never resort to such underhand tactics. And besides, we have a no-magic pact, don’t we?”

  “Sorry. I jumped to conclusions.”

  “That’s okay. Why don’t you make dinner, and we’ll say no more about it?”

  While Jack was preparing dinner, Kathy called.

  “What are you doing tonight, Jill?”

  “Why?”

  “Some more flowers were taken from the gardens at Washbridge House last night.”

  “Again? What about Peter’s guys? Didn’t they see anything?”

  “No, and they’re adamant that they didn’t fall asleep.”

  “Do you believe them?”

  “Pete does, but then he always has been too trusting. I wondered if you might be able to help out?”

  “What can I do?”

  “If you could keep guard overnight, you’d be bound to spot something—just a minute, Pete’s shouting something. It’s Jill. I know you said not to ask her, but—”

  The next thing I knew, Peter came on the line. “Jill, I’m sorry about this. I told Kathy she shouldn’t bother you with it.”

  “It’s no bother. I’ll help if I can, but there’s nothing I can do tonight. I worked undercover last night, so even if I tried to stay awake, I’d be bound to fall asleep.”

  “It’s alright. I plan to stay there myself tonight. Whoever is doing this won’t get past me.”

  “Okay, but if you need my help on Saturday, let me know.”

  “Thanks. I’ll hand you back to Kathy.”

  “There goes my evening out, then,” she grumbled.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Pete and I were supposed to be going to see the local amateur operatic society’s production of Guys and Dolls. I don’t suppose you fancy it, do you?”

  “I’d rather poke my eyes out with a red-hot poker than sit through that, but I know someone who would enjoy it. Jack! Oh, Jack!”

  Chapter 14

  “You missed out big time last night,” Jack said, as he poured himself a glass of orange juice. “The show was fabulous.”

  “Hmm? Did Kathy enjoy it?”

  “She loved it. The amateur operatic company are looking for new members.
We should sign up.”

  “We as in you and Kathy?”

  “No. I meant you and me. You were only saying the other day that we should find a common interest.”

  “I can’t sing.”

  “There are non-singing parts too. Or you could work behind the scenes.”

  “While you’re centre-stage, getting all the plaudits, I suppose?”

  “I’d make a good leading man. What do you say?”

  “I’ll think about it. Anyway, what shall we do today?”

  “We could go into town. I need some new shoes for work.”

  “Shoe shopping? I thought we might do something a bit more exciting than that. Pour me some juice, would you?”

  “Something more exciting like what?”

  “I don’t know.” I took a sip of juice and almost spat it out. “This isn’t orange.”

  “I never said it was.”

  “It’s horrible. What is it?”

  “Carrot juice.”

  “Who drinks carrot juice?”

  “I do. It’s good for you.”

  “Good for rabbits, maybe. You can keep it.” I pushed the glass away. “How about we take a drive to the coast?”

  “Okay, where would—” He was cut off mid-sentence by his phone ringing. “Jack Maxwell. Morning, boss. Right. Right. Yes, of course. Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “You must be joking!” I said.

  “Sorry, I have to go in. A body’s been found in West Chipping town centre.”

  “Can’t it wait until Monday?”

  “It looks like murder.”

  “What about my trip to the coast?”

  “Sorry, petal.” He gave me a carroty kiss, which was almost as bad as a muesli one. “I have no choice.”

  Great! The perfect start to the weekend.

  ***

  Home alone again. That’ll teach me to marry a policeman.

  Still, after another busy week, I was determined that nothing was going to spoil my weekend.

  “Morning, Jill!”

  Oh bum! I’d only stepped outside to get something from the car.

  “Morning, Monty.”

  “Did Jack tell you what happened to Rubadub?”

  “To what? Oh, you mean the hot tub. He said something about lobsters.”

  “Crabs.”

  “Right. I assumed you must have been pulling his leg. Very gullible is Jack.”

  “It’s no joke, Jill. There were five crabs in the tub. One of them nipped Gordy.”

  “Is he the guy with all the body hair?”

  “How did you know that?”

  Oh bum! How could I have known about the man with all the body hair unless I’d seen what had happened? “Err—his name sounds like someone who would have a lot of body hair.”

  “Gordy and the others think I did it deliberately.”

  “That’s very unfair. I suppose this means that tomorrow’s hot tub party will have to be cancelled?”

  “Certainly not. It will take more than a few crabs to stop Montgomery Ivers. The party will go ahead as planned, and I trust you and Jack will be there?”

  “I—err—I’m not sure—”

  “Jack said he was looking forward to it.”

  “Did he? Right.”

  “I’d better get going, Jill. Lots of preparation still to do for tomorrow.”

  Drat! I’d thought the crabs would do the trick, but it seemed I would need to bring out the big guns if I was to avoid spending Sunday with Ivers and Rubadub.

  I was about to head back into the house when someone else called to me.

  “Hello, there!” It was Pauline Maker from across the road.

  The Makers were my kind of neighbours. Since she and her husband, Shawn, had moved in, I’d seen and heard very little from them. Why couldn’t my other neighbours take a leaf out of their book?

  “Morning, Pauline.”

  “Jill, I feel terrible about having to ask you, but I’m in desperate need of a favour.”

  I’d spoken too soon.

  “What’s that?”

  “It won’t take up much of your time, I promise. It’s just that Shawn’s mother has suddenly been taken ill, so we have to go down there.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It sounds as though she’s through the worst, but Shawn wants to check for himself. We should be back late tomorrow.”

  “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

  “It would be easier for me to show you. Do you have a minute?”

  “Err, yeah, sure.”

  I followed her across the road. The inside of their house was the same bomb site as on my previous visit. It looked more like the shop floor of an assembly plant than somewhere to live.

  “Shawn’s in the lounge.”

  The ‘lounge’ had no furniture that I could see. Shawn was standing next to a workbench, working on some weird-looking contraption. He hadn’t seen us come in, and he couldn’t hear us for the drill he was using.

  “Shawn!” Pauline shouted. “Shawn!”

  He still hadn’t heard, so she was forced to tap him on the shoulder.

  “Sorry.” He turned off the drill. “I didn’t see you there.”

  “I’ve asked Jill if she’ll help us out, but you’ll have to show her what she needs to do.”

  “Thanks, Jill,” he said. “Pauline has told you about my mother, I assume?”

  “Yes, I hope she’s okay.”

  “She’s a tough old bird. I’m sure she’ll be fine. Can you come over here and I’ll talk you through this?”

  I was already beginning to regret having agreed to help.

  “This is the BHV, my latest invention.”

  “BHV?”

  “Black hole vacuum. If you’re anything like us, you’ll be dissatisfied with the conventional vacuum cleaners. They work okay for a while, but then they become less and less efficient. Plus, it can take an awfully long time to vacuum a large house. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  “I guess.” After the unmitigated disaster of trying to hire a cleaner, I now used magic to clean the house, so it wasn’t something I had to concern myself with, but I could hardly share that with the Makers.

  He continued, “That’s why I came up with the BHV.”

  “Right.”

  “You’re probably wondering how it works?”

  “Actually, I don’t really—”

  “I’ll tell you. It generates a pseudo black hole.”

  Oh boy! This guy really had lost the plot.

  “And you know what black holes do, don’t you, Jill?” He didn’t wait for me to reply. “They suck everything into them.”

  “Okay?”

  “You might say that they’re the ultimate vacuum cleaner.”

  I was more likely to have said: why are you such a nutter?

  “What exactly is it that you need me to do?”

  “Do you see that timer?”

  “Those numbers counting down?”

  “That’s the one. The machine is charging at the moment and will be for another twenty-four hours. When it reaches zero, I need you to press that button there.”

  “The red one?”

  “No!” He shouted. “Whatever you do, don’t press the red button. You have to press the orange one next to it.”

  “They both look red to me.”

  “Not if you look closely. The one on the right is more orangey.”

  “Might it have been better to have one green button and one red one?”

  “Normally, I would have done, but I ran out of green buttons, so I had to make do with orange.”

  “Okay. What else do I have to do?”

  “Nothing. That’s it.”

  “That sounds straightforward enough.”

  “It is, but you must make sure you press the switch when the counter reaches zero.”

  “What if I’m late?”

  “It won’t matter as long as you do it within a couple of hours of it finishing its countdow
n.”

  “I should be able to manage that.”

  “Whatever you do, though, you mustn’t press the switch before the counter reaches zero.”

  “What would happen if I did?”

  “I’m not exactly sure, but it wouldn’t be good. Are you sure you’ll be okay with this?”

  “Yeah. I press the orange button within two hours of the timer reaching zero.”

  “That’s it. Thanks very much for doing this, Jill.”

  “No problem.”

  “I’ll let you have a key for the back door.”

  I didn’t trust my memory, so I set an alarm on my phone for the next day, to remind me to go and press the orange button on the Makers’ weird contraption.

  ***

  With nothing better to do, I decided to pay a visit to Aunt Lucy.

  “Hi, Jill. It’s not often I get to see you at the weekend.”

  “Jack’s left me on my lonesome again.”

  “Is he working?”

  “Yeah, he got called in because there’s a suspected murder in West Chipping.”

  “Cup of tea?”

  “That would be lovely.”

  “I have cupcakes.” She shouted from the kitchen.

  “I shouldn’t really.”

  “Okay.”

  “But I will. It’s the least I deserve, seeing as I’ve been abandoned for the day. These flowers are lovely, Aunt Lucy.”

  “They are, and they smell gorgeous. By the way, thanks for helping the twins yesterday.”

  “I didn’t really do much. It was all down to Grandma.”

  “I believe the Spinster was behind it, wasn’t she?”

  “Yeah, do you know her?”

  “I certainly do. When I was a girl, I made the mistake of being cheeky to her. I was on a roundabout in the park at the time. She set that thing spinning around so quickly, it threw me off.”

  Aunt Lucy brought the tea and cakes through. As always, the cupcakes were delicious.

  “I take it Barry isn’t here or he’d have made an appearance by now.”

  “He’s at Dolly’s again. He spends as much time down there as he does here. Not that I’m complaining.”

  “Is Rhymes okay?”

  “Don’t mention that tortoise to me.”

  “Oh dear. What’s he done now?”

  “It seems that it’s the 3T Poetry competition next week.”