She stood, carefully catching her balance as she did, and she pushed her way to her room. Pansy tried to follow, but Rose told her she needed to be left alone. She closed the door, right in Pansy’s face, and didn’t open it again, even when Pansy protested loudly.
“You can’t stay alone forever! You know that, don’t you? Think of your child! You might be happy thinking of Frank forever, but will they be? How are they going to grow up properly without a Pa?”
“Hush! I said leave me be!”
Rose blew out the lamp so it was dark in her room, and laid on the bed. As she stared at the ceiling, a thousand emotions flooded through her. She didn’t want to admit it, not even to herself, but they were right.
She couldn’t force her child to grow up without a father, even if she did want to live in the memory of Frank.
“I guess I’ll have to do something. Don’t you worry, I am going to take care of this.”
Rose whispered softly, so no one else in the house could hear, then she rolled over onto her side and faced the wall. It wasn’t long before sleep claimed her.
Chapter 2 – The Discussion
Rose stayed in her room the rest of the night. She woke several times, but she didn’t really want to go out and see her sister. She knew Pansy would be waiting for her chance to pounce, and Rose didn’t want to give it to her.
Whether she married again or not was nobody’s business but her own, so she really wished her sister would just drop the issue.
I’m sure by now she has. I am going out there to get breakfast, and when they come out I am going to keep the topic away from marriage.
Rose was sitting on the edge of her bed, buttoning up her dress. It was getting difficult to wear this one, with the buttons that reached all the way to the floor. Her growing belly was always in the way of what she was trying to do, and the things she was used to doing on a day to day basis were becoming increasingly uncomfortable.
Rose opened the door and peered out. The house was quiet in the early morning hours. Though the sun was starting to come up and the light was gray, Pansy didn’t have any animals so the need to get up early never bothered her.
Rose slipped silently to the kitchen, and picked up the basket of eggs. She told herself she needed to write a note to Annabelle thanking her for giving them her extra eggs. Resolving to have that be her goal for the day, Rose tied on her apron.
“Oh, I am glad to see you up. You went to bed so early yesterday, I didn’t get to tell you what was on my mind.”
Rose paused. She knew her sister would hear her get up, and she had a sneaking feeling her sister would come out to the kitchen to speak with her. Rose hoped Pansy would refrain, but here she was.
“Pansy, as I said last night-“
Rose tried to explain, but her sister interrupted her.
“Rose, Mother and I have an exciting announcement for you. You see, Mother has a dear friend up in New York State, and her son is of eligible age… he’s not that much younger than you, in fact… anyway, he’s asked for your hand in marriage, and we have agreed!”
Rose dropped the bowl that was in her hands and whirled around to face her sister. She wasn’t quite sure she had heard her sister correctly, so she asked her to repeat what she had just said.
“You can’t give me away! You are my sister! You have no rights to such a thing, and mother is so sick these days, she probably didn’t know what she was agreeing to!”
Tears were forming in Rose’s eyes. She felt both humiliated and infuriated. Her sister was known to make crazy assumptions before, but nothing compared to this.
“Why don’t you marry him? For goodness sakes you have never had a husband!”
“There’s no need to shout, you will wake Mother with your hysterics. I am not going to marry him because he specifically asked for you, and as you are already with child, there will be an heir lined up before you know it!”
Pansy stood up and smoothed her nightshirt.
“I am going to get dressed now, dear sister, and I think you should really settle yourself down. You have the baby to think about in more ways than just one, and when you get all worked up it isn’t good for either one of you.
I know you and Humphry are going to get along fine, and you will have someone to care for yourself and the child. I don’t have the funds or the space quite frankly. This is the best decision!”
With that, Pansy was gone, and Rose was alone once again. She felt her heart racing, and sat down on the chain next to the table. She briefly wondered what right her sister had in all of this, but then she realized Pansy was right. There was nobody that would hire her in the state she was in, and if Pansy wouldn’t let her stay, she was going to be homeless.
I can’t be on the streets with a child, and I wouldn’t put it past her to do such a thing to me. She gave me away for goodness sake! Who knows what that girl is capable of?
Rose took off her apron and walked to her room. She didn’t know what she was going to do, but breakfast was suddenly the last thing on her mind. If she wanted to get out of this, she had to get out of here, and soon. For all she knew, her sister could have Humphry on his way.
I’ll take a walk around town, maybe there will be someone looking for hired help or a nanny. I can do that.
Rose paused in front of the mirror, and bent over as far as she could reach. Her belly made it difficult to button the buttons that were nearly to the floor, but with her ambition of finding a job, Rose knew she had to look as good as she could.
She tied on her bonnet and sighed. Feeling that this was as good as she could look in her condition, she straightened her bow and slipped on her shoes.
“Ready or not world, here I come.”
And with that, she was out the door.
Chapter 3 – A Walk On The Town
Rose expected to feel differently when she left the house. She hoped that feeling of overwhelming stress would dissolve, but nothing happened. She still felt as stressed as she did before this morning, and wondered if she even felt it stronger now than before.
With how stressed I was before, I don’t know how I could feel it stronger now, but it’s no matter. I am going to find a job, or a place to live, or both.
Rose lifted her skirts so she could walk quickly without fear of tripping on them. She thought it was funny how she used to move quickly without ever a thought of tripping, but now that she had to be so careful all the time, she took every precaution as it came up. There was no sense in risking any kind of harm if she could help it, and lifting up her skirt to make walking easier was definitely something she could help.
There were a few other people out on the street, but Rose didn’t pay them any mind. She didn’t know how many people were in on her sister’s plan. Pansy was certainly one that liked to talk, and the more she could discuss with the whole town before she discussed it with her own sister, the happier she would be.
Rose thought of the time when they were just kids and she had wanted to enter her chicken in the fair. Pansy had taken it upon herself to do the work for her sister, and before Rose even knew what was happening, there were people giving her all kinds of advice on how to care for her chicken in preparation.
Ever since Frank had passed, many of the people in town gave Rose space. She didn’t know if this was something else her sister had handled, or if she just looked sad, but whatever the case, they didn’t seem to want to talk to her any more than she wanted to talk to them.
After what felt like miles, though it was only a short walk, Rose came upon the courthouse. At first she had considered going to the general store, but she knew the store owner really liked Pansy, and would no doubt tell her sister everything she said and did.
I want to get a job myself, and pick out where I am going to live myself. I don’t need Pansy to do any of this for me, in fact I would highly rather she just stayed out of it as much as possible.
Rose paused for a moment outside the door of the courthouse. It was a huge building, right
in the center of Boston. The courthouse was the town’s pride and joy, and Rose never got over her awe of the beauty. The old building stood tall and proud, the American flag still waving outside in the breeze.
The sight of the building filled Rose with a sense of peace. She didn’t know why. Perhaps it had something to do with how old it was, and how it stood even through the course of the wars. Perhaps it was the stability. She had loved this building since she was a child, and the sight of it now, standing tall and unchanged, made her feel a lot better.
Once inside, Rose hurried to the side wall. That was the place to be if you wanted to catch up on the gossip of the town, learn of any of the news happening around the country, or if you were looking for business of some kind. People from all over the town and the surrounding areas would write ads and articles, posting them all on this wall.
Rose saw papers for all sorts of things. One lady was trying to sell gowns. Another was selling her eggs. There was a man on there looking for blacksmith work, and another offering to sell his farm in trade for a buggy and horses. Rose skimmed the ads, looking for something that spoke to her, but nothing did at first.
A sinking feeling filled her heart, and she turned to go, but something prompted her to stay a little while longer. She turned back to the wall and looked up and down at the papers that were strewn about the wall, and sighed.
Who am I kidding? There’s nobody that is going to hire me when I am this close to my time. I would have to quit as soon as I started. Not to mention I wouldn’t have a prayer of making enough money to get my own place before the baby comes.
With a defeated look, Rose turned to go, but at that moment, someone walked in through the door, and the breeze kicked up the papers that were on the wall. Rose turned back to see the commotion, and noticed that there were more papers underneath the papers that were in front.
Her curiosity got the best of her, and she carefully lifted the corner of one of the papers. Underneath there was part of a newspaper article. Next to that was another article, and next to that one there was another sheet of ads. Rose still felt discouraged, but she decided taking a look under these papers couldn’t hurt.
All of the job listings were old, but another kind of ad caught her eye. She grabbed the piece of paper and pulled it off the wall.
It read:
In search of a bride. I am a rancher out in Montana, and I am looking for a kind young woman that will come out here to marry me and make this house a home. I don’t have much to offer you, but I will promise to treat you right, give you the things you need, and care for you.
I look forward to meeting you.
Greg Hardy
Rose skimmed the note over and over, trying to dissuade herself from the thoughts that were piling up in her mind.
Pansy did say I can’t raise this child all on my own, so why don’t I give another marriage a shot? I know I can handle it, and this man sounds kind. I know for a fact Humphry isn’t the kind of man I would want to be seen with, let along married to.
That settles it then, I am going to reply to this before I change my mind, and with any luck, I will be on the road tomorrow.
Chapter 4 – The Plan
Rose avoided her mother and sister when she returned home. Neither one of them were in the house, and when Rose peered out of the back curtain, she could see they were in the garden. It was difficult to see what they were doing exactly, but to Rose it looked as though they were having some tea.
Rose hurried back to her room and closed the door, pulling in the drawstring so she might have some secure privacy. She had gotten tired of her sister always walking in on her when she was in the middle of something, so she convinced her mother to put up a drawstring.
When she was in the room, she could pull the drawstring in and nobody could enter the room without her opening the door for them. Rose felt better once she had the door latched, but only slightly. She also drew the curtains over the window. It would be unlikely for her sister to come peering in through the window, but if it did happen, she didn’t Pansy to see what she was up to.
Once she felt secure, Rose pulled the ad out of her pocket, and laid it on the bed. She suddenly felt her mind go blank. What was she going to write? The blank page just stared back at her, waiting for her to make a move.
Suddenly, her pen met the paper, and she just started talking. She didn’t know what to say and what not to say, what she should make sure to include or the things she shouldn’t and let him find out later on. All in all, she had no idea what she was going to say, and the more she wrote, the more seemed to come out.
By the time Rose stopped to read over what she had written, she had filled the entire page with a letter. She didn’t say much in particular, but she did ramble on quite a bit. There were things in the letter Rose wondered if she ought to take out, but there were other things in the letter she thought she could have said more on.
I guess this is going to have to do. His address is in the southern part of Montana, borderline Wyoming, so I imagine if I get the start I want to get then I won’t be far behind this letter.
Rose let her gaze turn to the curtain over her window. It was getting later in the afternoon now, and the sun was taking on a softer glow. Rose always liked the evening, it made her feel peaceful, and like the day was well spent, even if she didn’t do much with her day.
Part of her wanted to slip out the front door once more, and try to get down to the creek to take a stroll, but just as she was about to open her door, she heard the back door open to the house. Rose let the drawstring fall from her hand, grateful that it fell back into place silently.
“Rose! Rose! I say, are you home?”
Pansy’s aggravating tone filled the house, and she could hear her sister say something to their mother. She couldn’t make out what their mother said in return, but she heard the sound of footsteps quickly approaching her door.
Rose silently fell away from the door, trying to sit down onto her bed in silence as well.
“Rose! I know you are in there. That door was open this morning, and the drawstring is pulled in. I will have you know that you have no right to lock me out of a room in my own house, and I require that you answer me!”
Rose fought the anger that swelled up inside her. She hated how her sister treated her, and the way she spoke to her now almost pushed her over the edge. She thought of whipping open the door and giving her sister a piece of her mind. Let her see how it felt to have someone up in your face telling you everything you don’t want to hear.
Instead, Rose calmly stood up, and deliberately walked over to the door. She knew her sister could hear her footsteps approaching the door, and when she reached it, she held her breath for a moment to listen for her sister’s breathing.
“Pansy, I told you I am not going to marry Humphry. That is the end of that topic. And furthermore, I am an adult, and this is my room. Yes, I know it is in your house, but that doesn’t mean I am not entitled to the privacy that I want. If you absolutely need something, I can answer you, but unless that is the case, I will thank you to leave me alone.”
Rose felt empowered at that moment. It was rare for her to stand up to anyone, let alone her sister. She heard her sister gasp out on the hall, and start to say something, then she heard her turn on her heel and walk away. Rose smiled to herself, and laid back down on her bed.
She knew her sister’s habits, and in a couple of hours she would be in the fields picking wildflowers. When she did that, Rose would go to the post office and mail her letter. Then, with any luck on her side, she would get her own start tomorrow, and be on her way.
It all seemed to be coming together at last for Rose, and for the first time in a long time, she felt genuinely happy.
Chapter 5 – Heading Out
Later the next day, Rose sat in her room. The door was open now, her mother and sister had gone into town to do errands. Rose already mailed her letter. She had once again gotten up long before her companions and was there a
nd back again before they were even awake.
With the house to herself, Rose was able to see what she needed to pack for her journey. It was difficult to know what to bring on a trip that she knew she wasn’t going to come back from. If all went well, she was going to stay there for good, which meant the things she left behind now were the things that she wouldn’t see again.
I don’t know if Pansy would mail them out to me or not. I am sure she wouldn’t. She likes to be in control of things, and this is highly rebellious to her. Not that she is in charge of me, but still. There’s not much I can do when I am in Montana and she is out here and won’t mail me my things.
Part of Rose was ok with not taking much, but part of her wasn’t sure if that was the best idea. She knew she had to take care of herself, but she also didn’t want to look like she was taking advantage of Greg. It sounded in the ad like his house was small, so she would probably be better off if she took the bare necessities.
Of course if I did that I can imagine Pansy is going to get upset that I left my things here. There’s just no winning with that woman!
Rose sighed and opened up her closet once more. There were a few dresses hanging in there, with a shawl and a couple of her bonnets. When Frank passed, she got rid of a lot of her things, not wanting to see anything that reminded her of him. Everything she owned. Everything she had to wear. Every outfit, bonnet, shawl, or even shoe had some sort of memory attached to it, and it made her feel awful.
Now, with the prospect of moving on her mind, Rose was glad she didn’t have much. It made it a lot easier to decide on the dresses she was going to take and the things she was going to leave. She decided that the best course of action would be to take 2 dresses in addition to the one she was wearing, and only the pair of shoes she had on her feet.
She could pack one of the bonnets, and wear the other one, and the rest of the things she would just leave in this closet.
[2016] Finding My Cowboy Page 11
